I've been reading the forums for a while now and found there are many intelligent and helpful people here. I am looking for feedback and hope you all can help me. I'll be as brief as possible given the complicated relationship.
This past January, I reconnected with my first teenage boyfriend. We are now in our late 60s and both widowed. Due to the clinical diagnosis of my sons as PDD-NOS and my late husband as Aspie, I've been reading, researching and living HFA for the past 20 years.
In the beginning, I thought of my first boyfriend and suspected he was on the spectrum as well. Since I've reconnected with him, I'm positive. I've never mentioned it to him.
Over the past 6/7 months, I became attached to his brilliance and sensitivity. He had a very bad 35 year marriage and was determined not to ever have a committed relationship again. As teens, (I was 15, he was 19) he fell hard—totally in love with me. He wrote me some very wonderful, loving letters which I still have. At the time, I wasn't ready to go steady so I eventually broke it off.
In January, he reconnected with me. When I showed him the letters, I said “this is how you used to feel about me.” He said, “I still do.” We had not seen each other for 50 years. He wanted to see me more so we got together weekly and had a great relationship for several months. He wavered between keeping me at arms length and drawing me in. He was resisting getting too involved. I wasn't. I also suspected he was more involved than he admitted. I brought up the relationship a couple times over the months but he struggled very hard with emotions. He couldn't talk about it and made it clear he didn't want to. I understood. Because we lived an hour from each other, he decided that he would call me every night at 8 PM and he did. Like clockwork. Until last Monday.
I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm and he was very worried about me and admitted that he was as deep in the relationship as I was, but last Monday, four days after my diagnosis, he called at the usual time but was acting very agitated. We differ politically and agreed not to discuss politics. This call, he went there and for an hour chastised me for my position. I listened. It seemed he was trying to draw me into an argument and I wasn't going to bite. That was the last time I heard from him. No explanation, just silence.
I know he needs time and space but I'm not sure what to think. I haven't contacted him at all. I thought about writing him a letter/note because I know he can express himself better in writing (he doesn't have a computer/email). I also thought that if he wanted to talk to me, he'd call. Besides, I wasn't happy about the way this transpired. Still, I miss him terribly and don't know what I should do, if anything. I don't want it to be over. Days prior to this he was making summer plans for us to do some day trips and cookouts. Should I contact him? If so, how? Thoughts? Questions?
This past January, I reconnected with my first teenage boyfriend. We are now in our late 60s and both widowed. Due to the clinical diagnosis of my sons as PDD-NOS and my late husband as Aspie, I've been reading, researching and living HFA for the past 20 years.
In the beginning, I thought of my first boyfriend and suspected he was on the spectrum as well. Since I've reconnected with him, I'm positive. I've never mentioned it to him.
Over the past 6/7 months, I became attached to his brilliance and sensitivity. He had a very bad 35 year marriage and was determined not to ever have a committed relationship again. As teens, (I was 15, he was 19) he fell hard—totally in love with me. He wrote me some very wonderful, loving letters which I still have. At the time, I wasn't ready to go steady so I eventually broke it off.
In January, he reconnected with me. When I showed him the letters, I said “this is how you used to feel about me.” He said, “I still do.” We had not seen each other for 50 years. He wanted to see me more so we got together weekly and had a great relationship for several months. He wavered between keeping me at arms length and drawing me in. He was resisting getting too involved. I wasn't. I also suspected he was more involved than he admitted. I brought up the relationship a couple times over the months but he struggled very hard with emotions. He couldn't talk about it and made it clear he didn't want to. I understood. Because we lived an hour from each other, he decided that he would call me every night at 8 PM and he did. Like clockwork. Until last Monday.
I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm and he was very worried about me and admitted that he was as deep in the relationship as I was, but last Monday, four days after my diagnosis, he called at the usual time but was acting very agitated. We differ politically and agreed not to discuss politics. This call, he went there and for an hour chastised me for my position. I listened. It seemed he was trying to draw me into an argument and I wasn't going to bite. That was the last time I heard from him. No explanation, just silence.
I know he needs time and space but I'm not sure what to think. I haven't contacted him at all. I thought about writing him a letter/note because I know he can express himself better in writing (he doesn't have a computer/email). I also thought that if he wanted to talk to me, he'd call. Besides, I wasn't happy about the way this transpired. Still, I miss him terribly and don't know what I should do, if anything. I don't want it to be over. Days prior to this he was making summer plans for us to do some day trips and cookouts. Should I contact him? If so, how? Thoughts? Questions?
