Struggling with Emotional Responses to Pressure

[Rasputin]

It's been a while since I have posted.

Lately, I have been under a lot of stress due to job pressure. My company downsized four people in my area. In addition, there are several large IT projects that were planned this year, one of which was completed. I have a unique set of skills which no one else in my company has. Therefore, I have been feeling immense pressure as a key contributor to on all these projects. Today I let frustrations get to me, and I reacted poorly. Realizing my error, I apologized to everyone who was affected.

My question is how do I balance the positive aspects of being a valued team member with my sometimes difficult, angry emotional nature? I know I am lucky just to have a job, but I feel like no matter what I can not fail. This fear of failure builds up and then once the pressure gets too great I explode. Then I have to apologize and hope I have not done permanent damage to work relationships. I feel like I have a Jekyll and Hyde personality sometimes. Does anyone else have this issue?

 

[Raggamuffin]

I have similar issues where I work, however I don't explode at work. It tends to lead to an increasingly shorter temper at home. Or, it builds to a point where something triggers a mini emotional breakdown.

Problem in a workplace is if you are good at what you do - they tend to pile on the work. My workplace gave me a new customer recently which effectively doubled my day to day work. I find my attention and focus often comes and goes. I will go prolonged periods of intense focus and then I burn out and struggle to get much done.

The other issue I've had in this job and previous workplaces, is that if you do excel in something - it can make it hard to rise up the ranks or change department. I've been told numerous times by manager's "I can't afford to lose you" and I'm sure they mean it as a compliment, in reality I just feel trapped.

Still, my passion lies in my art, photography and writing. 16 years stuck in jobs I consider beneath me is probably another reason why my mental health and short temper have got worse.

Ed

 

[Pieplup]

It's been a busy while since I have posted.

Lately, I have been under a lot of stress due to job pressure. My company downsized four people in my area. In addition, there are several large IT projects that were planned this year, one of which was completed. I have a unique set of skills which no one else in my company has. Therefore, I have been feeling immense pressure as a key contributor to on all these projects. Today I let frustrations get to me, and I reacted poorly. Realizing my error, I apologized to everyone who was affected.

My question is how do I balance the positive aspects of being a valued team member with my sometimes difficult, angry emotional nature? I know I am lucky just to have a job, but I feel like no matter what I can not fail. This fear of failure builds up and then once the pressure gets too great I explode. Then I have to apologize and hope I have not done permanent damage to work relationships. I feel like I have a Jekyll and Hyde personality sometimes. Does anyone else have this issue?

I think I put myself under to much pressure to deal with all my issues alone. and that causes problems. It sounds like alot of your problems are due to putting yourself under pressure. It may also help you to realize that fear of failure often only makes that failure happen. It might help just to let someone in. I have this issue. The best advice i can give you is try to relieve some of that pressure. Try to make them understand that its' not personal. [/COLOR]

 

[Jumpback]

It's been a busy while since I have posted.

Lately, I have been under a lot of stress due to job pressure. My company downsized four people in my area. In addition, there are several large IT projects that were planned this year, one of which was completed. I have a unique set of skills which no one else in my company has. Therefore, I have been feeling immense pressure as a key contributor to on all these projects. Today I let frustrations get to me, and I reacted poorly. Realizing my error, I apologized to everyone who was affected.

My question is how do I balance the positive aspects of being a valued team member with my sometimes difficult, angry emotional nature? I know I am lucky just to have a job, but I feel like no matter what I can not fail. This fear of failure builds up and then once the pressure gets too great I explode. Then I have to apologize and hope I have not done permanent damage to work relationships. I feel like I have a Jekyll and Hyde personality sometimes. Does anyone else have this issue?

I know that I put tremendous pressure on myself and am hard on myself, but I also do not trust outside pressure and can easily react to it angrily.

 

[Thinx]

I would definitely try to find ways to vent without sharing at work, the unique skills you are relying on may become less necessary, or they get someone else who seems nicer who can also do it, then you are next on the redundancy list.

Being rude or mean at work isn't really an option that has no consequences, people really dislike it. Unless you're a powerful manager, of course, in which case go right ahead, until you cross another powerful manager with more allies than you.

Can you vent in the car or on a walk? Can you just excuse yourself for a few minutes? Better still, can you intervene with yourself at an earlier stage, perhaps by having a rule not to sit at the desk focussed for more than an hour, just little breaks to walk about and look out of the window and think about baby rabbits or your favourite hobby? Selfcare is a mark of maturity. People really notice the lack of this at work.

 

[Els]

I ask the person to let me isolate when I feel it's growing out of control. I avoid talking and communicating, I tell people I need to calm down. If you prevent them about the fact that pressure is building up it might help, but it depends on the people you have around and how understanding they are. The lonelier I am the best I can deal with myself, other people can't and just add more pressure. Also, it's related to my tunnel vision, I give a lot of importance to stuffs people see superficially and don't dwell on. That makes me see a lot of problems and stuffs to deal with, while others would just stop on the surface level and go on. That's more mental work for me. It makes me certainly a perfectionist and a serious person, but it's good sometimes if you can step back and realize the way you perceive this or that thing is just going too deep and dwelling too much, sometimes it's helpful but others unnecessary. A lot of times being isolated I just realize I've gone too deep again and so the thing seemed huge and very complicated in my perception, that created stress and frustration.

Try to see if you can prevent them before exploding or isolate yourself for the pressure to lower. I think there are also breathing techniques that might help (they don't help me at all, quiet the opposite, but apparently work on certain people), or even having a stress ball you can press or something to chew to put your nerves on that thing rather than the others, or whatever. It might help lowering the pressure that's building up. I used to smoke and it was useful because it was an excuse to go isolate myself that people usually don't care about, and it helped me relax my attention as well. I wouldn't advice someone else to smoke, but I mean there are also physical ways to deal with frustration and being mentally overstimulated. Disconnecting even a few minutes and/or putting my nerves on something (chewing is nice) is key for me.

 

[Rasputin]

I have similar issues where I work, however I don't explode at work. It tends to lead to an increasingly shorter temper at home. Or, it builds to a point where something triggers a mini emotional breakdown.

Problem in a workplace is if you are good at what you do - they tend to pile on the work. My workplace gave me a new customer recently which effectively doubled my day to day work. I find my attention and focus often comes and goes. I will go prolonged periods of intense focus and then I burn out and struggle to get much done.

The other issue I've had in this job and previous workplaces, is that if you do excel in something - it can make it hard to rise up the ranks or change department. I've been told numerous times by manager's "I can't afford to lose you" and I'm sure they mean it as a compliment, in reality I just feel trapped.

Still, my passion lies in my art, photography and writing. 16 years stuck in jobs I consider beneath me is probably another reason why my mental health and short temper have got worse.

Ed

I can relate to all of the experiences you noted. The thing that is most frustrating is that I have no control over the flow of work or the communication of information that I need to be effective. Part of the problem is that past success leads to assumptions about future success, so more and more responsibility is just piled on. That leads to the mini emotional breakdown you mentioned when I have to repeatedly ask for critical information from people and they either dont listen or don't take the time to answer. That is when the emotional breakdown occurs.

 

[Aspychata]

Think great comments here. Sorry you feel out of control. Sometimes l acknowledge upcoming stress and slowly work thru it staying in the moment as a coping mechanism. So if you are coming up with important project, do self-talk. This is really important. l am really stressed about this. I value my job. I need to remain composed at all times because people depend on me. l need this position. Say to yourself things to keep you in the moment. Then reward yourself at the end of the day for getting thru a tough day. Hope you find something to help out.

 

[Aspychata]

Maybe note who the key players are in this mini-drama and take deep breaths before dealing with them. Self-talk, yes they will omit critical pieces of the puzzle, it's a given. If you anticipate their role and the given outcome, it's easier to go into it. So the flowchart is "get the bone". Concentrate on getting what you need so you run like a schematic.

 

[Judge]

Frankly the only way I ultimately solved this problem was to leave the job and seek another kind of employment. From insurance underwriting to website design. Paid much more money for far less responsibility- and stress.

 

[Aspychata]

Frankly the only way I ultimately solved this problem was to leave the job and seek another kind of employment. From insurance underwriting to website design. Paid much more money for far less responsibility- and stress.

Oh yes, the good days, when there were actually job choices. Boy has that changed. Now you know you have to make it work or you are joining the food pantry line with your neighbor.

 

[Judge]

Oh yes, the good days, when there were actually job choices. Boy has that changed. Now you know you have to make it work or you are joining the food pantry line with your neighbor.

Good days? Really? I never thought any time was particularly good when it came to employment. The prospect of securing any new job was always my worst nightmare. Something that never changed for me with the passage of time. For me when a job became too stressful and literally a health hazard, leaving was always an act of desperation. Definitely a tough response to pressure, at least for me.

I had to go back to vocational school to learn web design. Set me back $11,000 and more than a year of education in a new field moving back to the mother's home. Back then without any certification I doubt much of any big-name outfit in Silicon Valley would have hired me. Even then, it was nine months before I got lucky, knowing someone from tech school who referred me to a corporate name virtually everyone here knows.

 

[Aspychata]

Good days? Really? I never thought any time was particularly good when it came to employment. The prospect of securing any new job was always my worst nightmare. Something that never changed for me with the passage of time. For me when a job became too stressful and literally a health hazard, leaving was always an act of desperation. Definitely a tough response to pressure, at least for me.

I had to go back to vocational school to learn web design. Set me back $11,000 and more than a year of education in a new field moving back to the mother's home. Back then without any certification I doubt much of any big-name outfit in Silicon Valley would have hired me. Even then, it was nine months before I got lucky, knowing someone from tech school who referred me to a corporate name virtually everyone here knows.

That was a smart move. Congrats on that.