Hello everyone, so I'm very new to this, but here's my situation.
I'm a NT girl with an aspie-diagnosed boyfriend, and I absolutely love him to pieces. He is gentle and innocent and caring and throws himself into his passions, and I care for him so much. He is an incredibly talented programmer and I love his intensity and intelligence.
But when it comes to basically everything we are so, so different. I wouldn't call myself an extrovert but I am a pretty social being and I like going out to eat, seeing friends, etc. on the weekends. My boyfriend only really feels "safe" at home. He recently told me that he only goes out for my sake, and if it was up to him he would spend every day at home. He also told me he often struggles just to leave the house, and he has a hard time going anywhere without me there.
I find it hard to relate to this...for me, it takes absolutely no thought getting out of the house...I just go. I try to be patient with him, but his anxiety regarding leaving the house never really seems to improve, and I get frustrated.
I also have a hard time being patient with how everyday activities completely sidetrack him. When it comes to me, he is wonderful. He opens up to me, he comforts me, he listens to me. We have great conversations and never get tired of each other's company.
The problem begins with other people. He can barely hold a conversation with others, he is incapable of making friends, he is afraid of everyday activities such as making a phone call or going to the supermarket, and I am left to handle everything.
He cannot handle much of anything in life. Work is too stressful, school is too stressful, driving is too stressful, social events are too stressful, travelling is too stressful...the list goes on. Sometimes I feel like his caregiver. I pay the bills, go to work, go shopping and drive him around. All he does, all he is capable of doing, is cooking, cleaning and doing laundry.
I also am becoming impatient with his self-worth issues. He refuses to get a job because he believes he is not good enough and he would only get fired. He seems to have this deep inner hatred of himself that makes no sense to me, because he truly is a wonderful person.
The biggest issues we have is my impatience and his communication issues.
He actually loves touch and is a very sexual person, so I guess I lucked out there. As far as physical intimacy we have no problem.
When things are going well, its amazing.
But at the first sign of conflict, he shuts down. He cannot deal with disappointment or anger. Instead of working things out he simply refuses to talk to me. He just says something like "I cant talk about this anymore" instead of working out the actual problem. I'm someone who needs to talk through issues, and it is absolutely maddening to me when he shuts down completely.
I love him to pieces, but he drives me crazy. I have absolutely no idea what to do.
Any advice? Can this kind of relationship work? Will his symptoms get better over time? Can aspie's and NT' really form lasting relationships?
I'm a NT girl with an aspie-diagnosed boyfriend, and I absolutely love him to pieces. He is gentle and innocent and caring and throws himself into his passions, and I care for him so much. He is an incredibly talented programmer and I love his intensity and intelligence.
But when it comes to basically everything we are so, so different. I wouldn't call myself an extrovert but I am a pretty social being and I like going out to eat, seeing friends, etc. on the weekends. My boyfriend only really feels "safe" at home. He recently told me that he only goes out for my sake, and if it was up to him he would spend every day at home. He also told me he often struggles just to leave the house, and he has a hard time going anywhere without me there.
I find it hard to relate to this...for me, it takes absolutely no thought getting out of the house...I just go. I try to be patient with him, but his anxiety regarding leaving the house never really seems to improve, and I get frustrated.
I also have a hard time being patient with how everyday activities completely sidetrack him. When it comes to me, he is wonderful. He opens up to me, he comforts me, he listens to me. We have great conversations and never get tired of each other's company.
The problem begins with other people. He can barely hold a conversation with others, he is incapable of making friends, he is afraid of everyday activities such as making a phone call or going to the supermarket, and I am left to handle everything.
He cannot handle much of anything in life. Work is too stressful, school is too stressful, driving is too stressful, social events are too stressful, travelling is too stressful...the list goes on. Sometimes I feel like his caregiver. I pay the bills, go to work, go shopping and drive him around. All he does, all he is capable of doing, is cooking, cleaning and doing laundry.
I also am becoming impatient with his self-worth issues. He refuses to get a job because he believes he is not good enough and he would only get fired. He seems to have this deep inner hatred of himself that makes no sense to me, because he truly is a wonderful person.
The biggest issues we have is my impatience and his communication issues.
He actually loves touch and is a very sexual person, so I guess I lucked out there. As far as physical intimacy we have no problem.
When things are going well, its amazing.
But at the first sign of conflict, he shuts down. He cannot deal with disappointment or anger. Instead of working things out he simply refuses to talk to me. He just says something like "I cant talk about this anymore" instead of working out the actual problem. I'm someone who needs to talk through issues, and it is absolutely maddening to me when he shuts down completely.
I love him to pieces, but he drives me crazy. I have absolutely no idea what to do.
Any advice? Can this kind of relationship work? Will his symptoms get better over time? Can aspie's and NT' really form lasting relationships?