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Struggles following late diagnosis

I

Ines

New Member
Hello to anyone who might be reading this,

I was privately diagnosed with autism a few days shy of my 43rd birthday, about 3 months ago. And if I care to admit it, I was scared they might say I wasn't.

However, the official diagnosis has thrown me out of myself.
And I am really struggling. I literally feel like I'm inside out.
The ghost of my old self is still right here but I do not know the person that is looking back at me in the mirror. They are both so conflicting and neither feel real to me.

So where do I go from here? Now it's written all over me. Who am I and how do I find out?
How can I continue to pretend? And how can I stop pretending?

Am I alone in these thoughts?

If you had a late diagnosis, did you go through this too?
How can I stand up again?

Ines (not my real name)
 
Ines said:
Hello to anyone who might be reading this,

I was privately diagnosed with autism a few days shy of my 43rd birthday, about 3 months ago. And if I care to admit it, I was scared they might say I wasn't.

However, the official diagnosis has thrown me out of myself.
And I am really struggling. I literally feel like I'm inside out.
The ghost of my old self is still right here but I do not know the person that is looking back at me in the mirror. They are both so conflicting and neither feel real to me.

So where do I go from here? Now it's written all over me. Who am I and how do I find out?
How can I continue to pretend? And how can I stop pretending?

Am I alone in these thoughts?

If you had a late diagnosis, did you go through this too?
How can I stand up again?

Ines (not my real name)
Click to expand...

Hello and welcome.

I understand exactly what you're going through. Post (late) diagnosis was such a strange period.

Immediately after my assessment/diagnosis I felt relief, then I went into a period of denial and even considered a second assessment, then came a period of totally abandoning my 'social mask' followed by a struggle to get the mask back in place when required. Later came acceptance.

It's a very unsettling time and there's not much advice to offer, I'm sorry. The diagnosis doesn't change who you are. You've always been autistic and you're still the same person. You just have to ride it out and be kind to yourself.

If you find yourself facing challenges or have specific questions, there are usually people around on this forum who are willing to assist if they can. You're not alone :)
 
I was diagnosed late (age 60). It does require a new view of your whole identity. You might benefit from some supportive psychotherapy aimed at simply adjusting to the diagnosis. (But be sure to be the one to set therapy goals, otherwise you may be taken on a wild goose chase). Myself, I did a lot of reading. I also briefly went to an adult autism support group. (Ironically, I stopped going not only because I was older than most, but because the other members' autistic traits like pacing were irritating to me!)

I think the important thing as you adjust is be kind to yourself. So you've made some mistakes or had some terrible bullying or any of a myriad of other uncomfortable realities. Don't double-down on the pain by blaming yourself. Instead keep reminding yourself "That was really difficult, wasn't it."
 
First warm welkome

Second NOTHING has changed in youre life other then you now know you have this diagnose

Youre exactly the same person you were before this diagnose

so try to calm down and then after you given yourself some time to digest this nay i suggest you start to read up on this diagnose so that you may better understand about this and in that way also get to understand how you work and why so that you can adapt as best as you can to this new diagnose & of course stay in here as well and talk to us in here and learn that way as well
 
I always knew I was different but didn't know why till late 30's. For me it was no change. I was the same person I always was, just now knew some of the reasoning behind my lifelong difference (which I had largely learned to keep private). But I have heard others on autism forums express feeling similar to what you describe. It seems sort of an identity crisis. Perhaps for me since I always considered myself distinctly different, something akin to alien, and cloaking to fit in, the news was informative on details, but not really news.
 
Welcome to Autism Forums! I was diagnosed when I was 62. I had always known that I was different from those around me, I just didn't know how or why. I researched autism and it answered a lot of questions that I had about myself. So I sought and got a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome.

For me this was welcome information, but we are all different. Maybe counseling would help you to accept you diagnosis. If that is a option, be sure to see a doctor who has experience with autism.

For most of us, this is not information that you will want to share with just anyone. Most people either can not or will not understand. Some of the things that they think will surprise you.
 
Ines said:
Hello to anyone who might be reading this,

I was privately diagnosed with autism a few days shy of my 43rd birthday, about 3 months ago. And if I care to admit it, I was scared they might say I wasn't.

However, the official diagnosis has thrown me out of myself.
And I am really struggling. I literally feel like I'm inside out.
The ghost of my old self is still right here but I do not know the person that is looking back at me in the mirror. They are both so conflicting and neither feel real to me.

So where do I go from here? Now it's written all over me. Who am I and how do I find out?
How can I continue to pretend? And how can I stop pretending?

Am I alone in these thoughts?

If you had a late diagnosis, did you go through this too?
How can I stand up again?

Ines (not my real name)
Click to expand...
I also was diagnosed late, age 60. It was a bit of a shock. However, that diagnosis caused my life to make sense. Questions I have had for years were answered. In many ways it was a relief. I always knew I was different, and could never understand how most people could be so casual about social interaction. Now I knew. what I found disturbing were (and still are) the might have beens. The diagnosing doc told me if I had been diagnosed at a young age and allowed to develop my talents, no telling what I might have accomplished.

As others have said, your are still the same person. The difference is that now you have some answers. Don't pretend to be someone you are not. Being yourself is a lot easier. You have to decide just who you want to be. Do you want to be you? Or do you want to be an artificial person pretending to be someone else?
 
Also l would like to point you in another direction. You now will hone in on it in other people. l could tell this potential employer was on the spectrum because she started her hand stim as she was talking to me. You may end up being a little kinder to yourself on those tough days. It should bring some relief in some ways.
 
I havent been officially diagnosed but the shoe fits, and the online tests bear that out. Have had my share of emotional reactions, good and bad, but ultimately knowing I am on the autism spectrum has allowed me to be kinder to myself, and more self-accepting about things I used to hate myself over.
 
With diagnosis in my 60s, I couldn't help grieving a little for the younger person I might have been.

I recommend the book "Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome" by Philip Wylie.
 
Thank you to everyone here.
I think today's struggles stem not so much in the diagnosis itself but more in that I have been masking my struggles most of my life without a real knowledge I was doing it.

The only thing that stuck is that constant feeling of failure at not managing to fit in. And the shame and the self blame I carry around and that absurd idea I could be someone I am not.

The truth is that I have probably never really found out who I am, I know a little bit of what tick my boxes and what I truly dislike, but somehow that desire of fitting in always stands in the way of me doing the things I love and prevents me from going where I want to be. I wonder if you have felt this too and how you are dealing with it ? Can we go further than ourselves?

Thanks again,
Ines
 
GadAbout said:
I was diagnosed late (age 60). It does require a new view of your whole identity. You might benefit from some supportive psychotherapy aimed at simply adjusting to the diagnosis. (But be sure to be the one to set therapy goals, otherwise you may be taken on a wild goose chase). Myself, I did a lot of reading. I also briefly went to an adult autism support group. (Ironically, I stopped going not only because I was older than most, but because the other members' autistic traits like pacing were irritating to me!)

I think the important thing as you adjust is be kind to yourself. So you've made some mistakes or had some terrible bullying or any of a myriad of other uncomfortable realities. Don't double-down on the pain by blaming yourself. Instead keep reminding yourself "That was really difficult, wasn't it."
Click to expand...
AwkwardSilence said:
With diagnosis in my 60s, I couldn't help grieving a little for the younger person I might have been.

I recommend the book "Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome" by Philip Wylie.
Click to expand...

Thank you, I have just purchased the book. I am only a few pages in but a lot already resonate. Do you feel like you have been able to fully let go of your old perception of your 'self' before the diagnosis?
 
Ines said:
Thank you to everyone here.
I think today's struggles stem not so much in the diagnosis itself but more in that I have been masking my struggles most of my life without a real knowledge I was doing it.

The only thing that stuck is that constant feeling of failure at not managing to fit in. And the shame and the self blame I carry around and that absurd idea I could be someone I am not.

The truth is that I have probably never really found out who I am, I know a little bit of what tick my boxes and what I truly dislike, but somehow that desire of fitting in always stands in the way of me doing the things I love and prevents me from going where I want to be. I wonder if you have felt this too and how you are dealing with it ? Can we go further than ourselves?

Thanks again,
Ines
Click to expand...

Ive been an outsider most of my life never fitting in anywhere so im used to it. Just give it time dear and as you learn more about the different diagnosis /tics /what you like /how you work etc... the more will you come to learn more about yourself as well it took me nearly 40 years to finally get my own life puzzle almost complete and finally understand who i am and why i am the way i am

You'd be amazed on how far you can get if youre only able to get the help you need dear so DONT give up. Neither one of us are stupid or unable to advance and learn we only have special needs to be able to learn thats all.
 
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