Stress and anxiety

[selectivedetective]

Just wondering how you all deal with this, apart from medication.
I am a private language tutor and since Covid hit, I have only been teaching via the internet. I have managed to set up some group lessons via Zoom, but I'm finding it involves a lot of stress. I worry about the lessons being good enough. I also to liaise with parents etc and stay very focused to answer everything. There have also been issues with sound quality which just adds to the stress. I've tried to improve my broadband plus audio stuff, but it's still hard to tell and I don't have spare money for buying new stuff.

I like working on my own from home, and prefer not having students in my home, but I feel constantly on edge now. I'm also drinking too much in the evenings, in an effort to forget feeling bad about things. For instance a parent wanted to sign her child up for classes and I missed her post in spam for a few days. Easy mistake, but I always beat myself up.

 

[paloftoon]

Can you drink during noon time instead or at least 4 hours before you go to sleep? If you drink too close to sleeping, that can affect your sleep.
Exercise can help.
If you have time and enjoy it, you can always create lessons for fun or create mini-videos for a student to watch. Then, they can repeat the video as needed and you can be available if they still have questions on it.

 

[Els]

If you worry about the lessons not being good enough, maybe you could make a small paper that the student could say "satisfy or not" about this or that aspect? Most likely you won't be able to satisfy everyone on each and every point, but it might also reassure you. It really depends on your reaction, because you might also get disappointed about certain things - or not. I don't know, just putting this idea. Maybe you'll be surprised to see that your lessons are actually good.

 

[Tom]

Drinking itself is often a form of medication (just without doctor supervision) and sounds a lot like this is the case with what you describe. Or perhaps it is a mix of medication with intoxification (the buzz) you seek?

If you are not after the buzz, medication can be a good thing to consider as there are quite a few choices and it is hopefull that one will work for you. The plus side is that the side effects can be much less then drinking, not as mind/mood altering and not as addictive.

I switched from drinking to medication for anxiety 35 years ago and never regretted it. But to be honest I was never too keen on drinking anyway as it didn't agree with me.

 

[selectivedetective]

Thank you for these replies. THey are all helpful.

Yes, I do worry about my lessons being good enough. Someone alerted me to a typo on a worksheet tonight, and that sent me into a spin. I am trying to tell myself I will never be perfect and that everyone makes mistakes. That helps a bit. I think I have always got through life having to be as perfect as possible to compensate for my lack of social skills. And that's why I suppose tutoring languages is particularly stressful because language is interaction and involves social skills too.

Lots to say about the drinking too. I think I partly do it for focus. Does that make sense? I have mentioned it to other people and they all think drink only stirs people up and makes them more lively and sociable. But for me, when I have to prepare a lesson late at night and I'm tired and scared, it helps me get the job done. I used to do this when I was a teacher in a school.

So to answer the other question..... yes, I actually drink pretty late at night and then don't go to bed until at least midnight. Drinking late means I can't drink much, but it does affect my sleep.

I think medication might be useful, but it's nearly the summer holidays, so I may get myself out of this pattern then. I started running, a few years ago, and that helped me to feel good and not want to drink etc. I@ve not had time to run recently and I can see that is a downwards spiral.

Lots of food for thought. Thank you.

 

[Fino]

Apart from medication, don't we just suffer?

But seriously, make sure you drink enough water. I have anxiety and tension when I'm dehydrated. Making sure you get enough sleep is also essential. Exercise is helpful. Meditation can be helpful for some. Not drinking is always helpful. All the classic stuff!

 

[Progster]

Just wondering how you all deal with this, apart from medication.
I am a private language tutor and since Covid hit, I have only been teaching via the internet. I have managed to set up some group lessons via Zoom, but I'm finding it involves a lot of stress. I worry about the lessons being good enough. I also to liaise with parents etc and stay very focused to answer everything. There have also been issues with sound quality which just adds to the stress. I've tried to improve my broadband plus audio stuff, but it's still hard to tell and I don't have spare money for buying new stuff.

I'm in the same position as you - in fact, I've been teaching online for a number of years now.

Firstly, this Covid thing was sprung upon us with little warning, most people, both students and teachers, have had to improvise with whatever resources they have. Good broadband connection does help, but this is the internet, things aren't always perfect and one has to factor in that they might be connection problems and glitches along the way. If something goes wrong when I'm having a lesson and we get cut off, I always offer to make up for lost time later.

You don't need to buy expensive equipment to deliver a good lesson. When I first started, I bought and used headsets, but I soon found that they didn't last long, they were very uncomfortable to wear for a long time, and the sound quality wasn't always that great anyway. So now I use a USB camera and microphone attached to the top of the screen (I use a desktop for the lessons) and they work fine.

As for the odd mistake or typo - well, there is not one single person on the planet who does not make typos, and it's not something that you should beat yourself up about. If a student spots a mistake I make, I just say thank you for pointing it out, and correct it, or even something like "well spotted!"

 

[Pieplup]

Just wondering how you all deal with this, apart from medication.
I am a private language tutor and since Covid hit, I have only been teaching via the internet. I have managed to set up some group lessons via Zoom, but I'm finding it involves a lot of stress. I worry about the lessons being good enough. I also to liaise with parents etc and stay very focused to answer everything. There have also been issues with sound quality which just adds to the stress. I've tried to improve my broadband plus audio stuff, but it's still hard to tell and I don't have spare money for buying new stuff.

I like working on my own from home, and prefer not having students in my home, but I feel constantly on edge now. I'm also drinking too much in the evenings, in an effort to forget feeling bad about things. For instance a parent wanted to sign her child up for classes and I missed her post in spam for a few days. Easy mistake, but I always beat myself up.

Sounds like you doubt yourself. As for stress and anxiety. You just gotta push yourself. but be careful not to do it to much. That leads to burnout. Try doing things you enjoy. As for mistakes I suffer from this too, I'm a huge perfectionist I put to much pressure on myself and get caught up on my mistakes alot.

 

[Misery]

There are certainly a few things you can do to help with this.

1. Drop the alcohol. Just... just drop it. Yes, I know it seems to help, and it FEELS like it helps.... thing is, it doesnt actually help. It actually just makes things worse. I have alot of people in my life who have relied on the stuff for these very sorts of reasons, and every one of them is so sure that it's a helpful good thing. Every single one of them would argue all sorts of reasons as to why they use it and why it's okay and it's the right thing to do and blah blah blah. I've heard all the reasons, many times. Many... many times. And honestly, watching what it ACTUALLY does to them is.... not a good time. It leads to trouble, not solutions, and that trouble will be apparent to everyone ELSE. The reason why it seems otherwise is because it very literally damages your ability to spot that a problem is occurring (on top of damaging a bunch of other things). Heck, messes with your ability to spot much of anything else, for that matter. Alcohol is... a crutch, at best. And a bent one that is covered in venomous ants. Instead of a crutch, why not get better support to begin with?

2. Instead, drink water. LOTS of water. Our bodies are pretty much entirely based on the stuff. When you're dehydrated... which you probably are, as are most people (and no, things like alcohol or soda do not count for proper hydration)... it affects EVERYTHING. You wont feel as good, you wont be capable of doing as much, your emotions will be out of whack, you wont have much energy, health problems can happen, mental problems can happen... the list goes on, and on, and on, and on. I had to learn this lesson the hard way. And I tell you this: getting on a proper water regimen made a HUGE difference. Yes, I know, water isnt exciting or super tasty. But the effects are so very, very worth it. You think alcohol makes you feel better? No. THIS is what will make you feel better. HOWEVER: you have to actually stick with it. You cant drink a bunch for 2 days and expect immediate results. It takes your body awhile (I'm talking like 3 weeks or so) to adjust to a proper amount of water intake, and until it does you'll mostly just use the bathroom alot. But stick with it. Because once you DO adjust, it makes a world of difference in every aspect. Also there's an odd effect where after you HAVE been on it long enough, suddenly it's somehow far more satisfying to drink. Heck if I know why. But you need to keep at it, and the amount needs to be high enough, and you need to NOT STOP. It's gotta be the pure stuff though. Real, proper water, not funky things being substituted for it. Dont settle for anything less than the real thing.

3. Having a hobby or something is very good, from a mental and emotional standpoint. If you're too focused on work, or on stressful scary stuff, your mind is constantly reeling. And it doesnt know where to go. So.... give it somewhere to go. Find a hobby that will engage your mind. I dont mean watching TV... that blank inactivity (since you're not interacting with anything and there's probably not much thinking going on) can actually just makes things worse. A hobby where you DO things. Doesnt have to be like, freaking hang-gliding or something. There's all sorts of stuff you could do that are both engaging AND relaxing at the same time. One way or another, giving your mind a new, seperate outlet, with new activities you actually enjoy beyond just work, is always a good thing. Of course, FINDING a hobby is the challenge. Even if you're low on money though... there's still plenty you could do. Just takes some finding.


There's more I could say but my arm is hurting again... enough bloody typing for one day. These three points are the ones I'm most familiar with though.

I wish you the best though.

 

[Progster]

I agree that it's very stressful. There are so many stressors, and I can never really relax when dealing with people, including the students. I need to wear a professional mask, I need to talk a lot, be chatty/cheerful and this is exhausting, one or two students are difficult (most are kids) and I'm exhausted by the end of the day.

 

[selectivedetective]

Thank you so much for these replies. I feel really supported.

I like the alcohol lecture @Misery It needs to be said. I'm not drinking tonight and have tried to drink quite a bit of water. I went out to a natural park with my son today, so that helped my mind too. I don't manage to quieten my mind long enough to do many hobbies. Sometimes I read classic novels. Very occasionally I manage to sit with one of my children and sketch. I don't watch mindless TV, but I do think I'm doing quite well if I manage to sit down and focus on a documentary, usually about some social issue. I have to be careful that my hobbies don't become stressors too though. For instance I watch foreign TV to keep my languages up, but then that is linked to my teaching work and performance. Even when I read, I try to read books in other languages too.

Thank you for the teaching and computer info @Progster After some disastrous online sessions last week, one morning my son set me up to use his PC for a lesson. He had a camera set up on an old mobile and a separate microphone, then I could see the students and documents on the PC screen. It worked perfectly. I think maybe part of the issue is my laptop. My son has built his PC to make it fast and it really works well.

Anyway, I am a bit calmer now, but that is partly because summer is coming and I will have no, or very few, students for a while. Not much money coming in either, but even that stresses me less than human contact!

 

[Misery]

Thank you so much for these replies. I feel really supported.

I like the alcohol lecture @Misery It needs to be said. I'm not drinking tonight and have tried to drink quite a bit of water. I went out to a natural park with my son today, so that helped my mind too. I don't manage to quieten my mind long enough to do many hobbies. Sometimes I read classic novels. Very occasionally I manage to sit with one of my children and sketch. I don't watch mindless TV, but I do think I'm doing quite well if I manage to sit down and focus on a documentary, usually about some social issue. I have to be careful that my hobbies don't become stressors too though. For instance I watch foreign TV to keep my languages up, but then that is linked to my teaching work and performance. Even when I read, I try to read books in other languages too.

Thank you for the teaching and computer info @Progster After some disastrous online sessions last week, one morning my son set me up to use his PC for a lesson. He had a camera set up on an old mobile and a separate microphone, then I could see the students and documents on the PC screen. It worked perfectly. I think maybe part of the issue is my laptop. My son has built his PC to make it fast and it really works well.

Anyway, I am a bit calmer now, but that is partly because summer is coming and I will have no, or very few, students for a while. Not much money coming in either, but even that stresses me less than human contact!

Hm, honestly you dont need to quiet your mind in order to partake in hobbies.

Think of it this way: With a hobby, you're not trying to tell your mind to sit down and shut up... you're giving it something to DO. Somewhere to spend that pent-up energy.

When you're agitated and just cant calm down.... that's exactly the right time to do some sort of activity.

I had to learn this one the hard way. Last year I had a really godawful anxiety attack near the end of summer... possibly the worst one I've ever had. It was terrible. After talking to my father about it... him being far wiser than I am on every conceivable subject... he came to the conclusion that a huge part of why the anxiety had gotten that bad was because, in his words, I was "stuck in my own little bubble". Same thing, every day, not enough variety, and too many moments of not DOING things. And when I was feeling agitated, I always had this tendency to just... sit there. Which of course is what starts the spiral...

He pushed me into trying some new hobbies, and he was right to do so. I did already have a couple of hobbies/interests... video games being the main one... but needed more variety. I ended up settling on learning to do some art, as well as getting into board games (a very tactile activity, and indeed modern board games can be done solo, so it was perfect).

When I'm feeling tense, agitated, messed up... that's when I force myself to sit at this desk and do one of those things. Sitting there letting my mind spin out of control... that doesnt help. Instead, giving it something to put that twisting energy into... THAT helps. But also, for those of us on the spectrum, an active hobby can also function as a stim; this is one of the reasons I personally chose board games, as that tactile elements helps. Well, that could be said about a whole ton of hobbies, actually, most do have good tactile aspects, but you get what I mean, I'm sure.

Why not explore a bit? Search around Youtube, see if there's something totally NEW you can try. Something that wont link back to your work stuff at all, and that has a good active and mentally engaging element to it. There's all sorts of hobbies out there... and I tell ya, when you find one, it's like stepping into a whole new bizarre world full of things you never expected.

 

[paloftoon]

With the summer, if you know what you'll be teaching, you can start creating some resources during this time if possible.

 

[selectivedetective]

I'm not sure if people will come back to this thread again...? I just wanted to report progress, well, a bit of progress I think. It was very helpful to read your comments last time.

So after I posted before, things got worse with my laptop. I then started to use my son's desktop with separate camera and microphone. Similar to what @Progster mentioned, I think. This was a lot better. I don't dare use my laptop now as there were gradually more issues. Also, just when I thought it was the summer holidays, one group parents asked if I'd be continuing the classses over the summer, as their children were really enjoying them! That bit made me so happy. So I did continue, just for that class. I've organised more classes now to start in September too.

But I can't keep using my son's computer when he is back at college. So today he has ordered some parts for me so I can set up my own desktop like his. I said I had no money for extra equipment, but that extra class and now other groups, have helped me do that. Still today though, I had a woman in another country, meet me online with her child, and she said the sound quality was bad and I kept going blurry on the screen. She said her son is very happy with meeting me and with my style etc, but is not sure how it will work with the technical side. I said I'd let her trial the first lesson in September without paying up front for the term. She is happy with that, but I hope it will be better.

Anyway, I also took note about the alcohol @Misery I realised I was in quite a bad place with the stress and other emotions but for a while I just carried on drinking as I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other and it did help me carry on. Then two weeks ago, when i went to the supermarket, I decided not to buy any wine. So now I haven't had a drink for two weeks. I've been reading about how alcohol emotionally stunts you. I have been observing that it tends to make me overreact to things, in order to feel emotions that I would otherwise supress. So I am finding it hard, but trying to confront things, feel the emotions but tell myself I'm doing well and will get through this etc. So tonight I'm feeling deflated after that parent meeting that didn't go well, and worried that I won't have enough students for a particular class that I have commmitted to. But I'm sitting with it and telling myself I'm dong well, I still have time to find more students, my health is important, my computer issues are glitches, not one big problem that everyone notices and makes people wish they hadn't enrolled on my courses.

Just writing this has been helpful, but if anyone does have a chance to come back to the thread, or visit it anew, I'd be interested to hear.

Thank you...

 

[Misery]

I'm not sure if people will come back to this thread again...? I just wanted to report progress, well, a bit of progress I think. It was very helpful to read your comments last time.

So after I posted before, things got worse with my laptop. I then started to use my son's desktop with separate camera and microphone. Similar to what @Progsterm mentioned, I think. This was a lot better. I don't dare use my laptop now as there were gradually more issues. Also, just when I thought it was the summer holidays, one group parents asked if I'd be continuing the classses over the summer, as their children were really enjoying them! That bit made me so happy. So I did continue, just for that class. I've organised more classes now to start in September too.

But I can't keep using my son's computer when he is back at college. So today he has ordered some parts for me so I can set up my own desktop like his. I said I had no money for extra equipment, but that extra class and now other groups, have helped me do that. Still today though, I had a woman in another country, meet me online with her child, and she said the sound quality was bad and I kept going blurry on the screen. She said her son is very happy with meeting me and with my style etc, but is not sure how it will work with the technical side. I said I'd let her trial the first lesson in September without paying up front for the term. She is happy with that, but I hope it will be better.

Anyway, I also took note about the alcohol @Misery I realised I was in quite a bad place with the stress and other emotions but for a while I just carried on drinking as I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other and it did help me carry on. Then two weeks ago, when i went to the supermarket, I decided not to buy any wine. So now I haven't had a drink for two weeks. I've been reading about how alcohol emotionally stunts you. I have been observing that it tends to make me overreact to things, in order to feel emotions that I would otherwise supress. So I am finding it hard, but trying to confront things, feel the emotions but tell myself I'm doing well and will get through this etc. So tonight I'm feeling deflated after that parent meeting that didn't go well, and worried that I won't have enough students for a particular class that I have commmitted to. But I'm sitting with it and telling myself I'm dong well, I still have time to find more students, my health is important, my computer issues are glitches, not one big problem that everyone notices and makes people wish they hadn't enrolled on my courses.

Just writing this has been helpful, but if anyone does have a chance to come back to the thread, or visit it anew, I'd be interested to hear.

Thank you...

Good to hear that you've dropped the alcohol.

The process of it isnt an easy one, as is heard in a million different stories. The effects of it lingers for awhile, the body doesnt magically clear itself completely of the effects in an instant. It takes awhile, which is part of what makes it tough for many people to quit. Same with how various addictions work. So it might be tough going for a time.

But stick with it, keep thinking positive and knowing that you CAN do it, and you'll find the reward to be worth the challenge.

 

[selectivedetective]

Thank you @Misery that was a very swift reply. Yes, I will keep you posted.

 

[Progster]

Also, just when I thought it was the summer holidays, one group parents asked if I'd be continuing the classses over the summer, as their children were really enjoying them!

I'm glad that things are taking a positive turn for you and that you got some positive feedback - it's very rewarding when that happens!

As for the picture quality, can you adjust the resolution on your camera? HD cameras obviously need more broadband, but you can also get cameras that your can adjust to, say, 540p or lower even. It means that the picture won't be quite so clear, but at least it won't be glitschy, laggy or keep going blurry.