Stories of relatives

[Mia]

A good friend came by today, he's in the middle of arranging a very quiet funeral for a relative who passed away recently. And he's having difficulty as the executor with siblings and other family members.

It reminded of the difficulties of family and relatives and the things that happen under those trying circumstances. Squabbles, arguments, and sometimes a coming together of family in the end.

Have you experienced these kinds of things in your life?

 

[Wolfsage]

Everyday. For years usually over land. It's a mess. But, everyone has there reasons.

 

[Au Naturel]

When my wife's father and then her mother died, the rest of the family said to her "You take care of it." And since there was a will and there was prepaid funeral arrangements, that was that.

 

[Judge]

Have you experienced these kinds of things in your life?

Sadly I have, as trustee for my mother's Living Trust. Where I had substantial legal authority in managing and liquidating my mothers assets and property. Where my brother was less than happy about it, although he did virtually none of the work which ultimately took me about a year and a half to complete.

All my brother had to do was to hold up his hands so I could give him the money.

It nearly left us permanently estranged, though he eventually apologized and I forgave him.

Death can bring out the absolute best in family, or the absolute worst.

 

[Pats]

Sadly, it does bring out the best and the worst, but more of the worst. Everyone is emotional and stressed to begin with. With my mom all was peaceful but she had nothing for anyone to fight over. My dad, things were highly stressed because of past issues with him. My brother and one sister was the executor, which didn't bother me or my other sister a bit. But my sister in charge had an attitude and would make comments that not all of us even liked my dad. And my son had come over while we were going through my dad's stuff because he had some good memories of his grandpa and wanted to reminince but my sister made him leave until they got everything squared away. Her son was there helping them with going through and dividing up. So my attitude got bad because of that and I'd say things just to get at her, like "No, didn't like my dad but what he left me is still mine so there."
But another type problem you can see often, is when one person doesn't understand or accept another way of grieving. My daughter's father in law passed away this year and he and her mother in law had a strong marriage and were really close. She's one of those who needs to keep busy to not dwell on things and needs to get rid of reminders, so she's been doing things to the house and getting rid of a lot of his things. One of her sons and his wife are upset with her because she's not grieving the way they think she should be. And my daughter and her husband are upset at them for the way they are treating his mom.

 

[Mary Terry]

There is a tale in my family that goes back several generations in which during the funeral, several cousins decended on the family home and removed anything of value while the funeral was taking place. It seemed more like robbery than anything else. Nothing was done about it, yet the story lived on as an example of greed many years later.

I've seen the same thing happen in families. First thing to do when someone dies is to change the locks, photograph everything in the house, and get the word out that thieves will be prosecuted.

 

[Mary Terry]

Sadly I have, as trustee for my mother's Living Trust. Where I had substantial legal authority in managing and liquidating my mothers assets and property. Where my brother was less than happy about it, although he did virtually none of the work which ultimately took me about a year and a half to complete.

All my brother had to do was to hold up his hands so I could give him the money.

It nearly left us permanently estranged, though he eventually apologized and I forgave him.

Death can bring out the absolute best in family, or the absolute worst.

I'm still serving as trustee for my parents' Living Trust, with younger brother as co-trustee. All we do these days is pay the liability insurance on the property and the annual property taxes. I want to partition the land (about 150 acres) among we four surviving children so each would be responsible for insurance, taxes, etc. and I could dissolve the trust. However, estranged little sister in North Carolina balks at that, apparently thinking that she can get more land down the road after I die or something, which she cannot do. My equal share of that land would pass to my husband, if alive, or to my children.

I almost came to blows with a sister-in-law over certain items when we children divided up the personal property in the house. I finally told her point blank that she did not belong there and needed to leave. Not her place to grab anything whatsoever from our parental home. She looked shamed, she knew she was out of line with her greediness. Truthfully, I don't care how mad she got. I'm too old to coddle greedy in-laws.

 

[Aspychata]

A good friend came by today, he's in the middle of arranging a very quiet funeral for a relative who passed away recently. And he's having difficulty as the executor with siblings and other family members.

It reminded of the difficulties of family and relatives and the things that happen under those trying circumstances. Squabbles, arguments, and sometimes a coming together of family in the end.

I've heard many stories from extended family and friends, as it seems to be a given that there will be problems. Arguments over possessions, funeral services, monuments. Even the wreath I made for a funeral, was argued about and replaced with another that a sibling thought more appropriate after the service was over, and I had departed.

Have you experienced these kinds of things in your life?

Every together with mother, brother has always been a trying event. It's like the pits of hell and despair open up their ugly gates and beckon me with a sinster snarl just like a doberman getting ready to bite me. Because after all, it's family who never has my interest at heart. But l am more accepting of this and leave it as such. I am unable to comprend what a funeral function would create, probably a small riot. l am wearing a hazmat suit and bringing an attorney if said event happens.

 

[unperson]

urgh, my brother and sister got appointed joint executors, sister bailed on that, which left my greedy unscrupulous brother sole exec, so he kept the house off the market in a falling market and bought it himself, as an investment property. he actually took down the 'for sale' sign several times - so neighbours told us. naturally i complained and talked about legal action, but executor laws here are hopeless and presume rectitude where none exists.

It's all about the money. get to know your executor laws in your area, know what your in for.