• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Stolen Youth

mw2530

Well-Known Member
I really don’t see why she would string you along if she weren’t interested in you. She would just stop returning your texts. Which makes me think that she’s telling the truth about everything. Sometimes weird stuff like that happens.

She has not texted me since Friday, so I assume she is really not all that interested. I am debating between reaching out one last time or asking her why she agreed to meet if she was not that interested in the first place. Which is annoying since it just wasted my time.
 

Kalinychta

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
She has not texted me since Friday, so I assume she is really not all that interested. I am debating between reaching out one last time or asking her why she agreed to meet if she was not that interested in the first place. Which is annoying since it just wasted my time.

I’d say go with option#1. Text her one last time and see if she still wants to meet up.
 

mw2530

Well-Known Member
Odds of what? What does moving accomplish? There are valid practical reasons to move but people are pretty much the same all over. If you move but you take your problems with you you've accomplished little.

I think I disagree with you here. In a bigger city, there would be more social groups available and a wider variety of options of things to do to go meet people. I can't even find a hiking meetup group in the area. In addition a bigger city generally has a university meaning there are more younger people starting out or at least a higher percentage of people that are motivated and college educated. While I need to work on myself, if there are few opportunities for me here socially and entertainment wise, then I am not going to solve any of my problems. I went to a work party after work last week and I was the youngest person there. There were a few guys there a few years older than me, but they are both married and have families. Outside of that, everyone in the group was basically like 20+ years older than me. Also 90% women probably so I can't really relate to anyone there. No exaggeration. That literally was the demographics. And seems to be the demographics in the area I live. The young talented people have generally moved out of the state or to bigger cities in the state. And I feel left behind, just like the majority of my life.

I should have figured this out before I got my current job, which I actually like. But it is pointless if I don't want to live in this area. I used to live in a bigger city after graduating college. But I was so incredibly anxious and overwhelmed with work mostly that I never really ventured out and did anything outside the small group that I spent time with. But it was to my detriment because the things we had in common slowly started to fade away. And I did not really pursue new things because I was in such a poor mental state. In a decision based on desperation I moved to a smaller city close to home. I was just trying to survive. I could not have had a much worse start to my adult life and I have never really recovered from it since.

Now I feel like a bigger city is a better option given my anxiety has lessoned. But finding a new job and moving comes with its own problems. So I feel stuck in a rut like I have been ever since I started my adult life. Move from one rut to another. I feel trapped with no escape route.
 

Kalinychta

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
She never responded. Just like I suspected, she was lying to me all along. That has been my experience with most women. Fun life for me.

I doubt she was lying. She probably changed her mind, or she didn’t feel comfortable telling you no. A lot of women will say yes initially because it’s uncomfortable to say no. It’s easier to just say yes and then not respond to the guy’s calls or texts. I’ve done it before. Quite a few times.

I think it’s good that you asked someone out at least. Things just don’t always work out.
 

mw2530

Well-Known Member
I doubt she was lying. She probably changed her mind, or she didn’t feel comfortable telling you no. A lot of women will say yes initially because it’s uncomfortable to say no. It’s easier to just say yes and then not respond to the guy’s calls or texts. I’ve done it before. Quite a few times.

I think it’s good that you asked someone out at least. Things just don’t always work out.

Yeah it is easier to not respond. I guess when someone makes up stories as an excuse to meet I consider that lying. And doing so wasted a lot of my time. I don't really have respect for that sort of behavior.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Yeah it is easier to not respond. I guess when someone makes up stories as an excuse to meet I consider that lying. And doing so wasted a lot of my time. I don't really have respect for that sort of behavior.
I agree about the lack of respect. Being upfront about a decision, even for a rejection is just common courtesy. Looking forward to something then being ghosted hurts a lot more. It took a lot for me to approach and engage with somebody in the first place and to be rejected in such an underhanded way made me feel that if that woman were on fire I wouldn't piss on her to put it out.
 

Hypnalis

Well-Known Member
@mw2530

There is still a possible reasonable explanation for this. It's not provable of course, but IMO it's too soon to assign any blame.

The scenario would make sense if (a) she was on commission for the sale/rental of the property, (b) initially attracted to you, (c) the "deer story" was true, and (d) she lost interest for some still-unknown reason after the deferral due to the "deer incident".

Note that real estate sales people will absolutely string along a potential customer until after their commission is safe, but if they're professional they are skilled communicators. So she might have accepted a coffee date intending to meet once, but with no real intention to follow it up.

The odd part is that a skilled communicator wouldn't make up something unlikely like the last-minute deer incident - and more importantly a sales person is motivated not to do so, because they don't want to risk annoying someone who might influence their future income (e.g. via a bad online review).

If she wanted to change her mind I'd have expected better timing (a text or call the day before), and a watertight excuse.
 
Last edited:

Kalinychta

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Yeah it is easier to not respond. I guess when someone makes up stories as an excuse to meet I consider that lying. And doing so wasted a lot of my time. I don't really have respect for that sort of behavior.

You don’t know she was making up stories. You’re making up a story in your own mind so that you can hate her. Sometimes things just don’t work out.
 

Kalinychta

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Being upfront about a decision, even for a rejection is just common courtesy. Looking forward to something then being ghosted hurts a lot more.

It’s a lot more complicated than common courtesy when you’re a woman. The times I’ve said yes without any intention of following through were when I was too uncomfortable to say no at the time. Common scenario: a man does something nice for a woman then uses it to try to guilt the woman into “going out for a drink” with him (read: “I’ve just paid you with niceness, so now you have to give me the opportunity to have sex with you”). This sort of thing happens all the time. It’s also difficult to say no in person in a kind way. Anyway, these things are just more complicated than common courtesy.

It took a lot for me to approach and engage with somebody in the first place and to be rejected in such an underhanded way made me feel that if that woman were on fire I wouldn't piss on her to put it out.

I’ve noticed there’s a special hatred in men for women when they (men) are denied sex after thinking they would get it. And none of us know what happened with the woman mw2530 asked out. I’m thinking she changed her mind. There’s no reason someone would go through all of that just to be “underhanded.”
 

Judge

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
It’s a lot more complicated than common courtesy when you’re a woman. The times I’ve said yes without any intention of following through were when I was too uncomfortable to say no at the time. Common scenario: a man does something nice for a woman then uses it to try to guilt the woman into “going out for a drink” with him (read: “I’ve just paid you with niceness, so now you have to give me the opportunity to have sex with you”). This sort of thing happens all the time. It’s also difficult to say no in person in a kind way. Anyway, these things are just more complicated than common courtesy.



I’ve noticed there’s a special hatred in men for women when they (men) are denied sex after thinking they would get it. And none of us know what happened with the woman mw2530 asked out. I’m thinking she changed her mind. There’s no reason someone would go through all of that just to be “underhanded.”

Agreed in principle that sex (outside the realm of prostitution) can never ethically be leveraged- particularly based on a quid-pro-quo premise. Never IMO. Otherwise it can devalue the whole experience, diminishing what otherwise might be a long-lasting intimate relationship.

When a relationship becomes a power struggle, it ceases to be a genuine relationship.
 
Last edited:

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
It’s a lot more complicated than common courtesy when you’re a woman. The times I’ve said yes without any intention of following through were when I was too uncomfortable to say no at the time. Common scenario: a man does something nice for a woman then uses it to try to guilt the woman into “going out for a drink” with him (read: “I’ve just paid you with niceness, so now you have to give me the opportunity to have sex with you”). This sort of thing happens all the time. It’s also difficult to say no in person in a kind way. Anyway, these things are just more complicated than common courtesy.



I’ve noticed there’s a special hatred in men for women when they (men) are denied sex after thinking they would get it. And none of us know what happened with the woman mw2530 asked out. I’m thinking she changed her mind. There’s no reason someone would go through all of that just to be “underhanded.”
I understand some of what women are put through so that there is much that prevents a woman from advocating for her needs, sexual or otherwise, without being harshly judged by men (and some women) and have encountered some guys who feel entitled. I don't like seeing any of that. I never expect much from a chance encounter and a woman's caution at that and dealing with entitled guys certainly means being protective of oneself. I had been ghosted by women who clearly saw my actions over time, contributions to activities, and my intent of being friends first (as I had done at meeting my spouse). Coming off of 12 years of social isolation, I didn't understand what was happening, especially as I was always upfront about expectations or lack of any. I don't understand social games and the thought of kindness creating an obligation is alien to me. I have been kindly rejected by women, and I was far more OK with that than hoping for a connection (not sex) and being shut out for no discernable reason.
 

Kalinychta

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I have been kindly rejected by women, and I was far more OK with that than hoping for a connection (not sex) and being shut out for no discernable reason.

I’ll give you the two most recent examples in my life of women outright rejecting men. Both occurred within the last two weeks.
#1 My sister just moved to a new state and starting talking to a man she met at work there. When she refused to have sex with him, he became enraged and began insulting her.
#2 A friend of mine works with an awkward type of guy who has made openly racist comments. At first he tried to hang around her all the time, but when she made it clear that she didn’t want a personal relationship with him, he turned very cold and has been ignoring her and seething with rage. She said the other day that she can easily see him becoming violent. We agreed that we feel sorry for him but that she should not interact with or be kind to him ever again because he’ll see it as an opening to pursue a sexual relationship.

Re: the second story, I’ve wondered if perhaps the woman picked up on mw2530’s anger and bitterness, and it frightened her and caused her to change her mind. Anyway, I’m sorry to hear of your experiences with being rejected, but I always 100% side with women in this regard. We don’t always feel safe rejecting men outright or in person.
 
Last edited:

mw2530

Well-Known Member
I’ve noticed there’s a special hatred in men for women when they (men) are denied sex after thinking they would get it. And none of us know what happened with the woman mw2530 asked out. I’m thinking she changed her mind. There’s no reason someone would go through all of that just to be “underhanded.”

Or perhaps I was just angry because she wasted my time.
 

mw2530

Well-Known Member
Re: the second story, I’ve wondered if perhaps the woman picked up on mw2530’s anger and bitterness, and it frightened her and caused her to change her mind. Anyway, I’m sorry to hear of your experiences with being rejected, but I always 100% side with women in this regard. We don’t always feel safe rejecting men outright or in person.

My anger and bitterness? Not sure what you are talking about. I was nothing but understanding through her excuses. My anger and bitterness is that she couldn't tell me that she was not interested, but instead wasted my time. I am not sure what is so hard to send me a text saying thanks for the invite, but I am not interested or I have a boyfriend or whatever. She doesn't feel safe saying that? It is not like she is saying no in person.

If the roles were reversed, a woman would be very angry if I lied and made up excuses instead of saying I was not interested. But I am not afforded the same treatment that a woman would expect to receive.

Overall, guys face a whole slew of challenges that society never cares to discuss. Our society can't discuss male problems because that would probably be sexist. Meanwhile women are typically afforded the benefit of the doubt in most situations. Men are not. American society is currently stacked against men in every way, unless you are one of the rare males at the top of the food chain.
 

mw2530

Well-Known Member
It’s a lot more complicated than common courtesy when you’re a woman. The times I’ve said yes without any intention of following through were when I was too uncomfortable to say no at the time. Common scenario: a man does something nice for a woman then uses it to try to guilt the woman into “going out for a drink” with him (read: “I’ve just paid you with niceness, so now you have to give me the opportunity to have sex with you”). This sort of thing happens all the time. It’s also difficult to say no in person in a kind way. Anyway, these things are just more complicated than common courtesy.



I’ve noticed there’s a special hatred in men for women when they (men) are denied sex after thinking they would get it. And none of us know what happened with the woman mw2530 asked out. I’m thinking she changed her mind. There’s no reason someone would go through all of that just to be “underhanded.”

Sure, I have probably developed a hatred of women in general. But it is understandable given how badly women have treated me over the years. Most women are far from being saints, that's for sure.
 

Kalinychta

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Sure, I have probably developed a hatred of women in general. But it is understandable given how badly women have treated me over the years. Most women are far from being saints, that's for sure.

You make me sad. Women aside, it makes me sad that you’re so bitter and angry. I don’t think it’s women that you hate; I think you’re just lonely and frustrated. But ironically it’s the frustration and bitterness that are likely holding you back as far as women go. I’ve always been attracted to men who are confident and interesting. You seem very interesting, but you’re clearly not very confident. Which I understand. But your anger is going to turn women off, and believe me, they’ll sense it one way or another. But either way I’m just sorry for how frustrated you feel. For one reason or another I think most of us on the forum feel the same way.
 

mw2530

Well-Known Member
You make me sad. Women aside, it makes me sad that you’re so bitter and angry. I don’t think it’s women that you hate; I think you’re just lonely and frustrated. But ironically it’s the frustration and bitterness that are likely holding you back as far as women go. I’ve always been attracted to men who are confident and interesting. You seem very interesting, but you’re clearly not very confident. Which I understand. But your anger is going to turn women off, and believe me, they’ll sense it one way or another. But either way I’m just sorry for how frustrated you feel. For one reason or another I think most of us on the forum feel the same way.

Yeah you may be right to some degree. Another thing working against me is where I live. There are very few opportunities since I don't live in a big enough city. If I was still in my early or mid 20's it might be better. In a bigger city there are many more people in their 30's who are still single. A tough pill to swallow that my options are limited simply due to where I live. Especially after the hell I have been through. I am going to give it 3 or 4 months but if things are not improving I am going to look at moving.
 

Kalinychta

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Yeah you may be right to some degree. Another thing working against me is where I live. There are very few opportunities since I don't live in a big enough city. If I was still in my early or mid 20's it might be better. In a bigger city there are many more people in their 30's who are still single. A tough pill to swallow that my options are limited simply due to where I live. Especially after the hell I have been through. I am going to give it 3 or 4 months but if things are not improving I am going to look at moving.

Maybe you should just move anyway. You posted another thread not long ago about living a boring life. Maybe you need a change of scenery.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom