Still Lonely - Even With Friends

[The Artistic Autistic]

I don’t know what’s up.. I have made an ENORMOUS effort to get new friends, and I now have a bunch, yet for some reason I still feel lonely.. I have had on and off depression for over a year now. I think it’s because I can’t find someone I can truly relate to.. :/ I don’t really know.

 

[Rodafina]

I have felt my worst loneliness when I was with other people but just feeling so disconnected from them.

Are you getting one on one time with any of these friends? Can be extra tough to foster connection when in a group. And by group, I mean more than 2 people.

 

[The Artistic Autistic]

I have felt my worst loneliness when I was with other people but just feeling so disconnected from them.

Are you getting one on one time with any of these friends? Can be extra tough to foster connection when in a group. And by group, I mean more than 2 people.

Actually most of the time I’m with people it’s one on one. But nonetheless I still feel a big gaping hole. I can text any one of them and easily set up something to do. In fact I’m going to hang out with them this weekend, but still this feeling remains.

 

[Rodafina]

Actually most of the time I’m with people it’s one on one. But nonetheless I still feel a big gaping hole. I can text any one of them and easily set up something to do. In fact I’m going to hang out with them this weekend, but still this feeling remains.

I understand. I have felt this my whole life. I have had a little bit of a different experience with other autistic people, but even still it is very hard. Don’t have any good advice, just offering understanding.

 

[NDR2]

Not being very talkative, I can be with a whole group of people and still feel alone.

 

[Judge]

Sometimes I think this is the "hallmark" of autism. When you are surrounded by others and still retain that weird, nebulous sense of loneliness.

"On the outside, always looking in." - And never being able to fully shake such a feeling.

 

[Xinyta]

I don’t know what’s up.. I have made an ENORMOUS effort to get new friends, and I now have a bunch, yet for some reason I still feel lonely.. I have had on and off depression for over a year now. I think it’s because I can’t find someone I can truly relate to.. :/ I don’t really know.

Actually most of the time I’m with people it’s one on one. But nonetheless I still feel a big gaping hole. I can text any one of them and easily set up something to do. In fact I’m going to hang out with them this weekend, but still this feeling remains.

I think some of the answer is inherently bound in the fact that we are autistic. That we feel like outsiders to a world not made for us. The glass wall of socail misunderstanding blocking us from truly connecting. The world, when it comes to people, feels like chaos. Seemingly harnessed by people who live in this chaos. That see things we could never perceive.

But the irony being. We perceive things that those wrapped in the chaos of society, miss. We can attach ourselves to things and understand things that blow the minds of the people who are not as focused on these perceptions over thier own lives.

Our deficit on socail comprehension, is both a boon and a curse in this way. But one's perception will differ from the other on which it is seen as the most.

But sadly. It also is partly the fault of the greater world too. Especially in this age of technology. Phones with easy access to many things. Computers that do nearly anything you'd like it to do. New tech that adds more conveniences to the lives of people. There are good and bad things in these things too. But with how most people are now. It leans onto the bad side more.

Though, unlike what most NTs like to think. Autistics are not unfeeling (not including myself. Though I think it's for reasons that are unrelated to having ASD.) It's just that we look at things differently.

So I'd not focus on too much on what you can't do and work more on what you can do. You can adapt to a lesser level. And anything you just can't comprehend, isn't the fault of a lack of intelligence. But a neurodivergent prospective to something that doesn't match your experiences.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Agree. I've heard it described as being inside "the glass box". I describe it as the "visiting alien observer", "present but not present", "there but on the periphery", "seen but not seen". I have many "good acquaintances", people I like to be around and hang out with, but at the same time, I don't perceive them as "friends". Whatever biochemical, hormonal things that need to happen, like oxytocin and vasopressin release, that are required for interpersonal bonding, just doesn't happen between myself and most people. I have 1 true friend, my wife.

 

[Misty Avich]

Depression can make one feel lonely, even for NTs. It's an isolating condition.

 

[thejuice]

Normal people are like magnets with opposing poles, attracting each other. Our attempts at interaction repulses people, like two magnets of the same poles. I feel that repelling energy.

 

[Richelle-H]

As I have always been a floating island in this Sargasso sea we refer to as life, alone in a crowd of people/friends who think they know me is normal. Even though I have been in a relationship for over forty years, I still feel alone in a crowd but I have never felt lonely. For me it has all been about being comfortable with my truest self and not being reticent to share that with others.

 

[Captain Caveman]

I don’t know what’s up.. I have made an ENORMOUS effort to get new friends, and I now have a bunch, yet for some reason I still feel lonely.. I have had on and off depression for over a year now. I think it’s because I can’t find someone I can truly relate to.. :/ I don’t really know.

It is possible to find those one can connect with. They are like finding special stones on the beach... Those gems that shine!

The difficulty can be in finding them. I have found a few, but sadly some of those few have passed away.

Be reassured that they do exist. Finding them is not so easy.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Finding them is not so easy

For me it's the opposite especially when I was in my 40s. Before in my 18 to 20s it was down right impossible. It's keeping them that's hard. I lost them all in the past. But I learned from my mistakes.

I now think I made the right friends and we are all intergenerational.

 

[Misty Avich]

Getting past the acquaintance stage seems to be hard for me, but once I am past that stage with someone then I can generally keep the friendship going. Unless they decide I'm an annoying dick and begin to back off. That has happened before.

 

[SusanLR]

I always express this with a photo:

 

[TBRS1]

I have the opposite problem.

Throughout my life I have struggled to make good friends. I made a few.

At this point in my life, I won't be making new friends, and the ones I do have are developing age related problems.

Those age related problems will, ultimately, be fatal.

So if I am "lucky enough" to live much longer, I am apt to lose ALL my friends, one by one.

Sounds sad, I suppose, but it is inevitable for anybody who survives long enough. Best to accept it, and get used to it, 'cause it's not gonna change.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

When I was a teenager young adult I was such a shy person I kind of still am at first but I was much worse then as in a group I would say almost nothing unlike now where once I start to talk I can't keep my mouth shut. If I am approached and the person takes interest in the conversation then I can't keep my mouth shut either. I however have issues approaching people I don't know I still can't do most of the time, but I am getting much better at people I do know.