Still can't stop thinking about that teacher...

[manca]

I had an English teacher in high school that gave me B for the final grade while she gave an A to my friend with completely the same grades I had. Because that friend was communicative and always answered lots of questions. My grades had to be high so I could keep my scholarship and she was ruining it for me. I was right in the middle (we have numbers for grades here - I had an average of 4,5; 5 being the highest grade) and she decided to give me 4 because I don't talk a lot. I asked if she can give me another test for me to take or something, but she said no. So I had to get my grade up at other subject.

Anyway, no one knew I have Asperger's back then, not even me. The ironic part is that we were working on the book called The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, which is about teenage boy on Autism Spectrum. He is supposed to have Asperger's. However book is a fiction and I find it to be very fake. Nothing wrong with it, as it says on Wikipedia, author says he doesn't know a lot about asperger's. But our teacher spent all semester talking about autism. I could never find myself autistic in her description. I find it insulting that she practically described us as retarded people that aren't able to take care of themselves, who have no emotions, relationships, can't be touched, can't talk normally, are unable to travel, can't suffer any changes at all and so on.

That was 2 years ago and I can't get over it. I was thinking about sending her an essay about how asperger's is really like. Anonymously of course, on her e-mail. Do you think it's worth it? Maybe she could change her lectures a bit. Meaning that not all people on the street would think aspies are retarded. Hopefully.

 

[Galaxy Freeze]

Hey, Manca, I've been in that same situation before! Teachers can be real pains sometimes. I am not a talker in class, either. Everyone's so judgmental and stupid in my eyes, and they always criticize my opinions. I got all A's Freshman year, but almost all B's Junior year because of all the group projects and public speaking that I'm so bad at.

Even though I had told some of my teachers about Asperger's, they still don't seem to care. Either that or they forget, like every other adult on campus. Like you, I also hate how Autistic people are stereotyped, my mom read that book but I haven't.

I, too, have thought about writing to my teachers after incidents where I've gotten in trouble when something wasn't my fault, or due to my Asperger's and my inability to work well in a classroom full of teenage idiots. And my answer is... I think you should, even if it's been that long you should still inform the teacher to prevent them from possibly doing something like this again to another student. I mean, it's like a 50/50 shot right? If you really do care about your grade, go for it! Don't be shy, say what needs to be said and don't be afraid to stick up for yourself, prove to her that you're not about to fall victim to an ignorant stereotype. Good luck!

 

[Soup]

As a teacher AND an Aspie, I cringe but can relate totally. Some teachers are astonishingly biased, prejudiced & ignorant. This is unforgivable in the classroom: students believe what we tell them (in an academic context) & we must be certain to have our facts straight before flapping our gums. Please DO write to that teacher. Why not use your name & mention that you were subsequently Dxed as an Aspie? You may want to attach an academic article about Asperger's & how it affects classroom life for those who have it. In the end, either the teacher reads it, learns something & benefits from it or she doesn't. You can only do so much: the rest is up to her.

English (language arts educators in general) have themselves be taught to value communication, social skills & classroom participation & some see it as legitimate to consider these traits when grading a student. I do not. What looks like shyness & reluctance to participate may indeed be a cultural trait that is considered respectful in that student's family. Another student may feel self-conscious because his or her braces make her stutter or otherwise sound funny. Some boys at age 11-12 have issues with their voice suddenly cracking on them making them yodel. Some others may simply not have a very vocal learning style: who am I to judge such things based on some pre-suppositions in a college text book or worse still my own preferences?

 

[Peace]

This teacher sucks, and does not do the job she was hired for. Not because of the difference in grades, but because she was teaching about something she did not know about.
I would send her information on Autism or Aspergers, with a letter stating that she failed you, and all other students in that class by giving false information because she was too lazy to do her job. I would word it much nicer though or she will not take it seriously. Teachers are tasked with presenting information, not stereotypes.
Consider that she did do you a service however, by showing you how lazy, uncaring, know it all people treat others. Let what happened go, and use this experience to make something good happen. It will make all the difference to you.

 

[Ylva]

I sent my primary school teacher an email once, explaining how she was basically guilty of child abuse through permitting bullying. I got no response, no idea if she even read it.

The kid in The Curious Incident is no Aspie – he has full blown autism, and you know what? He managed pretty well, in-story. Your English teacher should however be able to tell the difference between a book of facts and a book of fiction. I'd send an email to the principal and recommend she get fired. She is unfit for teaching kids to read, let alone how to analyse a book.

 

[manca]

I will write to her. Thanks for support.

The kid in The Curious Incident is no Aspie ? he has full blown autism, and you know what? He managed pretty well, in-story. Your English teacher should however be able to tell the difference between a book of facts and a book of fiction.

Actually I found this online, Wikipedia:
In a June, 2003 interview with NPR's Terry Gross on her program Fresh Air, Haddon said about Christopher, "If he were diagnosed, he would be diagnosed as having Asperger's syndrome, which is a form of autism. I suppose you'd call it high-function autism in that he can function on, you know, a day-to-day basis, in a kind of rudimentary way. But he has a serious difficulty with life in that he really doesn't empathize with other human beings. He can't read their faces. He can't put himself in their shoes. And he can't understand anything more than the literal meaning of whatever's said to him, although I'm very careful in the book not to actually use the word 'Asperger's' or 'autism.' ... Because I don't want him to be labeled, and because, as with most people who have a disability, I don't think it's necessarily the most important thing about him...
Haddon added, in the conversation with Terry Gross, "I have to say honestly that I did more research about the London Underground and the inside of Swindon Railway Station, where some of the novel takes place, than I did about Asperger's syndrome. I gave him kind of nine or 10 rules that he would live his life by, and then I didn't read any more about Asperger's because I think there is no typical person who has Asperger's syndrome, and they're as large and diverse a group of people as any other group in society.
Haddon states on his official website that he knows "very little" about Asperger's syndrome and that Christopher Boone is inspired by two different people. According to Haddon, none of these people can be labelled as having a disability. Haddon added that he "slightly regrets" that the term Asperger's syndrome appeared on the cover of his novel. In 2010, in an interview with The Independent, however, he was described as "now thoroughly irritated that the word Asperger's appeared on subsequent editions of the novel, because now everyone imagines that he is an expert and he keeps getting phone calls asking him to appear at lectures."


I really don't remember if we said he has autism or asperger's or something else in school. I just know we talked about autism. And if I was giving the lecture I'd start by explaining about autism spectrum, how it includes autism, asperger's, pdd - nos, and so on. I'm sure we didn't do that. We were told that autistic people don't have emotions, aren't sad when their parents die, don't want people around etc.

 

[Ylva]

Actually I found this online, Wikipedia:
In a June, 2003 interview with NPR's Terry Gross on her program Fresh Air, Haddon said about Christopher, "If he were diagnosed, he would be diagnosed as having Asperger's syndrome, which is a form of autism. I suppose you'd call it high-function autism in that he can function on, you know, a day-to-day basis, in a kind of rudimentary way. But he has a serious difficulty with life in that he really doesn't empathize with other human beings. He can't read their faces. He can't put himself in their shoes. And he can't understand anything more than the literal meaning of whatever's said to him, although I'm very careful in the book not to actually use the word 'Asperger's' or 'autism.' ... Because I don't want him to be labeled, and because, as with most people who have a disability, I don't think it's necessarily the most important thing about him...

These things convinced me. The author, whose admission you also quoted, characterised the boy as further down the autism spectrum than he apparently thought he did.

Haddon added, in the conversation with Terry Gross, "I have to say honestly that I did more research about the London Underground and the inside of Swindon Railway Station, where some of the novel takes place, than I did about Asperger's syndrome. I gave him kind of nine or 10 rules that he would live his life by, and then I didn't read any more about Asperger's because I think there is no typical person who has Asperger's syndrome, and they're as large and diverse a group of people as any other group in society.

 

[manca]

These things convinced me. The author, whose admission you also quoted, characterised the boy as further down the autism spectrum than he apparently thought he did.

I agree. But I think it's important that it's explained correctly in school.

 

[Daniel]

Anyway, no one knew I have Asperger's back then, not even me. The ironic part is that we were working on the book called The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, which is about teenage boy on Autism Spectrum. He is supposed to have Asperger's. However book is a fiction and I find it to be very fake. Nothing wrong with it, as it says on Wikipedia, author says he doesn't know a lot about asperger's. But our teacher spent all semester talking about autism. I could never find myself autistic in her description. I find it insulting that she practically described us as retarded people that aren't able to take care of themselves, who have no emotions, relationships, can't be touched, can't talk normally, are unable to travel, can't suffer any changes at all and so on.

I read that book recently. If she said that autistic people have no emotions, she's not much of an English teacher! That kid seemed pretty emotional to me.

She doesn't sound very empathetic. Reads a book told from the point of view of autistic kid and judges him for getting it all so wrong. Probably does the same thing to real life Aspies, too, from the sounds of it. That's a shame, because my favorite part about reading really good books is stepping into the perspective of someone else and seeing the world through their eyes. She's really missing out!

That was 2 years ago and I can't get over it. I was thinking about sending her an essay about how asperger's is really like. Anonymously of course, on her e-mail. Do you think it's worth it? Maybe she could change her lectures a bit. Meaning that not all people on the street would think aspies are retarded. Hopefully.

You've got nothing to lose by doing this. If it gives you the closure you need, do it!

 

[Judge]

I think forgiveness can mean different things. In some cases, forgiveness might lead to reconciliation. This should only be the case if this is someone with whom reconciliation is a good idea. Other people should be avoided; those who might hurt us again. In those cases, forgiveness might simply mean "moving on", not spending your days destroying yourself by your anger, not spending your time ruminating on how much you've been hurt. (It sounds like you are already pretty good at this not-destroying-yourself part.) In the case of toxic people, forgiveness is a choice that affects oneself, that lessens one's level of chronic anger. Toxic people do not need to know that we've forgiven them. We don't need to seek them out to tell them. Only with certain persons should forgiveness lead to reconciliation; only with essentially good people who will treat us well in the future.

Wise words, worth repeating from another thread. I can only say that in recalling a particularly cruel school teacher I once had, I would consider them to be of the "toxic" variety. Where I can forgive them, but further contact with them would only bring back so much of the hurt that I have tried to let go of long ago. Just my opinion, Manca. However do what your heart tells you.

 

[Daniel]

Wise words, worth repeating from another thread. I can only say that in recalling a particularly cruel school teacher I once had, I would consider them to be of the "toxic" variety. Where I can forgive them, but further contact with them would only bring back so much of the hurt that I have tried to let go of long ago. Just my opinion, Manca. However do what your heart tells you.

Excellent point! Forgiveness happens within us.

Reminds me of something Carrie Fisher said in her show Wishful Drinking -- "Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

 

[manca]

I actually wrote a letter a month ago, almost everything I wanted to say, but I still have few things to add. The weird thing is, now that it's written, it doesn't bother me that much anymore and I don't find time to actually finish and send it. Not that I'd be anxious or worried about her response, I just don't feel it's important anymore. I still have it saved and if I ever feel that way I'll finish it.

It happens to me a lot. I want to talk about something or explain things, but after I think about everything I'll say or I actually write it down, it doesn't matter anymore. I predict their answers and it's like the conversation already happened, so there's no need to repeat it.

 

[Judge]

I actually wrote a letter a month ago, almost everything I wanted to say, but I still have few things to add. The weird thing is, now that it's written, it doesn't bother me that much anymore and I don't find time to actually finish and send it. Not that I'd be anxious or worried about her response, I just don't feel it's important anymore. I still have it saved and if I ever feel that way I'll finish it.

It happens to me a lot. I want to talk about something or explain things, but after I think about everything I'll say or I actually write it down, it doesn't matter anymore. I predict their answers and it's like the conversation already happened, so there's no need to repeat it.

Sounds like it was just something you needed to get out of your system. And you apparently did! That's a good thing.

 

[paloftoon]

As a current teacher (and an aspie), I can answer this at least somewhat. I don't know if your teacher was in the same confines as I am now. It's very possible that your teacher does not respond back to you because she/he feels it would cause unnecessary conflict, she/he risks his/her job by responding to you, and I don't think the education system is as understanding as it would be good to be. However, you can usually tell who tries to be a good teacher and who does not. If the teacher tries to give you all the time they can, and is honest enough about their schedule, they are probably good because they care. Everyone's definition of good or "good" is very different.

Also, teachers are much more liable for things than they should be. We have to be careful what we say and do, and it's even questionable to give someone a pat on the shoulder. Even if a teacher does happen to understand you or I, and even if we know they care, they might know that they can't do this or that because they would risk their job and maybe even their license. This is all part of it too. Our education system is a mess, and it can be a lot better.