Starting a New Job & Terrified

[Robby]

Hey everyone, I need some advice! I interviewed for a library page part time job awhile back, the interviewers were nice & it went well I actually was offered the position. The supervisor seems like a very nice guy. However, I'm kind of freaking out because my start day is looming & I'm just afraid. I'm afraid of the unknown & being around unfamilar people, & I am also openly gay, & I am still dealing with ptsd from severe bullying I experienced in school due to being gay. The library where I will be working is a fairly tolerant place supposedly, but I'm still nervous. Basically in this job I'd be organizing & shelving books, something I could easily handle, but it also mentions helping people find things not sure how much of that I'd actually have to do. Have any of you worked as a part time library page? I think parts of it I could handle ok.

How about telling my supervisor that I am mildly autistic? I haven't brought it up yet but maybe after I start I could to let him know certain things I am good at & some areas I am not so good at? Basically the thing that terrifies me most is having to work with the general public, but as a page, surely this wouldn't be a major requirement.

I am going to my orientation this week to see how that all goes. If I still feel anxious, I may bail before my start date. That's happened before, I get offered jobs but I get so terrified before I start that at the last minute I find some excuse to bail because I am just scared of people, & of judgmental comments. People just don't know how damaging bullying is to people, it stays with you for life.

I just don't know what to do. Should I give this job a chance? Or should I try the Nursing Home job that the Vocational Rehabilitation office in my town offered me? They help people with mild or severe disabilities find work. I'm really freaking out over being out of my comfort zone.

 

[Judge]

Keep things on a "need-to-know" basis only. You got the job without mentioning you're on the spectrum. There's nothing so far to indicate a need to do otherwise. Don't bail. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Cut yourself some slack in that any first day of work is always daunting for many of us. And that each successive day on a new job is likely to get easier as many things will become more familiar to you.

It sounds like your primary job won't likely involve a lot of contact with others, so I wouldn't worry about the possibility of having to occasionally help people find things.

You'll find that many of us here still have jobs involving contact with the general public, with lots of posts in how to deal with that particular exposure. Many of us often use our own "scripts" to deal with repetitive social contacts at work.

 

[Wireless]

Give it a chance. It sounds like a good job and a good place to work.
When I start a new job I remind myself it's okay to make mistakes and it's okay to be nervous. Your employers will expect you to be nervous and needing to ask questions because that's how most people are on their first days. Learning your job means making mistakes and that's okay. So, don't berate yourself if you need to clarify things or if things go wrong.
If a member of the public does ask you for help and you don't what to do, tell them you're new but will find your supervisor or colleague who can help them.
I've learnt that it takes me months, rather than weeks, to feel settled into a new job, so I've learnt that I have to least to give it that long. Try to stick it out unless there's something seriously wrong.
Good luck!

 

[Suzanne]

Ah Robby, I feel for you, I really do, for I am so much the same - not the gay part though lol.

I know that when we are in high state of nerves, our brain seems to go into no man's land ie we start freaking out and cannot see any reason. For me, I take a natural anti anxiety called: seditiffpc and really does calm me down.

What you need to do is focus on the fact that they OFFERED THE POST TO YOU. That has to mean: they like what they saw.

When you say you are "openly gay". Am I right in thinking you look gay? Because I know there are some who one can tell so fast that are gay. My brother in law ( sadly no longer alive due to dying of aids) was gay and he looked gay too. I best add, in case you jump and think I am for homosexuality, because actually I am against it. And no, I am not homophobic and no, would never dream of bullying one because of their sexuality. Well if you mean that you look gay, then they will see it, but hey, still offered the job to you.

I get the "general public" part and I admit that would freak me out too! But I would go for it and see how things go.

Can you fall back on the other option if things do not work out?

 

[Warmheart]

Robby, I am so proud of you! You got the job! Scared is understandable-- and temporary. You can do this! In a few weeks, it will feel comfortable, routine, and... well... you know how we LOVE routines! You are going to do fantastic. Numbers and letters, books and shelves-- not people-- will be your primary focus. The sensory stuff there will likely be very gentle too, with subdued lighting and quietude.

After a few weeks of getting comfy there, your confidence will likely increase. In time, if you feel you need to tell them of your ASD, you could do that. (Brace yourself.... they're all gonna ask you to fix their home computers! ) I would wait to see if you truly wish to disclose until you have been there a while and get a sense for the lay of the land in their work culture there.

Robby, you have come so far in just a few months. I understand your fear, and I am sending you my best wishes for happy success. I believe in you.

 

[Robby]

Thanks, I'm still nervous about it. I'm just not a people person at all. I literally hate being around strange people for any length of time & there is just no way I can work with the general public in any capacity that's just not happening. The other option I'm considering is the Vocational Rehab office, they have been working with me off & on, I've been telling them about what my needs are as far as being comfortable in a job, like mainly few if any interactions with people, no breathing down my neck, letting me work independently, & no judgmental looks or remarks about my sexual orientation. They wanted me to work at a nursing home for a transitional period but I went & visited the place & while I liked how quiet it was, I was afraid it was a bit too conservative for me, being a gay man. I know from experience how many two-faced people in a workplace can try & sabotage someone behind their back just because they don't like their sexual orientation or something. So I don't play that. I'm going to make sure wherever I work, people are tolerant. Being gay is NOT a choice people, trust me. I've been gay ever since I can remember & that's who I am period.

I'm still on the fence about the library job, whether to take it give it a shot, or wait & see what Vocational Rehab can come up with. I'd love it if they could find me something working with AVOL (AIDS volunteers) or any other LGBT organization. I feel I'd fit in there better. This is a really backward conservative state after all. If I try the library job but they start wanting me to work too much with others, then I am out of there. There's no way I can do that. I am an independent person & want to work that way, just how I am.

 

[Wireless]

I think the nursing home would be very team orientated, so it's just as well that you decided not to go for it.
Even if the library isn't ideal you can always see what Vocational Rehab comes up with and at least you'll have some experience.

Is volunteering with a LGBT charity an option? Sometimes starting out as a volunteer can lead to paid employment.

 

[On the Inside]

Not sure which conservative state you're in, but I've worked in a library and a few museums in the mostly liberal state I'm in, spent a lot of time in other libraries, here and in many other states (kind of an interest/fuel for interests) and can attest to them mostly being tolerant if not welcoming of diversity.

As for the general public you might encounter, as you get more experienced in the job, it would become easier to deal with the occasional query as to the location of something, after all, you would be shelving it all so you would know where pretty much everything is. When I've had jobs that dealt with the general public, my knowledge was what gave me the confidence to talk to them.

Don't know you personally, but I think it would be an excellent job for someone on the spectrum. Give it a chance.

Good luck.

 

[Robby]

Yea I just have to take the plunge & decide on one. I'm leaning towards trying the nursing home job, since it would be sponsored by the Voc Rehab office, & I'd have that safety net with them backing me up a bit. I put them off for awhile until I got offered the library job. But after thinking about long & hard I think maybe the nursing home one would be a bit less daunting for me, if I have to choose. (I always wait until the last minute to make a decision lol).

Another factor is that I am undergoing regular therapy & doctor's visits to keep my medications adjusted properly, so I will need regular time off for that so maybe the Voc Rehab one will be better in that sense.

 

[watersprite]

Robby I'd been wondering about you a couple days ago, and now you have given an update. Thanks! One thing: when I start a new challenge, sometimes I make the mistake of telling too much. Then, I've sabotoged/over-extended myself because then, I've got 2 stressful situations instead of just 1.

I hope you try the job, and it sounds like something do-able. What all the above posts say is so good.

 

[EdR]

Robby, my advice is that you do not bail on the library page position. If you give up before you start it will make it easier to find reasons to pass on the next job, and the one after that...........

I have what I think is my "work mask", which is a persona I adapt when I leave the house in the morning. I hide some of my more unpleasant aspects behind the mask and fake having some positive attributes which correspond to the job requirements.

It might be worthwhile to see if you can develop something along the lines of a work mask.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Lucky! I never could get hired on at a library.

When I worked at a video rental place for a year, helping people find things was no problem. Most people were very nice and it wasn't a problem. The only ones that were rude were the same ones everybody had issues with, so you'll probably find your coworkers siding with you and complaining about THAT GUY right along with you. It was a small store, so if I didn't have memorized where a movie was located, I could check our computer to see if we even had it. There was one night when a guy couldn't remember the title, but knew what the case looked like and what the movie was about, and before all was over there was me, him, his family, and three groups of strangers tearing over that store before somebody found it. It was a lot of fun, actually.

I didn't know I was autistic back then, so I can't honestly advise you from personal experience on disclosing it or your orientation to your boss.

 

[Progster]

Congratulations of getting the job offer! I would stick with the library job, and see how it goes. Don't worry about making mistakes - everyone makes some mistakes at some point while they are learning a new job, that's normal. I'm sure people will be there to guide you through it and they won't mind if you're not sure and need to ask something. It's always best to ask if you're not sure, rather than make a mistake.

 

[Elemental]

I would strongly urge you to have a try at the job that you have been offered in the library & then if it doesn't work out, there's the option of leaving it if necessary. You could also maybe explain to the supervisory person that you are very shy & cautious around people, without having to disclose AS

Nursing homes can be quite emotional places to work, with maybe more people-orientated stuff than a library; most of your work might be stock orientated & if you tell someone at work that you are a little nervous around people, maybe they'll try to ensure you get other tasks for the time being?

A surgical-nursing home was one of my first jobs aged sixteen & the first task they required was...emptying the spittoons & that may have been the high point in a post held less than four months.

My point is, it's possible to try these things out to see how & whether you can deal with it & then withdraw if necessary; we honestly can & do surprise ourselves a lot with how we manage things, especially when we are armed with the knowledge that an inherent insecurity about things is part of our package.

Also, unless we're lucky enough to have a job that we totally love - & sure a lot of Librarians do love their job & value it as a long-term career move - jobs are mostly means-to-an-end for earning money, so there is often some degree of over-coming stuff that is new to us. Good Luck with it whichever decision you come to

 

[Tia Maria]

Congratulations Robby! I also recommend giving the library position a try. If it doesn't work out you know you will be able to get a different job through the Vocational Rehab office. I think there is a chance you could be very well suited to working at a library & may find you enjoy it along with being quite good which would boost your self confidence regarding new situations. And don't worry about being openly gay. Most people will think absolutely nothing of it. If you feel or perceive someone seems to be acting awkwardly around you, I think you should ignore it & just continue being yourself.

CONGRATS again on the job offers!!!