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Started seeing a girl, she is probably going to stop talking to me..

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by aspieandconfused_87, Nov 5, 2018.

  1. aspieandconfused_87

    aspieandconfused_87 Active Member

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    Hello,

    So I have been talking to this girl for about a week now, we finally met on Saturday and had a good time together, she offered for me to stay over for dinner but I wasn't hungry yet and I wanted to get back home before it got any later as I had been out since 12 that day and I was ready to go home. I dropped her off at her house and gave her a hug goodbye, she went inside after saying she would like to see me again, later that night we sang some songs together on a karaoke app, we had a good time.

    Sunday night we ended up talking a lot, at one point during our conversation I mentioned how I do not really feel empathy with people and that my feelings are are based on logic and analyzing the situation, she got defensive and said I sounded like a psycho by the way I described things, she mentioned that a lot of guys in her past have used the logic and data, spock analogy as an excuse to be rude, or mean, or to treat her poorly, she said that it made it sound like I didn't really care about anyone or anything, I told her that it wasn't like that it's just I can't really connect with how other people are experiencing things, I could tell she was feeling some degree of frustration/anger, she eventually calmed down and explained her point and that she thought I was feeling down on myself or something, I didn't feel down on myself, at not least that I was aware of, I was stating a opinion and observation about myself, after all of that she told me that she liked me a lot actually and it was because I wasn't putting on a facade to impress her or pretending to like her just to hook up, a little confusing to say the least.

    Many things were discussed and lots of details was brought up about my past dating life and intimate relations it became clearer to her just how inexperienced I am, I have only had a hand full of girl friends and that was in high school, and they were all short lived but one, and the few intimate partners I have had were all one offs so I never really got to explore that side of things beyond basic stuff, she made it clear that intimate relations was a very important aspect of a relationship she wanted, which I have no problem with, but she also made it very clear that she wants a partner who is assertive and confident and has "swagger" when it comes to intimate relations and that she wants the guy to make the first move, which again I have no problem with at least as far as making a move, the confidence and swagger part on the other hand I would probably struggle with I am sure I will be awkward at least at first, but that I know can be normal even for NT's with a new partner.

    Anyways based on the way she ended the conversation and her reaction to a few things that were discussed I would not be in the least bit surprised the she ends things with me soon I am pretty sure that she does not see me as someone she wants to be intimate with now as I have given her plenty of reasons to not want to be with me and I basically told her all of my faults and issues (word vomit), she will probably say she would like to be friends, but I would rather not, at this point I have no obligation or enough investment into things to continue anything beyond what we are right now, yeah we get a long and all but I just don't see the point in being friends after that.

    I would like to say that I should just give up on dating but I know that isn't the best thing to do as I will just continue to be stuck in the same cycle and never make any progress, I know I do not always want to be alone but this dating thing sucks so bad and is so frustrating at times.
     
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  2. Ginseng

    Ginseng Christian V.I.P Member

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    Sorry aspieandconfused. You sound like a great guy. She is missing out. I hope you don't give up just because of her. I used to play poker in my younger days and there is an expression "You got out cheap." I think of that often when I fold or someone folds on me in my life. Perhaps we were fortunate and got off cheap. In other words. We didn't put everything we had into the person or situation. It is really a bummer when we invest a lot and this happens. But if she walks away, this means you have not wasted time with someone who may never appreciate you for the faithful, loving, and honorable man that you are. And if it is a swagger she is looking for... May God help her. She may well find that.
     
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  3. aspieandconfused_87

    aspieandconfused_87 Active Member

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    Hahaha, I like your response, it is funny, I generally agree with what you are saying.
     
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  4. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    I think you may have dodged a bullet there ;) I dated a few girls who had the same sort of ideal in a guy and it just wasn't me. I've no problem initiating things in the bedroom, but the confidence some people see in me is a front. It's the mask that gets me through life. With a partner I need to be able to relax that front and be natural. There's not much "swagger" in me like that.
    It probably isn't a good idea to be so upfront about yourself so early on in a relationship - it could unsettle even a girl who would still like that side of you after getting to know you better (weeks or months) but in this case it could be for the best.
    We could all be wrong and she still likes you after having time to digest it, but if not then don't let it get you down, just get back on that horse and ride it ;)
    BTW - I was 35 when I met my wife so you're still ahead of me for a few years yet :)
     
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  5. aspieandconfused_87

    aspieandconfused_87 Active Member

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    Haha! Thanks @Autistamatic me and you seem to have a lot in common, I think you are right, so far this girl seems like she would be a lot to handle for me and she has expectations that I will simply not be able to meet, so either way it would probably end in disappointment, I am confident in certain aspects of my life sure. The way I see it is you like me for who I am or you don't, I tend to have a very black and white view of a lot of things, I have already accepted the fact that this is a very real and likely scenario so it if happens it will end up being no sweat off my back and with her long list of issues I think I am better off anyways, I will give it a few days, if I either do not hear from her or even if I do I will probably end up ending things myself to just avoid all the frustration, I will keep this post up to date.
     
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  6. aspieandconfused_87

    aspieandconfused_87 Active Member

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    I decided to end things with her, I think it was for the best.