Special Interest targets as humans?

[cfleischmann]

Greetings Everyone:

I'm going to get roasted for this one but please hear me out:

I absolutely adore the fathering autism youtube channel (link below) to the point of having a crush on the nonverbal autistic daughter Abigail Lorraine[^3]. Note that I would never do anything to harm her or her family and even if I met them I'd only want to hold the hands, give the hugs, and that's it (maybe cling to the legs)[^4]. I've been called "Abigail's biggest (and loneliest) fan." by a lot of people including my own support team. I have a MobileCM* record for her in my iPhone and a "Customer Global Jacket" in my volunteer job's database** that tells me names, relations to others middle names of family and friends, birthdays, etc.

*disclaimer: no actual phone numbers, addresses, etc. are linked to this MobileCM record
** this record is only visible to myself and my management team and only updated with data coming directly from the videos. No contact points are stored nor is there expected to be a contact history (cases, calls, meetings, emails, etc.) for this record. Hell even the CEO of the company knows the record exists and doesn't care so long as managing this record doesn't take up too much of my work time so I watch and update the records on my mobile phone at home then log in via VPN to update the stuff in the CRM.
[^3] I know she'll never even know I exist so what's the point of bothering me telling me to stop caring?
[^4] Only upon approval from Abigail Lorraine herself, her parent, guardian, or other person authorized to approve such requests.

basically my question is has anyone ever gone this far with interest in a human rather than a fictional character, hobby, etc.? How has that worked out for you? have I gone too far?


[external links]
FatheringAutism YouTube Channel: FatheringAutism

 

[Misery]

Believe me: LOTS of others (not necessarily from this site) have gone that far with their adoration for some specific person. Even neurotypicals. Seriously.

And really.... it's part of the whole autism deal. Even if we dont WANT to be hyper-obsessive, well... most of us are. Just how it goes. And the target could be ANYTHING. It could be freaking vacuum cleaner models or methods of cardboard box manufacturing. Never know what we'll get obsessed with next. Heck, I've been developing a totally unexplainable obsession with creepy dolls lately. No, I dont know why. I usually dont know why. But I dont make the rules here, do I? Haha. Again, it's just how it goes for so many of us.

As long as you arent hurting or harassing someone, or doing something illegal, it's harmless. Sure, people might see it as weird, but.... eh. I do LOTS of things people think of as weird. People are free to think what they want.

I will say though, if you ever find yourself interacting with anyone from that family (through Youtube comments or social media, you know) just.... try not to act too clingy. People who make videos or whatever often have to deal with a bit too much of that. Fans can be overly enthusiastic sometimes. Always respect the other person's space. As long as you can do that... it's all good!


Now aside from that, I will say, I'm quite familiar with the Fathering Autism channel. I dont watch every single video... I've got like 5 zillion Youtube subscriptions, there's no way I catch every single video from any of them... but still, I like the content they do, and their attitude towards autism as a whole. It's refreshing to see.

 

[cfleischmann]

I have my life sized companionship doll named after Abigail Lorraine. One of my company’s web servers is named “Abigail”, and my windows PC is WINX-ABBIE-0512 all references only true Abbie fans woukd get

And a song my team wrote could ntains this jem of a quote: “The only thing a true fan needs, is her iPhone and the net. And the only time she’s satisfied, is when she’s watching vids...”

And this bit: I come from a world of abuse and bad dreams. I got all i need saved right to my iPhone...”

That last bit referencing my collection of Abigail photos stored on my iPhone that were obtained by screenshotting the videos and cropping the resultant image to only include Abigail.

 

[tree]

I think you would be wise to not broadcast what may be construed
as a pedo interest in the child. However harmless your intentions
are, idolizing a 12 year old to the extent of asserting your longing to
cling to her legs comes off as creepy.

 

[cfleischmann]

I think you would be wise to not broadcast what may be construed
as a pedo interest in the child. However harmless your intentions
are, idolizing a 12 year old to the extent of asserting your longing to
cling to her legs comes off as creepy.

Ok you make a valid point and shes going to be 15 this upcoming May and notice the fine print that states action would inly occurr if approved by Abigail, her parents, guardian, or other authorized personnel. No approval, no leg cling, no hugs, no hands to hold it’s that simple. Thee are procedures to keep my fandom in check. But thanks for pointing out the possibility of a perception I didn’t think of.

 

[Judge]

This is a subject that periodically pops up. Usually with the same considerations to obsessions over things being "par for the course".

As opposed to obsessions over real people which can become seriously problematic in all sorts of ways.

Best to focus on something else, preferably not any living person. Not a complicated dynamic, IMO.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I have no idea why a human being can be a person's special interest or obsession. Sure there are humans, like authors and artists and musicians and inventors, who have done some cool and admirable things, but as human beings most of them were total monsters and we're lucky if they didn't end up in prison.

 

[Bolletje]

Sounds like a recipe for trouble in my opinion. Thinking someone on the Internet is cute isn’t problematic, although it might rub some people the wrong way that she’s underage. But to me this sounds like a very unhealthy obsession, what with you naming a companionship doll after her and referencing her in various ways. I’d suggest looking for a new interest that is preferably not a person, like @Judge says.

 

[Juliettaa]

Ok you make a valid point and shes going to be 15 this upcoming May

And by that time, she'll still be a child. A minor.

 

[tree]

And by that time, she'll still be a child. A minor.

That's true.
"15 this upcoming May" is 14 January through April,
and on her 15th birthday, she's still underage.

 

[Tom]

My opinion is obsessing on people is not a good idea. With subjects or objects it is less a problem as there can never be expectations or attempts to contact or hurt feelings, etc, etc.

 

[WildCat]

With an actual person, no. Too much potential for trouble, and to begin with my interests have always laid elsewhere.

This can get problematic over time if it hasn't already and I'm sure someone will spell it out for you in person if you decide to bump it up a notch. You should strongly consider finding something else to direct your attention to.

 

[cfleischmann]

I wish it was that easy to just kick the habit. But each and every time i try, not pretty. What i mean by this is that I wind up being “severely Abbiesick”. I wind up with one or more of the following symptoms:
- dizziness
- muscle or body pain
- fatigue
- rather extreme hunger
- worsening of sensory issues
- and others

If I dinner get my fix, I’m pretty much useless until the issue can resolve. If you know the term “dopesick” it’s that just worse

I’ve gone through really bad withdrawals from not having my Abbie fix (thank goodness for internet and video downloading software and high capacity iPhones so i can bulk download and go and live a somewhat normal life just with constant photos and videos of her available so I can not have issue at the most inopportune time)

While I’m sure i need to kick the habit based on everything here and my own documentation... that’s going to be hard. Some help would be appreciated.

 

[Juliettaa]

I wish it was that easy to just kick the habit. But each and every time i try, not pretty. What i mean by this is that I wind up being “severely Abbiesick”. I wind up with one or more of the following symptoms:
- dizziness
- muscle or body pain
- fatigue
- rather extreme hunger
- worsening of sensory issues
- and others

If I dinner get my fix, I’m pretty much useless until the issue can resolve. If you know the term “dopesick” it’s that just worse

I’ve gone through really bad withdrawals from not having my Abbie fix (thank goodness for internet and video downloading software and high capacity iPhones so i can bulk download and go and live a somewhat normal life just with constant photos and videos of her available so I can not have issue at the most inopportune time)

While I’m sure i need to kick the habit based on everything here and my own documentation... that’s going to be hard. Some help would be appreciated.

I don't think you'll get the help you need from an internet forum.

Your 'obsession', your behaviour and withdrawal sound as though you require specialist help, so your first step would be to approach your doctor to ask for a referral or a recommendation for suitable therapists who deal with addictive/obsessive behaviours.

 

[cfleischmann]

I don't think you'll get the help you need from an internet forum.

Your 'obsession', your behaviour and withdrawal sound as though you require specialist help, so your first step would be to approach your doctor to ask for a referral or a recommendation for suitable therapists who deal with addictive/obsessive behaviours.

I never really thought I’d get help fro an Internet forum but rather figured I’d engage the community to see how my peers felt on the subject just as a test of external reactions. The results of this will be sent to my operations team so they can improve my service delivery and quality of interaction.

 

[Juliettaa]

As you said the following:

Some help would be appreciated.

I assumed that you were asking for help from the forum.

I never really thought I’d get help fro an Internet forum but rather figured I’d engage the community to see how my peers felt on the subject just as a test of external reactions. The results of this will be sent to my operations team so they can improve my service delivery and quality of interaction.

I hope that you've got an idea from the responses you've had so far on this thread about how your obsession/interest is/can be perceived and I wish you the best in getting professional assistance.

 

[Aspychata]

You stepped outside of healthy when you said you needed to touch a body part. That's a step too far. This should signal that you need to change you cognitive think patterns and fixate on something else. Anytime underage kids are fixated on by grown adults is a serious issue. Somehow you need to get out of denial about this. Then you need to get a hobby that helps you ease off of this. Something that will occupy you. Perhaps you need to consider intervention by a professional counselor.

 

[Misery]

I wish it was that easy to just kick the habit. But each and every time i try, not pretty. What i mean by this is that I wind up being “severely Abbiesick”. I wind up with one or more of the following symptoms:
- dizziness
- muscle or body pain
- fatigue
- rather extreme hunger
- worsening of sensory issues
- and others

If I dinner get my fix, I’m pretty much useless until the issue can resolve. If you know the term “dopesick” it’s that just worse

I’ve gone through really bad withdrawals from not having my Abbie fix (thank goodness for internet and video downloading software and high capacity iPhones so i can bulk download and go and live a somewhat normal life just with constant photos and videos of her available so I can not have issue at the most inopportune time)

While I’m sure i need to kick the habit based on everything here and my own documentation... that’s going to be hard. Some help would be appreciated.

There's something else I thought of that I wanted to say about this aspect of it.

See, like I said, alot of us get really extreme interests. Doesnt matter what the focus is, we just have a tendency to do that.

But here's the thing: TOO MUCH focus on an interest can get bad. It doesnt matter what the interest is... it could even be an interest that is genuinely productive. Even so, spending too much time and mental energy on that interest will, well.... do pretty much what you're experiencing.

Even if your obsessive interest was something totally different, like, I dunno.... cars or something... I'd still give you the following advice: You *need* to slow it down. If you do not, you will only end up wrecking yourself sooner or later.

The ONE thing I've found to be good for helping with this, is to look around for additional interests. If you get some real variety in your life, you'll find that this current interest becomes dramatically less intense and problematic. But also, it'll mean that you're no longer stuck in a rut. Alot of us may fear change, but if we stay in the same routine for too long, it causes major problems. Even if we dont like to admit that fact, it absolutely still happens.

But also, another part of your problem is likely the fact that this interest of yours is PASSIVE. It doesnt involve you DOING anything other than staring at the screen, and that's not good.

You're on Youtube alot, right? Browse around. Check out some videos of people doing different hobbies. Keep scanning until you find an activity that looks interesting. Once you find one, watch more videos about it, and then once you know enough, try it out. Do this even if you dont currently feel like doing so. Sometimes, you have to FORCE yourself to do things, if you want to improve and grow.

And believe me, it's worth it. A few months ago, I went through what is probably the worst anxiety attack I've ever had (other than the time I was on Prednesone, which doesnt count). And in the end, the root cause was that I'd let my little world become TOO little. Stuck in a rut, stuck in my silly little bubble, with no real variation... it was only a matter of time before that bubble popped. But I found a few new hobbies, and that's what did the trick. Doing this engages the mind in a healthy way, while at the same time keeping you from going overboard on any individual interest.... because you wont have mental space to do that! It is also good for keeping depression and bad thoughts away, AND reducing the frequency of anxiety attacks and meltdowns.

Seriously. Give it a go. You might be surprised, just where it can take you in your life.

 

[christopher.k]

^ pretty much finding my music obsession last year got me out of my year-long miserable rutt.

 

[Schism]

I never really thought I’d get help fro an Internet forum but rather figured I’d engage the community to see how my peers felt on the subject just as a test of external reactions. The results of this will be sent to my operations team so they can improve my service delivery and quality of interaction.

Well, I think people here have given you a lot of help and solid advice. Kudos to you for having the courage to post about something so personal & potentially sensitive. Even better is that you have taken it on board and made positive action to get professional help and guidance. Well done.

(I am not quite sure what you mean by 'operations team & your service delivery'. What are you, an Amazon warehouse? ☺ But seriously, good luck in dealing with this, it will be much healthier for you)