Social Phobia Thoughts

[Aru]

Hi everyone!(I hope i posted this in the right area) I've been stuck on this thought for a long time and i've only discussed it with a few others as a lot of people struggle to understand but i'll try explain it, Basically after i got diagnosed i was offered help to deal with the whole going outside and everything but i turned it down because it would make my depression just really horrible, I tried half my life changing and to be more outgoing and make an effort and everything ended in tears and anger, So in the end i turned down the help and also because having always been this way, I mean ever since a kid i was always really quiet and barely spoke to strangers or anyone outside of immediate family, If i did make the change i would be changing who i am as a person and that also upsets me, For some reason i feel like i was meant to be a quieter person so changing any of this would make me someone who i am not, Does that make sense? I know help can offer just bits to help deal with it rather than help it outright but even the thought hurts now after so many bad experiences.

I am stuck because being alone every day is very hard but at the same time i am probably one of the most nicest people you'll ever meet and whenever someone tries to change elements of me i get meltdowns and the works and that used to happen almost every day when i tried to change, I would even go to some appointments crying in a mess and everything and just.. ugh

Is anyone else kind of like this or can understand my thoughts? I don't work or anything and i'm stuck inside 24/7 but this way i down meltdown or anything and i feel safe, Just sometimes i feel like a waste for being this way but i did try for so so many years and literally nothing worked out for me in the end - There is a lot more to it but i hope you can get the idea from this

 

[BraidedPony]

I was diagnosed with agoraphobia many years ago and I think I also have social anxiety...they go soooo well together after all.
I just left a voice mail meassage at my therapists office cancelling my appointment today because I just can’t get there. Being home is the only comfort really and many times I just can’t leave. But, sometimes I can.
I think of my situation as being stuck inside a shell not as it being who I am. But I can see how it could be seen that way. I don’t look for a ‘cure’, but just want to be able to take care of myself and exist in the world with some amount of contentment.
Some years were better than others and those were the years I had a relationship. Being single is different than having a partner with a lot of alone time.
I know there is a person inside me that would enjoy doing something outside if I had the support of a friend. I would still be shy and nervous but not to the point where I couldn’t enjoy a walk with my dog.

 

[Pats]

I'm much older than you and nothing ever got easier the more I did it. But I wasn't diagnosed until a couple years ago, so I never could figure out why it was so hard being out in the public. I hated having to go to work every day and I didn't make friends. I used to leave church so upset and wondering why I went. (I now know why I left almost in tears every time.) And I will use church because it's somewhere I did want to be a part of. People would speak to me, but many would look over my head as if looking for someone more interesting as they shook my hand. I tried so hard to become a part and it just never worked. Once diagnosed, it became easier to accept myself for who and what I am and it doesn't bother me anymore to not be part of a group. I don't sit there and wonder why I can't be part of the group.
I go through periods that I feel guilty and like I'm wasting my time staying home all the time because I'd like to be out there helping people. I'd like to volunteer but can't get myself to commit to having to be somewhere on a certain day and have a list of 'this is what you're supposed to do'. I have hard enough time agreeing to babysit grandkids on a certain day and as the date grows nearer, become more and more anxious.
I can understand your thoughts, and the only advice I can give is to accept yourself. It's easier with the internet these days - you can still reach out to others, like you just did.
Aru, welcome to the forum and I hope you find being here helpful.

 

[Bedlamite]

Aru, welcome to the forum. Like Pats above, I too am older than you. Life only gets better when you find yourself and accept yourself for who you are. No one else can do that for you. You will survive!!! There are folks here on this forum that are going through what you are and can offer suggestions for you to try. Just remember, finding yourself is a journey - your journey and it doesn't have to be difficult.

BraidedPony mentioned she has a dog for companionship. Getting a pet for those times when things seem to be caving in can make matters a lot less depressive. Pets are not judgemental, nor do they demand anything from their owners. And at all times, pets will provide an unconditional love that surpasses all human understanding. You may want to investigate the option of obtaining an animal companion. Again, welcome to this forum - you are in good company here.

 

[Pats]

@Bedlamite Pets don't demand anything from their owner? I still miss my "Honey". She was part husky/pit/sheperd and was so like me it was funny. She hated vegies and when I'd give her a treat - no, she didn't want that one. Nope, not that one either. Ok, I'll take this one. She loved the snow (missing her more today because of the snow) and she wouldn't want to come in, so she'd plop down and I couldn't move her. In the summer, she'd plop down in the house not wanting to go out. She liked reds and I got a new blanket and she insisted on having that one - didn't want the other blankets, she wanted the red one. She was very quiet, but had 3 distinguishable barks - 1 when a squirrel was outside. 2 When she was stuck and needed my help. 3 When there was a person outside. She wasn't a cuddler but she'd hold her paw on my hand to comfort me or being me one of her toys if I was sick. She could be a bit demanding at time, but, oh, she was my soul mate.

 

[Bedlamite]

@Pats Thanks for sharing that. Seriously!! We too have cherished past memories of our animal companions - both cats & dogs. And we are currently making new memories everyday! I also get emotional sometimes just recalling those memories.

It does seem my comment was not worded correctly but I meant it in the contents of the thread. Animal companions are not as demanding as human friends. People can and will disappoint, let you down, project their own shortcomings onto you without any regard for your own emotional needs and concerns. In the past when I have needed understanding and companionship when I was in one of my "life sucks" moods, I learned very early in life that people, whom I thought I was close to, also "sucked". But it was my animal companions that were always there - not demanding any reason to express their unconditional love.

 

[Pats]

@Pats Thanks for sharing that. Seriously!! We too have cherished past memories of our animal companions - both cats & dogs. And we are currently making new memories everyday! I also get emotional sometimes just recalling those memories.

It does seem my comment was not worded correctly but I meant it in the contents of the thread. Animal companions are not as demanding as human friends. People can and will disappoint, let you down, project their own shortcomings onto you without any regard for your own emotional needs and concerns. In the past when I have needed understanding and companionship when I was in one of my "life sucks" moods, I learned very early in life that people, whom I thought I was close to, also "sucked". But it was my animal companions that were always there - not demanding any reason to express their unconditional love.

I knew what you were saying. I've just had Honey on my mind with the snow and missing every aspect of her. I have another dog - a rescue dog, poodle/bichon mix. He's cute, likes to sleep at my head, so excited when I even look at him, but he's still just a dog not like Honey. Plus he wants in and out and in and out and he barks a lot - even when I tell him to put my slipper down, he'll bark like he's arguing with me - but he does put it down. He's cute and I like him, just will never have the bond that I had with Honey. Can't explain it. She was too like me - I'd tell her she was an aspie dog. Yes, pets are great.

 

[BraidedPony]

That’s funny Pats, when I read that dogs aren’t demanding I immediately remembered a dog I had that was soooo spoiled. If she didn’t get a treat when she wanted it, she would stomp her foot and snort, and if that didn’t get my attention, she would add a little whine to the act!
But I know what Bedlamite meant, but it’s funny how our minds went to our past doggie friends.
My current dog Samantha is my Emotional Support Dog and she isn’t spoiled aka demanding because I’ve made an effort to not let her get that way. She is sitting next to me right now with her head on my leg.

 

[Aru]

Thank you for the kind responses! I would absolutely adore a pug(I know how incredibly typical that is) My main issue is that i need support a lot so i can't live alone i'm still living with my family as i can't do a lot of basic stuff by myself and they already have a family dog which is okay but i do one day hope to get my own i would just feel a little guilty being unable to walk it very often and have no one that could help with that currently, I will do my best to try and just accept myself for who i am just even being online is nice but like BraidedPony said it does feel exactly like a shell! My thoughts and actions often contradict each other, My thoughts can be like "Wow i'd LOVE to do that!" meanwhile on the outside you'll just see a straight no from me and it's frustrating but i know i can never change at this point so i just need to find more ways to interact and have the best life i can with what i currently can do