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Social interaction bringing pain

N

NB79

Well-Known Member
Has someone reached a point where, almost every social contact except maybe with some select people,
is always bringing stress and 'pain'?, i always i am looking how to socialize and for the life of me i am horrible at that,
social interaction hasn't brought any 'joy' with me, is always stress to the point is a pain to deal with it.
And i think is reaching a point of being burned up of social interaction even when is not that many.

How i am supposed to live like this, sure i have things that i enjoy, i want to live, i think my love for life is pretty ok right now. But.

Someone relate to this? or is like an 'extreme case'.

The only 'social interaction' i enjoy a lot is with God.
 
It's always stressful to me. One to one is fine. Two to one is ok, but I will be in listening mode, rarely speaking. Three to one is tolerable (barely), but I am almost immediately looking for excuse to leave. Above that, no. Not voluntarily. Best part of being retired is I don't have to socialize.
Communing with God is indespensable, but I'm not sure that counts as socializing. I think people are part of the definition of socializing.
 
I enjoy conversing with my family members 1:1, but everything else feels like a chore or worse. I feel such dread with anything bigger than 1:1.

My one good experience with chatting with a group of people happens right here on the forum - the forum and my family keep me from experiencing loneliness. Otherwise, I seek the company of small animals, trees, and the stars.
 
Jumpinbare said:
It's always stressful to me. One to one is fine. Two to one is ok, but I will be in listening mode, rarely speaking. Three to one is tolerable (barely), but I am almost immediately looking for excuse to leave. Above that, no. Not voluntarily. Best part of being retired is I don't have to socialize.
Communing with God is indespensable, but I'm not sure that counts as socializing. I think people are part of the definition of socializing.
Click to expand...
This pretty much sums up my take on the topic.

I don’t feel a big need for socializing. Not even a small need. My life is good with trees, orchids, gingers, and so on.
 
WhitewaterWoman said:
This pretty much sums up my take on the topic.

I don’t feel a big need for socializing. Not even a small need. My life is good with trees, orchids, gingers, and so on.
Click to expand...

The problem is 'Mrs. Society' demands you study and look for job at least in the minimum.
And there are no jobs where you don't need to deal with people.
 
NB79 said:
Has someone reached a point where, almost every social contact except maybe with some select people,
is always bringing stress and 'pain'?
Click to expand...

Sadly yes. A very low point in my life when I experienced social anxiety with just about anyone I didn't know well. It made life awful for a few years.
 
NB79 said:
How did you overcame that.
Click to expand...
The short answer: A now considered dangerous pharmaceutical.

Prescribed by my doctor, a beta-blocker called Mellaril. Better known as Thioridizine.

"Thioridazine is a first generation antipsychotic drug belonging to the phenothiazine drug group and was previously widely used in the treatment of schizophrenia and psychosis. The branded product was withdrawn worldwide in 2005 because it caused severe cardiac arrhythmias. However, generic versions are still available in the US."

That was some 42 years ago. Nevertheless there is help out there for this sort of thing.
 
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NB79 said:
The problem is 'Mrs. Society' demands you study and look for job at least in the minimum.
And there are no jobs where you don't need to deal with people.
Click to expand...
There are jobs that require only minimal contact. Work in a greenhouse. Night shift cleaning in an office building. Overnight stocking in a grocery store.
 
Worst is we had Friday meeting, as usual however during overview of new project I had idea for new ocx for itinerary.....
Overtaken by excitement I do what never do and start babbling excited over dis project, but suddenly I realise I have large table of people staring at me.... More nervous I get, more I'm babbling.
Seemed manager didn't mind, since I showed an interest in work.

Then in kitchen making coffee someone starts chatting, which no one does. So idiot me ends up standing over their desk in some mindless clasp, babbling again.

so I go read my emails and try focus on work since all this put me on edge. But the desks in this office are open plan, center in middle, and I'm trying to get comfy space, but no corner or partitions and when I look up from my monitor, I feel disorientated.

Then my project manager is explaining work around procedure for java security, but I'm disorientated and looking around new office and not paying attention, the worst.... forcing myself to concentrate and harder I try it seems I'm not listening. So I just decide to give myself time,
but then I realise how social is amongst staff in this office.

sometimes I think disclosing ones ASD status could clear up issues whereby I can kindly ask to go over the code at time when I feel more settled.
 
It can be tough. I relate to what people are saying about 1:1 interaction being easiest. On a pure sensory/functioning level, that is definitely the case for me. Two people isn't bad, especially if we know each other well, but I start to naturally turn inward. It's like there are too many choices for how to interact, and who to speak with at a given moment, so I naturally withdraw.

The hardest part of interacting, for me, is you are often dealing with different views of yourself which you don't relate to. We can easily misunderstand or make assumptions about people's behavior. Having to deal with people who are confident they understand you when they don't is very hard. You have to be very aware and learn to not take that seriously, and often let people stay in their misunderstanding if they feel it is true.
 
I need to learn how to get my aunt not to cut me off and to listen for a while. She talks for hours then when I have something to say she interrupts me repeating her stories.

So yeah it's exhausting and doesn't feel great. There's always you have to do to put boundaries and inspire respect but with these two they have serially shut me up in various ways because they need to be right or be talking, aunt and uncle. And I'm not allowed to have certain points, it's like they're afraid like it would be such a bad thing if I got to get those views out.
 
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