So Much Difficulty With Normal Functioning Due to Rigidity, Inflexibility, Etc.

[cai24]

I feel so overwhelmed in everyday life, mainly because of how much I struggle with what I consider to be stupid things. I will preface my post by saying that I have multiple issues, so it's difficult to know whether it's due to GAD, ADHD, ASD, or OCD (or a combination of them). I don't know how to explain it, but I guess the main problem is inflexibility or rigidity if that makes sense. The easiest way to describe this is by giving various examples:

1. Someone once touched my work chair, and I couldn't focus for the entire day. I was freaking about it not being set how I previously had it. I know that it doesn't matter, but I just can't deal with it. I had a similar situation after a mechanic working on my car adjusted my seat. I don't know why he felt the need to touch it, and it made me really stressed out.
2. I can't change anything with my wallet or how it's arranged (or move everything to a new wallet).
3. I generally don't like to move things from where they are positioned. This could refer to physical items or something like icons on my computer desktop.
4. I often don't want to add contacts to my phone, even though it would make my life easier.
5. Of all the clothing that I have, I somehow decided that I can only wear 3 or 4 outfits (although this may relate more to my other issue mentioned below). I refuse to wear anything else, so I'm constantly washing clothes. I can't intelligently explain my reasoning for it.

I also have an obsession with what I would call "newness." I don't like any of my possessions showing wear, so I don't use most of what I have. An example would be my tools. I've had times where I've borrowed a screwdriver from my dad, because I don't want to mess up my own. I know that it makes absolutely no sense. I also wear old shoes, because I don't want to mess up the new ones that I have. My family is always yelling at me for this. My sneakers are ripped, old, and don't look very nice.

Sorry for rambling. It's just very difficult to live a meaningful, productive life when I'm so preoccupied with what most people would consider nonsense. Can anyone relate at all, and if so, have you found ways to deal with this? I appreciate any input.

 

[Aspychata]

I was in trouble at work because this female kept touching me and it upset me. She would put her hands on the tops of my shoulder and it freaked me out.
My co-workers didn't think l was right but l don't like it.

Like to wear the same stuff over and over if it is comfortable. I hate the fact that anybody has the ability to mess my things up but l can't do anything except stay away from people.

Understand this rigidity and have been like this for a long time.☺

 

[Tom]

Yes, can relate, though not quite as intensely usually. I don't know why we are like that other then to ascribe it to ASD or a co-morbid like OCD. I do know once we have adopted something, its hard to shift away from it. I think realizing that it makes no sense is a first step. And if it isn't bothering anyone (or yourself) there really is no need to change. But if it is a problem in some area, causing you stress/anxiety, then I think the next self help step is pushing yourself to improve your flexibility in that area, in small incremental steps. Practicing flexibility essentially. It does take some will power and motivation to change. If you can muster some of that you should see improvement. The method (acclimatization) does work for many people.

 

[Tom]

I should add an example of how to practice. Using the chair adjustment issue, purposely change the adjustment of your chair before leaving work. In the morning you will have to reajust it, but knowing you did it, you will probably not dwell on it. Do this for a while till it's automatic. Then if someone else does it, hopefully you will be used to it and not dwell on it. A 10 second bother is way better then a whole day stewing.

 

[Rasputin]

I can relate to this behavior as well, but I am not quite as extreme. My wife buys me new clothes occasionally, and I will store them in a closet or chest to keep them new. Meanwhile I continue to wear old clothes with holes. It drives my wife crazy, so after she throws a fit I will discard the old clothes and start wearing the new clothes. I don’t usually dwell on this; it’s just the way I am.

I also like wearing shirts made of this soft, slick, moisture wicking material, and tend to not wear anything else. I used to not think I was bothered by clothing textures, but I absolutely am. It makes it difficult for my wife to shop for me.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I am not like that, but when I shop my spouse refers to that as hunting since I will try to find the exact match to what is wearing out.

 

[VictorR]

With shoes I sometimes buy several pairs of the same. That way when one wears out, I've got another just like it to step into the rotation.

 

[Fino]

Two options are:

1. Cognitive-behavioral therapy
2. Medication

I used to have similar problems but medication makes a big difference. I still do a number of OCD things, but now I'm able to overcome them if I have reason to. But I just prefer living with restrictions. Total freedom makes my head explode.

 

[Au Naturel]

With shoes I sometimes buy several pairs of the same. That way when one wears out, I've got another just like it to step into the rotation.

That is a very rational thing to do. Getting a shoe that fits perfectly is an uncommon bit of luck. Like lightning, it may not strike again.

You're going to have to buy new shoes eventually and this saves a LOT of time and frustration if the model you want is no longer made or if they change the last it is made on. It is a trick that experienced long-distance hikers and backpackers all know.

 

[Christian]

Being rigid and structure is part of having autism and Asperger, I like to have my own routine, hell, I even rigid when I eat, eating meticulously my food, I am rigid when I write, I like to write as a hobby, I always write thirty five pages chapters, with five pages more and less for each scene, sometimes when i get passionate I write more.

But having a very dysfunctional family really is a hell for my Asperger, my family is overly emotional, with strong personalities, never seems to settle down, I hate crowds of people, and when my family gathers even if they not necessarily speak to me, is hell, I really wish to be alone and not be bother, that part can be really hard, they are my family, but I am a passive character in it, never actually connecting with any of them, more when as my grandmother describe it, they are a "traditional conservative family", and by far from being conservative, sometimes I really struggle to keep my shut for having different opinions with my family.

 

[Sherlock77]

I am rigid with the drivers seat of my car, I won't move it ever!

The reality is that mechanics (just like the rest of us) have different height, there is a very good chance they have to move your seat, even to drive your car into the shop

I know it sucks, and I have a rather basic car without pre-programmed positions

 

[Giant Hogweed]

Two options are:

1. Cognitive-behavioral therapy
2. Medication

I used to have similar problems but medication makes a big difference. I still do a number of OCD things, but now I'm able to overcome them if I have reason to. But I just prefer living with restrictions. Total freedom makes my head explode.

I am against both CBT and medication for being autistic. You're autistic. It's the way you are. I know it can be difficult when people enter the equation but you don't need to modify or suppress any part of you. Unless you feel it would be in your best interest to do so.

 

[Martha Ferris]

I was in trouble at work because this female kept touching me and it upset me. She would put her hands on the tops of my shoulder and it freaked me out.
My co-workers didn't think l was right but l don't like it.

Like to wear the same stuff over and over if it is comfortable. I hate the fact that anybody has the ability to mess my things up but l can't do anything except stay away from people.

Understand this rigidity and have been like this for a long time.☺

You have a right to have your personal space and your co-worker was violating that. It doesn't matter what your co-workers think about it it is about what you are comfortable with. Everyone should keep their body parts to themselves unless given permission. The rules that apply to male to female interactions also apply to female to male interactions.

 

[ftfipps]

So, Is autism the reason I have less "working" memory than others like, say, a bartender, that has to remember literally 50 beers that 50 different people ordered and nails every one? I could NEVER do that, but I could remember something better than that person if I studied the material probably. Gah, It's frustrating as hell. That, plus I can remember stuff that happened 15 years ago that other people have no idea about and I remember people that have no idea who I am. Are autistic people really not like 98% of other people? How do you know this for an absolute fact? One more thing, I've seen shows that show autistic people that are 100,000 times more functional than I...was, anyway, i'm doing better these days.

 

[ForestGumpett]

I’m another one that buys a bunch of the same thing if it works be it clothing or things to cook with. Just in general, I get a bug up my sleeve and buy a bunch of the same thing it’s kinda odd. A year ago it was lamps, I bought more lamps than we will ever use. They are beautiful, called GWTW lamps and both the top and bottom light up. Then it was cooking utensils???

Also, I’m another the wears the same clothes. Will get the same thing in different colors, has to be soft and no tags. I’m allergic to elastic so that is another consideration in clothing..

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Christian]

So, Is autism the reason I have less "working" memory than others like, say, a bartender, that has to remember literally 50 beers that 50 different people ordered and nails every one? I could NEVER do that, but I could remember something better than that person if I studied the material probably. Gah, It's frustrating as hell. That, plus I can remember stuff that happened 15 years ago that other people have no idea about and I remember people that have no idea who I am. Are autistic people really not like 98% of other people? How do you know this for an absolute fact? One more thing, I've seen shows that show autistic people that are 100,000 times more functional than I...was, anyway, i'm doing better these days.

Well autism or Asperger can make you very good for certain things, and very bad for other things, mostly banal and common things that normal people do, I have a part time job in a butcher shop that is part of the family business, even that I know every anatomy part of a cow or a sheep, I never could say their names, so I mostly do the cleaning and weight lifting, and the cashier work, hell, in high-school I excel in mathematics, it was my favourite class apart from chemistry, philosophy, physics, history and astronomy, but I was terrible drawing technical work, also I was terrible in accounting, so bad that I have to repeat a year doing only that class because I failed the final test, of all my school and high-school year, that it was the only thing that I ever failed, and let say, as much my family say that you need to get education to get a job, most of my family, because they come from the farming and butcher industry valour more strength than intelligence, they are hypocritical like that, and they never really actually showed interest in my hobbies, well, maybe my mother, because both enjoy reading, but the rest of my family actually never understand me.

At least my mother stop asking me to get a girlfriend ones she discover that I have Asperger, and I am totally socially inept, but the rest of my family thinks that I am completely normal, like Asperger is not a mayor issue most of my young and adult life.

 

[Christian]

In regard to clothing... I have been known to stock up on items, be it shoes, clothing and when I wasn't in Mexico, even a stash of thigh high stockings lol. Tons of them. If something fit and made the grade... I made sure I had inventory. Ya might laugh at that last item, but honest, if my quirky brain liked it, chances are it would be soon discontinued.

No other issues as far as others went. My strength is I either accepted people as is, or they would be classified into that great invisible void. Hard to notice those I have classified in that later category.

I love touch, too much. Touch comes through where verbal communication fails. I am so removed from societies walk, that touch never came first, but rather after a mutual appreciation and acceptance of one another. You just don't come up and touch an albino turtle? Most people don't really know what to make of me, unless I socialize out of the mainstream. Then I offer an intrigue element, that makes me rather approachable in their mind.

Weird world out there. How do you categorize normal. Is it those who can accept people where they are? Or those who judge when someone doesn't fit into that NT club? Who is normal here. I will sound a bit full of myself in saying this.... I am more normal in that I offer people to be whom they are as long as they do not step over a line in saying I am this that or the other abnormality. Then off to the great invisible void those judgmental souls go... off with ya.

I am very practical with my clothes and with the rest of my things, I never actually cared much for my appearance, I never change my clothes until my clothes become rags, till then I never care to buy new ones, I never care to bother to buy a new computer until my last one broke, the same thing with my fridge, but that was partially my fault, hell, I never change of shoes until they are holes in them.

 

[ForestGumpett]

I wouldn’t like it at all if that female or male that I didn’t know or was a co-worker touched me on the top of my shoulders or anywhere either. Other than the formal shake hands when introducing someone which now days nobody does due to covid, nobody should touch anyone they do not know personally or even until they ask.

The people that told you it was okay, I do not believe they were correct IMHO. I think you were correct to do something about it.

I was in trouble at work because this female kept touching me and it upset me. She would put her hands on the tops of my shoulder and it freaked me out.
My co-workers didn't think l was right but l don't like it.

Like to wear the same stuff over and over if it is comfortable. I hate the fact that anybody has the ability to mess my things up but l can't do anything except stay away from people.

Understand this rigidity and have been like this for a long time.☺

 

[Progster]

This sounds like OCD mainly and although I don't have OCD, I can relate to them; I have some things - different things, that really bug me. Like the plates on the rack facing the wrong way. They absolutely have to be facing the right way and if my partner puts them the wrong way, I switch them back again. Things like adapting new technology: for ages, I didn't want to put WhatsApp on my phone even though everyone had it. But eventually I succumbed and now find it useful.

The first step for me is to recognise the resistence for what it is, then try to argue with myself - does this thing really matter? Doesn't always work, though, if it were so easy to let go of anxiety or feelings, there wouldn't be any problem.

 

[ftfipps]

Well autism or Asperger can make you very good for certain things, and very bad for other things, mostly banal and common things that normal people do, I have a part time job in a butcher shop that is part of the family business, even that I know every anatomy part of a cow or a sheep, I never could say their names, so I mostly do the cleaning and weight lifting, and the cashier work, hell, in high-school I excel in mathematics, it was my favourite class apart from chemistry, philosophy, physics, history and astronomy, but I was terrible drawing technical work, also I was terrible in accounting, so bad that I have to repeat a year doing only that class because I failed the final test, of all my school and high-school year, that it was the only thing that I ever failed, and let say, as much my family say that you need to get education to get a job, most of my family, because they come from the farming and butcher industry valour more strength than intelligence, they are hypocritical like that, and they never really actually showed interest in my hobbies, well, maybe my mother, because both enjoy reading, but the rest of my family actually never understand me.

At least my mother stop asking me to get a girlfriend ones she discover that I have Asperger, and I am totally socially inept, but the rest of my family thinks that I am completely normal, like Asperger is not a mayor issue most of my young and adult life.

Hmm, this is interesting info. I personally believe it was the psychiatric drugs they put me on my whole life that made me this way...None of those drugs are good for your mind. Ya know, it's interesting you say that autistic people are better at certain things. Don't all people have interests, though? What are your thoughts on this?