calicoandgreen
Mother I Homesteader I Aquascaper
My partner and I are both gifted and have an official ADHD diagnosis + are self-diagnosed with Autism + SPD. Turns out, our daughter is exactly the same as we both were as children, with of course some differences in the way things are displayed, but overall the very same as us. We know with our rational brains and with our guts that she is autistic + has ADHD and SPD (and maybe ODD too) but she hasn't been officially diagnosed yet.
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So first question: Considering I'm going to homeschool her for at least her elementary years and am already actively educating myself on how to help her cope and learn better with her conditions, should we get her officially diagnosed? I've read that girls aren't usually diagnosed before they start having a hard time going through puberty so since my daughter is only 5, would it be better to wait before trying to make things official? I'm going to talk to her doctor about the ADHD stuff since that's fairly easy to diagnose but I'm concerned about the SPD + Autism things.
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Question number 2: Things have been getting complicated at home. One of her uncles and his 4 children have been living with us for the last 2.5 weeks (so much unbearable CHAOS, thank whatever they're supposed to go home tonight. We love them but so do we our peaceful routine haha) and the differences between her and her neurotypical cousins are extremely apparent (at least for us adults + her older cousins). She has several meltdowns a day, cries and screams a whole lot, wants to decide and control everything, talks all the time about her own special interests and doesn't listen to her cousins when they speak, etc, etc (you know what I'm talking about). Other family members have been having mean words about her and I'm wondering, should I / would I be 'allowed' to talk to them about how my daughter is different? Even though we don't have a real diagnostic? Because they've been saying these bad things about her in front of her and it's very hurtful especially considering this is not her fault that she doesn't relate to other people and that socialization 'rules' don't make sense to her. Or that she can't understand why most people are disgusted by bugs or afraid of rodents and herps (I can't either mind you haha). I'm trying my best to teach her the neurotypical rules (I had a good teacher myself so that helps - thanks mom!) but other people are getting more and more annoyed by her and I wish I could say something to them so they show compassion to my little girl instead of hurting her for things that are way out of her comprehension or control.
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Question 3: Should I tell her about herself? She already knows she has very sensitive senses, is extremely bright and talented in the things that are of interest to her, and that her heart is so very easily bruised. Basically, she knows she's special and different. But I'm not sure to what extent she realizes it. I know I didn't see anything wrong with myself until I was around 11-12 yo, when every girls were all about their new crushes and I was just sooo very far away from all of this, still playing and acting like a kid. But still, I've always had this inability to understand how friendship worked and why my playmates would do this or that, always putting myself on the edges trying to grasp something that was out of my reach. I think I would have loved knowing why I was so different as a young kid and I would definitely have liked knowing by age 12. It would have made my life so much easier, at least in the self-worth and self-understanding areas. I wouldn't have lost so many years desperately trying to fit in in a world that doesn't fit me.
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Thanks a bunch to anyone / everyone taking the time to read and / or answer. Hope you have a wonderful day.
.
So first question: Considering I'm going to homeschool her for at least her elementary years and am already actively educating myself on how to help her cope and learn better with her conditions, should we get her officially diagnosed? I've read that girls aren't usually diagnosed before they start having a hard time going through puberty so since my daughter is only 5, would it be better to wait before trying to make things official? I'm going to talk to her doctor about the ADHD stuff since that's fairly easy to diagnose but I'm concerned about the SPD + Autism things.
.
Question number 2: Things have been getting complicated at home. One of her uncles and his 4 children have been living with us for the last 2.5 weeks (so much unbearable CHAOS, thank whatever they're supposed to go home tonight. We love them but so do we our peaceful routine haha) and the differences between her and her neurotypical cousins are extremely apparent (at least for us adults + her older cousins). She has several meltdowns a day, cries and screams a whole lot, wants to decide and control everything, talks all the time about her own special interests and doesn't listen to her cousins when they speak, etc, etc (you know what I'm talking about). Other family members have been having mean words about her and I'm wondering, should I / would I be 'allowed' to talk to them about how my daughter is different? Even though we don't have a real diagnostic? Because they've been saying these bad things about her in front of her and it's very hurtful especially considering this is not her fault that she doesn't relate to other people and that socialization 'rules' don't make sense to her. Or that she can't understand why most people are disgusted by bugs or afraid of rodents and herps (I can't either mind you haha). I'm trying my best to teach her the neurotypical rules (I had a good teacher myself so that helps - thanks mom!) but other people are getting more and more annoyed by her and I wish I could say something to them so they show compassion to my little girl instead of hurting her for things that are way out of her comprehension or control.
.
Question 3: Should I tell her about herself? She already knows she has very sensitive senses, is extremely bright and talented in the things that are of interest to her, and that her heart is so very easily bruised. Basically, she knows she's special and different. But I'm not sure to what extent she realizes it. I know I didn't see anything wrong with myself until I was around 11-12 yo, when every girls were all about their new crushes and I was just sooo very far away from all of this, still playing and acting like a kid. But still, I've always had this inability to understand how friendship worked and why my playmates would do this or that, always putting myself on the edges trying to grasp something that was out of my reach. I think I would have loved knowing why I was so different as a young kid and I would definitely have liked knowing by age 12. It would have made my life so much easier, at least in the self-worth and self-understanding areas. I wouldn't have lost so many years desperately trying to fit in in a world that doesn't fit me.
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Thanks a bunch to anyone / everyone taking the time to read and / or answer. Hope you have a wonderful day.