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Featured So I’m really baffled and I just don’t get it.

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by disconnected, Aug 15, 2019.

  1. disconnected

    disconnected Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I’m not quite sure what type of personality I portray. I’ve been mountain biking 1-3 times a week with a local Mountain Bike Group. I’m getting pretty fast and hitting the drops and jumps etc, so I’m not holding anyone back. Last week a couple guys I thought perhaps I was becoming friends with stayed after to get some more riding in and I was ignored so I left. I’m planning a ride on a remote point to point trail on October 18th so I booked an Air bnb for two nights that sleeps 5. I messaged 4 guys that I usually am an equal riding skill and I thought friended with and NOT 1 could even bother to respond. Day 1 I got it, I thought maybe they needed to ask family check scedules etc. it’s been 4 days and no responses.

    I’m at a loss. I just don’t understand anymore. I’m 42, the guys are 42 to 51 so there not kids. I suppose I’m just sad.
     
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  2. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    Maybe you read to much into it.
     
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  3. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sorry to hear. I can only speculate as to what might have happened.

    That if they perceive you as an outsider for whatever reason, they might be collectively offended that a stranger made all those arrangements for the other four. Then factor in the possibility that those four guys may all bond with each other, but just not with you. That you unwittingly tried to penetrate a social clique.

    You just can't take such social dynamics for granted unless you absolutely know for sure where you stand. It may be personal, then again it just may be their perception of your riding ability. Hard to say.
     
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  4. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    I would never book accommodations for 5 without discussing it with people first. So I guess you are stuck paying for the whole rental?
     
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Most people have people they know and things they plan to do and someone randomly inserting into that rarely works. It's nothing personal.
     
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  6. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    They probably don't appreciate you booking something for them without asking them first. People have plans and lives and possibly kids and spouses to consider.

    This is also a possibility.
     
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  7. disconnected

    disconnected Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I booked a spot, I’m going anyway. I was just asking these guys if they wanted to go. My plan was to go either way and ride loop trails if no one wanted to go or post offering to others in the group if they wanted to join.

    I guess I should have explained that part better. :)
     
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  8. disconnected

    disconnected Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It was not specifically for them. The place randomly held 5 people And they where the 4 I asked first.
     
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  9. disconnected

    disconnected Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I thought the message deserved an answer saying anything. It’s very open ended .

    I guess the main issue is me, or I’m just overthinking.
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2019
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  10. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    Maybe they just don't fancy it, or spending the $40? There could be any number of reasons. It could be personal, it may be anything but - only time will tell.
    BTW - find another way of obscuring things if you can. The details you tried to hide are still easily legible ;)
     
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  11. disconnected

    disconnected Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    LOL! There really not that secret. ;)
     
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  12. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    Many people find rejecting invitations outright difficult, so just don't reply to save themselves the discomfort. No reply is just as clear a no as an actual "no thanks" after all.

    Or maybe they have never thought of you as a close enough friend/acquaintance to make an invitation to spend a weekend together appropriate, and so the invitation itself made them uncomfortable and they thus chose to ignore it.
     
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  13. Running Girl

    Running Girl Member

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    I wonder if October 18 is too far away? I always like to plan things well in advance but I've come to find out NT's are mostly about spontaneity. I had a similar experience and when i actually asked people they said stuff like, "no idea what i'll want to do 3 weeks from now." By the same token, NT 's have suggested I attend stuff that very night. I always have a plan for what im doing the same day. Spontaneity is terribly disruptive! But NT's seem to like it. It could be as simple as you asked too far in advance.
    Or it could be one of those baffling social things where we always seem to be left out and dont know why.
     
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  14. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    That is odd. Maybe they have all known one another for a long time and use the biking to get together as friends? And don't want anyone from outside their circle in it. I know a group of cyclists that bike and hang around together, and have for about twenty years. There are no new people in it.

    Could be that it was too soon to invite them along. Might also be that none of them can take the time off, or are willing to spend the money on a trip.
     
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  15. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    rude !

    send another txt explaining you need confirmation and deposit/payment by end of day tomorrow.

    If they don't reply you have your answer.

    Ask four others?

    Enjoy the extra space on Oct 18th?

    Change the booking?
     
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  16. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    I almost went insane reading that.

    I think I'm going to board up my windows just in case.

    No light will penetrate, they will think I'm out.

    Wait. What if they think I'm dead and break in?

    This is hopeless.
     
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  17. disconnected

    disconnected Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    The planning in advance thing I guess is a big issue. Ive planned events in the past where people say “I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow, so I have no idea what I’ll be doing in two weeks”. In my mind isn’t that why you plan!? ;).
     
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  18. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    The thing is, you jumped past the initial steps of relationship-building to a more connected and intimate level, asking people to go on the same trips as you and stay at the same accommodations. If you had been friends with this group for 5 years and gone for many trips together, your response would have been completely different.

    Also, you made a mistake many autistics make. You have to talk to people face to face before any friendships exist. You don't build friendships by text. Texting someone you scarcely know has a very low likelihood of success. Yes, texting is more comfortable for many autistic people, but then you have disappointments like the present one.
     
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  19. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    maybe a geographical thing? colloquial?
    not sure?
    but texting someone not known well is called "speaking to" (mainly in courtship) these days.

    it's like there are various stages before actually getting out on a date or a group social with people.

    perhaps not quite what you mean @GadAbout?

    (I've been stating irrelevancies for 50 years,
    I'm not going to stop now :) )
     
  20. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    These days one might have to board up own phone camera, laptop spy hole and mic' ?