So, how do you deal with surprises?

[Misery]

This one has been on my mind a bit lately.

What I mean by surprises is not like, really major events. Nothing like "omigod there was a big earthquake nearby" or "holy crap Mars just exploded", but more like surprises near & around you. Smaller things.

The sorts of examples I'm thinking of in my own experience is things like, say, having someone you know unexpectedly show up. Like if my father suddenly says something like "oh by the way, your aunt and uncle will be over later tonight", with no warning prior. Unexpected social stuff.

Or maybe it could be something like, having something you use frequently just abruptly break out of nowhere (that one tends to get me super agitated).

Or... worst of all (for me at least).... an unexpected doctor's appointment *shudder*

Things that arent inherently *bad*, maybe some are positive, but just things that are a bit of a jolt to whatever you were expecting your day to be.

Do you deal with it well, or does it give you trouble? Does it somehow set off your sensory issues (it does for me), and if so, what do you do? Do you get frustrated when this sort of thing happens?

 

[Aspychata]

Kinda of like anxiety of the unexpected especially if you feel like you have clear sailing ahead, everything important is done, no errands, no bills, no shopping needed, so you are in coast cruise control. Then it takes one stupid mudane thing to crash your world of perfectness to fly to a screeching halt.

For this one little stupid thing you can die a thousand deaths or just curse under your breath and curse civilization and ponder life in another time or place and take care of the required errand.

Like my car died the other day, but l negotiated a day off from work, l brought ear buds and listened to my music at the car place and left with some dignity intact.

 

[Progster]

I often get frustrated and angry with little things that suddenly go wrong like breaking something, I find it difficult to control feelings or frustration. I tend to want to smash things, not good. I have to avoid situations in which I get frustrated easily as much as possible, it's the only way to deal with it because I cannot control my negative emotion once it starts, it can be very intense.

Unexpected visits - my partner deals with those if he is in the house. If I'm alone and I see someone coming to the door and don't want to deal with them, I just don't answer the door. People can't just expect to turn up and expect me to be on demand to talk to them, I'm busy, working, taking a shower, so it's their fault for not phoning to check that it's ok first. Sometimes I get caught out though, I'm expecting a courier and it's someone else.

People cancelling lessons or wanting to change the programme at last minute - that's frustrating and annoying. I like to have my day planned at the beginning, wake up each morning knowing what the day is going to be like.

 

[Baeraad]

I'm not a fan of them. If I turn out to have to do something in a day that I didn't know about when I woke up that morning, it tends to lead to a lot of internal griping and self-pity. But, I try to pretend that I'm a reasonable human being and go through with unexpected challenges as if I wasn't wailing on the inside.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Not a fan. Sometimes they're just annoying, sometimes they cause me major anxiety and can derail my entire week. Last time I broke a mug (my favourite) I spent a good 10 minutes crying about it.

The sorts of examples I'm thinking of in my own experience is things like, say, having someone you know unexpectedly show up. Like if my father suddenly says something like "oh by the way, your aunt and uncle will be over later tonight", with no warning prior. Unexpected social stuff.

Just reading this made me anxious. This is hell to me. One of the reasons I love living alone is that no one else can invite people over without me knowing, and if someone turns up at the door unexpectedly I can hide in the bathroom and pretend I'm not in.

 

[Bolletje]

I cannot deal with unexpected visitors. I don’t let them in, and if my boyfriend lets them in I hide in our bedroom.

I’ve told my friends not to come by unexpectedly, to make plans with me a few days in advance and not to change plans at the last moment. If they change plans at the last moment I usually just cancel altogether. If they call me for a spontaneous hangout I usually decline, unless I’m tipsy or restless. And the plans can never involve hanging out at my place.

I also don’t cope well with objects breaking. My glasses broke last week and I was upset about it for a few days. Luckily I had a pair of old glasses so at least I wasn’t rendered sightless. I also seriously mourned the death of my trusty toaster which had been with me for over a decade.

Now, pleasant surprises I can handle are surprise gifts or dinner. As long as they don’t involve other people. I forbade my boyfriend from ever throwing me a surprise party because I couldn’t handle the sudden social pressure. My boyfriend often surprises me with tiny gifts or food offerings, which I like. He once surprised me by hosting a dinner party at our place after I’d been working for seven consecutive twelve-hour days. I threw a bit of a hissy fit because all I wanted was to curl up on the couch in my jogging pants with a glass of wine and a blanket. I felt bad because he was trying to do a nice thing for me, but I just couldn’t cope with the surprise social element of the evening.

 

[Mia]

I need to be prepared for these things at least a few days ahead. When the plumber came the last time, I hardly slept for two days before. Recently had some estimates done to replace some windows, three different people came at varying times. Made me quite anxious, but prepared as the work needs to be done. Strangers in my home upset me a great deal but seem necessary.

As @Bolletje mentions, if people come unexpectedly and my spouse answers the door, I run up the stairs and hide in my bedroom. And as @NothingToSeeHere mentioned, when my favourite cup was broken I was upset for some time. It was the perfect size, weight and the handle was comfortable to hold. Eventually I alleviated the anxiety, by buying three cups that I liked so that if one breaks, I have two others as backups.

Have to drive to the Vet this morning, to bring in a cat who needs to have a molar extracted. It's causing all sorts of problems that need to be rectified. Felines often reabsorb teeth, but I assume it's painful. Yesterday he was brought in for blood tests, so no food overnight of any sort, all the cats know something is going to happen, without their morning food being offered they are all on edge. Which makes me nervous as well as anxious. All of us are a little jumpy this morning.

 

[Wolfnox]

I just do like Batman. Expect everything to happen and prepare mentally for it. The few times i have been suprised did not go well.

 

[Mia]

I also seriously mourned the death of my trusty toaster which had been with me for over a decade.

Me too. I kept fixing it until it could no longer be repaired, it belonged to my Gram. It made perfect toast. I'm still sad about it and have been unable to find anything as good, so second best is the only option.

Sad, vintage 1940's toaster. Internal heat proof plates were lined with asbestos. When I learned about the asbestos, I stopped repairing it.

 

[Streetwise]

I need to be prepared for these things at least a few days ahead. When the plumber came the last time, I hardly slept for two days before. Recently had some estimates done to replace some windows, three different people came at varying times. Made me quite anxious, but prepared as the work needs to be done. Strangers in my home upset me a great deal but seem necessary.

As @Bolletje mentions, if people come unexpectedly and my spouse answers the door, I run up the stairs and hide in my bedroom. And as @NothingToSeeHere mentioned, when my favourite cup was broken I was upset for some time. It was the perfect size, weight and the handle was comfortable to hold. Eventually I alleviated the anxiety, by buying three cups that I liked so that if one breaks, I have two others as backups.

Have to drive to the Vet this morning, to bring in a cat who needs to have a molar extracted. It's causing all sorts of problems that need to be rectified. Felines often reabsorb teeth, but I assume it's painful. Yesterday he was brought in for blood tests, so no food overnight of any sort, all the cats know something is going to happen, without their morning food being offered they are all on edge. Which makes me nervous as well as anxious. All of us are a little jumpy this morning.

never heard about the teeth being reabsorbed ,I live in a permanent state ,im a wreck ,If its a person and theyve been very hurtful ,i wait for them to suffer like in psalms, especially if theyve belittled or insulted my faith then i think !yes Im not just going to be beaten.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I just do like Batman. Expect everything to happen and prepare mentally for it. The few times i have been suprised did not go well.

Do better than batman, always carry shark repellent bat spray!

 

[Illkurok]

I hate having people show up unannounced, especially with how planned of a person I am.

I've been known to tell people to leave before because their presence becomes an obstacle in what I'm trying to do.

As far as the doctor goes, I hate being there for any reason. If you don't go you're okay. At least that's what I believe.

 

[Mia]

never heard about the teeth being reabsorbed

Tooth Resorption

 

[GadAbout]

The problem with a surprise, for Aspies, is it requires mental effort. For me, the number of things requiring mental effort at one time is inversely related to degree of comfort and relaxation. Even good surprises require a background assessment regarding "What does this mean? Is it good or bad? What other adjustments must I make in light of it?"

 

[Wolfnox]

Do better than batman, always carry shark repellent bat spray!

Or bring batdog.

 

[Fino]

I CAN'T STAND 'EM.

I used to, like around teenager age and a bit older, shut down entirely, lose the ability to speak for usually a few hours, sometimes more.

Now I don't do that, and I don't entirely flip out, mainly because I'm on Lithium, but I still become miserable for a while, all the while continuing to function relatively okay.

 

[Misery]

I hate having people show up unannounced, especially with how planned of a person I am.

I've been known to tell people to leave before because their presence becomes an obstacle in what I'm trying to do.

As far as the doctor goes, I hate being there for any reason. If you don't go you're okay. At least that's what I believe.

This one I can certainly sympathize with.

A certain family member of mine has this astonishingly irritating habit of barging into my room unannounced. A locked door wont stop this. I know he means well in all the things he does but he doesnt seem to have a concept of privacy. Though the fact that he's usually the one who maintains the room (since I'm utterly incapable of it) doesnt help. That's usually what he comes in for.

Still, my response is usually swift and sharp. I'm known to simply launch a shoe at him or something as soon as the door opens. Anyone in other parts of the house can probably tell when this has happened after they hear a loud shout of gibberish followed by *THUD*

I need to be prepared for these things at least a few days ahead. When the plumber came the last time, I hardly slept for two days before. Recently had some estimates done to replace some windows, three different people came at varying times. Made me quite anxious, but prepared as the work needs to be done. Strangers in my home upset me a great deal but seem necessary.

As @Bolletje mentions, if people come unexpectedly and my spouse answers the door, I run up the stairs and hide in my bedroom. And as @NothingToSeeHere mentioned, when my favourite cup was broken I was upset for some time. It was the perfect size, weight and the handle was comfortable to hold. Eventually I alleviated the anxiety, by buying three cups that I liked so that if one breaks, I have two others as backups.

Have to drive to the Vet this morning, to bring in a cat who needs to have a molar extracted. It's causing all sorts of problems that need to be rectified. Felines often reabsorb teeth, but I assume it's painful. Yesterday he was brought in for blood tests, so no food overnight of any sort, all the cats know something is going to happen, without their morning food being offered they are all on edge. Which makes me nervous as well as anxious. All of us are a little jumpy this morning.

Ah, stuff breaking is awful. Not always necessarily just breaking, but things wearing out with age too. Cant deal with either, particularly as I'm such a pack-rat.

But... unexpected pet stuff is the absolute worst. If there's something unexpectedly wrong with my dog, I am in complete panic mode until it is dealt with. Well, usually.

There was one time a month or two ago when he got a chipped tooth. We're often downstairs in the basement, launching his favorite ball around so he can chase it. Often, I'll set it on the floor and just kick it across the room. Well, one day he decided to break the rules and snatch it.... as my foot was coming at it. Took it right in the mouth. He starts making assorted unpleasant sounds and I'm freaking out.

Me: OMG I'M SO SORRY ARE YOU OKAY

Dog: *stops making noises, looks around*

Me: Oh geez I better have a look, I think your tooth broke, come here and....

Dog: *goes and grabs the ball*

Me: *heading towards him* No, hold still a moment, let me have a look...

Dog: *prances around like some sort of demented pony, holding the ball*

Me: No, seriously buddy, playtime needs to wait a moment. *kneels down* Come here and...

Dog: *dashes over, jams ball in my face*

Me: Okay. I guess it probably cant be that bad then.


And that's how it went, and yeah, one tooth was chipped. I felt terrible (and was still feeling panicky later in the day), while he could not have given less of a crap, other than the fact that it delayed the ball flinging. I swear, he's such a perfect wacko.

 

[Thinx]

Same as many here, I don't answer my door, or my phone normally. What's wrong with texting, or email? However I don't mind change really. I can deal with changes and unexpected events are OK, in general, not unexpected visitors though. Oh no no no. Unexpected vet visits yes if necessary, because I would be glad for the cat to get help.

Surprise social arrangements of any kind wouldn't work for me. Actually, almost any social arrangements. Gosh it's suddenly raining here, as if to underline No Visitors, No Way!

 

[Trophonius]

Ignore them if possible.

If someone shows up in my place without telling 2 days prior, I'll pretend I'm not home.

 

[Kiley]

Same as many here, I don't answer my door, or my phone normally. What's wrong with texting, or email? However I don't mind change really. I can deal with changes and unexpected events are OK, in general, not unexpected visitors though. Oh no no no. Unexpected vet visits yes if necessary, because I would be glad for the cat to get help.

Surprise social arrangements of any kind wouldn't work for me. Actually, almost any social arrangements. Gosh it's suddenly raining here, as if to underline No Visitors, No Way!

I screen calls like it's my job. LOL. People showing up unexpectedly doesn't work well for me or my boyfriend (also almost positive he's an Aspie too). I work in dentistry, and even though it's my job to call patients and be in contact with them regularly, I much prefer to send emails, letters or text if ever and whenever possible. I despise phone calls and it has not gotten better for me.

As far as breaking stuff goes... I take it really horribly usually and either blow up with rage or break down. I can't handle the fact of knowing something is broken.