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So here is the deal.

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict.
V.I.P Member
When I was a child and a young adult, my parents went out of their way to make sure that nobody took my personal boundaries seriously. I grew up without even having the slightest bit of autonomy over my own body. I was forced to hang out with other kids who bullied me at school. I was forced to be nice and hug other family members who sexually molested me. My sister was allowed to steal from me, and when I complained about that, I was told to be a good brother and let her take whatever she wanted. My younger sister was given a lot of instruction on how to drive a car, but my parents refused to give me that much.

So now, I behave as if I have zero boundaries. I slack off at my job because my boundaries don't matter. I don't go to the gym as often as I should because my boundaries don't matter. I eat an unhealthy diet because my boundaries do not matter. I keep people in my life who I know are taking advantage of me because my boundaries do not matter.

This is a vicious circle and I want off of this ride. I know this is probably a regressive post and @Misery would rightfully tell me this, because he usually is right about this and I know it. I am tired of living without taking my own boundaries seriously. Only I can change that.
 

Shaddock

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
my family also not treated me well in my youth, so I broke up with them after a while. the message I gave them, was: "change (your behavior) or (we have) no contact." a few changed and we have contact again which is great, a few haven´t changed.

breaking up is always an option.

I don´t know if diets are really that effective. maybe better eat like you want, but just a bit less. and maybe you can do home gym with just bar-bells. even that nutrition is the most important for loosing weight and not sport.

I don´t think that it´s to wrong to post anything here, as long as you not harm others. so when you have the craving about writing about something, do it. I mean that´s the sense of this forum.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
The hardest thing I ever did was to regain my agency. You have been taught that your boundaries don't count and relearning that they certainly do count is quite a road ahead of you. Once you do, resetting your boundaries, you will be on the path to establishing a healthy agency, being able to advocate for yourself.

It seems that you have come far already, so you have the grit to succeed. Why not start by giving yourself a win or two. You mention wanting to learn to drive, why not take lessons? It can be both exhilarating and frustrating at times. Have you given any more thought to a bicycle? With your exercising, cycling could be a good fit. Bikes have gotten pretty sophisticated. If you want to see a fringe movement in cycling check out recumbents at the Hostel Shoppe . I ride a recumbent trike (since 2000) and absolutely love it.
 

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict.
V.I.P Member
Yeah, my personal boundaries and who I want to be should be the most important things in the world to me. Yet I tend to drop all of that at the slightest resistance, or when I feel slightly uneasy. I am horribly weak and I know it, and only I can change this situation, and I also know that. I want to be a good employee. I want to be a reliable friend. I want to have a fit body. I want to attend more 12 step meetings. Yet I resist over the slightest discomfort because I do not value my own boundaries at all.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Yeah, my personal boundaries and who I want to be should be the most important things in the world to me. Yet I tend to drop all of that at the slightest resistance, or when I feel slightly uneasy. I am horribly weak and I know it, and only I can change this situation, and I also know that. I want to be a good employee. I want to be a reliable friend. I want to have a fit body. I want to attend more 12 step meetings. Yet I resist over the slightest discomfort because I do not value my own boundaries at all.
Yes, it is up to you and at some point you will be ready. I'm hoping that you will be as strong as you can be.
 

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict.
V.I.P Member
Yes, it is up to you and at some point you will be ready. I'm hoping that you will be as strong as you can be.
Yeah, I know it. I have a very close friend who is experiencing a very active sex life which I would have for myself if I could drive and get around. Bus service where I live ends at 6pm on weekends and does not run at all on weekends. I am seriously jelly but I am also happy for my friend who is happy with all of this.

I have so much going through my brain right now. I have hormones and I know I can be attractive to many of the men out there. This transportation issue is hindering me here.

I feel this immense boredom that games or movies cannot compensate for. What, I feel like I am 15. I am 43, I should have moved past this stage by now. This is kinda pathetic the more I think about it.

I feel a sense of arrested development.
 

Misery

Photo-Negative
V.I.P Member
I know this is probably a regressive post and @Misery would rightfully tell me this,

Well, I mean, you're not wrong, uhhh....

See now my tempo is all knocked off.

(also on a side note, uhh... going with "she" for now. I cant for the life of me remember if I specifically mentioned that anywhere. I also cant remember Tuesday though, so that doesnt mean much. And yeah that whole thing is still awkward)

What, I feel like I am 15. I am 43, I should have moved past this stage by now. This is kinda pathetic the more I think about it.

Well... a bit of perception there, really.

Honestly some of the happiest (and most confident) people I've seen were the ones who basically just went "screw it" and did what they wanted, to be who they truly felt like. Even if "what they wanted" seemed "childish" to others.

I dont know how I come off to others on here, but IRL, I dont act or look anywhere near my actual age. I mean good grief I still get "kid" thrown at me every now and then. Same with my interests though, and my absolute lack of anything resembling patience.

At the same time however... I dont feel that it is particularly troublesome. Despite being inherently childish I'm still able to do things like help others on here, or drive through a white-out blizzard with confidence (look it made sense at the time)

Having "childish" qualities, traits, or interests, or feeling younger than you actually are, or however you want to put it... those do not mean that you cannot still be tough, have confidence, or so on. Society would have you believe that those things are mutually exclusive. Society is also dumber than a sack of hammers.

Just be you, is what I'm saying here. Instead of forcibly being what the label on the bloody box says you should be. Particularly when that box is full of roaches. I mean seriously, the things some "mature" adults get up to out there...

And you are not pathetic.

As for the car thing, uh... is it possible for you to learn? Take classes, that sort of thing? Or is it something else? I know I'd go totally nuts without a car. Truly stir-crazy, I tell you, clawing at the walls and arguing with the ceiling fan...
 

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict.
V.I.P Member
Well, I mean, you're not wrong, uhhh....

See now my tempo is all knocked off.

(also on a side note, uhh... going with "she" for now. I cant for the life of me remember if I specifically mentioned that anywhere. I also cant remember Tuesday though, so that doesnt mean much. And yeah that whole thing is still awkward)



Well... a bit of perception there, really.

Honestly some of the happiest (and most confident) people I've seen were the ones who basically just went "screw it" and did what they wanted, to be who they truly felt like. Even if "what they wanted" seemed "childish" to others.

I dont know how I come off to others on here, but IRL, I dont act or look anywhere near my actual age. I mean good grief I still get "kid" thrown at me every now and then. Same with my interests though, and my absolute lack of anything resembling patience.

At the same time however... I dont feel that it is particularly troublesome. Despite being inherently childish I'm still able to do things like help others on here, or drive through a white-out blizzard with confidence (look it made sense at the time)

Having "childish" qualities, traits, or interests, or feeling younger than you actually are, or however you want to put it... those do not mean that you cannot still be tough, have confidence, or so on. Society would have you believe that those things are mutually exclusive. Society is also dumber than a sack of hammers.

Just be you, is what I'm saying here. Instead of forcibly being what the label on the bloody box says you should be. Particularly when that box is full of roaches. I mean seriously, the things some "mature" adults get up to out there...

And you are not pathetic.

As for the car thing, uh... is it possible for you to learn? Take classes, that sort of thing? Or is it something else? I know I'd go totally nuts without a car. Truly stir-crazy, I tell you, clawing at the walls and arguing with the ceiling fan...
I did not see you say you go by she, so have a virtual fountain Mountain Dew on me.

I really need to learn how to drive. I need to investigate driving schools since my family will not help with this. Having a car will be expensive, but at this point, I am willing to pay that cost to end this isolation.
 

Misery

Photo-Negative
V.I.P Member
I really need to learn how to drive. I need to investigate driving schools since my family will not help with this. Having a car will be expensive, but at this point, I am willing to pay that cost to end this isolation.

Honestly I think you're going to find that it's just so, so liberating if you pull it off. Cant emphasize that enough.

Kept me sane during the pandemic, I tell ya.

Just approach it with confidence when it's time to learn, and take it slow.
 

Xerces Blue

Evil Overload
Might want to look into motorcycles.
There are clubs all over the place with people willing to teach just for the joy of it
 

Xerces Blue

Evil Overload
Got my first bike for $1500 (a 1980 Yamaha Maxim 650) and the seller taught me to ride in one afternoon.
That was back in 2005 though.
 
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Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I really need to learn how to drive. I need to investigate driving schools since my family will not help with this. Having a car will be expensive, but at this point, I am willing to pay that cost to end this isolation.
Good luck. As driving becomes more reflexive you will enjoy it (not being stuck in traffic, though.) Modern cars have greatly improved in features and quality, making learning to drive easier. Should you ever want to learn on a motorcycle, the MSF (Motorcycle Safety Foundation) has weekend courses across the country. It was only $20 and they provide the bikes. It was quite an experience.

I have always liked manual trannies, though, but not for commuting. I could never justify owning a "hot" car or an exotic that would just be a highway diva. But I saved up and got a used Toyota MR2 Spyder and have been fixing it up as I go to track days. Last year getting training in performance driving was great, and thrilling.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Yeah, I know it. I have a very close friend who is experiencing a very active sex life which I would have for myself if I could drive and get around. Bus service where I live ends at 6pm on weekends and does not run at all on weekends. I am seriously jelly but I am also happy for my friend who is happy with all of this.

I have so much going through my brain right now. I have hormones and I know I can be attractive to many of the men out there. This transportation issue is hindering me here.

I feel this immense boredom that games or movies cannot compensate for. What, I feel like I am 15. I am 43, I should have moved past this stage by now. This is kinda pathetic the more I think about it.

I feel a sense of arrested development.
You are fortunate that you are attractive. Sex is a sore topic for me most of my life. While I feel active, intelligent, and interesting, I have never felt attractive nor desirable, No woman really noticed me, and it was fortunate that circumstances permitted my future spouse to get to know me. Now at 72 I am invisible.
 

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict.
V.I.P Member
I will save up for driving lessons after my mega epic two week vacation next month. It is doable and relatively affordable if I am able to stop buying so many games and movies.
 

tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
I know a guy whose father taught him to drive.
The guy was into video games.
The father said to think of driving like it was a video game.

Avoiding potholes as if they were asteroids or whatever.
 

Judge

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Sadly it sound like the most profound thing you can do to improve your life is to put distance between you and your family. Then perhaps other considerations will fall into place for you that much faster.
 

Fino

Alex
V.I.P Member
Driving is fun because you're alone and listening to loud music, while doing something that keeps you engaged (driving) so that you're not just sitting there.
 

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict.
V.I.P Member
Driving is fun because you're alone and listening to loud music, while doing something that keeps you engaged (driving) so that you're not just sitting there.
If you ever saw me play GTA, you would never want me driving a car.

J/k
 

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict.
V.I.P Member
Being a pervasive victim is far easier than climbing out of that role, I have discovered.

It is also not a way for anybody to live through life with any sort of satisfaction.

I feel like I have been at a turning point for a while. It is not like flipping a light switch, and that is disappointing to me.
 

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