Shutdown and frustration

[Dillon]

I made a previous post where in part of it I had a interview as a science teacher and I find out today I did not get the job. I was told I did not get the job because the 2 individuals interviewing me did not like how I was taking pauses to formulate my answers and that I did not provide them enough detail. I was also told that I was avoiding eye contact at times and moving my hands some while I was talking. Geez I am sorry that I am accidentally doing these things it’s not like I am doing it to be rude.

After being told I didn’t get the job I shutdown for the day and not because of the job alone but it just tells me over and over again how much I suck at in person interviews. I can’t translate my thought processes into verbal wording at times and the whole interview process is nerve wrecking anyway. I am getting close to being 3 months of unemployment which is quite frustrating plus my remaining income I have left is kind of drying up. I had two meltdowns today where I am just reminding myself how much of a failure I am and all the schooling and education I had been involved in was all for nothing. I have a masters degree graduating as of May 2023 and since then I’ve been underemployed to the point I feel I am regressing on my skills, background and communication.

I wish there were resources out there in my area that is geared towards helping autistic people individuals succeed in life and help gain skills to make one hirable for a job. Ive been in a vocational rehabilitation services program with my state thinking they actually help disabled individuals in actually getting hired for a job but no it’s a “figure it out yourself” kind of ordeal. I’ve been feeling down to the point I plan on seeing a therapist for the first time since high school. I feel I need someone to talk to with everything going on these past few months as I don’t know what to do.

I just hope things get better.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I hope they get better for you as well.

I readily admit I have been very lucky in my job interviews. I had friends recommend me even before I applied at one job, another job was just desperate for manpower so they would have hired anyone without a criminal record, and at my last job, they actually called me out of the blue (I had never applied or contacted them). A contractor that had worked with me at a previous job recommended me by name and had my contact info. That interview was merely a formality - after the interview, they told me to stop by HR and fill out an application.

Even though these were "gimme" interviews, they were still eminently stressful.

 

[Dillon]

I hope they get better for you as well.

I readily admit I have been very lucky in my job interviews. I had friends recommend me even before I applied at one job, another job was just desperate for manpower so they would have hired anyone without a criminal record, and at my last job, they actually called me out of the blue (I had never applied or contacted them). A contractor that had worked with me at a previous job recommended me by name and had my contact info. That interview was merely a formality - after the interview, they told me to stop by HR and fill out an application.

Even though these were "gimme" interviews, they were still eminently stressful.

But how do people even go about interviews or even pass one? It’s like no matter how many I do I just never get an offer or get dropped from consideration because I am not making a good impression in the first 30 seconds of an interview. It took me almost 7 months after graduation to get a full time job but I just got lucky with mine as that was also a formality.

 

[Rodafina]

I was told I did not get the job because the 2 individuals interviewing me did not like how I was taking pauses to formulate my answers and that I did not provide them enough detail. I was also told that I was avoiding eye contact at times and moving my hands some while I was talking. Geez I am sorry that I am accidentally doing these things it’s not like I am doing it to be rude.

Wow - it seems so rare to get such a detailed explanation as to why your interviewers did not decide to hire you. It's a bit scary to hear that these are the things that turned them off - I'd hazard the guess that what you described is quite normal behavior for so many of us.

Sounds really frustrating and I think I would've shutdown for a bit, too, especially considering all the health challenges you've had lately.

I'm stumped for useful advice at the moment, so I just offer some commiseration and hope that things turn around for you soon. Additional hope that this thread and what others offer will give you a feeling of resilience and fortitude to keep trying.

 

[Dillon]

Wow - it seems so rare to get such a detailed explanation as to why your interviewers did not decide to hire you. It's a bit scary to hear that these are the things that turned them off - I'd hazard the guess that what you described is quite normal behavior for so many of us.

Sounds really frustrating and I think I would've shutdown for a bit, too, especially considering all the health challenges you've had lately.

I'm stumped for useful advice at the moment, so I just offer some commiseration and hope that things turn around for you soon. Additional hope that this thread and what others offer will give you a feeling of resilience and fortitude to keep trying.

I’m regards to my health I luckily do not have glaucoma but I have what is known as optic neuritis and that is an autoimmune disease that causes vision problem and color saturation issues. I am in the mild stages of the disease and there’s no cure for it so there’s that.

Besides that I was surprised but the detailed info as well and im not shocked those were the reasons I wasn’t selected but then again with educators various individuals including myself have different communication styles so it irritates me that I felt like I had been singled out in the process.

 

[Aspychata]

Interviews are horrible to go thru. l mask alot, and l really study the intentions of the interviewer, and try to mimic their style. So if they are laughing, relaxed, l do the same. If they are dead serious, ask lots of questions, maintain eye contact, l sit alert, meet their eyes, and stay detached. Sorry Dillion you didn't snag teacher position. l took my partner for interview coaching, and he learned to project energy in his voice, and smile, etc. l think it really helped him appear more confident.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Dillon, one thing to consider is they may be lying to you.

I was a strong candidate for a job that I did not get. I asked why, and was told my reference was weak.

I knew well who wrote my reference and it was a strong recommendation.

So I would put what they said behind you - because who knows if it is an accurate assessment or not - and try to look up one of those interview coaching services Aspychata mentions.

Also, if you’re up for the battle, contact your state’s Disability Rights organization. They can light a fire under VR to get you what you need, which might even include interview coaching.

 

[Dillon]

Interviews are horrible to go thru. l mask alot, and l really study the intentions of the interviewer, and try to mimic their style. So if they are laughing, relaxed, l do the same. If they are dead serious, ask lots of questions, maintain eye contact, l sit alert, meet their eyes, and stay detached. Sorry Dillion you didn't snag teacher position. l took my partner for interview coaching, and he learned to project energy in his voice, and smile, etc. l think it really helped him appear more confident.

That’s what I need in all honesty is some major interview coaching as no one has helped me with coaching not my University nor the vocational rehabilitation program in my state so I don’t know where to go from here.

 

[Aspychata]

Some resume writers offer coaching, but l am unsure what they charge currently. They will do mock interviews with you to finesse how you come across.

 

[Dillon]

Some resume writers offer coaching, but l am unsure what they charge currently. They will do mock interviews with you to finesse how you come across.

Getting a interview coach through consultation is kind of expensive like a couple $100 per session or to even start up.
I can’t spend that kind of money anyway as the only thing that I’m surviving off of is a loan from the school to pay my rent a monthly payment though social security disability which would’ve been dropped had I a full time job for a longer period of time.

 

[Tired]

But how do people even go about interviews or even pass one? It’s like no matter how many I do I just never get an offer or get dropped from consideration because I am not making a good impression in the first 30 seconds of an interview. It took me almost 7 months after graduation to get a full time job but I just got lucky with mine as that was also a formality.

I doubt I would have gotten my job, if I wouldn't have gone through the test. I was incredibly nervous and jittery on the interview (this was supposed to be my first job interview ever, and i was 26). And I remember at one point my interviewer even asked me, why am I so nervous...

What helped me is a test. They invited me and 10 other people to come to the office, where they prepared test for us. The test was to both check our game-design but also social skills (I didn't know about the last part). So we worked for an hour, then we were all forced to stop and go eat pizza with other workers and talk. I was just annoyed that they told me to stop in the middle of me writing something, so I went on bottom and had to drink some coffee I didn't like (and I couldn't eat pizza, because at that time I had braces, and my teeth hurt so much, I could eat only liquid food). While others chatted, laughed, complimented one another and building and all that small talk stuff, I was just sipping coffee and trying not to look around the pretty building much thinking "this is too good for me, I'm just losing time here, they won't accept me, plus I just can't force myself to have fun with all these people I don't know." Then we went back, I finished my work one of the last, because I was writing a lot, and I went home.
Later I got invited to work there. I was told later by people who interviewed me that I looked extremely worried, nervous and moody, but I wasn't openly aggressive, and I aced the test, so this is why they chose me over others.

My point is, can you ask to be tested somehow? Many companies care not about how you feel and behave, but how you work. Once they see that you're a good worker, they can close eyes on many other things.

 

[Outdated]

I was shy and nervous and hopeless at my first few interviews but by the time I was 20 years old I'd had several different jobs which means dozens of different interviews.

With practice your skills will improve but it's not much good trying to practice in a class like situation because that doesn't generate the same levels of stress.

Especially if money's starting to get a bit tight, consider jobs beneath your station as fill ins for the meantime. Don't just send off one job application and sit around and wait. Send dozens of them, get interviews even for jobs you don't want, the practice will do you good.

It's also quite empowering when you realise you're passing an interview but decide to turn them down because the pay is crap. "I couldn't possibly work for that, I'm sorry for wasting your time.".

 

[FayetheAspie]

But how do people even go about interviews or even pass one? It’s like no matter how many I do I just never get an offer or get dropped from consideration because I am not making a good impression in the first 30 seconds of an interview. It took me almost 7 months after graduation to get a full time job but I just got lucky with mine as that was also a formality.

It is confusing. It seems like in most social interactions, as soon as I speak a couple sentences to someone or even smile towards them, they tend to get a funny look on their face and procede to either change to baby talk voice, act uneasy, or act offended and defensive. The few who don't, start to after conversations about likes, dislikes, hobbies, pass times, ect. come up.

 

[Peter Morrison]

I feel really bad for Dillon, but I also know that there are many people in a position to hire someone for a job, but they have no idea what they are doing. They take interview questions from the Internet, and they never learn how to interpret the answers and find the hidden skills that come from that answer. I've interviewed a lot in my life, and I am never surprised by the idiots conducting the interview. Some people will conduct interviews hoping to find someone they would want as their friend. That is extremely unprofessional. Be good to yourself Dillon. Life can knock you around.

 

[thejuice]

Imagine the audacity of pausing to think of a thoughtful answer. Schools don't like analytical, creative thinkers, something an autistic person could provide. Your unique gifts could have inspired and added value to a students education.
They just want a conformist to regurgitate information, teach to test and get the school higher on the league table. Information recall, so useful in the Google age!

 

[Dillon]

I feel really bad for Dillon, but I also know that there are many people in a position to hire someone for a job, but they have no idea what they are doing. They take interview questions from the Internet, and they never learn how to interpret the answers and find the hidden skills that come from that answer. I've interviewed a lot in my life, and I am never surprised by the idiots conducting the interview. Some people will conduct interviews hoping to find someone they would want as their friend. That is extremely unprofessional. Be good to yourself Dillon. Life can knock you around.

It just amazes me how most employers that I’ve interacted just expect you to be all pitch perfect with no flaws and if there’s one slip up then boy you aren’t getting the job. I want to be good to myself but I genuinely feel kind of empty inside and I truly believe I am not good enough for someone to appreciate of who I am. I do got to apologize to myself in the way I am and how I communicate that I wish I was never born this way.

I have a few friends around me who have all these cool jobs and getting around in life but as for me it’s been slow and even stagnant that I just believe society just doesn’t want me to belong.

 

[VictorR]

I'm sorry to hear of your experiences. I hope that you've had the time to do some self-care.

Something that I can't stress enough is that sometimes it's not anyone's fault why something doesn't work out. But it is good to analyze and ask oneself (or others) if there's anything you might keep in mind going forward.

Keep in mind that most interviews aren't about finding the best candidate for a given job, but rather, are about finding the person who is the best at the art of interviewing who happens to approximately have the skills/experience they're looking for.

Besides that I was surprised but the detailed info as well and im not shocked those were the reasons I wasn’t selected but then again with educators various individuals including myself have different communication styles so it irritates me that I felt like I had been singled out in the process.

Everyone has biases, and hiring/selection processes, given the limited time that a hiring manager or panel member has with a candidate, are situations where biases can take on a major role.

Affinity bias (bias for those like yourself) can be a particular challenge for those on the spectrum, since the way we present ourselves during an interview (which may include reduced eye contact, taking time to consider a question rather than answering right away, eschewing small talk, spending too much time answering a particular question) may stand out as "different" and it's pretty common for someone, faced with two similar candidates, to pick one that is more like themselves.

You can practice your presentation (and if you went to a different school for undergrad, check with their career centre and/or alumni group to see what services they may have) but something else you can do is find ways to connect with the interviewers, both at an organizational and at a personal level. If they mention something about themselves, is there some way you can connect with that? It might even be something random such as you're both wearing the same brand of runners.

 

[dadko20]

dont stop trying you lost one job? try for another