Should expensive restaraunts have a dress code?

[Aspergers_Aspie]

Should expensive restaurants have a dress code? Or this outdated? What do you think.
Jess Glynne story below

Jess Glynne admits she ‘used the wrong word’ after saying she was discriminated against by Mayfair restaurant

 

[SusanLR]

I think it is a bit outdated.
That was one thing I liked when I moved to Florida, I don't think they know what
the term Dress Code even is!

 

[Ezra]

It seems outdated to me. But at the same time someone dining in swimming attire would be a bit strange.

 

[Alexej]

No I think it has a place still in today's world.

 

[Aspychata]

We had this come up at country club. The woman was in jean shorts. But our boss said no cut offs allowed. Jean shorts were okay. Our climate has a lot to do with it. The dress code has become more relaxed. Think in a economy like today where you need customers to patronage your business, l would losen the dress code.

 

[Progster]

I guess that it's a business model that the restaurant has - make it exclusive so you can attract high class clientele and then charge high prices. It's their right to run their restaurant as they please, but in this economic climate perhaps needs rethinking/relaxing as you really don't want to be turning away customers when the restaurant is empty. In the end, it's their loss.

 

[Ezra]

It seems like fancy restaurant dress codes are aimed more at men ie tie and jacket. Also while shorts might not be allowed on men and women, probably above the knee skirts are. A man probably wouldn't be allowed to wear a sleeveless shirt, whereas a sleeveless gown would probably be acceptable. And so on. I do think casual wear like a t-shirt and jeans in an expensive restaurant would take away from the whole fancy luxury atmosphere that's part of the experience.

 

[SDRSpark]

Businesses can do what they want. I'm not usually comfortable in fancy clothes (or paying for them LOL) so I am unlikely to dress up to go out to eat. (I actually don't think I have any "fancy" clothes anymore. I've outgrown them all and never replaced them, so even if I wanted to "dress up" I currently can't). Though sometimes it is fun to dress up. But I literally feel like a small child playing dress up when it happens.

That's fine, though, because there are plenty of restaurants and I'm happy to take my money elsewhere.

A few of my favorite restaurants are at a casino...really pretty upscale places, but no dress code. So I'm there in jeans and a t-shirt, chowing down on filet mingon next to a guy in a hawaiian shirt and shorts. I'll definitely be back.

 

[Jumpback]

I find myself being far more interested in this human construct about why there is this relationship between good food and nice clothes than having much interest in complying with dress codes or fighting against dress codes. I kind of find the whole thing to be strange and interesting.

 

[SDRSpark]

I find myself being far more interested in this human construct about why there is this relationship between good food and nice clothes than having much interest in complying with dress codes or fighting against dress codes. I kind of find the whole thing to be strange and interesting.

I think it's more of a relationship between expense and nice clothes. A certain type of person doesn't go out to an expensive restaurant because the food is better than anywhere else (in fact it's often not actually better than a cheaper place) but because the restaurant is expensive. They want to have the "money experience" (expensive food, lux atmosphere, being around others who are dressed to fit the lux atmosphere) or, just as likely (if not more likely) be SEEN spending that kind of money, in that kind of atmosphere.

It's a social hierarchy thing. And having a guy sitting next to you in Bermuda shorts detracts from that. The entire point is to be higher on the social hierarchy than guys in Bermuda shorts etc. (I don't have anything against Bermuda shorts...actually I like them...it's just what jumped into my head when I was looking for an example of casual.)

It's rarely about the food at all.

 

[Gerontius]

Forget hierarchy & all that nonsense.

To anyone who is so immature as to go to the newspapers, cheapening the struggle of those who have real discrimination to work against, and complain that they were ejected from a restaurant for their own slovenly habits, I say go and grow the hell up.

Long live dress codes, standards, and other established rules of propriety. They're the Aspies' last chance: finally a societal code that doesn't only exist in an NT's imagination.

 

[Misery]

Forget hierarchy & all that nonsense.

To anyone who is so immature as to go to the newspapers, cheapening the struggle of those who have real discrimination to work against, and complain that they were ejected from a restaurant for their own slovenly habits, I say go and grow the hell up.

Long live dress codes, standards, and other established rules of propriety. They're the Aspies' last chance: finally a societal code that doesn't only exist in an NT's imagination.

Dress codes often have literally nothing to do with "slovenly habits" though. And indeed often are really just an imaginary bit of silliness.

I wouldnt be able to get into most places that want some bloody stupid specific attire, myself. Am I "slovenly"? Unclean? Ye gods, no. Chances are, I could teach the freaking restaurant how to be REALLY clean. As an absolute germophobe, I know far more than most about the subject. I dont do shoddy, germy stuff. Nor do I wear a bunch of ratty crap that looks like it'll fall apart at the seams any minute. I'm far too paranoid and careful to do either.

So what, then?

Two words: sensory issues. When wearing "long pants", it is *always* sweatpants for me. It's the one and only thing I can tolerate. Jeans? No... I will freaking fight you to the death if you try to put jeans on me. Same with things like those awful "Dockers" pants... if I had nightmares, half of them would be about when I used to have to wear those. Ugh. Ugh! And when wearing shorts, it's always... er... I dont know what you'd call them. I think some might know them as "track shorts". I dont know. I've got like 5 pairs of identical ones for... some reason.

Shirts? T-shirts only, and I aint going to go to some damn fancy store because you dont like that my shirt has a logo or something on it. It's just a freaking shirt, and it's clean.

And I dont do buttons or snaps or zippers... ever. No exceptions. If you want me to go into a berserk rage, try and force me to wear something that has even one of those. I guarantee you, the rest of your day will be a bad one if you try that, whoever you might be at the time (was usually my parents, hah).

I also cant wear weird fancy shoes either. That one's not a sensory issue: it's my back/nerve/tendon issues. I need proper foot support, not weird dress-up crap.

These rules do not change. As many on the spectrum could easily explain. We dont dictate these rules: they simply are.

To be honest, it's one of the reasons why I usually refuse to go anywhere with anyone. I dont care that Bob over there, running things, is so shallow that he's bothered I'm wearing sweatpants... I aint changing (and causing all of my sensory issues to flare up) just to please him. So, I just wont go with you at all. It's that sort of reasoning. Though, I also dont want to be forced to pretend to be something that I'm not.

My parents used to force me to wear stupid things at events like family gatherings, and it was nothing but, well, misery, all around. Eventually they realized how dumb this was, and stopped even so much as asking me to do it. Interestingly, the family events did not burst into flames or get attacked by rabid badger armies due to my lack of "proper" attire, proving that it was all unnecessary silliness to begin with.

I see dress codes as just yet another way that the herd or hivemind tries to get you to join it. Because that's really the psychology behind it. You're either one of us... or you're out the door. And if you're not one of us, we all get to feel superior to you, because that makes bloody sense.

That's all it is, and that's all it ever will be.

And yes I know I seem a bit vitriolic about this subject, I apologize for that. I put up with this nonsense for far too many years and now have an absolute blazing hatred for the very concept.

 

[Els]

Mmmmmmmm.

So.
A real expansive restaurant will have no dress code. Rich people do not like to be told what to wear and want to go there no matter how they look like. They pay. End of story.
A fancy restaurant forbidding rich people to dress however they want? A scam.
I live in a rich city. No matter how I dress people serving me would serve me well, especially if I have enough money to go to an expansive place, because they don't know who I am. I might be the daughter or cousin of Nestle's boss or a political person or a famous actor or whatever. They can't know that in the city I live in. They certainly don't want anyone making a tantrum and killing their busness I'm not rich, but they don't know that and clearly in fancy places, they don't take any chances to judge by the way people look and what they wear. Most likely, it's quiet the opposite effect if you dress as if you had to show off. Means you might not be rich enough to feel comfortable wearing whatever you like. They wouldn't have a dress code. They are an expansive restaurant and they serve rich people. They wouldn't allow themselves to impose a dress code to rich clients, they simply wouldn't come. That's how it works.

(I'm not saying it's a good system. Just explaining that... never feel you have to dress to please a restaurant. They please you, you're paying, especially if fancy. Doesn't work the other way around if the place is really expansive and fancy and stuff. They would serve you like a king without you asking for anything - really - because they have no idea who you are. It personally made me feel uncomfortable so much they were there to answer ANYTHING. It was too much for me. If it works the other way around and people make you feel uncomfortable because you're not dressed well enough for the place, the place is a scam and the boss most likely does that to appear as if his place was a fancy expansive place... but... well. It isn't. Just to be honest!).

 

[Bolletje]

Restaurants in my country don’t have a dress code, but if you’re partially undressed or severely underdressed you might be refused service. Every restaurant, bar or club has the right to refuse guests if they can give a valid reason.

 

[Jumpback]

Two words: sensory issues. When wearing "long pants", it is *always* sweatpants for me. It's the one and only thing I can tolerate. Jeans? No... I will freaking fight you to the death if you try to put jeans on me. Same with things like those awful "Dockers" pants... if I had nightmares, half of them would be about when I used to have to wear those. Ugh. Ugh! And when wearing shorts, it's always... er... I dont know what you'd call them. I think some might know them as "track shorts". I dont know. I've got like 5 pairs of identical ones for... some reason.

Yeah, I don’t wear anything but sweat pants and loose shorts if I can help it. My ex-gf and I had this funny thing about my dress sweat pants and my every day sweat pants.

I don’t mind dress pants as much as jeans, but they still bother me if the button and other areas dig in when I sit down

I grew up wearing jeans, because I had no choice, but I would always unbutton them when sitting down in school and try to hide it

I have no idea how people can wear skin tight jeans and such.

 

[Gerontius]

Dress codes often have literally nothing to do with "slovenly habits" though. And indeed often are really just an imaginary bit of silliness.

I wouldnt be able to get into most places that want some bloody stupid specific attire, myself. Am I "slovenly"? Unclean? Ye gods, no. Chances are, I could teach the freaking restaurant how to be REALLY clean. As an absolute germophobe, I know far more than most about the subject. I dont do shoddy, germy stuff. Nor do I wear a bunch of ratty crap that looks like it'll fall apart at the seams any minute. I'm far too paranoid and careful to do either.

So what, then?

Two words: sensory issues. When wearing "long pants", it is *always* sweatpants for me. It's the one and only thing I can tolerate. Jeans? No... I will freaking fight you to the death if you try to put jeans on me. Same with things like those awful "Dockers" pants... if I had nightmares, half of them would be about when I used to have to wear those. Ugh. Ugh! And when wearing shorts, it's always... er... I dont know what you'd call them. I think some might know them as "track shorts". I dont know. I've got like 5 pairs of identical ones for... some reason.

Shirts? T-shirts only, and I aint going to go to some damn fancy store because you dont like that my shirt has a logo or something on it. It's just a freaking shirt, and it's clean.

And I dont do buttons or snaps or zippers... ever. No exceptions. If you want me to go into a berserk rage, try and force me to wear something that has even one of those. I guarantee you, the rest of your day will be a bad one if you try that, whoever you might be at the time (was usually my parents, hah).

I also cant wear weird fancy shoes either. That one's not a sensory issue: it's my back/nerve/tendon issues. I need proper foot support, not weird dress-up crap.

These rules do not change. As many on the spectrum could easily explain. We dont dictate these rules: they simply are.

To be honest, it's one of the reasons why I usually refuse to go anywhere with anyone. I dont care that Bob over there, running things, is so shallow that he's bothered I'm wearing sweatpants... I aint changing (and causing all of my sensory issues to flare up) just to please him. So, I just wont go with you at all. It's that sort of reasoning. Though, I also dont want to be forced to pretend to be something that I'm not.

My parents used to force me to wear stupid things at events like family gatherings, and it was nothing but, well, misery, all around. Eventually they realized how dumb this was, and stopped even so much as asking me to do it. Interestingly, the family events did not burst into flames or get attacked by rabid badger armies due to my lack of "proper" attire, proving that it was all unnecessary silliness to begin with.

I see dress codes as just yet another way that the herd or hivemind tries to get you to join it. Because that's really the psychology behind it. You're either one of us... or you're out the door. And if you're not one of us, we all get to feel superior to you, because that makes bloody sense.

That's all it is, and that's all it ever will be.

And yes I know I seem a bit vitriolic about this subject, I apologize for that. I put up with this nonsense for far too many years and now have an absolute blazing hatred for the very concept.

All of these are interesting; I also hold some opinions of general bitterness about clothing. Used to work in foodservice & feel perfectly fine grousing a bit about "slovenly" habits: not what you wear, but the fact that most people who would go to a nice restaurant in essentially glorified pyjamas don't always stay clean & tidy.

I wear Victorian, Edwardian, Jazz Age, and Depression-era clothing almost exclusively. It's also a sensory thing. Unbuttoning a collar feels like public nudity. Actually wearing a tie feels like completion. I can't go out without a hat due to my eyesight (light sensitivity) so I wear glasses and I often wear hats.

You are 100% right about the shoes. I also have the muscle tone of a bit of wet chicken gristle. I don't even wear shoes; I wear boots. They are the 1910s-style lace-up leather ankle boots and they fit great--however, I've taken to WWII combat boots lately as well as they are basically the same shape but with a tough rubber tread on the bottom.

"Dockers" are preppy garbage though I do have some thrifted ones as it's all I can afford. I am broke. Jeans aren't my favorite unless they actually fit--I prefer the old high-rise "notch" or "fishtail back" trousers and a pair of button braces instead of the cheap and unreliable clip-on suspenders. (Buttons are OK, zippers less so, snaps wear out too easily. I like buttons because I can repair them myself.)

Good luck on the sensory stuff.

As far as dress codes--I don't want the world to conform to how I live; if that were the case there would be no modern lighting fixtures, skinny jeans, push-button telephones, among other things. We all do things a little different from the norm; it's part & parcel of the autism experience. You have developed a chilled-out wardrobe for yourself that lets you function at an optimal level. I have done the same just a very rigid, conservative, old-fashioned style that somehow I feel more relaxed in.

So no, I totally understand the rage against wearing some clothes (I won't be caught dead in polyester) but dress codes are still OK.

 

[Jumpback]

All of these are interesting; I also hold some opinions of general bitterness about clothing. Used to work in foodservice & feel perfectly fine grousing a bit about "slovenly" habits: not what you wear, but the fact that most people who would go to a nice restaurant in essentially glorified pyjamas don't always stay clean & tidy.

I wear Victorian, Edwardian, Jazz Age, and Depression-era clothing almost exclusively. It's also a sensory thing. Unbuttoning a collar feels like public nudity. Actually wearing a tie feels like completion. I can't go out without a hat due to my eyesight (light sensitivity) so I wear glasses and I often wear hats.

I have the opposite problem, I only wear v-neck t-shirts because anything tight around my neck really bothers me. If I have to wear a normal t-shirt I stretch the neck out until it does not touch the front of my neck.

Before my ex-girlfriend and I broke up we partially dealt in vintage clothing, so I know what you mean, but this is not me

If I get stressed as I have after girlfriend left me, the process of finding clothes and finding a razor and getting in the shower becomes too many things to work through in my head and too stressful, so I stopped taking showers.

I have 3 college degrees and can do things that others find hard, but things as basic as taking a shower and maintaining a nice personal appearance can get very hard for me

We are stuck in this together, even though we probably don't belong together.

 

[Misery]

All of these are interesting; I also hold some opinions of general bitterness about clothing. Used to work in foodservice & feel perfectly fine grousing a bit about "slovenly" habits: not what you wear, but the fact that most people who would go to a nice restaurant in essentially glorified pyjamas don't always stay clean & tidy.

I wear Victorian, Edwardian, Jazz Age, and Depression-era clothing almost exclusively. It's also a sensory thing. Unbuttoning a collar feels like public nudity. Actually wearing a tie feels like completion. I can't go out without a hat due to my eyesight (light sensitivity) so I wear glasses and I often wear hats.

You are 100% right about the shoes. I also have the muscle tone of a bit of wet chicken gristle. I don't even wear shoes; I wear boots. They are the 1910s-style lace-up leather ankle boots and they fit great--however, I've taken to WWII combat boots lately as well as they are basically the same shape but with a tough rubber tread on the bottom.

"Dockers" are preppy garbage though I do have some thrifted ones as it's all I can afford. I am broke. Jeans aren't my favorite unless they actually fit--I prefer the old high-rise "notch" or "fishtail back" trousers and a pair of button braces instead of the cheap and unreliable clip-on suspenders. (Buttons are OK, zippers less so, snaps wear out too easily. I like buttons because I can repair them myself.)

Good luck on the sensory stuff.

As far as dress codes--I don't want the world to conform to how I live; if that were the case there would be no modern lighting fixtures, skinny jeans, push-button telephones, among other things. We all do things a little different from the norm; it's part & parcel of the autism experience. You have developed a chilled-out wardrobe for yourself that lets you function at an optimal level. I have done the same just a very rigid, conservative, old-fashioned style that somehow I feel more relaxed in.

So no, I totally understand the rage against wearing some clothes (I won't be caught dead in polyester) but dress codes are still OK.

Ya know, the idea of "style" is one of the other things that bugs me with stuff like this.

I looked up the different clothing eras you mentioned, and I'll say... your style is *interesting*. And actually unique.

But most people... "unique" doesnt happen. Gotta just wear what everyone else does... It just adds to the "everyone is so freaking dull" thing for me. There's so little self expression.

As it is, I dont really have a style myself. Since I have to appear at least somewhat normal, all of my clothes is basically just whatever random things I got on Christmas or birthdays. I just have zero interest in normal clothing so I dont buy any myself. As it is, if the stupid need to look normal wasnt there, I'd probably end up with something at this level of bizarre: Hanako The one in the middle. No, I dont know why she wears that. But it's the right level of weird for me. I am into cosplay, and those outfits are the only time I take even a remote interest in what I'm wearing. So I do get into that, but again it has to not set off any sensory issues. I tell ya though, it makes the experience of going to a Walgreens a whole lot more interesting. Did that once, I assume I had a good reason for it.

The closest I can come to having some unique "look" or personal style is my 3-foot long keychain, which is usually wrapped around my arm. First thing anyone notices. If I'm out of the house it is ALWAYS with me. I refuse to put it down.

But yeah, that's part of what bothers me. Super bland and same-y "styles" among most people... it just seems so stifling and utterly boring. And then when I see a place that has a dress code, it just seems even worse. Because there they actually enforce it.

I have no idea where I'm going with any of this. Yay for impulsive posting.

 

[Major Tom]

Of course to show off your status you also need to dress up in expensive clothes, even though you are paying out the ass for food that in many cases is not worth the price. I think it's outdated, but what I think matters little.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I think it should be at the restaurants discretion. If you are making the effort to go to a fancy restaurant, I'd run under the assumption that dressing smartly is hardly a burden. Putting in additional effort in this day and age feels like a dying past time - it's all about catering to people's laziness and lack of patience these days.

Also, people are easily offended and all too quick to leave bad reviews. 1 or 5* and very rarely a well thought out view that lies in between the 2 extremes. The slightest inconvenience or situation that's taken the wrong way can lead to an angry mob situation on social media.

I know that Harrods famously has a dress code, and even certain clothes they sell would have you turned away at the door if you wore them whilst trying to enter the premises. Fashion has changed tremendously in the past few decades. I never understood the appeal of buying pre-ripped and faded jeans - and I think it's the perfect example of degrading values, and also the laziness and impatience of society. You want faded clothes? Wear your favourite items a lot. You want to wear ripped clothing - why? If you must, why not climb over a barbed wire fence a couple of times - I'm sure you'd succeed in your plan, plus you'd have a fun story to tell people to accompany your idiotic jeans.

Every time I've ripped my jeans I didn't think to myself "Eureka! This is what my jeans were missing - a gaping hole that allows the wind and rain to make my knee ache. What luck! I'm going home to take a knife to the rest of my wardrobe to complete the look. Then, once I'm done with that vandalism, I'll pour bleach over them too, so they look rustic. So people will walk past me and say, there's a man who gets things done." To be honest I don't need to buy pre-ripped jeans, with the amount of sit down swaying/stimming I do, I quickly wear holes in the back of my jeans and across the top of the thighs too.

Designer labels never seemed that appealing to me - the price compared to the quality often seems like a poor return on investment. A lot of the younger people at work wear all designer clothing. The tops in particular seem lack-luster. A typical fit and a large, often overbearing logo of whichever designer brand it is.

I can imagine there's been numerous scenarios where someone was turned away from an establishment with a dress code when they were wearing expensive clothes which looked tatty. Just because something cost a lot of money, doesn't mean it looks nice.

So yes, it might be old fashioned - but I see no issue with a dress code for specific locations. I mean, if you rocked up to a typical church funeral in a Hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts and sandals - I imagine everyone would think you were an idiot.

Ed