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My stepdad suggested that we all go for a seaplane ride this afternoon, and we all thought it would be fun - I did, too...we haven't been on one since we first started vacationing at this house my grandparents have in upstate New York about 12 or 13 years ago.

When we got on the seaplane, I was sitting in the front (for weight distribution reasons, I think) and I got out my phone to take some photos of what everything would look like from up in a plane. The first thing I noticed when we were getting to take off was how frickin loud the plane itself was, and it got even louder once we were up in the air.

I managed to get a bunch of good photos from the air, but then I started feeling overloaded b/c everything was so loud (stuff being unnecessarily loud has kind of been a theme this week) and I didn't have the pink headphones I DIY'd into noise cancelling headphones - they work really well, even if they're not an official therapy brand. I didn't want to bring them b/c basically no one in my family knows that loud noise isn't good for me and I didn't want any questions about "what are thooooooose" or "why are you wearing headphones everywhere? People will think you're rude!" etc etc.

On top of this my stomach was feeling weird b/c we'd just had lunch (since it's our last day here, my stepdad has wanted to cram as much into one day as possible, whee) and I just kept staring out the plane window and started pulling/picking at a small patch of flesh on my leg as a stim (that's what I do to my skin when I don't have a stim toy). I did have my Tangle Jr and two Disney Tsum Tsums with me in my pockets, and the one I really wanted was Little Dory, but I was scared that everyone would think I was a baby if I had a stuffed animal out, even tho the softness and having something to hold is the only thing that makes me feel safe. The pilot kept leaning over and asking me, "Are you okay? Is your stomach okay? Are you getting sick?" etc and I had to keep telling him, "Yes, I'm fine" (keep in mind that everyone is having to yell since the plane is so loud) when I wish he would stop talking to me b/c I can't go inside my head to escape the noise when people keep talking to me.

Then when we finally landed, the pilot pointed at me and said something to our stepdad and grandparents like, "My copilot here got awfully quiet for awhile and I thought she was gettin' sick!" Which I kind of was, but I couldn't say anything or even tell people I wasn't feeling well OR that I have sensory issues, b/c they either just wouldn't listen or think I was ungrateful. I've tried self-advocating with my stepmother b4 only to encounter more ableism, why should my other family members be any different?

Then we got back to the house and I got to have some water, and I just felt soooo tired and hollow that I took a nap for about half an hour. The seaplane ride was pretty cool overall, and I got some great pics, but I wish I could have had my headphones/stim toys and not felt embarrassed by it or worried about what my own family would think. My middle sister's bf is here with us too and he probably already thinks I'm weird and annoying as is. We're leaving tomorrow, and then I'll have one night of getting to sleep in my own bed b4 we head up north with our mom to see our other grandparents for two weeks. I think that will be more relaxing, tho....my grandparents live on a nice, quiet farm, my favorite aunt will be there, and we'll be making a stop to see our new baby cousin, too! :)

Thanks for listening, guys.
Your post just helped me a lot with something that's coming up for me Coupe. Thank you.
Glad you weathered this excursion and still took pics. :sunglasses: :)
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