I was looking for a scopophobia support group forum. I can't seem to find anything searching the web. This post below brought me here. I see a psychiatrist, but he said I am agoraphobic in a way. I've been getting medication for panic attacks in the form of low dose Valium, high dose Venlaflaxine and Beta blockers for the last year. I see him again in a few days. He is the kind of doctor that basically refills my prescription and that's it. Upon quitting drinking and doing research, it's apparent I have Scopophobia. I only fear people seeing me or hearing me. I can leave my house and stand alone in the forest with no panic. I've even been to afraid to google it on a normal browser. It's been like this for 2 decades.
I've had a lot of jobs but I always end up leaving or being fired for absences. I never told anyone but my brother as to why, until this last year, I let my partner and some more of my family know. I'm working right now at a new job, a coworker is kind of asking me what's wrong. They can see the panic, darting eyes and twitching on my face. If I talk about it I'll start crying uncontrollably, so I avoid the subject. I feel like I'm stuck in a cage.
Scopophobia (Scoptophobia)
I don't know if I have any kind of autism but I have a signs of possible autism. One being webbing between two of my toes on each foot. I think talking to other people with this condition on a forum will help me in some way. Some things I think are the root cause below that I only now am beginning to realize. The below I have not shared in full detail to anyone. I will tell my psychiatrist when I see him. When asked what do you think is the cause, I used to say I don't know.
It started when I was in my teens. Maybe due to harsh treatment from my guardians. Pesticides were sprayed into a weed pipe I was smoking without my knowledge on multiple occasions. One night I laid vomiting on the ground for 6+ hours while my guardians just sat there and watched without speaking to me or responding to me. I haven't smoked weed in years, it makes me very paranoid, go figure.
One of them took my pet and poked it's eye out while trying to kill it. When they told me about it they laughed in my face. I didn't ask how it eventually disappeared. I was then told about the times that the same guardian tried to poison other pets we've had over the years by that guardian in a tone of trying to hurt me. When I was a child I found a few shoe boxes with bones in our backyard. My guardian told me they were pets that died. Now when I think back about it, I wonder if those pets were also intentionally killed. When we moved at one point when I was a child we had over 10 pets. They all disappeared within a year.
In my teens they would make banging noises when I was asleep to wake me up. My door would be slightly open then slammed shut when I would wake up and said hello? Looking back it seems like they were trying to break me or amuse themselves and have been every time I've seen them since. I recently cut off all ties in a letter. I used to be afraid of hurting their feelings, but with a sober mind, I feel like I had Stockholm syndrome.
My birth certificate and SSC were hidden by my guardians when I was kicked out at 18, the nearest town was 10+ miles away, I had no id or drivers license. I lived with what friends I could moving around. Didn't recover my identity until I was almost 20. I later turned to hard drugs, then a decade later, heavy drinking, I was running away from the memories. I've been sober for almost 6 months. I am trying to be somewhat vague, I'm actually afraid of the idea that someone will look this up and know who I am.
Actually typing this out and looking at it seems insane, I thought about calling the police. But it's been almost 20 years. The last few times I've seen before sending the letter, they brought up intentions on hurting more animals in a successful effort to bother me.
I've had a lot of jobs but I always end up leaving or being fired for absences. I never told anyone but my brother as to why, until this last year, I let my partner and some more of my family know. I'm working right now at a new job, a coworker is kind of asking me what's wrong. They can see the panic, darting eyes and twitching on my face. If I talk about it I'll start crying uncontrollably, so I avoid the subject. I feel like I'm stuck in a cage.
Scopophobia (Scoptophobia)
I don't know if I have any kind of autism but I have a signs of possible autism. One being webbing between two of my toes on each foot. I think talking to other people with this condition on a forum will help me in some way. Some things I think are the root cause below that I only now am beginning to realize. The below I have not shared in full detail to anyone. I will tell my psychiatrist when I see him. When asked what do you think is the cause, I used to say I don't know.
It started when I was in my teens. Maybe due to harsh treatment from my guardians. Pesticides were sprayed into a weed pipe I was smoking without my knowledge on multiple occasions. One night I laid vomiting on the ground for 6+ hours while my guardians just sat there and watched without speaking to me or responding to me. I haven't smoked weed in years, it makes me very paranoid, go figure.
One of them took my pet and poked it's eye out while trying to kill it. When they told me about it they laughed in my face. I didn't ask how it eventually disappeared. I was then told about the times that the same guardian tried to poison other pets we've had over the years by that guardian in a tone of trying to hurt me. When I was a child I found a few shoe boxes with bones in our backyard. My guardian told me they were pets that died. Now when I think back about it, I wonder if those pets were also intentionally killed. When we moved at one point when I was a child we had over 10 pets. They all disappeared within a year.
In my teens they would make banging noises when I was asleep to wake me up. My door would be slightly open then slammed shut when I would wake up and said hello? Looking back it seems like they were trying to break me or amuse themselves and have been every time I've seen them since. I recently cut off all ties in a letter. I used to be afraid of hurting their feelings, but with a sober mind, I feel like I had Stockholm syndrome.
My birth certificate and SSC were hidden by my guardians when I was kicked out at 18, the nearest town was 10+ miles away, I had no id or drivers license. I lived with what friends I could moving around. Didn't recover my identity until I was almost 20. I later turned to hard drugs, then a decade later, heavy drinking, I was running away from the memories. I've been sober for almost 6 months. I am trying to be somewhat vague, I'm actually afraid of the idea that someone will look this up and know who I am.
Actually typing this out and looking at it seems insane, I thought about calling the police. But it's been almost 20 years. The last few times I've seen before sending the letter, they brought up intentions on hurting more animals in a successful effort to bother me.
