rainfall
Playing in the rain =P
Do you have or suspect you may have it? Here is a link though there are many others. What is Scopophobia and Do I Have It? I apologize upfront for the long post.
"Scopophobia is a recognized anxiety disorder that brings with it an intense fear of being looked or stared at and drawing attention to yourself."
"Symptoms of Scopophobia can include:
I started looking this up because my friend expressed a desire to help me with social anxiety. I didn't really think that I had it but couldn't quite explain why not so I didn't try. I have, like everyone else, been judged my entire life and already expect it. A lot of times, very harshly, but again, it doesn't bother me that much unless I'm having a bad day to begin with.
I asked my mom about this since most articles say that it's triggered by some event in your life in a social setting. She said that I have always been this way and I still remember hiding from people behind her when I was very small. She remembered that whenever I was in the car that I would sink to the floor when we would stop at a stop sign or red light and I wouldn't get back up, even with her yelling for me to, untill we started moving again. She also said that as an adult she noticed that I stare straight ahead at a stop light or stop sign when other vehicles are near.
In class, even when I knew the answer, I would break into a cold sweat when I was called on. I couldn't remember how to spell a word I knew in a spelling bee because I was having a panic attack and didn't even know what it was. My mom said that my kindergarten teacher realized I leaned on my younger sister because of my anxiety so they separated us in every grade after and I got worse instead of better.
My first day to ride the bus to kindergarten my dad was supposed to follow behind in the car but it broke down and I seemed to have a million arms because my mom could not shove me through the school bus door and I didn't go. The next day my dad took me but I cried the entire time with all the new children and even made another girl cry because of it. They held me back to start with my younger sister next year because I couldn't handle it. There was a time in seventh grade just thinking about going to school made me panic and with one and then both my parents screaming and trying to pull me off the floor they couldn't move me and I missed my bus. I remember crying and wondering what was wrong with me but I couldn't make myself do it.
Walking outside I typically avert my eyes or keep my head down. I stim with my hands to calm down by rubbing a smooth rock I found at a river years ago, keeping the other hand in a pocket of my jeans or opening and closing it tightly close to my body so it's not so noticeable. Just the other day I walked out of my way to avoid a crosswalk at a busy intersection to cross the street. I looked at the "push to walk" button as I was walking toward it and I kept telling myself I could do it but when I got there I turned and went further down the road to cross instead of stand there.
On the phone, because the attention is between me and one other or a conference call so me and a few others, I panic and don't get the words out I want to say and end up sounding stupid. Voicemails are a nightmare and is kind of a running joke that mostly what someone hears is "uhh, umm" when I leave them.
With public speaking or teaching (teaching in a church setting) I typically talk very fast and low and am asked to speak up but I already feel like I'm yelling and want to run away so badly the anxiety increases to panic level. I do my best to avoid those scenarios.
It extends to online as well. I don't like drawing any attention to myself so being here has been hard but helpful. I don't like to update my post because I don't know how long it will stay at the top. I don't like posting replies unless I really feel like I should say something because I effectively put myself out there. It's a bit anxiety inducing to join chat because people are nice here and you're immediately said hi to by almost anyone in the room. (It's a good thing, not complaining at all.) I've often wished I had a "spectating" option when joining that would go away when I wrote in general chat but of course would never ask to be catered to especially since this could be my problem alone. Others would say, "why join chat if you're not going to chat?" It's not that I wouldn't and have made comments and talked to people before but usually after I've had a second to calm down or there are people I already know or am familiar with currently chatting. I have gotten much better at the online things here and my anxiety levels are way down compared to when I joined almost a year ago.
For me, it's not as severe as with people I know. My anxiety comes from people I don't know. Even if I've never talked to someone online or offline but have seen them around often enough, my anxiety with that person or screen name will fade over time. Sometimes it doesn't fade if that person is very loud and attention getting and anxiety will actually increase around them because I know to expect it and try to avoid them as politely as possible.
Considering the symptoms posted above I get the increased heart rate, breathing quickly and wanting to run or flee besides a cold sweat or in more severe cases I can get dizzy and feel like I'm going to pass out. I have a nervous habit of smiling or laughing so sometimes that happens as well but I'm not happy, just extremely nervous.
This has been one of those lightbulb moments realizing that the issues I've had aren't what others have tried to tell me but what I knew all along and couldn't put into words.
Is there anyone that has Scopophobia or suspects they might? I understand that because of the nature of it others may or may not want to post their own experiences but I do look forward to responses from anyone with similiar issues.
"Scopophobia is a recognized anxiety disorder that brings with it an intense fear of being looked or stared at and drawing attention to yourself."
"Symptoms of Scopophobia can include:
- An increased heart rate in social situations. This can cause the sufferer to seem edgy and irritated when, in fact, they are very nervous.
- Hyperventilation. In some cases, the phobia is so strong that it can cause the sufferer to hyperventilate because they feel as though they are unable to breathe properly and their phobia has triggered their flight or fight response.
- Shaking and/or trembling. The sufferer will not be able to control this.
- Muscular tension. The sufferer's flight or fight response has been triggered and it has had an impact on the muscles.
- Dizziness or disorientation. This is thought to be caused by the panic and hyperventilation."
I started looking this up because my friend expressed a desire to help me with social anxiety. I didn't really think that I had it but couldn't quite explain why not so I didn't try. I have, like everyone else, been judged my entire life and already expect it. A lot of times, very harshly, but again, it doesn't bother me that much unless I'm having a bad day to begin with.
I asked my mom about this since most articles say that it's triggered by some event in your life in a social setting. She said that I have always been this way and I still remember hiding from people behind her when I was very small. She remembered that whenever I was in the car that I would sink to the floor when we would stop at a stop sign or red light and I wouldn't get back up, even with her yelling for me to, untill we started moving again. She also said that as an adult she noticed that I stare straight ahead at a stop light or stop sign when other vehicles are near.
In class, even when I knew the answer, I would break into a cold sweat when I was called on. I couldn't remember how to spell a word I knew in a spelling bee because I was having a panic attack and didn't even know what it was. My mom said that my kindergarten teacher realized I leaned on my younger sister because of my anxiety so they separated us in every grade after and I got worse instead of better.
My first day to ride the bus to kindergarten my dad was supposed to follow behind in the car but it broke down and I seemed to have a million arms because my mom could not shove me through the school bus door and I didn't go. The next day my dad took me but I cried the entire time with all the new children and even made another girl cry because of it. They held me back to start with my younger sister next year because I couldn't handle it. There was a time in seventh grade just thinking about going to school made me panic and with one and then both my parents screaming and trying to pull me off the floor they couldn't move me and I missed my bus. I remember crying and wondering what was wrong with me but I couldn't make myself do it.
Walking outside I typically avert my eyes or keep my head down. I stim with my hands to calm down by rubbing a smooth rock I found at a river years ago, keeping the other hand in a pocket of my jeans or opening and closing it tightly close to my body so it's not so noticeable. Just the other day I walked out of my way to avoid a crosswalk at a busy intersection to cross the street. I looked at the "push to walk" button as I was walking toward it and I kept telling myself I could do it but when I got there I turned and went further down the road to cross instead of stand there.
On the phone, because the attention is between me and one other or a conference call so me and a few others, I panic and don't get the words out I want to say and end up sounding stupid. Voicemails are a nightmare and is kind of a running joke that mostly what someone hears is "uhh, umm" when I leave them.
With public speaking or teaching (teaching in a church setting) I typically talk very fast and low and am asked to speak up but I already feel like I'm yelling and want to run away so badly the anxiety increases to panic level. I do my best to avoid those scenarios.
It extends to online as well. I don't like drawing any attention to myself so being here has been hard but helpful. I don't like to update my post because I don't know how long it will stay at the top. I don't like posting replies unless I really feel like I should say something because I effectively put myself out there. It's a bit anxiety inducing to join chat because people are nice here and you're immediately said hi to by almost anyone in the room. (It's a good thing, not complaining at all.) I've often wished I had a "spectating" option when joining that would go away when I wrote in general chat but of course would never ask to be catered to especially since this could be my problem alone. Others would say, "why join chat if you're not going to chat?" It's not that I wouldn't and have made comments and talked to people before but usually after I've had a second to calm down or there are people I already know or am familiar with currently chatting. I have gotten much better at the online things here and my anxiety levels are way down compared to when I joined almost a year ago.
For me, it's not as severe as with people I know. My anxiety comes from people I don't know. Even if I've never talked to someone online or offline but have seen them around often enough, my anxiety with that person or screen name will fade over time. Sometimes it doesn't fade if that person is very loud and attention getting and anxiety will actually increase around them because I know to expect it and try to avoid them as politely as possible.
Considering the symptoms posted above I get the increased heart rate, breathing quickly and wanting to run or flee besides a cold sweat or in more severe cases I can get dizzy and feel like I'm going to pass out. I have a nervous habit of smiling or laughing so sometimes that happens as well but I'm not happy, just extremely nervous.
This has been one of those lightbulb moments realizing that the issues I've had aren't what others have tried to tell me but what I knew all along and couldn't put into words.
Is there anyone that has Scopophobia or suspects they might? I understand that because of the nature of it others may or may not want to post their own experiences but I do look forward to responses from anyone with similiar issues.
