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Sanctioned for Being Single or Alone

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by pjcnet, Apr 9, 2018.

  1. pjcnet

    pjcnet Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Society seems to expect people to have a partner or to be with their family, if not they at least expect people to be with friends. In fact it often hurts people financially to be single or alone, but worse sometimes single people can looked down upon or even sanctioned against which pretty harsh in my opinion, especially when many autistic people are single and find it more difficult to make friends through no fault of their own. Sometimes autistic people just prefer being alone and it should be their choice, but society most definitely tries to make this more difficult as I will explain in more detail with the examples below.


    Examples of single people being hurt financially:

    I'm not certain about the system in other countries, but in the UK you pay Council Tax on your home unless you are receiving certain welfare benefits, if you are living alone you only get 25% off the total amount, so if there's 2 of you it works out much cheaper each and even cheaper still if there's even more people. If you live in a larger property your Council Tax band will increase that also effects the total cost, but it still usually works out much cheaper per person if more people live under the same roof and often couples will live in exactly the same 1 bedroom property as a single person. Single people therefore have a very raw deal here (this is not a political discussion and is therefore not in the Politics & Religion section, please bear this in mind if you wish to reply).

    I suppose this part can't really be helped, but household utility bills usually work out a lot cheaper when split between more than one person, for instance you're unlikely to use twice as much gas or electricity if there's 2 of you, in fact you're likely to use just a bit more and even water bills won't usually cost double for 2 people, especially if it's not metered (a fixed price per property). Similarly rent or mortgage costs can be a lot harder on a single person, especially when couples will often live in exactly the same sized property and split the costs.

    A TV licence in the UK costs exactly the same for a single person living in a small flat with just 1 TV as a large family in a house with multiple TVs because they're charged per household with no single person discount, this is something that could be changed and currently this is especially harsh on single people.

    When going on holiday there's usually very harsh single supplements and in hotels singles often end up paying double for a double room on their own. Yes, there's specialist singles holidays, but they're all about socialising in large groups which is something not too many autistic people enjoy doing either.

    Again this can't really be helped, but it costs a lot more for a taxi or to drive if you're not splitting the cost by car sharing and single people are harshly penalised here. Yes, there's car sharing sites, but if you're not a driver you have to be extremely lucky to find someone who is travelling to the place you want at the right time and is willing to accept a single person they don't know, plus you are risking getting into a stranger's car which isn't in my opinion much safer than hitchhiking even if there is some reputation system. If you have a vehicle you are still allowing strangers into your vehicle which is also a risk. Car insurance is another thing that can really hurt single people because a couple can often insure both people on the same vehicle for only a little more than just one.

    Even on public transport, I noticed that an all day bus ticket in Birmingham costs £4.60 and £4.00 after 9.30am at the time of writing, but for £8 up to 5 people (adults or children) can travel together making it cost as little as £1.60 each and this is even cheaper after 6pm when a "family day saver" costs only £6, plus you can actually have up to 6 people travel for the same price if it's 2 adults and 4 children together.


    Examples of single people feeling out of place:

    You can often feel out of place on your own in many restaurants where 2 or more people are normally expected. There's usually no such thing as a table for 1, you would be lead to a table for 2 if you really did decide to go on your own.

    People seem to expect couples to go to the cinema together or at least for someone to go accompanied by one or more people, similar is true when visiting the theatre and even music events / performances.

    People are often seen as "sad" or worse even "weird" in many pubs, bars and night clubs if they attend alone unless they at least know people well there to talk to. Yes, there maybe singles clubs or special singles nights, but even then people are normally expected to attend with at least one friend and these sorts of places or events aren't for everyone.

    Certain types of clubs can even restrict access to single people completely, especially single men.

    Not only are holidays usually more expensive as a single person as I mentioned earlier, but unless it's a singles holiday which isn't what every single person wants, you can also feel extremely out of place. I once went on a day coach trip to the Isle of Wright when I was a younger adult and I felt extremely uncomfortable as the only person on his own, in fact a really nice elderly couple started talking to me, but I still felt very uncomfortable because I think they felt sorry for me because they were really surprised that I wasn't with anyone. Before I became vegetarian in 1996 I went deep sea fishing for the day and again I was the only person on his own, and again I had someone who seemed to feel really sorry for me which made me feel really uncomfortable. Even if you for instance visit a theme park people seem to expect 2 or more people together and will look down at you if they realise you are alone, or even feel sorry for you.

    Most definitely don't go out anywhere if you're single on Valentine's Day, this can be an extra kick in the teeth for single people, but other special days can also be difficult if you're alone like Christmas for instance.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2018
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  2. Dorkasour

    Dorkasour Active Member

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    Yea I have been single for 28 years and constantly feel terrible about it even though I prefer being alone.
     
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  3. Mr Allen

    Mr Allen Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    The government loves to sanction the pants off anybody and everybody they can.

    I plan to get a job in the next 3 to 6 months, but I can't work full time for various reasons, main one being that if I work 1 second over 16 hours the government will take great delight in sanctioning the crap out of me, and I'd end up either homeless or living in some squalid bedsit on a dodgy Council estate in s2.
     
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  4. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    It's a "double whammy" for singles in most cultures and societies.

    Advanced largely by the perception of a need for procreation and some nebulous sense of validation. That you can't be "whole" unless you are paired with another. Total bullsh*t, but there you have it. :rolleyes:

    More objectively is the aspect of commerce. In terms of minor goods and services one customer is apt to yield a higher retail price without any appreciable discounts. Two customers on the other hand is likely to merit some discount along with an inherently increased profit margin. It's all about sales volume.

    Then there's those unexplained dynamics like my utilities bill. Where my water is charged based on a metered rate with a x1 multiplier being a single person in a single bedroom residence. Yet my sewer charge remains a very high flat rate, regardless of how much sewage I create compared to other units which may have many residents creating far greater amounts sewage. Go figure. o_O
     
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  5. kay

    kay Well-Known Member

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    I was single for a very, very long time and had no friends either and there is a lot of unfairness for single people. Various clubs and organizations will offer a "family" price not available to singles and won't even let you pair up with another single person to get a discount. That upsets me quite a bit, and I had full intention of changing that practice in a group I was a member of, (after I wasn't so single anymore) however I wasn't so good at serving on a board. The organization pretty much imploded shortly after the election and so my time to do anything was too short lived anyways. And that group actually was loaded with singles, and mostly run by singles so it was odd actually to have offered such unfair dues. A case of just do what's generally done without question.
     
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  6. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    I am married, but spend a lot of time on my own, because of hubby working and I get frowned up becausse I prefer communicating via online, than offline.
     
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  7. Mr Allen

    Mr Allen Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I want the whole "Married with Children" thing, I just think at 42 I'm too old now, if I was ever destined to get hitched, I would've married my ex from school.

    I've decided though, in the unlikely event my Parents ever get a set of Grandkids from me, I want Harry for a boy (after my late Granddad) or Alice for a girl (after my late Nan).
     
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  8. FreeDiver

    FreeDiver How long can you hold your breath? V.I.P Member

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    When it comes to amusement parks. This can be a mixed blessing. being single means that you're a single rider and the lines(cues) are much, much shorter then the group lines are. I've hever had to wait in line for more then 10 minutes to get on a ride. Plus. You can stay in wonderlusting mode all the time without being distracted by friends and family. One more "important" thing. If you get a sensory overload event, and you will almost always will at any amusement park. You can immediately drop everything and go to a quiet place without being rude to others or violating some etiquette rule that was established at the moment. One of the down side of being single is that some rides require 2 or more people to ride and a lot of times you're left out of those.
     
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  9. pjcnet

    pjcnet Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Interesting, I've never seen separate lines for single riders, but the last theme park I went to was Alton Towers about 15 years ago and I know a lot has changed where you can even book rides in advance these days.
     
  10. scrp14

    scrp14 New Member

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    I can speak from experience as a benefits claimant that through some research, I find that I can't apply for housing benefit (UK) as a single person without children if I were to live in a single bedroom flat or studio flat until i'm 35, or the alternative would be to do a house share which would be the worst place, although i'm currently living with family, who somewhat understand my condition, I still have my misunderstandings with them some days of the week. Though my condition could be indirectly responsible for many sanctions i received in the past.
     
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  11. Katherine Rawstron

    Katherine Rawstron Colourfreak

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    I hated being single, as I was brought up in a generation where marriage and children were expected as standard. Although I suspected I may be autistic, the information at the time was very inaccurate and inadequate, so I couldn't understand why nobody wanted me. Being prone to obsessions, my main one at the time was getting off the shelf before it was too late - my worst nightmare was ending up a sad, frustrated spinster, something I was determined to avoid at all costs, and it was happening to me.

    The situation wasn't helped by sermons at church being geared towards family, sex being a gift from God (but only if you were married, of course; single people were expected to just sit there and listen, with no advice as to how to deal with that side of things at all); it was as if we didn't exist.

    I belonged to a group made up of Bridget Jones-type "smug marrieds", who tended to look down on me and ignore me; often, they would talk unkindly about another unmarried woman who had been in the group and moved away, or go on and on swapping stories about how they'd met their partners - all obviously for my benefit! In hindsight, I think they may have felt awkward and acted in a nervous manner, and probably didn't realise how often they were doing it. To be fair, the leaders of the group, and most others, took no part in this, but they didn't do anything to stop it either. The main culprits were two women who set each other off - if one of them wasn't there, it didn't happen. I left the group in the end, though not for that reason alone. When I finally did marry, one of the ringleaders changed her behaviour towards me, but the other one didn't.

    Being single does have its uses - nobody talking through TV programmes, for example, or pulling the duvet off you (don't get me started on snoring or fidgeting!). When you go out, you can move at your own speed, take rests when you need them and carry on when you don't. You don't get criticised for having the "wrong" facial expression (although that has stopped since my condition has become known, to be fair), and you can have the volume on the TV at the level that suits you.

    On the other hand, there's nobody to talk to when you need it (but nobody to interrupt either!), or share a laugh and a joke with.
     
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  12. tlc

    tlc The Mackinac Bridge and U.P. is my happy place.

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    I can live MUCH more cheaply on my own than with someone.

    Reason being in 20 years of relationships/marriages, no female I've ever found was willing to compromise anything for us to save money especially during those times when life really got down to the bone. And I prefer low maintenance people. (This is not a blanket statement, this is just MY experience.) I take care of things and they last nearly forever. Everyone else has just trashed things with no consideration, and nobody has ever helped pay for anything house-wise. I've cut my life down to the bone when I would get sued or laid off, but they would refuse to make any adjustments on their end. After I would say no, one would take my credit card and clean out what I did have for the essentials like house payment. Same for going anywhere, they demand expensive restaurants, shopping, and hotels, when all that's needed is to go and come back. Or not even able to go for a simple 10 mile drive to the folk's house without stopping at the gas station and loading up on over $20 of junk food. Why not just load up at home, or wait till we get there? One left after 8 years, and within a couple hours that I announced the money was gone. What a waste.

    Well there is one female I know who is willing to make sacrifices as needed for the common good of the family, and expect the whole family to do the same. But she wouldn't be a mate. She's my mom. She raised me that way.

    And although they're working (or maybe already did) to abolish it, there was always the marriage penalty tax. So if you were married, you lost money at tax time, as opposed to if you were both single.

    My dad is always trying to set me up with people. But he finds people that are his type, not mine. Granted mine haven't worked and it's practically the definition of insanity, I don't want to be with someone I'm not attracted to either. He's driven away many people I've been with, he tries to be civil but his core is bigoted. I'm to the point I just don't care, as in about a year I'll have a big world of things I can do. Don't want something long distance, and don't want someone local who might want me to stay here.
     
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  13. JB2018

    JB2018 Active Member

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    I'm far more content than when I was in a marriage with a high-maintenance NT!
    There is something to be said for solitude . . . :)
     
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  14. Aeolienne

    Aeolienne Well-Known Member

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    When I went on holiday to Denmark ten years ago, the then edition of the Lonely Planet guidebook recommended a web app called Meet the Danes, by which visitors could be invited to a meal in a Danish home. Unfortunately it turned out that they only accepted bookings from groups of at least two people. And this is/was supposed to be the world's happiest country... :rolleyes:

    (In all fairness it appears that they do accept bookings from singletons now. :) )
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2018
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  15. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    For those wanting to travel alone on a budget, an option might be Couch Surfing - this is an organization where you agree to accommodate someone for the night should they ask, and in exchange, you can stay at the house of any other person who belongs to the organization. This is not for everyone, probably not for those with social anxiety, because it means meeting with strangers and allowing people into your house to stay with you. But no expensive hotels, where the cost of a single room is only marginally lower than the cost of a double.
     
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  16. Aeolienne

    Aeolienne Well-Known Member

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    Still on the subject of Denmark... There's a mention in My Year of Living Danishly about a custom that involves being pelted with cinnamon on your 25th birthday if you happen to be unmarried at this stage of your life. The author apparently regards this as a really endearing tradition. I would call it single-shaming myself. Quite apart from that, I wasn't impressed overall with Helen Russell's book. The basic premise is that the author gives up her fast-paced journalism job and moves with her husband from London to rural Jutland where he works full-time for Lego whilst she has masses of time on her hands to explore her newly adopted country. In other words, not comparing like with like. I'm half-expecting to see a follow-up in which a rich Copenhagen executive moves to the Scottish Highlands and writes a book about how laid-back the British way of life is. :rolleyes:
     
  17. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I hadn't thought about it much but definately see your points. I was also raised in a 'adult single is very odd culture'. Actually there was a set timetable for most things. For example, have a job by this age, out of the house by that age, married by such and such, etc, etc. I suppose this has always been the case, but in my time it was especially demonstrated by 50's era TV. Personally I thought the idea of such stereotyped predeterminations rubbish and preferred to guide my life more by the higher ground principles of the Three Stooges.
     
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  18. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    I have been married most of my adult life. I did not live a very good life before I was married and if I had not of gotten married I probably would not still be alive. Now, I just can not imagine life without my wife and family. They are everything to me. While I still need and get my alone time, I need to be married.
     
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  19. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Understood. A blessing if you can make it work in the long haul. Yet a curse for those who can't.

    Nope...I don't think I'll make it to your age either.

    It's not easy to be so alone for so long. But it is what it is. :oops:
     
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  20. AO1501

    AO1501 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I was married for 15 years, now I'm alone, and very happy. I think the price of being single is well worth paying!!
     
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