Ruminations

[Aster]

I wasn't diagnosed until a few years ago, in my 30s. Before this I had been diagnosed with several mental health diagnoses. Although I fit all criteria, I tend to ruminate on whether or not I actually have Aspergers and spend a lot of time reading peoples accounts of their experiences with ASD to confirm my diagnosis. It's quite uncomfortable to say the least, to have all the painful symptoms of aspergers and on top of that to question the validity of the diagnosis. I guess it's a facet of the OCD symptoms we often deal with, to question everything so often.

 

[ksheehan88]

Rumination drives me round the twist.

Obsessive thoughts dominate my every waking moment and nothing I do quietens it.

Something as simple as a two word txt message can do my nut for hours and hours.

 

[Aster]

I completely agree about interpreting texts sometimes. It's ridiculous isn't it? The only thing that scratches the surface of it for me is meditation, or if I'm too lazy, just tuning into my breath. Still, it's always there as you say

 

[Darthsuhtek]

I wasn't diagnosed until a few years ago, in my 30s. Before this I had been diagnosed with several mental health diagnoses. Although I fit all criteria, I tend to ruminate on whether or not I actually have Aspergers and spend a lot of time reading peoples accounts of their experiences with ASD to confirm my diagnosis. It's quite uncomfortable to say the least, to have all the painful symptoms of aspergers and on top of that to question the validity of the diagnosis. I guess it's a facet of the OCD symptoms we often deal with, to question everything so often.

I find my mind loops around too. It keeps me awake sometimes and I hate it.

 

[xudo]

I ruminate about everything. The cognitive behavioural therapy I had last year for OCD did help, for a while at least.

 

[On the Inside]

Rumination ruination. I go over things, deep analysis or just stuck on replay. Even when it's long past the time I could do anything about it. I sometimes feel it is to somehow learn from mistakes, yet even a situation that is quite similar will have enough difference that any prior experience is useless.

In terms of second guessing diagnosis, this lasted about two years for me. Vacillating between feeling that there was nothing wrong with me, just difficulty in a few areas, that harder work, less involvement or lessened expectations wold solve. To feeling like I am completely in the woods in terms of understanding and getting along in the world.

 

[toothless]

I completely agree about interpreting texts sometimes. It's ridiculous isn't it? The only thing that scratches the surface of it for me is meditation, or if I'm too lazy, just tuning into my breath. Still, it's always there as you say

same as me,i love mindfulness and guided meditation,it has helped me a lot clear the over thinking that my autism and my OCD [informally diagnosed by my shrink] causes.for when i need quicker or combined help;reaching for a non nicotine CBD vape also helps me numb my thought process.

 

[Aster]

Rumination ruination. I go over things, deep analysis or just stuck on replay. Even when it's long past the time I could do anything about it. I sometimes feel it is to somehow learn from mistakes, yet even a situation that is quite similar will have enough difference that any prior experience is useless.

In terms of second guessing diagnosis, this lasted about two years for me. Vacillating between feeling that there was nothing wrong with me, just difficulty in a few areas, that harder work, less involvement or lessened expectations wold solve.

Inside: it's difficult not accepting the diagnosis. I'm very slowly accepting it and viewing myself differently, through the lens of ASD. it's somewhat relieving to let up on blaming myself for shortcomings in communication and relationships, and issues with mood. Do you ever question the diagnosis anymore?

same as me,i love mindfulness and guided meditation,it has helped me a lot clear the over thinking that my autism and my OCD [informally diagnosed by my shrink] causes.for when i need quicker or combined help;reaching for a non nicotine CBD vape also helps me numb my thought process.

Toothless: I use a cbd tincture at times. I notice it does help with the physical symptoms of anxiety too. Sometimes I feel it works better than other times. I'm trying vitamins now to correct possible imbalances and lack of sunlight. I'm still waiting for results.

 

[toothless]

Toothless: I use a cbd tincture at times. I notice it does help with the physical symptoms of anxiety too. Sometimes I feel it works better than other times. I'm trying vitamins now to correct possible imbalances and lack of sunlight. I'm still waiting for results.

aster,thats awesome-ive been wondering how it affects other auties/aspies anxiety, it is great for the physical aspect of anxiety i find that to.

do you use the same brand of CBD every time or does it ever change?
i got given a different brand last time and its definitely no way near as effective as my previous CBD,even if you fill the tank with it,so i am waiting till i have a spare £25 to get another brand.

vitamins can be very helpful,im prescribed various ones,like a lot of auties/aspies i lack vitamin d so i get that on prescription in a form called hux d3.

 

[LittleLemon]

I'm going in circles. First I obsessed whether I was an Aspie or not. Then I got a diagnosis. Then I was thrilled and relieved I had answers. Then I started questioning it. What if they got it wrong? Then I come on here or go to my support group and I once again feel it's right. Repeat. I'm hoping to stop this cycle and just accept it and stop questioning it.

 

[Aster]

Toothless: that's great it works for you. I've only used one brand but it seems okay. I'm not completely sold on it as a stand by, but I like having it to try amongst other things. I guess I'm hard to impress but I need to remind myself that there is no panacea unfortunately. Kava kava is interesting too. I had gotten a bag of instant powdered mix and it does help with anxiety. Sometimes I feel a hangover afterwards though. And it's not recommended for everyday use.

I'm going in circles. First I obsessed whether I was an Aspie or not. Then I got a diagnosis. Then I was thrilled and relieved I had answers. Then I started questioning it. What if they got it wrong? Then I come on here or go to my support group and I once again feel it's right. Repeat. I'm hoping to stop this cycle and just accept it and stop questioning it.

Absolutely my experiences little lemon. It's uncomfortable isn't it? The constant questioning is a symptom of ocd which is part of aspergers basically, so I chalk it up to that. I do seem to be getting closer to feeling self assured of the diagnosis the more I read and participate here. It's quite nice to finally take some of the self blame away and replace it with the explanation of aspergers/asd. and that's fantastic your going to a group. I've started to be more active in mine recently. The company, no matter how superficial is very welcome. I hope your questioning becomes less uncomfortable for you.

 

[On the Inside]

Inside: it's difficult not accepting the diagnosis. I'm very slowly accepting it and viewing myself differently, through the lens of ASD. it's somewhat relieving to let up on blaming myself for shortcomings in communication and relationships, and issues with mood. Do you ever question the diagnosis anymore?

I have felt similar relief.

I don't question the diagnosis any longer, I fit right in. But I don't yet have the ability to live in harmony with it, which is a long term goal. Far from harmony, to be sure.

I think it will take years to finally shed the vestiges of the sense of self I once had, both the good and the bad. There are also a lot of relationships, agreements, other people's perceptions and expectations of me that need renegotiating, or outright discarding.

 

[Aster]

I have felt similar relief.

I don't question the diagnosis any longer, I fit right in. But I don't yet have the ability to live in harmony with it, which is a long term goal. Far from harmony, to be sure.

I think it will take years to finally shed the vestiges of the sense of self I once had, both the good and the bad. There are also a lot of relationships, agreements, other people's perceptions and expectations of me that need renegotiating, or outright discarding.

At times I feel anger at being this way, seemingly incongruent with the world. I have no idea what my family thinks but I have certainly wondered. Sometimes I think they probably assume I'm just navel gazing too much. It does add another level of awkwardness though to be sure. In the end, how the label services us is most important.

 

[On the Inside]

At times I feel anger at being this way, seemingly incongruent with the world. I have no idea what my family thinks but I have certainly wondered. Sometimes I think they probably assume I'm just navel gazing too much. It does add another level of awkwardness though to be sure. In the end, how the label services us is most important.

I don't feel anger or frustration that I am the way I am, but I do sometimes (often, actually) experience explosions of frustration and stress at what I have to do, in the time I have to do them, and the organization and planning I need to carry them out.

These are the things I was posting about that need some renegotiation. Some things I know can't be, and I will need to do my best, some things will ease naturally with time, and other things I just need to say " I can't do this, never have been able to, I've tried every which way, I just can't

Then it is being vigilant, knowing my limitations and simply not getting involved in things over my head. With the warped, over inflated sense of self I once had, I believed I was capable of so much that I am fundamentally unable, and unprepared to do.

 

[EstimatedProphet]

Rumination drives me round the twist.

Obsessive thoughts dominate my every waking moment and nothing I do quietens it.

Something as simple as a two word txt message can do my nut for hours and hours.

Please do explain "drives me round the twist" and "can do my nut" for ignorant socially non-calibrated Americans in the audience!

 

[xudo]

Please do explain "drives me round the twist" and "can do my nut" for ignorant socially non-calibrated Americans in the audience!

Both essentially mean something really annoys you. You could also say "doing my head in" instead of "nut", as nut is just a word we use for head

 

[EstimatedProphet]

I wasn't diagnosed until a few years ago, in my 30s. Before this I had been diagnosed with several mental health diagnoses. ... It's quite uncomfortable to say the least, to have all the painful symptoms of aspergers and on top of that to question the validity of the diagnosis....

The story is the same for me, Aster. I was diagnosed recently and am in my 40s. I haven't read all of the replies here, but I'll tell you what I did, and perhaps it'll be a solution for you. To keep myself from wasting time, going over all of my diagnosis materials and research again and again (which I did many times), I wrote a 1-page letter to myself that I read whenever those doubts creep into me. At first, I read it every morning and sometimes many times in a day. Slowly but surely, I've had to read it with less and less frequency and now only need it once every couple of weeks. The letter can say whatever you need it to say --write it during a time when you are most confident of your diagnosis. I hope that can work for you.

 

[EstimatedProphet]

Both essentially mean something really annoys you. You could also say "doing my head in" instead of "nut", as nut is just a word we use for head

TY! I enjoy learning new slang! I live in the SE US, and we have tons of great ones. If something drives you around twist, say "that chaps my ass." You'll hear "noggin" (soft o, soft g's, soft i) for head. "That boy tried to catch the ball, but it smacked him square in the noggin!" Ever heard of those? Perhaps a new forum....

 

[EstimatedProphet]

I'm going in circles. First I obsessed whether I was an Aspie or not. Then I got a diagnosis. Then I was thrilled and relieved I had answers. Then I started questioning it. What if they got it wrong? Then I come on here or go to my support group and I once again feel it's right. Repeat. I'm hoping to stop this cycle and just accept it and stop questioning it.

SAME.

 

[xudo]

TY! I enjoy learning new slang! I live in the SE US, and we have tons of great ones. If something drives you around twist, say "that chaps my ass." You'll hear "noggin" (soft o, soft g's, soft i) for head. "That boy tried to catch the ball, but it smacked him square in the noggin!" Ever heard of those? Perhaps a new forum....

Noggin is one people use here too! I must say, "that chaps my ass" made me laugh