Routines vs. Schedules

[On the Inside]

We hear all about how Aspies often have a rigid adherence to routines, repetitive behaviors and maybe have difficulty with spontaneity and surprises. I haven't heard much discussion about schedules.

While I am not the most spontaneous person, I am also not particularly rigid with routines. Though I prefer to not have too many disruptions and changes, I can accommodate and be flexible to a point. However, I strongly dislike trying to adhere to a strict schedule. I am a daydreamy type, and my mind often focuses on my own thoughts, or what I am engaged in, rather than what is going on around me at the time. Consequently, I tend to have challenges with timeliness, switching activities, responding to the needs and requests of others.

This morning, my partner and I spent an hour and a half developing yet another schedule for me to follow, in order to keep on track with my various projects, our personal needs, and my work. My partner is adamant about the effectiveness, and necessity, of following a fairly rigid schedule, often wanting to divide the day up into discrete blocks of time for everything from commuting times to sleep duration. In effect, my 24 hour schedule looks like a robotics program. This drives me crazy.

I admit to having drifted away from the effective use of time, and I have a lot to get to in the next few months, so I have no option but to agree to try and follow this schedule, at least for a few weeks. Then, like all the other times, I will gradually drift back to my own loose routine.

So, how do others feel about routines and schedules?

How dependent are you on following a schedule?

Is it reasonable to expect someone (an Aspie) to adhere to a strict schedule?

Am I being obstinate in defending control of my own routine?

 

[OrSomething]

I'm not too bad with routines. I have a routine that I follow, but I don't mind deviating from it.

 

[Astroganga]

We hear all about how Aspies often have a rigid adherence to routines, repetitive behaviors and maybe have difficulty with spontaneity and surprises. I haven't heard much discussion about schedules.

While I am not the most spontaneous person, I am also not particularly rigid with routines. Though I prefer to not have too many disruptions and changes, I can accommodate and be flexible to a point. However, I strongly dislike trying to adhere to a strict schedule. I am a daydreamy type, and my mind often focuses on my own thoughts, or what I am engaged in, rather than what is going on around me at the time. Consequently, I tend to have challenges with timeliness, switching activities, responding to the needs and requests of others.

This morning, my partner and I spent an hour and a half developing yet another schedule for me to follow, in order to keep on track with my various projects, our personal needs, and my work. My partner is adamant about the effectiveness, and necessity, of following a fairly rigid schedule, often wanting to divide the day up into discrete blocks of time for everything from commuting times to sleep duration. In effect, my 24 hour schedule looks like a robotics program. This drives me crazy.

I admit to having drifted away from the effective use of time, and I have a lot to get to in the next few months, so I have no option but to agree to try and follow this schedule, at least for a few weeks. Then, like all the other times, I will gradually drift back to my own loose routine.

So, how do others feel about routines and schedules?

How dependent are you on following a schedule?

Is it reasonable to expect someone (an Aspie) to adhere to a strict schedule?

Am I being obstinate in defending control of my own routine?

Basically I feel exactly as you do on this one and I also struggle to follow a strict schedule (or rather I find it impossible), however if I have no routine whatsoever or a drastic (or not so drastic) alteration to what I normally do on a day to day basic I feel unsettled, agitated and have gone into meltdown over it before now.

 

[Ronin82]

I have routines I follow, and a general schedule of what needs to happen by what time, but the schedule is generally flexible. I still tend to spaz out over doing things "on time" however. As long as my routines happen, I don't care so much about the schedules as long as I get back to work, and get done with work as quickly as possible. Yeah, I can't handle my routines being disturbed, it makes my whole day feel awful, but schedules I've learned to be flexible with.

 

[King_Oni]

No schedules and no routines... I can't deal with those at all. I function solely on impulse and that's how I function best. I hate repetition with a passion up to where I don't even walk to the grocerystore the same way twice in a row just to break routine.

For me, a big issue is that when I have to deal with routine it has to be such an absurdly rigid system and everything has to be part of it. So if I have to be part of a routine/schedule I can't deal with it being a half-assed deal. Jobs are particularly notorious for not holding up to insane standards of routine, since even assembly line is prone to interruptions eventually.

Routines for me would be so inclusive... for my environment.

I'll go as far as stating that for me to have a routine, I should just abandon the notion of weekdays and do a 7 day a week routine. Everyday the exact same with minimal changes in how the day is (and that includes outside factors like weather for example, as they will eventually affect my mood). It's the scary, bland dystopia that should be a routine, if I had to deal with that, but realistically, who wants that? Barely something to work with. If anyone ever saw The truman show, you probably know what i'm getting at. If I leave at 7 in the morning, I expect the same car to drive by at 7:01 in the morning, every single morning.

I've learned that even weekendbreaks from school were too intrusive for any chance of following routine and motivation was at an all time low after the first week already. I can't have that kind of change of "scenery" as it seems when I'm expected to deal with routines.

Over time I've grown to dislike schedules and plans quite a lot because of how society isn't doing it properly, so to speak.

So yeah; no routines for me. If I look at my days, I never make plans and the times I have something scheduled it annoys me, as it means I have to plan around something. It's not that I can't plan something; in a way, my executive functioning seems fairly fine in that regard, it's just that I don't want to. I feel I can't start something and enjoy it when I have to watch the time or know I have to quit eventually. It's probably why my lifestyle is also more of the "I'll sleep when I'm tired, not when it's night" variety. If my day is catching momentum and I'm in a mood to write music, I can easily go on for 40 hours or so (well, considering my mind usually needs to gain a bit of momentum to get into it, sitting down for just an hour doesn't work well for me).

Add in that I also have a love/hate relationship with time. If I know something happens at a certain time, I'm restless and end up checking the time way more than I should. I'm pretty much "actively waiting" for something, rather than do something until it's about time to do something else. It's when keeping track of time becomes obsessive. Interestingly enough if I'm not "pressured" I'm rarely 5 minutes off guestimating time at any time of the day, hence my love/hate relationship. Active timekeeping is a mess for me.

 

[Diagnosed2015]

I had always considered myself spontaneous, until I realized that even my spontaneity is "well planned." For instance, I have things ready "in case" I decide to go somewhere. I'm someone who needs to have a supply of something if I've opened it. Like, if I open a new bag of sugar (which will probably last 6 months), I have to go out and replace the sugar. Even to do that, I have a routine.

However, when I was being treated by a therapist for OCD, she told me the medication had to be taken three times a day. She said, it's usually not a problem for someone with OCD to handle. I told her that I would miss a dose and then obsess over the fact that I missed it. She said, "Instead of obsessing, TAKE THE PILL." <-- I'm getting better at it.

As far as schedules and routines, I have a wake up routine which involves waking up, checking the time, feeding the cat (because she's crying), going to the bathroom, and laying back down again. Two hours later, I get up, take my medications (and record them in a book), make my bed, move to my chair, and chill.

I have a bedtime routine as well. As far as structured schedules, I can't even keep track of what day it is and often have to remind myself. I will plan all week for something (reminding myself) and the day that it happens, forget. I've also sat down for "an hour" and completely missed what I was setting out to do.

Once I'm out, people see me as laidback and mellow, but they don't realize the amount of planning that went on in my head.

 

[atheistcanuck]

I tend to follow the same general routine (eat the same things etc), and feel unhappy when I have to change my routine, but I've never done well with strict schedules imposing doing things at the exact same time each day. My brain just kind of crashes.

 

[Uhura]

I cannot handle doing something spontaneously. I am ok if something is canceled. I don't need obsessive routines when I will be home. But going places is different. Then I need warning. I am more of a routine person in the sense of wanting things to be in the same order than I am at having things at the same time. For example a movie needs to follow the game but it doesn't matter what time it starts.

Then again, if I could drive maybe I would be more spontaneous in the sense of 'I need lettuce.' and going to get some. I could run to the store and back versus needing the energy to walk to the nearest one. It's easier just to say. 'I try to do all my shopping on Mondays.' Even though there are times when I need something in the middle of the week. Or am hungry on another day and don't have time to go home and back to another place so I just walk to the nearest store from where I am.

What I really hate is how it makes me look impatient. If someone will just say 'I don't know.' Or give me a time, then it's fine. I'm fine with being patient till that time. But when a time isn't planned and the person I am doing it with just says something like 'I'll call you when I'm ready.' or 'I'll call you later today.' Then I can feel like I'm losing my mind.

 

[Wex]

We hear all about how Aspies often have a rigid adherence to routines, repetitive behaviors and maybe have difficulty with spontaneity and surprises. I haven't heard much discussion about schedules....

While I am much like you in that my day to day schedule is a little more "free-wheeling" than my family, coworkers, employers, et al, would like, my "life routine" is very rigid.

What do I mean by "life routine"? There are patterns of activity, daily interactions, environmentals that I get accustomed to. Any change to these things, without proper time to transition leads to all kinds of havoc. Even the threat of disruption (whether real or merely perceived) leads to meltdowns on a graduating scale of "bad".

A good example: I am being told I need to spend time away from my family, home, office, etc for several months, for my job. I will be without those things for nearly a year; e.g., out of my "life routine". I have requested an accommodation to delay this trip, in order to better prepare myself (they want me to do it in a couple months after 5+years of this "life routine"); they don't want to grant the accommodation and it's been hell coping.

Does anyone else know what I mean? Do any of you have a "life routine"?

 

[invisible]

If I make the schedule then it's good (provided that I have the determination to stick to it - procrastination and becoming distracted are two of my biggest flaws) but if someone else tries to make me follow a schedule that they've devised then they can expect a meltdown. My own schedule I view as an extension of my routines; someone else's schedule is like when someone disrupts my routines.

 

[ancusmitis]

Routines aren't really my thing, although I can get stuck in a rut sometimes. I try to steer myself into ruts on helpful habits like showering twice every day (Rarely skip one) or sleeping at night (this one is a total failure most of the time) or working on homework instead of screwing around on the internet (more successful on this one, though sometimes I get really anxious and feel like I'm slipping, and I do fall behind sometimes).

 

[clg114]

Schedules do not bother me to much because it does not take long to become my routine. I like routines and I do not like change. Which is unfortunate since the only thing that is for sure, is that everything will change.

 

[Judge]

All my adult life I've pondered what it would be like to have a job that has an endless routine. Wondering if it would be soothing or if it would become boring to me. All the jobs I ever had were dynamic and stressful to some extent. That has never changed.

 

[Astroganga]

All my adult life I've pondered what it would be like to have a job that has an endless routine. Wondering if it would be soothing or if it would become boring to me. All the jobs I ever had were dynamic and stressful to some extent. That has never changed.

I used to be an office cleaner and the endless repetition and similar routine every day was kind of soothing. Easiest money ever. I never got bored but when they put me on cleaning different floors to the usual and cut the number of staff in half to save money, then it became stressful and no longer enjoyable. I left shortly afterwards.

 

[wanderer03]

There is a lot of comfort in routine. As I become an older aspie, I'm finding myself less adaptable to change. I'm even less able to tolerate stupid work rules. I respect well thought out rules but it seems management is filled with morons.

 

[On the Inside]

Routines aren't really my thing, although I can get stuck in a rut sometimes. I try to steer myself into ruts on helpful habits like showering twice every day (Rarely skip one) or sleeping at night (this one is a total failure most of the time) or working on homework instead of screwing around on the internet (more successful on this one, though sometimes I get really anxious and feel like I'm slipping, and I do fall behind sometimes).

That sounds a lot like me when I was in school and college. The Internet wasn't around yet, lucky for me, but I found plenty of books, music and other activities to keep my mind away from what I was supposed to be doing.

 

[On the Inside]

While I am much like you in that my day to day schedule is a little more "free-wheeling" than my family, coworkers, employers, et al, would like, my "life routine" is very rigid.

What do I mean by "life routine"? There are patterns of activity, daily interactions, environmentals that I get accustomed to. Any change to these things, without proper time to transition leads to all kinds of havoc. Even the threat of disruption (whether real or merely perceived) leads to meltdowns on a graduating scale of "bad".

A good example: I am being told I need to spend time away from my family, home, office, etc for several months, for my job. I will be without those things for nearly a year; e.g., out of my "life routine". I have requested an accommodation to delay this trip, in order to better prepare myself (they want me to do it in a couple months after 5+years of this "life routine"); they don't want to grant the accommodation and it's been hell coping.

Does anyone else know what I mean? Do any of you have a "life routine"?

That is a good term, life routine. I too need longer transition time between sleep and waking, home and work, work and home, that sort of thing. Weekends are very disruptive, there have been many Saturdays that I spent just making a pot of soup and sitting around reading, or just sitting in a quiet room. I struggle with the change, the lack of workday routine.

This makes me question whether this is a problem of discipline, being unwilling or simply unable to order my life in a way that allows me to be as effective as most people. I don't mind being this way, but other people have questioned my commitment, my discipline, my level of caring based on this difficulty I have with maintaining what others feel is an acceptable order in my life. I have loose routines, and really struggle with following a schedule.

Thanks for all of the responses, this has been an issue for me most of my life.

 

[Progster]

I'm ok with spontaneity and changes to the routine as long as I'm the one making them. I can suddenly decide to do something or change something when it's my idea. If someone else suddenly springs a change on me at the last minute, I can get upset and frustrated - I need time to adjust to a new idea or new thing. I'm a teacher, and it drives me mad when the students want to cancel or change my schedules at the last minute.

 

[sidamo]

Routines are wonderful, changes aren't bad as long as there is LOTS of alone time left over to be happy in. Solitude is the best. Meeting, cooperating, brainstorming is excellent and joyful as long as there is an ocean of quiet on each end of the activities.

 

[LostInSilentHill]

I hate schedules, they cause me a lot of panic. I'm so afraid of not being able to comply to it that it really disrupts my life. I have routines and get upset when they are disrupted but having a rigid set schedule bothers me. This is why I have such trouble working a steady job. I have to put everything down in my calendar or else I'll forget about it but seeing it full with expectations sets me off.