Romance and feeling romantic

[sisselcakes]

I'm sitting here reading my alerts and listening to some romantic Spanish music.

My bf is on the spectrum (undiagnosed, but I would bet my life on it and he agrees) and so I'm wondering about things and how people with ASD experience things. I'm wondering do you ever feel romantic? How does that feel? Or is this an NT concept/experience?

I'll ask him, but he's not home right now! I'm not sure he will understand what I'm talking about.

Update: He just got home and when I asked him if he ever feels romantic, he smiled and said, "I'm not romantic. I'm sorry." Then he went on to say he understands the concept (insinuating he doesn't ever feel romantic). There's something so lovable about the guy. What can I say?

 

[MrSpock]

I'm not sure, and would expect others not to be either. If you could define romantic that would help... I almost expect you to say that if I don't know then the answer is that I don't feel it, but I wouldn't be so sure. It could be that different things provoke that feeling in me, I seems I'm often not on the same page with others where emotions are concerned but they're definitely there, have been told by NT women that I am an emotional guy. I can certainly feel them and decide to act on them, but it's usually a rational decision and I don't reason with them, that's very separate.

 

[Bolletje]

I don’t do traditional romance. Candles, chocolates, flowers, grand gestures, they don’t do anything for me. I do have romantic feelings though. And when my boyfriend does something to show me he cares about me and knows me, I do get overwhelmed with love.

 

[Judge]

Yeah. Like jealousy or envy, I know what romance is. I can sense it in others.

However I just don't experience it myself. Definitely something that has complicated past relationships.

Indeed, I'm not romantic either. I'm sorry.

 

[SusanLR]

Romantic for me is an emtional sensation.
I find it to be spontaneous when I have felt it.
When it hits me being around the person that I feel romantic for, it is a happiness, a desire to be with that person and do things with them even if only talk. It feels like the warm fuzzies has happened inside.
Fireworks
It doesn't have anything to do with sex as that is just a physical act for pleasure to me.
It's all about feeling love that's simply irresistible.

 

[Major Tom]

I kind of have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea. It seems like a complicated game that I don't have the rulebook for.

 

[Bella Pines]

Nope.

I've looked up various terms in the dictionary, like "romance" and "loneliness". Not a clue, I can't even slightly relate. At one point I thought that NTs might just be making it all up, but I think they do actually feel things like loneliness. You lot are so weird

 

[Suzanne]

Too much given to logic to be romantic lol although, I do have romantic moments.

My husband is very romantic and although I try hard, I see how silly it is and just cannot go all dreamy and kissy and he often complains of that.

To me a deep converstion is the most romantic feeling I can reach.

 

[Aeolienne]

Most of the things that are conventionally described as romantic strike me as insincere, silly or sexist.

 

[Bolletje]

My idea of romance is eating too much food and playing video games together. Or gifting my boyfriend a Kinder Egg/his favorite food/a book I know he’ll love.

 

[tree]

Definition of romantic
1 : consisting of or resembling a romance
2 : having no basis in fact : imaginary
3 : impractical in conception or plan : visionary
4 a : marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of what is heroic, adventurous, remote, mysterious, or idealized
b often capitalized : of, relating to, or having the characteristics of romanticism
c : of or relating to music of the 19th century characterized by an emphasis on subjective emotional qualities and freedom of form; also : of or relating to a composer of this music
5 a : having an inclination for romance : responsive to the appeal of what is idealized, heroic, or adventurous
b : marked by expressions of love or affection
c : conducive to or suitable for lovemaking
6 : of, relating to, or constituting the part of the hero especially in a light comedy
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/romantic

Definition of romance
1 a (1) : a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural
(2) : a prose narrative treating imaginary characters involved in events remote in time or place and usually heroic, adventurous, or mysterious
(3) : a love story especially in the form of a novel
b : a class of such literature
2 : something (such as an extravagant story or account) that lacks basis in fact
3 : an emotional attraction or aura belonging to an especially heroic era, adventure, or activity
4 : love affair
5 capitalized : the Romance languages
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/romance

 

[I love roses]

Too much given to logic to be romantic lol although, I do have romantic moments.

My husband is very romantic and although I try hard, I see how silly it is and just cannot go all dreamy and kissy and he often complains of that.

To me a deep converstion is the most romantic feeling I can reach.

I used to expect flowers, candy, typical romantic stuff because I think it was shown on TV so much and Inthought if a guy did that it was verification I wouldn’t be abandoned. I also wanted to be admired and accepted by all NT women at work and they all got their valentine stuff at the office and gloted over it and complemented each other on what they got. So if my flowers were sent to my house i was disappointed because i did t get to “fit in”. But what floats my boat now that I don’t try to mimic so much what others do and I don’t need proof from my man since I know he is staying is.... When he does a manly man thing that a woman can’t do. Tomorrow I hope he fixes the roof so I don’t have to be in fear that the house will fall apart. I will have thus been rescued by manly man and feel more loving toward him. I have a lot of fear based issues. I need my security. I don’t like worrying about stuff men should do. Deep conversation is the other one. Mine isn’t into deep stuff much so i have to search out my own mind candy which is disappointing. His comfort gestures are childish. He is a great person but he has development issues or a learning disability or something so I have to overlook that part.

 

[sisselcakes]

I'm not sure, and would expect others not to be either. If you could define romantic that would help... I almost expect you to say that if I don't know then the answer is that I don't feel it, but I wouldn't be so sure. It could be that different things provoke that feeling in me, I seems I'm often not on the same page with others where emotions are concerned but they're definitely there, have been told by NT women that I am an emotional guy. I can certainly feel them and decide to act on them, but it's usually a rational decision and I don't reason with them, that's very separate.

I was just curious because the concept is something that's hard to explain. It's something I just experience and it actually doesn't have to be romantic with a person per se. I could feel romantic about a movie or a place. I was wondering what that might be like for someone on the spectrum because it seems like a kind of ethereal concept. Thanks for writing!

 

[sisselcakes]

I don’t do traditional romance. Candles, chocolates, flowers, grand gestures, they don’t do anything for me. I do have romantic feelings though. And when my boyfriend does something to show me he cares about me and knows me, I do get overwhelmed with love.

That's sweet. I'm not romantic in traditional sense either (i.e., chocolates, flowers). I guess there are different interpretations about what romance really is. It must be the feeling either the giver or recipient experiences, and those can differ greatly depending on the context!

 

[sisselcakes]

Yeah. Like jealousy or envy, I know what romance is. I can sense it in others.

However I just don't experience it myself. Definitely something that has complicated past relationships.

Indeed, I'm not romantic either. I'm sorry.

Romance can be overrated, especially when it bleeds into cheesiness. I think everyone has their own concept of it. I can feel romantic when I'm by myself in a beautiful place- kind of akin to awe. If a guy were to shower me with gifts or rose petals on the bed, I think I'd barf! Maybe I'm a romantic realist.

 

[sisselcakes]

I kind of have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea. It seems like a complicated game that I don't have the rulebook for.

And guess what- it differs by people. That occurs to me as I'm reading people's responses. Even among NT's, there's no universally agreed upon idea of what's romantic versus not. For some, a having their partner serenade them would be romantic, where it would just embarrass me!

 

[sisselcakes]

My idea of romance is eating too much food and playing video games together. Or gifting my boyfriend a Kinder Egg/his favorite food/a book I know he’ll love.

Love it!

 

[sisselcakes]

I used to expect flowers, candy, typical romantic stuff because I think it was shown on TV so much and Inthought if a guy did that it was verification I wouldn’t be abandoned. I also wanted to be admired and accepted by all NT women at work and they all got their valentine stuff at the office and gloted over it and complemented each other on what they got. So if my flowers were sent to my house i was disappointed because i did t get to “fit in”. But what floats my boat now that I don’t try to mimic so much what others do and I don’t need proof from my man since I know he is staying is.... When he does a manly man thing that a woman can’t do. Tomorrow I hope he fixes the roof so I don’t have to be in fear that the house will fall apart. I will have thus been rescued by manly man and feel more loving toward him. I have a lot of fear based issues. I need my security. I don’t like worrying about stuff men should do. Deep conversation is the other one. Mine isn’t into deep stuff much so i have to search out my own mind candy which is disappointing. His comfort gestures are childish. He is a great person but he has development issues or a learning disability or something so I have to overlook that part.

My bf informed me he's not romantic, but if I had to press him on what the most romantic thing you could do for someone, I think he'd answer that it's going out of your way to do something for someone you love- helping them out.

Once he got me flowers for my birthday, even though I told him I don't like flowers. (I'm kind of practical that way. They just end up dying!) I could tell he was just following a script he has seen (or maybe learned in his previous marriage), because he unceremoniously dropped them on the stove and said "I got you flowers". I thought it was sweet. It was the fact he made the effort that was loveable.

 

[VioletHaze_03]

I think the most "romantic" moment i've ever had with someone is when me and my guy-friend text each other about whatever. I never knew someone could get flustered through text, but i guess it's possible . Anyway, i feel romance as having a strong bond and level of trust with someone, and being able to laugh about things you would normally feel awkward talking about with other people, and you know, just feeling emotionally close to them and really warm and happy when you're with them. Idk how to explain it.