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Response I received on another site

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Martha Ferris, Jul 26, 2021.

  1. Martha Ferris

    Martha Ferris Seeking answers

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    I posted on another site about my being on the spectrum and a response I received says that "Everyone is a little autistic." Thoughts?
     
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  2. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit Keep trying to be as amazing as you really are V.I.P Member

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    I would straight up ask some of the people who have been here a while about which sites to avoid. Apparently some if them are not much good. And some are worse.
    I'm not sure about talking about other sites specifically, I think it is taboo for some reason, gossipy? Not sure
     
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  3. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Tired old memes about autism.
     
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  4. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I found I have to mask on other (NT) sites or else will run into problems/conflicts. It's why I switched to sites with others on the spectrum. They are the only place I can be myself. I still use other sites occasionally (special interest, family and friend facebook, etc) but in very brief or measured ways.
     
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  5. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Wish I could find the response to such a thread right here in this forum. Where I made graphic examples of boxes with traits and behaviors where one would check them if they applied. The point being that what really separates autistic from non-autistic people are the sum total of their traits and behaviors.

    Sure Neurotypicals can have a handful of autistic traits and behaviors. Two, three, even five or six. Maybe even ten! But that in itself emphatically does not make them autistic. Not when we on the spectrum can have an overwhelming number of autistic traits and behaviors in comparison. One thing I've always found beneficial about this forum is to learn that we have far more traits and behaviors than what the Neurotypical medical professionals seem to account for.
     
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  6. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think I need help with my emotional mutrity (serious addmission) so please regard my comment with caution.

    I would respond, "Autisim is a neurological disorder and you can not have "just a little bit" of it any more than you can have "just a little bit" of a broken neck."

    I don't know if people are trying to relate or are dismissive but I find those comments offensive.
     
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  7. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

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    My parents were the same way when I told them about my ADHD assessment. Even after scoring full marks on the assessment they kept commenting with their typical generalisation - oh everyone can get distracted, excitable or have issues with waiting etc.

    It's not to say these aren't human emotions and difficulties that everyone faces. It's just that with a disorder - people experience them a lot more often, and frequently with more intensity.

    2 of my therapists were quite dismissive about my desire to learn more about the spectrum. One even said "everyone is on the spectrum." But that sort of mentality doesn't really help. For people seeking closure and understanding - being told a blanket statement doesn't help at all. If anything, it can throw your beliefs into doubt.

    Ed
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2021
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  8. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Before my official diagnosis, I used to hear that a lot or: no way, you don't look autistic or even: oh, right, you are autistic, that means you are a genus with math? I laughed to that one, and said that I am completely the opposite. Then the same person said: you must get into a lot of obsessions and I said: yep, you are right there, I do!

    Since diagnosis, though, no one has said anything like that, but that is because diagnosis is very important to nt folk, with if I am admitting it, no doubt I would be the same way, if I were an nt.
     
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  9. Shamar

    Shamar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I agree that autistic traits can be found to a minor degree in most people. After all, its a spectrum, and there must be people at the far ends. But when it controls your life and makes it difficult or impossible to function in society, THAT is autism, and they absolutely do not qualify.
     
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  10. ForestGumpett

    ForestGumpett Well-Known Member

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    Sounded like the person was a dismissive jerk. I ignore people like that and usually just block them or put them on ignore.

    Why waste your time on a stranger that is mean?

    The answer to your question that you asked them, well I do not know the answer. What I do know is that it seems that the person isn’t someone that you want to associate with due to how disrespectful they were.
     
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  11. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    This is the perfect answer really and it never occurred to me. Proof, maybe, that I need to work on my emotional maturity!
     
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  12. LadyS

    LadyS Work in Progess

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    I've noticed some people, not all, are like that in that they're not comfortable with the fact that there are people different from them or that they suffer from things that they're not familiar with so they try to dismiss. You can say the same with other things pertaining to racism and other psychological conditions.

    I think it stems from a desire for all things being equal so life becomes less complicated, and more black and white. The more complicated things become, the more effort one has to put in to try to understand and accept.
     
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  13. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Actually I myself do believe that it is possible for a person to be 'a little bit' autistic. It has to do with the current genetic reserach being done. There isn't just one genetic variation that makes you autistic. There are (so far) 100 variations associated with autistics. That is they occur significantly more often with people on the spectrum. But as I understand it you can have any number of these, from a few to many. No one has all 100. And if you have enough, you will start to present symptoms, and the more you have the more symptoms you are likely to have. Also they are nearly all concentrated in two specific areas of the genome which are assiciated with general and brain development. People that appear NT might actually have a few. Also interestingly the biggest study identified that women need more of the variations to reach a tripping point and present symptoms.

    But don't take my word for it. It's just my own read on the studies being done. Continue to do your own investigation and come to your own conclusions.

    That said The majority of NT's likely have few (or perhaps none) of the variations and to say they are autistic likely inaccurate. I think that some can identify with this or that common autistic trait and therefore feel some similarity, but the picture is very complicated and overlaps abound with many traits.

    It can reach very large proportions, this belief. There is a saying in Finland that the entire country is autistic. But I think it is that their culture has just developed in some ways that are similar. You actually can reach something like the same point via different roads... but it is held together by different things. Culture can be changed, autistics can not change their nature.
     
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  14. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    It's groupthink; it goes on the assumption that it is desirable to be in a group, to be the same as others and undesirable to be different. It's meant to help or reassure; to say it's ok, you belong, you are no different to us, but in actual fact it's dismissive, invalidating and condescending.
     
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  15. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I find that type of response to be dismissive and insensitive.

    To me that's like saying to someone with a mobility disability: "Yeah we all have trouble getting around sometimes."

    Or to someone who has sustained actual abuse and trauma in their lives: "Yeah, people can be jerks sometimes, can't they?"

    Or telling a soldier who has PTSD from serving in combat: "Yeah, loud noises are a problem, aren't they?"

    Insensitive, dismissive and offensive.
     
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  16. WildCat

    WildCat V.I.P Member

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    That's not the first time I've heard of that saying. Makes me wonder if any of these people are using the same playbook so to speak.
     
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  17. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    They can't cope with somebody with autism not being male and verbal!, the neuro typical way is to make everything theirs thus everybody is autistic
    Autism to them is a male child who is non-verbal, and it is a developmental disorder so unless you were about 10% of the world's population you are not a person with autistic neurology
     
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  18. Nairobi

    Nairobi Active Member

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    Do you think this is what they meant when they made that comment? And do you have any thoughts about why so many of us appraised it the way we did here? (i.e. they are being dismissive, they are ignorant, etc.) Are we being reflexive, are we basing it on past negative experiences? I'm just now coming to realize how little I understand of people's motives - and I keep forgetting to remember that. Because it feels safer and more natural to go with my built up reflexes or built up "wisdom", which I'm not so sure is wisdom anymore, but maybe outdated or inappropriate defenses for protective purposes of navigating a weird planet I don't understand.
     
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  19. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    That is very insightful. The internet is especially fraught with difficulties because one can't actually know anyones motive unless one asks directly.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2021
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  20. NB79

    NB79 Active Member

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    We tend to give things said by others too much importance i think sometimes. Like if they really think and meant that stuff when in reality they were only 'chit chatting' and trying to be social with us.
     
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