Relaxing Without Offending the Family

[Reu]

Sometimes (ok maybe often) I just need some solitude and quiet. I just need some time for my special interests. It helps me relax and relieves my stress. It takes a whole day for me to calm down from my work week before I can even start relaxing and enjoying things.

My issue is that I have a wife and five kids. Not that that’s a problem in and of itself. It’s just hard to get some solitude in my house. Does anyone have any suggestions or experience in regard to getting some solitude without offending the family?

Often it just feels like when they are in the same room, i have to cater to them or like they need something from me. They aren’t asking for anything. It just feels that way. I don’t like asking the kids to leave the room but I truly just need time alone. I don’t want my family to feel bad.

 

[midlife aspie]

Is your family aware of your needs? Perhaps a designated room or area can be reserved for you when you need to tune out? Maybe you could get one of those color changing LED bulbs and adjust the color according to your moods.

 

[Autistamatic]

Is a garden shed an option? Or do you have an attic/basement that could be converted into a useable space? Somewhere to be designated your quiet space for when you need it.

 

[Major Tom]

Two words for you man cave haha. I'm thinking about building my own. Placing booby traps around the entrance, with large ferocious akita dogs to deter intruders.

 

[Pats]

That was one advantage I had to working night shift, I remained on the same sleep schedule whether I was working or not. I think the unhealthy part of working nights is that most people try to change their sleep habits back and forth. I slept while my kids were at school and at night when I was not working, all the kids were safe in bed and I had the house to myself. (Another advantage as the kids reached their teens - they couldn't sneak out at night because I was up. lol)

 

[Progster]

I remember, when I was growing up and had siblings and parents around all the time and not much privacy, I used to lock myself in the bathroom with a book, and take a nice, long, relaxing bath. Or I used to go to a hideout at the bottom of the garden which I had made myself.

They need to consider your needs, but also you need to consider their needs, so some compromises need to be made on both parts. Perhaps talk to your family that you are tired and need down time, have a signal for this, you could put a 'do not disturb' sign on the door of your room when you don't want to be disturbed.

 

[SusanLR]

It can't be hidden from them.
Knowing this is just how we are and that it doesn't mean we are ignoring them, but, we just need our
down time alone.
Explain it to them nicely, maybe make a certain area and time for yourself and hope they understand when
you tell them what you need due to being Aspie.
There's no way not to offend them if they don't understand.

 

[Mattymatt]

Sometimes (ok maybe often) I just need some solitude and quiet. I just need some time for my special interests. It helps me relax and relieves my stress. It takes a whole day for me to calm down from my work week before I can even start relaxing and enjoying things.

My issue is that I have a wife and five kids. Not that that’s a problem in and of itself. It’s just hard to get some solitude in my house. Does anyone have any suggestions or experience in regard to getting some solitude without offending the family?

Often it just feels like when they are in the same room, i have to cater to them or like they need something from me. They aren’t asking for anything. It just feels that way. I don’t like asking the kids to leave the room but I truly just need time alone. I don’t want my family to feel bad.

You should neither feel bad nor apologize for your needs of solitude. At some point, if your family is offended by a basic need such as this, you'll have to just shrug your shoulders. Wanting alone time is not an unreasonable need by far.

 

[Reu]

Is your family aware of your needs? Perhaps a designated room or area can be reserved for you when you need to tune out? Maybe you could get one of those color changing LED bulbs and adjust the color according to your moods.

They are aware of my AS. Not sure if my kids understand about my just needing to be alone.
I like your idea about the LED light.
Part of my issue is that playing video games is relaxing for me but the tv is in a common room. My wife and I had decided early on in our marriage that we didn’t want TVs in the bedrooms. That was before we knew about my AS though. Not sure I want to change our decision to having a tv in the bedroom. That might just be my AS thinking though. I dunno.

 

[Reu]

Is a garden shed an option? Or do you have an attic/basement that could be converted into a useable space? Somewhere to be designated your quiet space for when you need it.

I typically use the bedroom for quiet space but activity in there is limited.

 

[Tom]

You need your own space, for hobbies, relaxation etc. Usually rooms are in short supply so it ends up being some part of the basement if you have one.

 

[Pats]

They are aware of my AS. Not sure if my kids understand about my just needing to be alone.
I like your idea about the LED light.
Part of my issue is that playing video games is relaxing for me but the tv is in a common room. My wife and I had decided early on in our marriage that we didn’t want TVs in the bedrooms. That was before we knew about my AS though. Not sure I want to change our decision to having a tv in the bedroom. That might just be my AS thinking though. I dunno.

Funny - my daughter and I once fought over which bedroom the small tv went to - hers or mine. Neither of us wanted it.

 

[tducey]

Everyone needs their own space from time to time. Your family should understand that. A man cave or an outside shed would suffice IMO.

 

[Pats]

Ever watch "Leave it to Beaver" or other shows from the 50"s? The attitudes then were - don't bother your father, he has worked all day.

 

[pamelaperejil]

When I need space I go out and chill in my car.

 

[DCA]

I have my basement that I can retreat to. It has a workbench where I do a lot of my hobby stuff. I think you simply need to explain to them that you need a little time to yourself. I explained this to my kids that if I say "I need some alone time" they understand & go do something else for a while.