iamlindsaythatisall
Tomorrow's just your future yesterday
I wasn't sure if I should make this a forum post or a blog, but here we go...
I haven't been officially diagnosed with ASD, but the one thing that makes it blatantly clear that I am not really on the 'same level' as everyone else is relationships. Past and present. Once I started on this self-discovery journey, I began replaying interactions I've had with others through the lens of potentially having ASD. Things started to... come together. From the very beginning! Interacting with others has always been a nightmare for me, and once I finally develop a relationship with someone, it usually ends with me being taken advantage of or me just losing interest, and then I just slam the door. And I mean I drop all contact in the blink of an eye. No explanation. This goes for friends and partners. I've had very few of both... I've also realized how oblivious I can be in reading situations with others - letting certain people slip through the cracks unintentionally. Realizing how rude I must've sounded... oh boy.
I could further dissect my relationships, but I shall spare you the boring details! Even though it is my STRONG instinct to give every single one... Before adding this aforementioned 'ASD lens' to my life, I often blamed myself for being in these situations. I asked what the hell was wrong with me?! But I'm starting to go easy on myself. I still have those moments where I question everything and call myself a fool for thinking this is really an issue, but I try to be mindful in those moments and attempt to forgive myself. I still have issues with relationships to this day, and I'm not sure how or if it will ever change... I may be 30, but it feels like this is only the beginning.
I haven't been officially diagnosed with ASD, but the one thing that makes it blatantly clear that I am not really on the 'same level' as everyone else is relationships. Past and present. Once I started on this self-discovery journey, I began replaying interactions I've had with others through the lens of potentially having ASD. Things started to... come together. From the very beginning! Interacting with others has always been a nightmare for me, and once I finally develop a relationship with someone, it usually ends with me being taken advantage of or me just losing interest, and then I just slam the door. And I mean I drop all contact in the blink of an eye. No explanation. This goes for friends and partners. I've had very few of both... I've also realized how oblivious I can be in reading situations with others - letting certain people slip through the cracks unintentionally. Realizing how rude I must've sounded... oh boy.
I could further dissect my relationships, but I shall spare you the boring details! Even though it is my STRONG instinct to give every single one... Before adding this aforementioned 'ASD lens' to my life, I often blamed myself for being in these situations. I asked what the hell was wrong with me?! But I'm starting to go easy on myself. I still have those moments where I question everything and call myself a fool for thinking this is really an issue, but I try to be mindful in those moments and attempt to forgive myself. I still have issues with relationships to this day, and I'm not sure how or if it will ever change... I may be 30, but it feels like this is only the beginning.