Relationship or just useful

[Alan tm]

I often end up with a relationship or friends that need me . Need as in , do this list.

It’s not really much more , it’s easy to understand a situation where your useful.
I’m here doing this function.ok

Often they are not very helpful to me , is that to cold to say ?
I think it might be the most common aspie reason for very few friends... do i need all this extra Complication

it’s not that they are being that way on purpose it’s just I can do 81% of things without them As in they can just end up in the way.

People are very independent isolated things .

It’s like trying to get close to a Pigeon, it’s there it wants food but outside that it would be better off doing pigeon stuff somewhere else.

A lot of people are like that ,
Its like it seems to be based on an idea of when events happen they need to tell you it’s going way better than your life is and your ment to praise them

or things have gone really bad and you need to know it . When everything is fine most people in the world are invisible to each other .

This is why a situation your need can be mistaken for loving.
I’m here doing things , there for I am.

Sorry about the rambling it’s been one of those confusing weeks

 

[Isadoorian]

I'm confused by your post.

So what you're basically saying is you end your friendships because you don't want their help or you don't want to help them in any capacity? Am I understanding this right?

Perhaps you don't truly understand what a Friendship is. Friends look out for each other, hang out with and entertain one another, and help each other in their times of need. Maybe Friend 1 needs assistance with moving into a place place, or Friend 2s car broke down unexpectedly and he/she won't have the funds to get it fixed for a couple weeks and so you've offered to give them a ride to and from work and so forth until then, and not accept their money because you know they need it more than you do.

 

[Shamar]

I often end up with a relationship or friends that need me . Need as in , do this list.

It’s not really much more , it’s easy to understand a situation where your useful.
I’m here doing this function.ok

Often they are not very helpful to me , is that to cold to say ?
I think it might be the most common aspie reason for very few friends... do i need all this extra Complication

I have been through this. I don't call it friendship, I call it being used or taken advantage of. Either way, you are best out of it.

We aspies can get so lonely that a false illusion of friendship seems to feel good, even when we know it is false and will end when we are no longer useful to the people offering this "friendship."

Friendship should not be complicated (although it often is), and should be mutual, not just for the benefit of one side. When only one side is giving or one side is taking, it is not friendship, no matter how good the illusion feels at the time.

 

[Aspychata]

To me, hanging out with someone that gets you, is fun to spend time with, and whatever great things that come along with that. Maybe you need to find that?

 

[Fino]

I found this relateable and insightful, insightful being especially in the last part. You're doing great! Thank you for posting! I feel like it's many things I've thought in fragments before without ever putting together into actual ideas.

 

[Suzanne]

When we break normal actions down and become analytical about it, we find that there is no substance to what is normal and get confused and the reason for this, is because we are human and not robots, even though many would rather be that way.

Relationships are made up of several positive points and negative ones.

We want so badly to be on our own, because life is so blasted hard for us; but we have the irriation of needing another human being to interact with and there starts the analytical thinking pattern.

 

[clg114]

I have been in a situation like that for years. I call it "friendly neighborhood mechanic syndrome".

 

[Aspychata]

I often end up with a relationship or friends that need me . Need as in , do this list.

It’s not really much more , it’s easy to understand a situation where your useful.
I’m here doing this function.ok

Often they are not very helpful to me , is that to cold to say ?
I think it might be the most common aspie reason for very few friends... do i need all this extra Complication

it’s not that they are being that way on purpose it’s just I can do 81% of things without them As in they can just end up in the way.

People are very independent isolated things .

It’s like trying to get close to a Pigeon, it’s there it wants food but outside that it would be better off doing pigeon stuff somewhere else.

A lot of people are like that ,
Its like it seems to be based on an idea of when events happen they need to tell you it’s going way better than your life is and your ment to praise them

or things have gone really bad and you need to know it . When everything is fine most people in the world are invisible to each other .

This is why a situation your need can be mistaken for loving.
I’m here doing things , there for I am.

Sorry about the rambling it’s been one of those confusing weeks

l like the pigeon analogy, but it doesn't stop people from having birds as pets. Are you to tied into what can you do for me complex? l think it comes down to enjoying company of someone particular, maybe you just haven't met that type of friend.

 

[paloftoon]

I often end up with a relationship or friends that need me . Need as in , do this list.

It’s not really much more , it’s easy to understand a situation where your useful.
I’m here doing this function.ok

Often they are not very helpful to me , is that to cold to say ?
I think it might be the most common aspie reason for very few friends... do i need all this extra Complication

. . .

Hey Alan, telling people directly they are not helpful is a very cold thing to say.
If you feel you are in a context where you may need to be cold, then do so, but be careful. If you aren't 100% sure you want to say something like that, then don't say it.

What you do instead if just say you aren't able to help, or counter with something that you need help. If you already helped them once before and they haven't returned the favor, say you can't help until they help with something else first. Part of being appropriate with help is being able to show people you can confidently and fairly express and stand up for yourself when necessary. When you know what to ask for tactfully without directly insulting the person, this will help you socially a lot. It's not easy. If you have to play such games, having a friendship with this question is certainly a question all on its own. Earning the respect will help make you feel good and strong though regardless of the outcome of friendship. Unless you are specifically asked why so and so won't get help with you for something and only if they keep asking:
1. you after you told them that they aren't able to help you with some other thing you need help with,
2. You offered them suggestions of how they can improve themselves if they continue to ask you why after asking them for help if they keep prying

and only then after the two above should you consider saying they are useless to you.
Once you use language like that, expect the friendship to completely dissipate, and don't ask or help that person with anything unless they initiate an apology and show you respect with their time and energy at your convenience.