Regression possible as adults?

[Jdeisher]

im tumbling around a statement my wife said a few nights ago(I posted a thread about it). After the argument started, which I didn’t argue back obviously. She stated that “I wasn’t always like this, the last year has been so different.” I have been thinking hard about that. I have adjusted myself and coped and learned how to act as normal as possible to fit in. Has anyone ever had a regression from a huge change in lifestyle, my son was born last September. So it’s been just over a year. Did him coming result in me regressing into not cuddling or showing affection towards my wife. Is it possible for that to occur. I mean I had to adjust to ALOT of change.

 

[Katleya]

I have varying levels of regression, most of them related to stress intensity. I can keep up with a fairly high amount of pressure without a problem, but if I'm under the type of stress that would cause other people depression, better believe that I will be struggling much harder with things that were previosly seen as 'acquired'.

Actually, I'm still recovering from one of those bouts. I overworked myself for 2 years straight, spent the last of those 2 years badly bullied, ended up as burnt out as toast, with way less ability to focus, severely decreased short term memory, heightened dyspraxia, etc. Basically, anything that I would keep in check to appear normal-ish, well, all of that just flew all over the place, and I'm still trying to piece it back together. I'm not taken seriously, because my normal is somewhat higher than many people's standards, and I'm thought to function. Yeah, at the moment, I function like a Ferrari driving at the pace of a scooter. Sure, it'll eventually get to its destination, but it's not working as it should. It's weird to be in speech therapy because my memory and attention are so bad now, struggling to spell out words, when I'm normally able to learn a new language in less than a week.

I had another similar episode years ago. Lasted nearly a year, and it took a good 2 years after that to return to my normal.

 

[Katleya]

Oh, and another thing that may be perceived as regression by anyone outside of the spectrum, not sure if others have experienced it: after I received the official diagnosis, I was in a place mentally where I was much more ready to accept myself for what I am. I'll still make efforts to interact nicely with people, but I've separated what traits and behaviors needed to be kept in check from those that I could actually let fly free.

So, from an outside standpoint, my Aspieness probably appears a little more flamboyant as it used to, because I'm no longer bothered with camouflaging everything, only what is really necessary to not completely freak people out. Less pressure on myself = less stress = a happier me.

I'm talking about some of the less invasive aspects, e.g. if that means asking people to repeat what they said 3 times over, so be it. Or asking for lights to be dimmed, etc. I'll just now warn them that I might make them repeat because I have trouble making out the words, not because I'm not paying attention.

Overall, I'm a little more assertive, and so is my autism, and as a result, I find it easier to manage on a daily basis, but it might look more dramatic to a 3rd party.

 

[InPrincipio]

Going through many similar things to Katleya in the past 2 years myself. Not sure if I would call it regression, but it happens at the worst of times with high stress. My husband would probably say that I haven't always been this way, but if he were to take the time to process, he would probably say there have been times... some of those times lasting longer than others.

 

[Chance]

Jdeisher, I will never try and make you think one way or the other... YOU know if things are changing. For me... It created a nightmare between me and my wife... You and your wife need to be strong...

What your wife said to you...my wife has said so many times... My wife has never supported, or even allowed me to discuss what was told to both of us in the doctors office. It was like that day my wife threw up a very high wall, and maybe I went the other way when she did... I'm not sure. Just try not to let the gap get to big, at some point its simply more than 2 people can deal with... (in my case).

So, try very hard to communicate with her and hopefully you both will adjust itself accordingly. : )

 

[Judge]

"Regression" strikes me as a term indicative of a Neurotypical's point of view. After all, when we are ourselves, we're naturally prone to autistic traits and behaviors.

That to mask our traits and behaviors inherently takes physical and emotional energy that can ebb and flow depending on the day-to-day circumstances of our lives. So at times we simply don't have the energy or the social skill to sustain such a social charade. That's all.

You bet- big changes in life are bound to impact our ability to pacify Neurotypicals in our tightest social orbit.

 

[Lydiasaurus]

I become more "child-like" when I'm stressed or anxious or depressed (but not all the time) sometimes I'm really adult and mature, maternal. Sometimes I'm just like a scared little girl.

 

[Keigan]

im tumbling around a statement my wife said a few nights ago(I posted a thread about it). After the argument started, which I didn’t argue back obviously. She stated that “I wasn’t always like this, the last year has been so different.” I have been thinking hard about that. I have adjusted myself and coped and learned how to act as normal as possible to fit in. Has anyone ever had a regression from a huge change in lifestyle, my son was born last September. So it’s been just over a year. Did him coming result in me regressing into not cuddling or showing affection towards my wife. Is it possible for that to occur. I mean I had to adjust to ALOT of change.

I'm alexithymic, so I'll offer a very extreme end of spectrum.....

We tend to mimic behavior that we witness as successful for others. Absorbing those observations and then portraying those observations requires a lot of self-monitoring and self-management, which is a tremendous amount of energy.

We invest our energy towards representing actions, often because we are not always driving by emotional connection. That statement is more on the Alexithymia end of emotions, certainly not on the empathic end of emotions. The problem here, is that we can easily portray our observations of others as actions and those actions looks real, but later on people discover a difference as we do not connect as warm and fuzzy.

We can act it, but those around us won't feel us - it eventually comes across.

There and then, the house of cards can implode - once confronted with the concept of actions "not being enough", it is so easy to simply stop allocating energy towards the actions. Thus regression.

Again, I'm alexithymic, so I'll offer a very extreme end of spectrum.....

So, yes it did.

Your plate might have been full prior to your son being born, now you might need to reallocate your energy differently.

 

[Jdeisher]

Thank you everyone, I did actually have 2 major changes at that time, one being my son Coming into the world, and the other was 2 weeks later I had returned to work, and on the 3rd day my Machine had malfunctioned(I operate a machine that cuts coils of metal into finished width coils for customers) and he of the cuts had wrapped around me, right at my torso, and when I hit the e stop the meta tightened up and cut into me, 37 stitches and a hell of a scar with a 2 week old son. Since the incident I still stress about it and am treated very badly at work, although I did not file a suit or anything. So my stress level was insanely high and I had no idea who I was, why I was the way I was. So I was down, deep down in a hole, no idea what to do. Until last Wednesday when I researched autism

 

[isthisreallife]

I don't think it's regression, I think it's us when we're too tired or stressed to keep up our facades

 

[Warmheart]

I don5 think we truly regress, but some add-on skills are simply unsustainable during periods of overwhelm.

In each case, we need to ask ourselves how vital those skills are. Caring for a mate, and general self care skills like dressing and bathing, are Important.

You might want to consider streamlining your life by getting rid of excess responsibilities, commitments, social engagements, etc.

Add in solitude buffers to decompress around people-y events.

Definitely increase your sensory activities such as swinging on a swing set, swimming, jumping on a mini-trampoline, jogging, push ups, etc.

I hope you feel yourself improving, healing, decompressing, and coming back to yourself more.

 

[Ambi]

im tumbling around a statement my wife said a few nights ago(I posted a thread about it). After the argument started, which I didn’t argue back obviously. She stated that “I wasn’t always like this, the last year has been so different.” I have been thinking hard about that. I have adjusted myself and coped and learned how to act as normal as possible to fit in. Has anyone ever had a regression from a huge change in lifestyle, my son was born last September. So it’s been just over a year. Did him coming result in me regressing into not cuddling or showing affection towards my wife. Is it possible for that to occur. I mean I had to adjust to ALOT of change.

ABSOLUTELY. For me, it had to do with burning out. Years and years of intensely trying to follow an NT program, ignoring my own stress levels, I totally burned out, and cognitively I just couldn't handle as much, and I needed to retreat into survival/comfort mode to cope. My executive functioning just kind of burned out. I am slowly getting it back together. I think in the state of burn out though, I may have seemed more regressed in other ways too - my self-care was worse, my emotional immaturity came out even more - I just had less energy to be able to hide ASD traits which previously had been suppressed.

 

[Ambi]

I'm alexithymic, so I'll offer a very extreme end of spectrum.....

We tend to mimic behavior that we witness as successful for others. Absorbing those observations and then portraying those observations requires a lot of self-monitoring and self-management, which is a tremendous amount of energy.

We invest our energy towards representing actions, often because we are not always driving by emotional connection. That statement is more on the Alexithymia end of emotions, certainly not on the empathic end of emotions. The problem here, is that we can easily portray our observations of others as actions and those actions looks real, but later on people discover a difference as we do not connect as warm and fuzzy.

We can act it, but those around us won't feel us - it eventually comes across.

There and then, the house of cards can implode - once confronted with the concept of actions "not being enough", it is so easy to simply stop allocating energy towards the actions. Thus regression.

Again, I'm alexithymic, so I'll offer a very extreme end of spectrum.....

So, yes it did.

Your plate might have been full prior to your son being born, now you might need to reallocate your energy differently.

This was very eye-opening for me. I believe I do this - I do do this, just not sure to what degree. I have been doing it for so long now....

 

[Fitzo]

I don't think it's regression, I think it's us when we're too tired or stressed to keep up our facades

I completely agree with this. I can put on a really good act most of the time, but when I get tired and emotional I'm a completely open book. Most people don't know how to react to this as their perception of me was so very different. I spent my whole life wondering why this happened, but now of course it makes total sense.

 

[isthisreallife]

There should be a 'That Happened to Me" emoticon button on this forum.

 

[owlet]

Yes, I do think it's possible to go back into more comfortable behaviour patterns when there's been a big change and/or a lot of stress. I don't know if I'd call it 'regression', but it can feel like taking a step backwards from the norm you've been trying to create for yourself (like reciprocating physical affection). It's often a period of adjustment where you're dealing with so much that trying to adhere to social expectations just isn't possible. The best thing I can think to do is say very clearly to your wife that you're both going through a big change and it might take some time before you can get back to how things were - or just communicate the stress so she knows where you're coming from. Going quiet or withdrawn about an issue can cause a lot of problems because people will generally make assumptions ('he doesn't like me any more' etc.).

 

[Jdeisher]

Yes, I do think it's possible to go back into more comfortable behaviour patterns when there's been a big change and/or a lot of stress. I don't know if I'd call it 'regression', but it can feel like taking a step backwards from the norm you've been trying to create for yourself (like reciprocating physical affection). It's often a period of adjustment where you're dealing with so much that trying to adhere to social expectations just isn't possible. The best thing I can think to do is say very clearly to your wife that you're both going through a big change and it might take some time before you can get back to how things were - or just communicate the stress so she knows where you're coming from. Going quiet or withdrawn about an issue can cause a lot of problems because people will generally make assumptions ('he doesn't like me any more' etc.).

I agree completely with you, the problem with that is that my wife is kind of against the fact that I have these issues. I’m guessing she feels that I used to do those things, how could I mysteriously stop doing them without losing the love that I had with her. She said I’m overreacting and overthinking and obsessing about believing I’m on the spectrum. Other people on here have mentioned maybe it’s a defense for her or she is just being passive aggressive. Or she thinks I’m using this to get out of stuff or to blame it on why I am the way I am.

 

[Ambi]

I agree completely with you, the problem with that is that my wife is kind of against the fact that I have these issues. I’m guessing she feels that I used to do those things, how could I mysteriously stop doing them without losing the love that I had with her. She said I’m overreacting and overthinking and obsessing about believing I’m on the spectrum. Other people on here have mentioned maybe it’s a defense for her or she is just being passive aggressive. Or she thinks I’m using this to get out of stuff or to blame it on why I am the way I am.

It's disturbing to me how much she thinks she understands you better than you do - better than what you are telling her you are experiencing.

 

[Keigan]

It's disturbing to me how much she thinks she understands you better than you do - better than what you are telling her you are experiencing.

That is because she can’t accept it.

 

[Fitzo]

That is because she can’t accept it.

Or maybe she thinks it somehow reflects negatively on her.
Like she married a 'misfit' or what will people say if they found out.
Some people just cannot accept that anyone attached to them isn't completely normal. Eg I'm never going to even mention anything about Aspergers to my mother because she refuses to accept I have ANY mental health issues despite having chronic insomnia, depression and anxiety for over 45 years.