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Realizing I'm autistic, wondering what's next.

bluelily

Member
I am female, 51, always had trouble with social situations, emotions, OCD, and the like. Recently, I'm not sure how the idea came to me, but I started to research autism more and consider if I might fit that description. The more I read, the more of my own experience made sense to me, the difficulties I've always had, my childhood experiences, the way I think and look at the world. I've taken a few of the online assessments and my numbers were well into the autistic side of the results, and that helped me focus in on this a bit.

I don't see the usefulness for me at this point in seeking a formal diagnosis, for one, I live in a rural area with few doctors, and I have no insurance, so that would be difficult. I don't need any legal/work/school accommodations, treatment, social services, etc., so I feel ok with just having this new understanding of myself and ways I might cope better with the things I have trouble with.

I talked with my partner about all this today, and his response was "ok, if looking at it this way helps you, that's great, this is who you are and I love you, so just let me know how to help". He's a pretty great guy, so I feel fine there.

I don't think I want to talk with anyone else about it, my family tends to overmedicalize everything, so if it's not "official", they won't take it seriously at all. One of my brothers was medically diagnosed with autism after years of severe mental illness and many, many other diagnoses, and so I know they just don't do well with that realm.

My mind is just kind of running with it all now, I wonder if this is something anyone else has gone through? Re-thinking past experiences in light of this, re-framing difficulties through this new lens. Like, how sometimes someone suddenly calls me rude and I don't know why, or why I so often think some new person is going to be a friend and they just drop me, or how awful it must be for someone to hear me going on about some thing I'm obsessed with.

Anyway, here I am, a little adrift in this, feeling both better and worse with this realization, but grateful for this space.
 
After determining I was on the spectrum (self diagnosed later in life) I did a re-examination of some past experiences, particularly significant events and found it very enlightening. Like putting on a pair of glasses and seeing things more clearly.
 
Welcome, and yes, it's quite common once we realize who we are, to go back and revisit things - there can certainly be a lot of "oh, that's why that happened" or "I wish I realized X as then I could have done Y."

In your case, it sounds like as you've analyzed, a diagnosis would be costly, time consuming, and not do anything for you at this point in time, and so many would concur that there would be no reason for you to pursue a formal diagnosis.

You'll find the community is quite well accommodating and accepting of self-diagnosed individuals as such.
 
Welcome to the forum

I hope you find friends and belonging here. There is alot of info to be found. Whats the easiest way you ask? Post a new thread and people will look stuff up for you, we all enjoy it.
 
Welcome. As Victor said, self-diagnosed people are valued here. For the sake of clarity, my own personal recommendation and request, for whatever it's worth, is that you continue to identify as self-diagnosed. You've given very valid and logical reasons for not wishing to or being able to seek a professional assessment.

I think you'll find this community to be accepting. Again, welcome!
 
Again, welcome. Yes, I self-diagnosed last year at 68. It’s still sinking in, but my experience is very much like yours. Can’t see how a formal diagnosis would be worth it. You are wiser than I was in talking to family.

One thing that has helped me through this period is something I read around here, so I’ll pass it on... Yes, that reevaluation of things past is necessary to the adjustment for the future. But give it time, as it takes maybe a year or more to appreciate the impact of autism on your life, past and present.

OK, I embellished it a bit. But that’s one thing that’s it’s helped me to keep in mind.
 
Hi and welcome, I was in my 50s too when I realised that autism was the core of some communication issues I had not made progress with, despite plenty of effort. Don't beat yourself up about anything, neurotypical people bore others too, for example!

But it's useful to understand how it all works, and we can strategically adjust our behaviours and choices, gradually, I have found. And give ourselves permission to be ourselves, and stop trying on certain areas that don't seem to be what we can do. I am sure you have plenty of good points and upsides, we all do. Just a tendency to be uneven.

:fishcake::pear::cookie::cherries::doughnut::strawberry::pizza::grapes:
 
Welcome. I'm 73 and have gone through a similar process of self discovery as you. Only a few months ago while researching on YouTube I discovered videos of people recently diagnosed with autism and as they described their lives and struggles it resonated with me like nothing else ever had. After a lot more research and taking many online assessments I'm self-diagnosed. This community is very welcoming and supportive to people who are self-diagnosed and I'm very grateful for that.

To answer your question, yes I relate to your story, and I'm going through a similar process as you, of re-evaluating my life.
 
I had some quite intense memory flashbacks, things I'd forgotten, you do revisit things in the light of being autistic, takes a few years for the dust to settle.

Welcome to the club.
 
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Welcome @bluelily :)

I too, was not diagnosed until I was 52. When a person has some 50 years, or so, to reflect upon one's life,...and finally have some diagnostic answers as to why things played out the way they did in our lives,...it can be a powerful experience. Personally, now that I have some of those answers, I am looking forward towards the next 50 years. I have spent a significant amount of time researching everything I could find on the topic of autism. The learning curve was a steep one,...but well worth it. Understanding myself from a physiologic standpoint has given me a sense of self-acceptance and peace. Understanding myself has given me a sense of knowing my limitations, how I might be able to find some "work arounds",...but also where I may even excel.

There was a children's book I remember reading when I was very young about a swan egg that was placed into a duck's nest, called "The Ugly Duckling". The duck eggs and the swan egg hatched. The story goes on about what a rough time the swan had, growing up amongst ducks. At the end of the story, the young hatchling finally grows up to be this big beautiful swan, finally finding other swans, but also understanding life from a duck's point of view. Sometimes, it can take a long time to find the answers. We can't dwell on all the "should have, would have, and could haves" of our past lives,...as one might say,..."That train has already left the station." All we can do is look forward to what will be,...and use our life experience and new-found education to guide us. Now, I know how to approach things from the perspective of someone with an ASD,...and not a struggling neurotypical. My close co-workers know I have Aspergers, and what that may mean when interacting with me. Having said that,...there are people in your "inner circle" who you might not wish to share your diagnosis with,...totally fine,...my mother and sister do not know.

At any rate, there can be some value in being evaluated/tested/interviewed for an ASD. I received a 10-page report, noting my strengths and weaknesses. It tends to weed out fact from fiction, gives you perspective on things, and diminishes any of that Dunning-Kruger effect where you think you're exceptional in a particular area,...when you're not,...and vice-versa. I found it quite useful. The other thing that people forget or do not appreciate is the potential protections it gives you from an employment and legal perspective,...as many countries have Federal protections/accommodations for someone professionally diagnosed.:)
 
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After determining I was on the spectrum (self diagnosed later in life) I did a re-examination of some past experiences, particularly significant events and found it very enlightening. Like putting on a pair of glasses and seeing things more clearly.
Thank you- I hope to get to that point with it soon. I'm finding some relief from it, knowing none of that past weirdness was "my fault", but I'm also a little saddened by realizing much of it might be things I can never control.
 
Welcome, and yes, it's quite common once we realize who we are, to go back and revisit things - there can certainly be a lot of "oh, that's why that happened" or "I wish I realized X as then I could have done Y."

In your case, it sounds like as you've analyzed, a diagnosis would be costly, time consuming, and not do anything for you at this point in time, and so many would concur that there would be no reason for you to pursue a formal diagnosis.

You'll find the community is quite well accommodating and accepting of self-diagnosed individuals as such.
Exactly- I think the "I wish I realized...." thoughts are having the upper hand right now, but I am working on not getting too stuck there.
 
Welcome to the forum

I hope you find friends and belonging here. There is alot of info to be found. Whats the easiest way you ask? Post a new thread and people will look stuff up for you, we all enjoy it.
This made me smile so much. Thinking about the way I pile info on other people when I want to be helpful; and that I'm now in a big group of folks who do the same. Thank you.
 
Welcome. As Victor said, self-diagnosed people are valued here. For the sake of clarity, my own personal recommendation and request, for whatever it's worth, is that you continue to identify as self-diagnosed. You've given very valid and logical reasons for not wishing to or being able to seek a professional assessment.

I think you'll find this community to be accepting. Again, welcome!
I absolutely understand and respect that request. It's one of the reasons I posted, to understand where others fall on that issue. I'm not planning on identifying as any sort of autistic to anyone outside of this forum and with my partner, but if that changes, I will be sure not to claim anything other than what it is.
 
Welcome to the Autism Forums. A great place to launch a journey of self-discovery of who- and what you are in the neurological sense. And to interact with your own kind as a tool of sorts to help guide you.

And perhaps most of all, to know that you are not alone. ;)

It's a journey that's never too late to embark upon. One that I didn't begin until I was 55.
 
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Welcome! We are glad you are here :)
 
Thank you- I hope to get to that point with it soon. I'm finding some relief from it, knowing none of that past weirdness was "my fault", but I'm also a little saddened by realizing much of it might be things I can never control.

I would say that much can be done to bring things under control. Getting a handle on why problems arise in the first place is a good place to start.
 
This made me smile so much. Thinking about the way I pile info on other people when I want to be helpful; and that I'm now in a big group of folks who do the same. Thank you.
Your welcome. There is a search feature you can use to look up almost any topic as relates to ASD. Also lots of off topic posts too, a blog space, and some fantastic art that ppl post
 

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