Tuesday will be my last exam of my time at University and will ultimately be the beginning of the end for my education.
University has been a nightmare for me, as I am sure many of you know from my posts.
What I can’t deal with is the depression that I am having at the moment in struggling to succeed academically and also to secure a job.
I have already gone to one Assessment centre and was rejected - there I had a two hour maths exam which I couldn’t prepare for AND a group discussion. I then applied for another job at that company and I have not heard anything for two weeks, so I assume that’s another rejection.
I have looked at all of the people on my course’s LinkedIn and a lot of them are on course for 1st class honours! Terrifying! Past Secondary school classmates are working in large companies such as J.P. Morgan and living in Japan. Here I am not even graduating yet.
I feel that I’m looking into a career of misfortunes and hold backs. It’s going to be a long haul for me before I get to where I want to be. And I’m going to be held back majorly.
This last exam is an essay based exam and I know that’s going to be a nightmare for me. I will not meet their expectations. I am dreading even going in to the exam because it’s going to be a challenge for me.
I just wish the tremendous work and stress that I put in would show up on the paper as such!
I am feeling very defeated right now. I am not considering going to the Graduation. My mother is nagging me to go. I don’t have any friends who will be there, I will be alone. I can see myself crying at the event, with just me and my parents - feeling so embarrassed and weak that I don’t have any friends here or no one cares about me. The whole thing will remind me of how horrible my experience here was and I probably will feel very, very sad and cry. Yet my mum will be sad that I didn’t go but I would only be going for her.
This is supposed to be a time of celebration yet here I am feeling that I want to run back home and cower into a box in my bedroom.
I am up against a lot of people who are well beyond my capabilities and I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I cannot cope with this - it is causing me so much stress, anxiety and depression. It’s ruining me.
I don’t know what I am going to do. I can’t physically cope with this stress.
How am I, a person with Aspergers who has to work really hard to excel in anything, going to compete with people who are living in Japan and have First Class Honours degrees? I cannot match that, so what am I going to do?
I physically cannot cope with this stress anymore. I have gone to my limits of education and capabilities, I am not THAT smart, I cannot compete with these people who have A*’s etc.
Please someone help me so that I can become successful without this condition holding me back. It’s not fair!
These people are going to make me have a nervous breakdown. They are just so competitive and dog eat dog. I can’t, I just can’t compete with them. I am out the door before I even get in - they are that competitive.
I can’t do this anymore!
University has been a nightmare for me, as I am sure many of you know from my posts.
What I can’t deal with is the depression that I am having at the moment in struggling to succeed academically and also to secure a job.
I have already gone to one Assessment centre and was rejected - there I had a two hour maths exam which I couldn’t prepare for AND a group discussion. I then applied for another job at that company and I have not heard anything for two weeks, so I assume that’s another rejection.
I have looked at all of the people on my course’s LinkedIn and a lot of them are on course for 1st class honours! Terrifying! Past Secondary school classmates are working in large companies such as J.P. Morgan and living in Japan. Here I am not even graduating yet.
I feel that I’m looking into a career of misfortunes and hold backs. It’s going to be a long haul for me before I get to where I want to be. And I’m going to be held back majorly.
This last exam is an essay based exam and I know that’s going to be a nightmare for me. I will not meet their expectations. I am dreading even going in to the exam because it’s going to be a challenge for me.
I just wish the tremendous work and stress that I put in would show up on the paper as such!
I am feeling very defeated right now. I am not considering going to the Graduation. My mother is nagging me to go. I don’t have any friends who will be there, I will be alone. I can see myself crying at the event, with just me and my parents - feeling so embarrassed and weak that I don’t have any friends here or no one cares about me. The whole thing will remind me of how horrible my experience here was and I probably will feel very, very sad and cry. Yet my mum will be sad that I didn’t go but I would only be going for her.
This is supposed to be a time of celebration yet here I am feeling that I want to run back home and cower into a box in my bedroom.
I am up against a lot of people who are well beyond my capabilities and I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I cannot cope with this - it is causing me so much stress, anxiety and depression. It’s ruining me.
I don’t know what I am going to do. I can’t physically cope with this stress.
How am I, a person with Aspergers who has to work really hard to excel in anything, going to compete with people who are living in Japan and have First Class Honours degrees? I cannot match that, so what am I going to do?
I physically cannot cope with this stress anymore. I have gone to my limits of education and capabilities, I am not THAT smart, I cannot compete with these people who have A*’s etc.
Please someone help me so that I can become successful without this condition holding me back. It’s not fair!
These people are going to make me have a nervous breakdown. They are just so competitive and dog eat dog. I can’t, I just can’t compete with them. I am out the door before I even get in - they are that competitive.
I can’t do this anymore!