Questioning and Seeking More Info

[IrishArcher]

Hi there! I'm 18, AFAB but genderfluid, and will use either they/them or she/her pronouns. Over the past few years, I have periodically questioned whether I might be on the spectrum because I relate to a lot of experiences other people (especially aspie women) have described, including sensory issues, stimming habits, and executive dysfunction. However, I have never sought an official diagnosis and I am afraid to talk to my family about it because I suspect they won't take me seriously - if I am on the spectrum, I'm high-functioning and able to blend in pretty well by hiding my quirks around other people. I'm afraid my family will think I'm just trying to feel special by attributing my idiosyncrasies to neurodivergence. A part of me thinks that might be true and I'm just reading too much into my normal habits, but I can't seem to shake the idea that autism could explain a lot of my experiences, and if I could just talk to someone about it and get some sort of confirmation, I'd feel so relieved to get this off my chest. I'd love to hear about other people's experiences and talk to some people who have been diagnosed to see if I can get to the bottom of this, and maybe work up the courage to mention it to my parents. Thanks to all in advance for taking the time to read and respond!

 

[Aspychata]

Welcome, may you find acceptance and answers.

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

Welcome to the forums. Did you have any school problems? There are also pre-screening quizzes you can take. They are here: Set of scientific tests related to Autism Spectrum Disorders | Wrong Planet Autism Community Forum

 

[tree]

 

[Len Huppe]

Hi IrishArcher and welcome!

Hi there! I'm 18, AFAB but genderfluid, and will use either they/them or she/her pronouns. Over the past few years, I have periodically questioned whether I might be on the spectrum because I relate to a lot of experiences other people (especially aspie women) have described, including sensory issues, stimming habits, and executive dysfunction. However, I have never sought an official diagnosis and I am afraid to talk to my family about it because I suspect they won't take me seriously - if I am on the spectrum, I'm high-functioning and able to blend in pretty well by hiding my quirks around other people. I'm afraid my family will think I'm just trying to feel special by attributing my idiosyncrasies to neurodivergence. A part of me thinks that might be true and I'm just reading too much into my normal habits, but I can't seem to shake the idea that autism could explain a lot of my experiences, and if I could just talk to someone about it and get some sort of confirmation, I'd feel so relieved to get this off my chest. I'd love to hear about other people's experiences and talk to some people who have been diagnosed to see if I can get to the bottom of this, and maybe work up the courage to mention it to my parents. Thanks to all in advance for taking the time to read and respond!

Hello IrishArcher and welcome!

I'm sorry that you feel your family is not supportive. Sometimes that's how it goes. You are among friends here. Feel free to ask questions about whatever is on your mind. Everyone responds differently to being on the spectrum but we have a lot in common as well. Lastly, if by "confirmation" you mean a diagnosis then please consider seeing a counselor in addition to joining these forums.

Can you elaborate on what you would like to know more about?

 

[PinkPenguin29]

Having my own family not take me seriously when I brought up my own concerns, if you are really curious it doesn't hurt to talk to a specialist about it. but It ultimately comes down to what YOU are comfortable with. If you have to know, talk to a specialist. You know your family best, it might be easier to talk to them after an official diagnosis. but then again with some families it won't. Even after I explained I have been talking to experts my father said, "I just don't see it". and maybe he never will, because that's my father, and he has a certain mindset and understanding of autism that may never change.
Ultimately if it's a burning question in your heart, then look into it. if your comfortable with the amount of knowledge you have know, then hold off. either way you have a community here that can support you. whatever you choose

that being said, I still toss and turn over it myself. I feel unofficially diagnosed, because of more than one professional telling me it's highly likely but I don't know if I want an official diagnosis or not. I do know who I am, and I certainly know I relate to other people on the spectrum, and I know every time I look up symptoms, I learn something else that I identify with and I feel like I've learn more about myself.

Best of luck to you you.

 

[IrishArcher]

Welcome to the forums. Did you have any school problems? There are also pre-screening quizzes you can take. They are here: Set of scientific tests related to Autism Spectrum Disorders | Wrong Planet Autism Community Forum

I never had a problem keeping my grades up, though I frequently found it difficult to stay on-task while at school and I would procrastinate quite heavily on just about everything. I found that I worked best by myself in the early hours of the morning very close to the deadline, so I would leave all of my work for when those conditions were met. Because I turned in high-quality work and scored well on tests, teachers never bothered to question my work habits and they didn't mind when I wasn't super productive in class.

Socially speaking, I had a hard time making friends at school up until I got to college. I was never bullied, but I just never seemed to fit into any friend groups - at best, I'd find one or two individuals that I clicked with and I'd enjoy hanging out one-on-one occasionally. At the end of my senior year of high school, I managed to form a group coincidentally when I found out that some of my individual friends also happened to be friends with each other.

Thanks for linking the quizzes! I've taken a few before and the results tend to be inconclusive because they range all across the board. Some will say I very likely have Asperger's, some will say I'm on the borderline, and some will say I'm very likely neurotypical, so it can be a little frustrating at times.

 

[Jumpback]

I never had a problem keeping my grades up, though I frequently found it difficult to stay on-task while at school and I would procrastinate quite heavily on just about everything. I found that I worked best by myself in the early hours of the morning very close to the deadline, so I would leave all of my work for when those conditions were met. Because I turned in high-quality work and scored well on tests, teachers never bothered to question my work habits and they didn't mind when I wasn't super productive in class.

Socially speaking, I had a hard time making friends at school up until I got to college. I was never bullied, but I just never seemed to fit into any friend groups - at best, I'd find one or two individuals that I clicked with and I'd enjoy hanging out one-on-one occasionally. At the end of my senior year of high school, I managed to form a group coincidentally when I found out that some of my individual friends also happened to be friends with each other.

Thanks for linking the quizzes! I've taken a few before and the results tend to be inconclusive because they range all across the board. Some will say I very likely have Asperger's, some will say I'm on the borderline, and some will say I'm very likely neurotypical, so it can be a little frustrating at times.

Yeah, it’s strange in that this is a spectrum thing, but then there appears to be a cutoff of some kind to get diagnosed. It doesn’t exactly make sense.

Have you taken a Myers Briggs (MBTI) test online? Some people who tend to test as higher perceivers (judging vs perceiving) tend to have trouble getting things done until the last minute. For awhile, I thought it must just be a personality thing with me, but I fit most of the executive function issue part well and have other autistic traits

 

[IrishArcher]

Hi IrishArcher and welcome!


Hello IrishArcher and welcome!

I'm sorry that you feel your family is not supportive. Sometimes that's how it goes. You are among friends here. Feel free to ask questions about whatever is on your mind. Everyone responds differently to being on the spectrum but we have a lot in common as well. Lastly, if by "confirmation" you mean a diagnosis then please consider seeing a counselor in addition to joining these forums.

Can you elaborate on what you would like to know more about?

I think the one thing I'm really hung up on is the idea of "special interests". I keep hearing that it's a common experience for people with autism to fixate on a particular subject and feel compelled to go in-depth with gathering information about the things that fascinate them. I don't know if I can relate to this experience. Nothing in particular comes to mind when I try to think of an example like the ones I've heard from others (things like memorizing types of trees or cars or episodes of TV shows). I've certainly gone through periods of curiosity about certain subjects, but nothing notably long-lasting or that I didn't eventually move on from, and much of the information I learned has since vanished from my memory. I went through a period at the beginning of high school where I was fascinated by fountain pens, but after collecting maybe three of them and breaking one, I eventually lost interest. Similarly (around the same time), I decided to learn how to write using Tolkien's Elvish alphabet, but I was never actually all that interested in delving deeply into the broader Tolkien lore, and I have since forgotten it all. I'll pick up a passing interest in a lot of seemingly random things (like learning to play the tin whistle, or briefly taking a DuoLingo course in Gaelic), but they tend to be small and I rarely stick with them. I'm more prone to collecting surface-level knowledge of a wide variety of subjects, rather than learning everything there is to know about just one.

That being said, I am easily ensnared by fandoms, and there are some that I'll keep coming back to over and over again. Sometimes I do a fair bit of research into them, but I think that's just because I care deeply about the factual accuracy of my own headcanons and I want to make sure everything lines up in a way that makes sense. I also do a fair bit of creative writing which sometimes sends me into research spirals for the same reason - I want to be as thorough as possible for maximum credibility, but I don't know that I can say I'm especially interested in those details simply out of personal enjoyment. I truly can't tell if there's anything atypical about how I interact with the things that interest me, or if it's just normal to like things a lot for a brief time and then move on.

 

[IrishArcher]

Yeah, it’s strange in that this is a spectrum thing, but then there appears to be a cutoff of some kind to get diagnosed. It doesn’t exactly make sense.

Have you taken a Myers Briggs (MBTI) test online? Some people who tend to test as higher perceivers (judging vs perceiving) tend to have trouble getting things done until the last minute. For awhile, I thought it must just be a personality thing with me, but I fit most of the executive function issue part well and have other autistic traits

Yes, I used to be really into Myers-Briggs. I'm an INTP, and I pretty heavily favor perceiving over judging, as well as introversion over extroversion, which is why I sometimes feel compelled to dismiss the questions on autism questionnaires that mention things like "do you feel comfortable at parties" or "do you enjoy social events" because of course I don't, I'm an introvert! But I suppose when you throw in all the other things too, it eventually adds up to more than just that.

 

[Jumpback]

Yes, I used to be really into Myers-Briggs. I'm an INTP, and I pretty heavily favor perceiving over judging, as well as introversion over extroversion, which is why I sometimes feel compelled to dismiss the questions on autism questionnaires that mention things like "do you feel comfortable at parties" or "do you enjoy social events" because of course I don't, I'm an introvert! But I suppose when you throw in all the other things too, it eventually adds up to more than just that.

I test as INTP too, high on the I,N and P but low on the T.

Just from a quick thing, my guess is that things you say are clearly personality, but I am unclear on the autistic. Like when I read special interests, when I was about 14 I became almost obsessed with photography and learned all about it pretty fast. Or, like do you have any difficulty with looking people in the eyes when speaking to them or trouble wearing tight clothing and some other things that are more autistic than personality? Like I go beyond the personality things in that I only wear sweat pants unless I absolutely have to, I can look people in the eyes but it’s very uncomfortable, I become a nervous wreck trying to organize rather than just uncomfortable, etc. I am undiagnosed but it almost has to be high functioning autism in my case.

 

[IrishArcher]

I test as INTP too, high on the I,N and P but low on the T.

Just from a quick thing, my guess is that things you say are clearly personality, but I am unclear on the autistic. Like when I read special interests, when I was about 14 I became almost obsessed with photography and learned all about it pretty fast. Or, like do you have any difficulty with looking people in the eyes when speaking to them or trouble wearing tight clothing and some other things that are more autistic than personality? Like I go beyond the personality things in that I only wear sweat pants unless I absolutely have to, I can look people in the eyes but it’s very uncomfortable, I become a nervous wreck trying to organize rather than just uncomfortable, etc. I am undiagnosed but it almost has to be high functioning autism in my case.

I have sensory issues that crop up fairly frequently. I can't stand the texture of hummus, cold creamy foods like potato salad and coleslaw also make my stomach churn unless I eat them in tiny nibbles, I usually hate being touched by people outside my family and a close circle of friends (though I usually don't mind initiating contact), I keep all my screens on the lowest light setting to avoid hurting my eyes, and I have visceral reactions to certain noises like chewing and sometimes chopping (I often have to leave the room). The biggest problem for me is auditory chaos, when multiple conflicting noises overlap (like when multiple conversations are happening at once, or when people try to talk while I'm watching a movie) - these situations stress me out, sometimes to the point of tears, and I can either shut down and retreat or snap and lash out to try and make it stop. I've also always had some sort of repetitive tic or habitual fidgeting which I now recognize as probably stimming behavior - when I was in elementary school, I used to make a clucking sound in the back of my throat almost constantly, until one of my classmates told me to stop because he found it annoying. I've since formed less noisy habits to avoid that kind of confrontation, like facial twitches and pressing my fingers into the centers of my palms, but when I'm alone or with people I'm comfortable with, I like to clap or snap my fingers. I often snap while I walk if I'm walking by myself.

I don't know if eye contact is especially difficult for me. I had a teacher in elementary school who insisted on it, so I was pretty much trained at a very young age to make eye contact with people when they're speaking. However, I do find it easier to concentrate on the content of what people are saying to me when I'm not looking at their faces, and I find it difficult to formulate my own thoughts in any coherent verbal manner if I'm staring into someone else's eyes. I guess I do tend to look away when it's my turn to speak, in order to concentrate on what I'm saying. I also find it much easier to listen to podcasts and other auditory media if I'm doing something relatively mindless with my hands and eyes, like playing a simple game or doodling. Otherwise, my mind tends to drift and I miss what's being said.

 

[Jumpback]

I have sensory issues that crop up fairly frequently. I can't stand the texture of hummus, cold creamy foods like potato salad and coleslaw also make my stomach churn unless I eat them in tiny nibbles, I usually hate being touched by people outside my family and a close circle of friends (though I usually don't mind initiating contact), I keep all my screens on the lowest light setting to avoid hurting my eyes, and I have visceral reactions to certain noises like chewing and sometimes chopping (I often have to leave the room). The biggest problem for me is auditory chaos, when multiple conflicting noises overlap (like when multiple conversations are happening at once, or when people try to talk while I'm watching a movie) - these situations stress me out, sometimes to the point of tears, and I can either shut down and retreat or snap and lash out to try and make it stop. I've also always had some sort of repetitive tic or habitual fidgeting which I now recognize as probably stimming behavior - when I was in elementary school, I used to make a clucking sound in the back of my throat almost constantly, until one of my classmates told me to stop because he found it annoying. I've since formed less noisy habits to avoid that kind of confrontation, like facial twitches and pressing my fingers into the centers of my palms, but when I'm alone or with people I'm comfortable with, I like to clap or snap my fingers. I often snap while I walk if I'm walking by myself.

I don't know if eye contact is especially difficult for me. I had a teacher in elementary school who insisted on it, so I was pretty much trained at a very young age to make eye contact with people when they're speaking. However, I do find it easier to concentrate on the content of what people are saying to me when I'm not looking at their faces, and I find it difficult to formulate my own thoughts in any coherent verbal manner if I'm staring into someone else's eyes. I guess I do tend to look away when it's my turn to speak, in order to concentrate on what I'm saying. I also find it much easier to listen to podcasts and other auditory media if I'm doing something relatively mindless with my hands and eyes, like playing a simple game or doodling. Otherwise, my mind tends to drift and I miss what's being said.

I always keep the blinds closed, that one hadn’t occurred to me. I also like to watch tv or movies in complete dark, especially because a light in the corner distracts me..I don’t know if this is autistic or not, but other people seem to think it’s weird that I get bothered if there are any lights on at all. I’ve noticed that other people sit outside and read books, but I can’t do this because the brightness bothers me. I suspect that multiple sounds don’t bother me as much as you, but also talking during a movie would make it so I couldn’t pay attention to a movie and so on.

I’ve noticed that people in general have different tendencies to look directly into your eyes when speaking. A couple people I have known it’s like the intensity they stare into your eyes might be uncomfortable for a lot of people.

I’m not sure about things, like I was reading that some people think that Aspergers and high functioning autism are different things, but they took Aspergers out of the DSM

It’s hard to make sense of things when you don’t know anyone else personally that has hfa to compare yourself to.

 

[Aspychata]

Aggressive doodling, l am guilty. Something about circles can soothe.