Questionable behavior?

[Brink4ce]

Hello, all.
My son is 3, and his doctor suspects he may be on the autism spectrum. He is extremely intelligent with no major developmental delays.

If any parents have experience with high-functioning autism in this age group, I'm wondering what behaviors might be obvious warning signs for 3 year olds.

Here is my son's suspicious behaviour:

-He is pretty clumsy...walks somewhat awkwardly compared to his peers but not drastically.

-He throws MAJOR "tantrums" and can become aggressive towards others and himself as well as being generally destructive of things.

-He tends to be very intent and focused on interests and not much else.

-He will repeat the same thing over and over again, not in a frantic way but just out of excitement.

-He is pretty picky about clothes, insists on sweatpants.

-He likes giving kisses but isn't really enthusiastic about getting kisses.

-He gets in these hyperactive modes and no corrective parenting strategies or redirection works to calm him down.

-He likes to have things go the way he knows them to go and is insistent on it.

-He is very intelligent and imaginative in building structures and making objects into what he wants them to be.

-When building blocks, he tends to basically make a wall or a tower and to knock it down before the last block is used. He'll do this repetitively and for an oddly long time.

-He doesn't really make eye contact as is typical. He usually looks right beside the person he's talking to, occasionally glancing at them.

-He is doing okay in daycare, but he doesn't really talk about the other boys and girls: he talks about things, like the toys. When I drop him off, he doesn't go straight to interacting with the other children. The one time I saw him do this, he went to investigate and look at a baby... He'll say hey to his teacher, then go straight to his favorite toy.

 

[Nerdpride20950]

Sounds perfectly normal to me. Some of that's what I still do when I have to interact with a crowd (pets get far more conversation from me than the host of the party). I don't see anything suspicious about it at all! What does everyone else think?

 

[nowwhat]

He sounds like a child on the spectrum. It also sounds as though he has a Mom who cares a great deal and is doing everything right to help him find his way in life. As someone who was once a kid who could have been described in very much the same terms, I would suggest finding ways for him to learn to manage his own frustration and tendency to damage things.

 

[midlife aspie]

I would get him evaluated. The aggression toward others sounds most urgent.

 

[WittyAspie]

Sounds a lot like my 2 that are on the spectrum. I have been surprised at how well my children do in day care despite obvious signs of autism. I would suggest an evaluation, though a diagnosis at 3 can be difficult.

 

[Brink4ce]

Sounds a lot like my 2 that are on the spectrum. I have been surprised at how well my children do in day care despite obvious signs of autism. I would suggest an evaluation, though a diagnosis at 3 can be difficult.

I've read that children kind of hold it in during the daycare day and then release the frustration accumulated from the day once they're home.

My son at first became more aggressive/hyperactive after a few weeks of daycare, but we have worked to tone it down some. It's still increasingly more than what he was last year, but I can't eliminate the influence of his peers.
*shrugs*

 

[ksheehan88]

Its tough because at 3, lots of those things are "normal" behaviour... the only thing that really stands out for me is the aggression.

I would have him assessed anyways, that way if he is on the spectrum you can get help earlier to help him better adjust as he gets older.

 

[fuzz]

My son at first became more aggressive/hyperactive after a few weeks of daycare, but we have worked to tone it down some.

What did you find improved the aggression/hyperactivity, and in what way did it improve?

 

[Elizabeth]

You may want to watch if he walks and runs with his heels not touching the floor, often. Also, watch his hands (and extremities, in general) to see if he is clenching or tensing his muscles repetitively.

We've found the more exercise we can pack into the day, the rages/tantrums are far less often. Seems to reduce his anxiety and increase his feeling of security and being stable in his invironment much more than any other tactics we have tried.

One other possibility that may have some stabilizing effects (or annoy him to pieces, if it doesn't work!!) is a very snug fitting shirt to wear under his regular clothing. As in an exercise shirt, or maybe a swimming shirt - something that provides constant, gentle pressure. That sensory trick has worked wonders, for us.

Your pediatrician may be able to refer him for behavioral and/or occupational therapy, too.

Take care.

 

[Granny17]

Your question reminds me of my granddaughter. We first noticed something when she was about 6 months old. She was playing with measuring spoons and lined them up according to size. Then she started exhibiting the things your wrote about. I suspected right off she was HFA. She's now a teenager. She still has all her special traits, including some you didn't mention, but has learned to handle the world outside the safety of her bedroom. Your son may develop additional "interesting" behaviors as he gets older.

Here's how I handled my granddaughter, right or wrong, I don't know for sure, except that she's awesome now:
~Demand and reward daily hygiene routine. It's something they have to do, even though they hate it. But understand, it's the feel of being wet...the feel of water on their skin is what they hate so much. Your son may not mind it now, but may get that way in the future.
~Let him have his big interests...he may end up being a famous architect. Mine is video games. She's going to end up programming in Japanese, I'm just sure! Realize your son is absolutely brilliant in his chosen catagory.
~The clothing thing is sensory. Go with it. Get him only clothing that he likes...probably snug and soft. Soft is the key. Sensory is major. Stuffed toys, blankies, pillows, soft and comfy.
~Noise actually is painful to his ears. Loud TV, sibling into piano or instrument...painful. Get him earphones or white noise or something to help. He's not just being picky. Same with light...it actually hurts. Hats and sunglasses...he will be adorable in them!
~Learning. Probably the most important thing I experienced. For two years, I tried to help my girl learn the basic multiplication tables. This kid could figure out math problems in her head, but she couldn't learn the multiplication tables. I was frustrated and stumped...it made no sense to me. Finally a friend who works in the biz, said, "Write the answers on the flashcards." That sounded crazy, but I did as she said. My girl learned them all by TWICE THROUGH. These kids often learn by MEMORIZING! They learn differently than you and I did, but they are also GENIUS in their special interest areas! Get him as many Legos as it takes to build a whole city or zoo or whatever he thinks up!
~One time I went to her school during the day. As I approached, I saw the kids on the playground, all playing together except for this one lonely little figure standing off to the side, watching. It was my granddaughter. It broke my heart. Her teacher said she does that every recess. When she came home, I asked her if she wanted to play with the kids. (I was going to offer her some techniques on how to approach them.) She said, no, they are too childish. I realized then that she doesn't interpret things the way I do. So I just let her do what she was comfortable with. I think the best we can do is try to teach them HOW to be friends...how to be a good friend...to talk about the other person's interests (she'll probably never do that) and find people with the same interests as her. She has done that now, and has plenty of friends, even though hygiene is still an issue! ha
~Another thing that helps...if he has a real pet. My granddaughter begged for a long time but I didn't think she could handle one. I finally gave in. I was wrong...she takes great care of it and tells me now that she loves him because he "needs" her. She couldn't believe anyone else needed her, even though we told her all the time.
~One of the best things I've experienced is sitting on the sofa with her, letting her tell me about her special interest...omgosh...you realize then just how smart these kids are. It may bore you to tears, but sit there and listen. Ask questions you don't care about..."why did you name it that?" "How tall do you think you could get it before it falls?" "Why did you choose this color?" Fabulous bonding moments, and he will learn you care. Show him you care about his specialty. Take photos of the buildings he's proud of and put them in a book, if that would make him happy.

I think our job is to realize we are gifted with sweet, precious little beings who are going to be different than we expected by "usual" standards, but they are simply unique. His tantrums are when he's on overload...hug him if he will let you, offer him his special soft toy and let him alone if he won't. He's not being bad...he's overwhelmed. I don't think these kids can be "bad"...they are just trying to get along in a world that doesn't "get" them. Let him be his special self, realize he's smarter than his peers (and oftentimes you...ha) in a lot of ways, and try to teach him to endure other people's shortcomings. He will tell you the blunt, awful truth...he is not a good liar. You may have to find different ways of teaching than the books tell you.

I can tell you love your son as much as I love my granddaughter. This love and attention to him will reward you both in ways you can't even imagine now. He is going to be a wonderful human being and give you much happiness. Now that you know how he's feeling, you can work WITH him instead of fighting against these things that are VERY REAL to him.

Sorry this is so long; I just feel I have learned so much over the years through this experience. I love to share how much joy she's given me. Best wishes with your son. He is brilliant and a truly special gift. You will marvel and laugh and enjoy him so much through the years.

 

[toothless]

he sounds HFA/spectrumy but in order to get a true diagnosis you have to wait those extra few years for him to develop against his peers for you to see the real differences if he is indeed autistic,if he was low functioning autistic you would have issues spotted earlier on and no need for comparisons to peers as we miss our developmental mile stones.

ive had this argument with my sister as i believe one of her daughters/my nieces is on the HF end of the spectrum, i recognised it early on but she related every issue to being so called 'normal' which i dont quite agree with as there is a fine line between the neuronorm and the neurounique plus my sister was purposely denieing traits because she said she doesnt want her to go through anything ive gone through,fair enough but i think a diagnosis is a massive help,there are a lot of services available in big towns if your lucky enough to live in one of them.
im waiting for my niece to develop more so her mum will see it.

 

[Granny17]

When I wrote that long saga above, I was assuming HFA meant High Functioning Aspergers.

 

[Maelstrom]

Sounds like the developmental touch sensitive area you should go look it up...also OCD

My sympathies to you you will likely have some rough years later on.

 

[toothless]

When I wrote that long saga above, I was assuming HFA meant High Functioning Aspergers.

theres no such thing as high functioning aspergers though granny17 as to be diagnosed an aspie you have to be high functioning in the cognitive sense,but high functioning is a spectrum in itself like low functioning.

 

[Rachel]

You completely described my son (with Asperger's) in your list. Granny17 gave some great advise. I would definitely have your son evaluated. It was heartbreaking for me getting my son "labeled", but it also gave me a more centered idea of what I was dealing with when he acted out. I, too, have been diagnosed with Asperger's, after noticing that my son and I share a lot of characteristics. We are now considered HFASD as Asperger's is no longer a "real" diagnosis. We still identify as Aspies. Anyhow, it's not the end of the world if your child is diagnosed with HFASD - a wise friend once told me "the diagnosis doesn't change your child at all." and she was right. He's 14 now, and a wonderful, unique, confident teen. I'm very proud of him.

 

[Brink4ce]

What did you find improved the aggression/hyperactivity, and in what way did it improve?

He gets most aggressive/hyperactive when my little sister comes home, who is very loud and sensory aggressive and hyper-ish in a non-organized way. When he starts seeming to be becoming "frantic" (really hard to describe), we will move into another environment where there is less random input and more structure/quiet. That generally prevents him from becoming aggressive. Sometimes he will remain in hyper mode for a little bit but he'll calm down.

It seems to help the rest of the day if we stay outside for an hour or so after we get home and I just let him ride his tractor and am there if he asks me to help him with something or to race or whatever.

One environment switch is to go from inside to outside. He loves his tractor, and he'll go ride it around the house several times and then he might look to me to play with him...like trying to "race" or something.

I've learned to let him do all of the building stuff without helping build. Like if he wants to stack sticks up for a "fire pit" then I'll get the sticks and he stacks them, because if I stack them he seems uncomfortable-ish and always knocks them down to build them up totally by himself. Also if I help too much, it sometimes seems to put him into like frantic-hyper mode for a long time.

 

[Cinnamon115]

I'm not a parent, but what you described is very similar to how my brother who is on the spectrum acted when he was three. I don't really have any advice but when I see my parents tomorrow, I can ask them what they did for my brother when he was three.

 

[Brink4ce]

I'm not a parent, but what you described is very similar to how my brother who is on the spectrum acted when he was three. I don't really have any advice but when I see my parents tomorrow, I can ask them what they did for my brother when he was three.

Thank you so much!

 

[Brink4ce]

For sake of clarity, the doctor has given him a referral, but it has been a week without any feedback from the referred center. I have called twice and followed the prompts.

I've never dealt with an early HFA diagnosis, so I am really not sure what to bring with me in terms of a behaviorial summary. I don't know how this all works for toddlers.
Even for myself, so far I have had one appointment with a counselor that told me she thought I seemed to be HFA then referred me to a specialist who has the ability to test and to officially diagnose.
I'm really new to all of this and it's slightly overwhelming. There's so much information and it all seems very open-ended. Ahhh!

 

[Alcyon]

Your question reminds me of my granddaughter. We first noticed something when she was about 6 months old. She was playing with measuring spoons and lined them up according to size. Then she started exhibiting the things your wrote about. I suspected right off she was HFA. She's now a teenager. She still has all her special traits, including some you didn't mention, but has learned to handle the world outside the safety of her bedroom. Your son may develop additional "interesting" behaviors as he gets older.

Here's how I handled my granddaughter, right or wrong, I don't know for sure, except that she's awesome now:
~Demand and reward daily hygiene routine. It's something they have to do, even though they hate it. But understand, it's the feel of being wet...the feel of water on their skin is what they hate so much. Your son may not mind it now, but may get that way in the future.
~Let him have his big interests...he may end up being a famous architect. Mine is video games. She's going to end up programming in Japanese, I'm just sure! Realize your son is absolutely brilliant in his chosen catagory.
~The clothing thing is sensory. Go with it. Get him only clothing that he likes...probably snug and soft. Soft is the key. Sensory is major. Stuffed toys, blankies, pillows, soft and comfy.
~Noise actually is painful to his ears. Loud TV, sibling into piano or instrument...painful. Get him earphones or white noise or something to help. He's not just being picky. Same with light...it actually hurts. Hats and sunglasses...he will be adorable in them!
~Learning. Probably the most important thing I experienced. For two years, I tried to help my girl learn the basic multiplication tables. This kid could figure out math problems in her head, but she couldn't learn the multiplication tables. I was frustrated and stumped...it made no sense to me. Finally a friend who works in the biz, said, "Write the answers on the flashcards." That sounded crazy, but I did as she said. My girl learned them all by TWICE THROUGH. These kids often learn by MEMORIZING! They learn differently than you and I did, but they are also GENIUS in their special interest areas! Get him as many Legos as it takes to build a whole city or zoo or whatever he thinks up!
~One time I went to her school during the day. As I approached, I saw the kids on the playground, all playing together except for this one lonely little figure standing off to the side, watching. It was my granddaughter. It broke my heart. Her teacher said she does that every recess. When she came home, I asked her if she wanted to play with the kids. (I was going to offer her some techniques on how to approach them.) She said, no, they are too childish. I realized then that she doesn't interpret things the way I do. So I just let her do what she was comfortable with. I think the best we can do is try to teach them HOW to be friends...how to be a good friend...to talk about the other person's interests (she'll probably never do that) and find people with the same interests as her. She has done that now, and has plenty of friends, even though hygiene is still an issue! ha
~Another thing that helps...if he has a real pet. My granddaughter begged for a long time but I didn't think she could handle one. I finally gave in. I was wrong...she takes great care of it and tells me now that she loves him because he "needs" her. She couldn't believe anyone else needed her, even though we told her all the time.
~One of the best things I've experienced is sitting on the sofa with her, letting her tell me about her special interest...omgosh...you realize then just how smart these kids are. It may bore you to tears, but sit there and listen. Ask questions you don't care about..."why did you name it that?" "How tall do you think you could get it before it falls?" "Why did you choose this color?" Fabulous bonding moments, and he will learn you care. Show him you care about his specialty. Take photos of the buildings he's proud of and put them in a book, if that would make him happy.

I think our job is to realize we are gifted with sweet, precious little beings who are going to be different than we expected by "usual" standards, but they are simply unique. His tantrums are when he's on overload...hug him if he will let you, offer him his special soft toy and let him alone if he won't. He's not being bad...he's overwhelmed. I don't think these kids can be "bad"...they are just trying to get along in a world that doesn't "get" them. Let him be his special self, realize he's smarter than his peers (and oftentimes you...ha) in a lot of ways, and try to teach him to endure other people's shortcomings. He will tell you the blunt, awful truth...he is not a good liar. You may have to find different ways of teaching than the books tell you.

I can tell you love your son as much as I love my granddaughter. This love and attention to him will reward you both in ways you can't even imagine now. He is going to be a wonderful human being and give you much happiness. Now that you know how he's feeling, you can work WITH him instead of fighting against these things that are VERY REAL to him.

Sorry this is so long; I just feel I have learned so much over the years through this experience. I love to share how much joy she's given me. Best wishes with your son. He is brilliant and a truly special gift. You will marvel and laugh and enjoy him so much through the years.

What a beautiful, well written response; it brought a tear to my eye. You and your granddaughter are fortunate to have each other.