Question

[Labradorian1975]

Do people generally feel it's beneficial to get an official diagnosis ?

I am 44 years old and I have been different all my life. I know it, and others definitely think so as well. I have what others often feel are strange or obsessive interests. If I like a song I will Listen to it over and over again, for months, then move on to another. I would pour over encyclopedias as a child obsessed with learning every detail about any topic that fit within my narrow range of interests. If I am knowledgeable on a subject or field, I can function very well. I can get up infront of large crowds and talk. Sometimes thousands of people without a care in the world. But in a social situation I am completely lost. I'm awkward, I don't know what to say. I monitor my responses to such an extreme to avoid mistakes, that I rarely ever speak. I just can't seem to grasp what's going on, humor or sarcasm.
I grew up in a very small town in the 70s and 80s, I don't think a lot was known about autism at the time. I could talk and walk, get excellent marks in school. I think I was just written off as a nerd or a weirdo and maybe I am just a weido, I don't know.
But my research leads me to believe I may be on the spectrum.

However I have never really cared. I have challenges to be sure, a lot of challenges, but I have learned how other people expect me to behave mostly and maybe 70% of the time I reach that expectation. I have a great family a few lifelong friends who definitely think I'm different. (My best says at least when I'm out with you I know I'm not the most awkward feeling person in the room..haha) I generally like the way my brain works. And mostly care little what others think as time goes by.

I have a great wife of 17 years, probably the only "normal" person on the planet who actually knows me and definitely doesn't always understand me but who loves me anyway, and 2 kids. I can't always express it correctly, but they all know I love them and would do anything I can for them.

Here is my problem. My wife has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I am trying to be as attentive to her emotional needs as I can be, but it's hard. I've had some issues with anxiety, but this is something altogether different. To see her suffer and try to help her face it, along with our kids, is really hard. I'm getting stressed and worry I'm not gonna to be able to give them the emotional support they need and deserve.

Again I generally like the way I am and fear a diagnosis could result in being viewed as disabled and I generally don't feel disabled, challenged a little. I wouldn't want doctors trying to change me. However if there were any kind of supports available, to help or teach me strategies to deal with this and to help them, I need it.

How would one go about it anyway, just walk into my family doctor and say "you know what doc, I think I'm autistic" ??

 

[Tom]

I am similar to you in symptoms and never got a diagnosis. It would make no practical difference. I would suggest you just focus instead on your wife and kids. Nothing wrong with seeing the Doctor for help with anxiety/depression if you think it might help. I have and it definately helped me. There are meds for those co-morbid conditions. There is no med for autism. Just do the best you can and stay the course in a very difficult situation.

What is the illness btw? Things where very iffy for me with Leukemia, but am in remission.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome.

Again I generally like the way I am and fear a diagnosis could result in being viewed as disabled and I generally don't feel disabled, challenged a little. I wouldn't want doctors trying to change me. However if there were any kind of supports available, to help or teach me strategies to deal with this and to help them, I need it.

How would one go about it anyway, just walk into my family doctor and say "you know what doc, I think I'm autistic" ??

Not all autistics are disabled, only those with severe co-morbid conditions. If you have gone this long without a diagnosis, that is probably not you.

The rest of us just have alternative, but healthy neurologies that put us out of step with the majority of people, who do not. (It is the neurological equivalent of being left-handed in a right-handed world.)

A counselor who has experience in autism will understand this and can help you to deal with your wife-related issues.

If you are in the USA, see Autlanders, Thriving Outside of the Box: Finding Support Resources in the USA... (Some good on-line resources, otherwise.)

If you are in Canada, other members here may be able to direct you to Canadian resources. This site looks promising, Autism Canada

 

[GadAbout]

I'd suggest you get some support to help you with the caregiving responsibility. It could be supportive psychotherapy (where you aren't plumbing the depths, so to speak, but just coping with the challenges) or it could be a group specific to the terminal illness in question. Is it cancer? There are many support resources for cancer patients and families. This is hard stuff to know how to do, and any tips and emotional support will make you better at caring for your wife.

Notice I haven't said anything above about autism. The road to diagnosis and finding an autism-knowledgeable therapist can be lengthy, and it might be better for you to just be a human right now, and an autistic person later on.

 

[Rasputin]

Do people generally feel it's beneficial to get an official diagnosis ?

I am 44 years old and I have been different all my life. I know it, and others definitely think so as well. I have what others often feel are strange or obsessive interests. If I like a song I will Listen to it over and over again, for months, then move on to another. I would pour over encyclopedias as a child obsessed with learning every detail about any topic that fit within my narrow range of interests. If I am knowledgeable on a subject or field, I can function very well. I can get up infront of large crowds and talk. Sometimes thousands of people without a care in the world. But in a social situation I am completely lost. I'm awkward, I don't know what to say. I monitor my responses to such an extreme to avoid mistakes, that I rarely ever speak. I just can't seem to grasp what's going on, humor or sarcasm.
I grew up in a very small town in the 70s and 80s, I don't think a lot was known about autism at the time. I could talk and walk, get excellent marks in school. I think I was just written off as a nerd or a weirdo and maybe I am just a weido, I don't know.
But my research leads me to believe I may be on the spectrum.

However I have never really cared. I have challenges to be sure, a lot of challenges, but I have learned how other people expect me to behave mostly and maybe 70% of the time I reach that expectation. I have a great family a few lifelong friends who definitely think I'm different. (My best says at least when I'm out with you I know I'm not the most awkward feeling person in the room..haha) I generally like the way my brain works. And mostly care little what others think as time goes by.

I have a great wife of 17 years, probably the only "normal" person on the planet who actually knows me and definitely doesn't always understand me but who loves me anyway, and 2 kids. I can't always express it correctly, but they all know I love them and would do anything I can for them.

Here is my problem. My wife has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I am trying to be as attentive to her emotional needs as I can be, but it's hard. I've had some issues with anxiety, but this is something altogether different. To see her suffer and try to help her face it, along with our kids, is really hard. I'm getting stressed and worry I'm not gonna to be able to give them the emotional support they need and deserve.

Again I generally like the way I am and fear a diagnosis could result in being viewed as disabled and I generally don't feel disabled, challenged a little. I wouldn't want doctors trying to change me. However if there were any kind of supports available, to help or teach me strategies to deal with this and to help them, I need it.

How would one go about it anyway, just walk into my family doctor and say "you know what doc, I think I'm autistic" ??

First of all, I am sorry about your wife and the stress you must be under now.

I felt as you do until very recently. I am 61, have had a decent career, and have been married the past 28 years. I have never been able to sleep well at night, but in recent years I have had chronic insomnia. l suspected I had ASD, but did not want to bring that up with my doctor. However, I was not able to sleep more than 90 minutes without waking up. So, two months ago I changed doctors and brought up the insomnia.

At this first doctors appointment I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and was referred to a urologist and a sleep specialist. Although I have sleep apnea I was told that the sleep apnea was not causing the insomnia. The insomnia was however causing low testosterone and poor moods. I was prescribed an antidepressant and testosterone gel, and was then referred to a psychologist and a psychiatrist. On January 30th I was formally diagnosed with ASD. Only a psychiatrist will diagnose ASD, and my experience is other doctors are reluctant to prescribe medication for anxiety or depression without your agreeing to see a psychiatrist.

The reason I recommend pursuing a diagnosis is long term anxiety can cause serious medical problems such as insomnia, dementia and other mental conditions. I did not know that until I started cognitive behavioral training and did some reading about anxiety. While I did not want to pursue the diagnosis, I am glad that I did. The treatment and medication I would think would also help you in managing the stress from your wife's illness.

 

[Major Tom]

Welcome to the forums!

 

[SusanLR]

If you feel a diagnosis and the help that might come with that would help you handle the emotional
stress of your current situation, asking the PC doc might be a start.
But, if you can check around for a psychologist, especially one that specialises in ASD, that is where
I stated.

I lived most of my life just the wierd and anxious person and didn't care either.
Then later in life I became a caregiver to my parents when they became terminally ill.
It kept me going. Doing for them and giving what I could do.

After I lost them I felt totally lost and alone. I couldn't move on and saw a psychologist for grief
counseling. She was the one after getting to know me, suggested I find a psychologist that
specialised in Asperger's as she saw many things about me and my disscussions that made her
think I was having so much difficulty due to Asperger's.
The diagnosis at my age is of no real help aside from understanding a life lived differently and my inner
struggles.

Sorry to hear what you are going through.

 

[Nitro]

Hi Labradorian1975

 

[Alexej]

Welcome to the Forums

Getting a diagnosis is a topic that comes up a lot around here - you might want to look out some of the old threads. I have found the search function not too bad; but also jsut hang around a while and the question will come.

Sorry to hear about your wife. I find i rely a lot on my wife for emotional support, so I imagine it must be really hard for you.

 

[Labradorian1975]

Thank you everyone for your advice and understanding. I really appreciate it.

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. This sounds very difficult for you, are they definitely saying your partners illness is terminal? So sorry if so, that's very tough for you all. Do your children seem similar to you, or have diagnoses of any type? This can sometimes be a clue, if so, as autism appears to be somewhat hereditable.

People have already offered you some ideas that seem useful, I'd say, stick around here as whether or not you want a diagnosis, if you recognise some issues that may be due to high autistic traits or Aspergers then you may get some useful information, strategies and support here.

 

[Labradorian1975]

Again thank you everyone, I have avoided any vulnerability all my life and have never came out and told anyone about my suspicions, except my wife. It feels so good to feel somewhat understood for once.

My wife's illness started out as breast cancer, but during chemo she developed a rare illness called pulmonary hypertension. It's chronic and progressive. She has not been told that she had x amount of time, but that it's definitely coming. She has a side issue of pnemonia right now which is very concerning.

My teenage daughter has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, she is different than me to be sure, but also very similar in many ways. I've often thought we could be on the spectrum, however I don't know myself. She is not handling things well at all. Self harm, she's a type one diabetic who refuses to care for herself. She does see a phycatrist, so far with very little effect.

In any case I'm rambling and just wanted to say that I appreciate all your kind words and suggestions. Thank-you.

 

[Cactus]

Do people generally feel it's beneficial to get an official diagnosis ?

I am 44 years old and I have been different all my life. I know it, and others definitely think so as well. I have what others often feel are strange or obsessive interests. If I like a song I will Listen to it over and over again, for months, then move on to another. I would pour over encyclopedias as a child obsessed with learning every detail about any topic that fit within my narrow range of interests. If I am knowledgeable on a subject or field, I can function very well. I can get up infront of large crowds and talk. Sometimes thousands of people without a care in the world. But in a social situation I am completely lost. I'm awkward, I don't know what to say. I monitor my responses to such an extreme to avoid mistakes, that I rarely ever speak. I just can't seem to grasp what's going on, humor or sarcasm.
I grew up in a very small town in the 70s and 80s, I don't think a lot was known about autism at the time. I could talk and walk, get excellent marks in school. I think I was just written off as a nerd or a weirdo and maybe I am just a weido, I don't know.
But my research leads me to believe I may be on the spectrum.

However I have never really cared. I have challenges to be sure, a lot of challenges, but I have learned how other people expect me to behave mostly and maybe 70% of the time I reach that expectation. I have a great family a few lifelong friends who definitely think I'm different. (My best says at least when I'm out with you I know I'm not the most awkward feeling person in the room..haha) I generally like the way my brain works. And mostly care little what others think as time goes by.

I have a great wife of 17 years, probably the only "normal" person on the planet who actually knows me and definitely doesn't always understand me but who loves me anyway, and 2 kids. I can't always express it correctly, but they all know I love them and would do anything I can for them.

Here is my problem. My wife has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I am trying to be as attentive to her emotional needs as I can be, but it's hard. I've had some issues with anxiety, but this is something altogether different. To see her suffer and try to help her face it, along with our kids, is really hard. I'm getting stressed and worry I'm not gonna to be able to give them the emotional support they need and deserve.

Again I generally like the way I am and fear a diagnosis could result in being viewed as disabled and I generally don't feel disabled, challenged a little. I wouldn't want doctors trying to change me. However if there were any kind of supports available, to help or teach me strategies to deal with this and to help them, I need it.

How would one go about it anyway, just walk into my family doctor and say "you know what doc, I think I'm autistic" ??

That’s exactly what I did. I was referred to a neuropsychologist, and was evaluated.

 

[Labradorian1975]

Cactus, has life improved since then ? Do people treat you better and give you some slack in regards to misreading social interactions or cues if they know, or do they y think they just view you as even stranger and treat you like a disabled person, that's my fear.

I'm judging that by just taking the time to make your comment, that you feel it has had a positive effect since then ?

 

[Thinx]

So sorry to hear about your partners diagnosis, and pneumonia. Just to note that it is not unusual for girls and women to be missed for diagnosis of autism, as the criteria were evolved with males in mind, and may appear not to fit, especially because girls are often a bit better at masking due to women's socialisation being more oriented to relating, and to facilitating others, while internalising distress rather than acting out. BDP is a broad and often suspect diagnosis.

There's quite a lot of research and discussion out there on this issue recently, try Jessica Kingsley publishers for some useful and readable accounts of this. Executive function issues (challenges in organising oneself in various ways)are common on the autistic spectrum, and I suppose might make taking responsibility for managing type 1 diabetes difficult.

 

[Cactus]

Cactus, has life improved since then ? Do people treat you better and give you some slack in regards to misreading social interactions or cues if they know, or do they y think they just view you as even stranger and treat you like a disabled person, that's my fear.

I'm judging that by just taking the time to make your comment, that you feel it has had a positive effect since then ?

I’ve only told a handful of people about my diagnosis. I’ve read some sobering comments here about revealing a diagnosis, and decided to keep it to myself for the most part. My life hasn’t changed dramatically since, but I feel better knowing why I struggled throughout my life. My opinion is that revealing a diagnosis of autism to everyone can be detrimental, as not everyone is well informed. There are also individuals that that will use that information for their benefit. I’m glad I was diagnosed, but I do not want to be treated as a disabled person, which I believe would be a likely outcome of disclosure.

 

[SlyCargo]

Do people generally feel it's beneficial to get an official diagnosis ?

I am 44 years old and I have been different all my life. I know it, and others definitely think so as well. I have what others often feel are strange or obsessive interests. If I like a song I will Listen to it over and over again, for months, then move on to another. I would pour over encyclopedias as a child obsessed with learning every detail about any topic that fit within my narrow range of interests. If I am knowledgeable on a subject or field, I can function very well. I can get up infront of large crowds and talk. Sometimes thousands of people without a care in the world. But in a social situation I am completely lost. I'm awkward, I don't know what to say. I monitor my responses to such an extreme to avoid mistakes, that I rarely ever speak. I just can't seem to grasp what's going on, humor or sarcasm.
I grew up in a very small town in the 70s and 80s, I don't think a lot was known about autism at the time. I could talk and walk, get excellent marks in school. I think I was just written off as a nerd or a weirdo and maybe I am just a weido, I don't know.
But my research leads me to believe I may be on the spectrum.

However I have never really cared. I have challenges to be sure, a lot of challenges, but I have learned how other people expect me to behave mostly and maybe 70% of the time I reach that expectation. I have a great family a few lifelong friends who definitely think I'm different. (My best says at least when I'm out with you I know I'm not the most awkward feeling person in the room..haha) I generally like the way my brain works. And mostly care little what others think as time goes by.

I have a great wife of 17 years, probably the only "normal" person on the planet who actually knows me and definitely doesn't always understand me but who loves me anyway, and 2 kids. I can't always express it correctly, but they all know I love them and would do anything I can for them.

Here is my problem. My wife has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I am trying to be as attentive to her emotional needs as I can be, but it's hard. I've had some issues with anxiety, but this is something altogether different. To see her suffer and try to help her face it, along with our kids, is really hard. I'm getting stressed and worry I'm not gonna to be able to give them the emotional support they need and deserve.

Again I generally like the way I am and fear a diagnosis could result in being viewed as disabled and I generally don't feel disabled, challenged a little. I wouldn't want doctors trying to change me. However if there were any kind of supports available, to help or teach me strategies to deal with this and to help them, I need it.

How would one go about it anyway, just walk into my family doctor and say "you know what doc, I think I'm autistic" ??

I can't comment on how it would help with your wife, however, I I am so sorry your family has to face this situation.

For me, a diagnosis was both freeing and confining at the same time. Let me explain.

I was 35 when I received my ASD diagnosis. Prior to that I didn't have a clue there was anything different about me. To be honest when looking back I always thought everyone was just like me. Thought like me, accepted things like me, saw things like me etc. After loosing several jobs, doing 3 degrees trying to find new things to do and a whole lot of work/life pain which ended up with me in a psychiatric ward for several months, I finally understood that all my pain was caused by Autism. This gave me a significant amount of relief. I finally had an answer and it was liberating. Unfortunately this was short lived though.

I had to get back to life, that is to say, looking after kids paying a mortgage etc, and a few years later, even with all the new knowledge and extra intervention,the same issues arise. I move on to a second job post diagnosis and guess what, 2 years later and the same issues again. The bad news is, getting a diagnosis doesn't fix the issues it causes. I now know that this is my life and every few years my traits which make me such a great employee at the beginning, just don't fly once I learn too much. I now have to live with the knowledge that nothing I do will stop this pattern from reoccurring and that is difficult to live with.

A diagnosis may help, but will not fix any issues you think it causes. There's no medication and no help unless you have lots of disposable cash to spend on therapy.

I wish you and your wife well and I hope you get through this emotionally intact.

Thanks

 

[Labradorian1975]

I’ve only told a handful of people about my diagnosis. I’ve read some sobering comments here about revealing a diagnosis, and decided to keep it to myself for the most part. My life hasn’t changed dramatically since, but I feel better knowing why I struggled throughout my life. My opinion is that revealing a diagnosis of autism to everyone can be detrimental, as not everyone is well informed. There are also individuals that that will use that information for their benefit. I’m glad I was diagnosed, but I do not want to be treated as a disabled person, which I believe would be a likely outcome of disclosure.

Thank you

 

[Aspychata]

Looks like a lot of support for you. Are you slowly realizing how much you depended on your wife (or was it she who depended on you?) If the structure of this relationship is changing - like suddenly it feels like you are supporting the entire family financially, emotionally, that can defintely feel overwhelming. Being on the spectrum sorta means we may take awhile to process all this but first we just filter through anxiety and helplessness. What am l trying to say- have you examined how you are feeling about your wife, your daughter and any other pressing issues? Do think this causing you to feel overwhelmed or out of control, unattached to help get through this? Are you concentrating on relaxation and time for yourself? Welcome to the site! Much support for you here.

 

[Streetwise]

Do people generally feel it's beneficial to get an official diagnosis ?

I am 44 years old and I have been different all my life. I know it, and others definitely think so as well. I have what others often feel are strange or obsessive interests. If I like a song I will Listen to it over and over again, for months, then move on to another. I would pour over encyclopedias as a child obsessed with learning every detail about any topic that fit within my narrow range of interests. If I am knowledgeable on a subject or field, I can function very well. I can get up infront of large crowds and talk. Sometimes thousands of people without a care in the world. But in a social situation I am completely lost. I'm awkward, I don't know what to say. I monitor my responses to such an extreme to avoid mistakes, that I rarely ever speak. I just can't seem to grasp what's going on, humor or sarcasm.
I grew up in a very small town in the 70s and 80s, I don't think a lot was known about autism at the time. I could talk and walk, get excellent marks in school. I think I was just written off as a nerd or a weirdo and maybe I am just a weido, I don't know.
But my research leads me to believe I may be on the spectrum.

However I have never really cared. I have challenges to be sure, a lot of challenges, but I have learned how other people expect me to behave mostly and maybe 70% of the time I reach that expectation. I have a great family a few lifelong friends who definitely think I'm different. (My best says at least when I'm out with you I know I'm not the most awkward feeling person in the room..haha) I generally like the way my brain works. And mostly care little what others think as time goes by.

I have a great wife of 17 years, probably the only "normal" person on the planet who actually knows me and definitely doesn't always understand me but who loves me anyway, and 2 kids. I can't always express it correctly, but they all know I love them and would do anything I can for them.

Here is my problem. My wife has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I am trying to be as attentive to her emotional needs as I can be, but it's hard. I've had some issues with anxiety, but this is something altogether different. To see her suffer and try to help her face it, along with our kids, is really hard. I'm getting stressed and worry I'm not gonna to be able to give them the emotional support they need and deserve.

Again I generally like the way I am and fear a diagnosis could result in being viewed as disabled and I generally don't feel disabled, challenged a little. I wouldn't want doctors trying to change me. However if there were any kind of supports available, to help or teach me strategies to deal with this and to help them, I need it.

How would one go about it anyway, just walk into my family doctor and say "you know what doc, I think I'm autistic" ??

First time I went and said something was wrong when I said autism the doctor inferred I was a hypochondriac, the next time he said autism because I was self stimulating, rocking from side to side and backwards and forwards, I was like you until then I knew nothing about the autism that I had .