Jane Smith
Well-Known Member
Hi guys!
So, recently me and my Aspie boyfriend (Who I think I've talked about a million times on here) started getting physical. He told me pretty early on that he is very sensitive to touch, and in fact, it hurts him a little. I have been extremely patient, and have been trying to establish some boundaries so that I do not harm him.
His comfort is very important to me, so I understood all of his concerns.
However, he wants to take it one step further. I am up for this, but I am worried. I feel like I am walking into this blind. Mostly because I have never been in a relationship with someone with this problem before.
I am already going to talk to a counselor about this, but I also wanted to ask you guys for feedback. Do you have this issue? What makes you feel comfortable if you do? Does your partner do anything for you to make it hurt less? Does anything makes it hurt more? Do you have pet peeves when it comes to sex? What do you think a NT should know about sex before participating?
Some things about him:
[Note: The next bit is sexual, but nothing graphic.]
-He is very shy and quiet
-I've only been able to touch his hair, collar bone, and neck. I could tell this was overstimulating, so I stopped.
-I asked him if there were any areas that calmed him down. He seems to like being touched on the back of the head, and lower back. I haven't done that yet (We haven't gotten around to it. Overcame other obstacles).
-Sadly, he is a sexual assault survivor. We talked about it for a very long time, and it is a pretty big concern. I know people on here may not be able to help, but I figured it was worth adding.
-I'm not sure what I am allowed to say on here since I know there's a no "adult language" policy, but I'll try my best. He trusts me enough that he says he wants me to do sexual things to him. I am okay with this, but I just don't know how to approach it. My biggest concern is that I am going to hurt him.
-He has had other girlfriends and boyfriends in the past. So, we are able to start somewhere.
Bit about me:
-I am also a sexual assault survivor. Which he has been very sweet about. We're overcoming a lot of things together. I've been going to therapy for it a lot longer than him. My therapist has helped me a lot over there years, thankfully. I want to share what I have learned with him. (He has his own therapist, too, thankfully. He says he'll try and speak with him).
-I'm also sensitive to touch, but not nearly as much as him.
-He likes to touch my hair. That seems to calm him down. He runs his fingers through it. He also likes to touch my back.
We are going to waiting until after we talk to our therapists before we continue. Until then, we wanted to get some fine wisdom from you guys! This site has always been super helpful towards this kind of thing. I always find what everyone says to be super informative.
And that's about it! If you guys need more info, let me know. I don't know where to start with this, so I tried to list things that were relevant.
So, recently me and my Aspie boyfriend (Who I think I've talked about a million times on here) started getting physical. He told me pretty early on that he is very sensitive to touch, and in fact, it hurts him a little. I have been extremely patient, and have been trying to establish some boundaries so that I do not harm him.
His comfort is very important to me, so I understood all of his concerns.
However, he wants to take it one step further. I am up for this, but I am worried. I feel like I am walking into this blind. Mostly because I have never been in a relationship with someone with this problem before.
I am already going to talk to a counselor about this, but I also wanted to ask you guys for feedback. Do you have this issue? What makes you feel comfortable if you do? Does your partner do anything for you to make it hurt less? Does anything makes it hurt more? Do you have pet peeves when it comes to sex? What do you think a NT should know about sex before participating?
Some things about him:
[Note: The next bit is sexual, but nothing graphic.]
-He is very shy and quiet
-I've only been able to touch his hair, collar bone, and neck. I could tell this was overstimulating, so I stopped.
-I asked him if there were any areas that calmed him down. He seems to like being touched on the back of the head, and lower back. I haven't done that yet (We haven't gotten around to it. Overcame other obstacles).
-Sadly, he is a sexual assault survivor. We talked about it for a very long time, and it is a pretty big concern. I know people on here may not be able to help, but I figured it was worth adding.
-I'm not sure what I am allowed to say on here since I know there's a no "adult language" policy, but I'll try my best. He trusts me enough that he says he wants me to do sexual things to him. I am okay with this, but I just don't know how to approach it. My biggest concern is that I am going to hurt him.
-He has had other girlfriends and boyfriends in the past. So, we are able to start somewhere.
Bit about me:
-I am also a sexual assault survivor. Which he has been very sweet about. We're overcoming a lot of things together. I've been going to therapy for it a lot longer than him. My therapist has helped me a lot over there years, thankfully. I want to share what I have learned with him. (He has his own therapist, too, thankfully. He says he'll try and speak with him).
-I'm also sensitive to touch, but not nearly as much as him.
-He likes to touch my hair. That seems to calm him down. He runs his fingers through it. He also likes to touch my back.
We are going to waiting until after we talk to our therapists before we continue. Until then, we wanted to get some fine wisdom from you guys! This site has always been super helpful towards this kind of thing. I always find what everyone says to be super informative.
And that's about it! If you guys need more info, let me know. I don't know where to start with this, so I tried to list things that were relevant.
