Punching Social Anxiety In The Face

[anxiety247]

So I have really bad social anxiety and it's very difficult for me to communicate with people, especially in person.

Well I had met someone online last year with a similar hobby as me and today we finally met in person for the first time.

It was difficult for me to talk, but we are both shy it seems. It still went well I think, and I have a new friend now. To be honest, meeting someone you had met only online can already be pretty awkward as it is so I feel like that didn't help the situation.

I'm always afraid that my social anxiety and awkwardness will scare people away, as it has before. But fingers crossed I make it through until things become more comfortable!

What do you guys do to overcome social anxiety situations and try to make new friends?

 

[Shamar]

So I have really bad social anxiety and it's very difficult for me to communicate with people, especially in person.

Well I had met someone online last year with a similar hobby as me and today we finally met in person for the first time.

It was difficult for me to talk, but we are both shy it seems. It still went well I think, and I have a new friend now. To be honest, meeting someone you had met only online can already be pretty awkward as it is so I feel like that didn't help the situation.

I'm always afraid that my social anxiety and awkwardness will scare people away, as it has before. But fingers crossed I make it through until things become more comfortable!

What do you guys do to overcome social anxiety situations and try to make new friends?

I am unable to overcome social anxiety situations and I have no friends. It took years, but I finally like it that way.

 

[anxiety247]

I am unable to overcome social anxiety situations and I have no friends. It took years, but I finally like it that way.

I'm sorry

Sometimes I feel like that too, like maybe it's just easier not trying to have friends. But I do like having my close friends that I know I can talk to anytime, but when they go away or vanish from my life it can be devastating.

I want to keep trying though. Even when those friends are no longer in my life anymore, there are still the good times when we were close. Those times when things weren't extremely awkward and I could be myself. Have to hang onto those moments and do it all over until I get back to that again with other friends

 

[Gracey]

That was awesome.
You got 'out there' and met someone you'd like to stay in contact with. well done. punching anxiety in the face indeed

I don't have any words of wisdom or tried and tested methods.
I tend to drift along speaking to or meeting various people along the way.

If they're still in contact with me after 12 months I'm usually astonished

Just keep doing what you're doing if it's working for you. and good luck.

 

[Bolletje]

I usually drink to overcome social anxiety. Used to have a bit of cocaine habit for the same reason as well, but I quit doing that a few years ago.
As far as healthy ways to overcome it, I just force myself to go out and interact with people from time to time. But I’ll be honest, that doesn’t happen often. Most of my friends are people I met while drinking, it takes me some time to feel confident enough to hang out with them while sober.

 

[Suzanne]

I also have chronic social anxiety and agroaphobia.

I met my one best friend from online, in life and it was a disaster!

There is one person who I regularly chat with on whatsapp and she is the only one who I do not get anxious seeing. Probably, because she treats me as a fellow human, rather than constantly attacking me, which seems to be what happens mostly.

I spent some years, wondering what on earth was wrong with? Perhaps I am not surrounding myself with others as much as I ought to, so I would put myself out there to see if that is what the issue was and ended up with meltdowns and thought: perhaps I over did it?

Finally, I received the answer and no longer push myself and feel much easier at heart.

 

[Progster]

I don't think that social anxiety is ever going to go away, but it often helps to base meetings with the person around activites rather than just talking/hanging out. Then, I can focus on the activity, have something to talk to the other person about rather than having to think of things to say all the time which is hard work and the main reason why I'm often reluctant to meet someone.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Well to begin with for me it was therapy and meds, aw I was incapable of leaving the house, but once I actually got to the stage of being able to go out and meet people I found the biggest help was simply telling people. Explaining that I have Social Anxiety Disorder, that as a result I tend to be quiet, may stammer, and am generally very awkward actually takes away a lot of the anxiety. I am still all of those things but the worry about that person judging me because of it goes away because they have an explanation already. Also meditation and mindfulness has helped me immensely.

 

[Wolfnox]

I usually do general talking points. You already have interests together. Use that and see where it leads. If he talks about other things. Ask questions keep your mind engaged.

 

[Suzanne]

and meds

Are they helpful?

 

[Pats]

Reminded me of a friend I made on line once. We played on line pool together a lot and we talked a lot and had fun. We made a bet on one of the pool games and I lost and had to make brownies for him or something like that, so I had him give me his address and I left the brownies in the mailbox.

 

[Running Girl]

I find it safer and easier to socialize around an activity, like a class you both take, a movie, or whatever. That way you dont have to talk as much, and when you do, there's a ready made subject to talk about.
Social anxiety has never gone away. Im not always sure the reasons i do better sometimes than other times.
I do better when the other person is relaxed and talkative , but if the other person is also shy and uncomfortable its usually a disaster, unless you happen upon a topic that you both know a lot about and want to talk about.
Also keeping the entire interaction brief. Dont like to put myself in a situation where I cant leave when it gets to be too much.

 

[anxiety247]

I find it safer and easier to socialize around an activity, like a class you both take, a movie, or whatever. That way you dont have to talk as much, and when you do, there's a ready made subject to talk about.
Social anxiety has never gone away. Im not always sure the reasons i do better sometimes than other times.
I do better when the other person is relaxed and talkative , but if the other person is also shy and uncomfortable its usually a disaster, unless you happen upon a topic that you both know a lot about and want to talk about.
Also keeping the entire interaction brief. Dont like to put myself in a situation where I cant leave when it gets to be too much.

Definitely! But this time we actually met for dinner and I'll admit it was pretty awkward, but we are discussing our hobby that we aren't able to do just yet but will in the coming months.

We both seem shy, but she's definitely not on my level of shy, probably just the common version of shyness.

By discussing, I mean her and her mom did more of the talking. I would briefly answer some of their questions but they could tell I was pretty shy. I just hope that's alright with her and that I would become a bit more comfortable enough to talk more when we meet for the actual hobby activities.

I guess right now the thing I am more worried about, is that when food comes out or something and everyone tells the waiter "thanks," I am either unable to get the word out or it comes out super quiet that no one hears and I'm afraid they it is rude, as I'm not trying to be rude I just freeze up and unable to speak in these situations.

 

[Shamar]

I'm sorry

Sometimes I feel like that too, like maybe it's just easier not trying to have friends. But I do like having my close friends that I know I can talk to anytime, but when they go away or vanish from my life it can be devastating.

I want to keep trying though. Even when those friends are no longer in my life anymore, there are still the good times when we were close. Those times when things weren't extremely awkward and I could be myself. Have to hang onto those moments and do it all over until I get back to that again with other friends

Nothing to be sorry for, it is not your fault. Or was that an expression of empathy? I don't really know how to tell the difference. At any rate, thanks.
You are fairly new here. You will soon find that while we share many problems (and occasional answers), we are all different. We are just as diverse from each other as we are from the general population. The difference is that we appreciate that diversity, rather than shun or fear it.
In my case, I am an anthrophobe (fear of people, especially crowds) as well as autism. My particular flavor of autism is a crippling inability to form emotional connections or bond with other people. I can form acquaintances, but when they leave, emotionally it is like they were never there. This even applies to my own parents. The best I can feel is what I call "Relief from Loneliness," which happens when I meet someone who appears to like me. This is what I imagine love feels like. Unfortunately, it only lasts until I no longer feel lonely, and then the emotional disconnect kicks in. As you might guess, I get lonely. Frustratingly, painfully, agonizingly, excruciatingly lonely.

 

[Wolfnox]

Teddy bear understands.

 

[Fino]

I just let myself be awkward and try not to worry about it, even though I do anyway sometimes, and I be as kind and respectful as possible, listen, and such like that. Good responses, generally! A lot of people tell me they love me! Who knows why!

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Are they helpful?

Yep. I'm not on them any more but I've been on a few different SSRIs over the years and they made a massive difference to my life. I wouldn't have even been capable of attending therapy if it wasn't for meds reducing my anxiety enough for me to leave the house. I probably would have committed suicide without them. They didn't cure anything but they made my mental state tolerable enough for me to take action to heal myself.

 

[Fino]

Oh, right, sometimes I forget I even take medication, but yeah, I feel exactly as @NothingToSeeHere does.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Forgot to mention, I still keep diazepam on hand for emergencies or to take before events which I know will trigger a panic attack, but I take it very very rarely, as I want to keep working on improving my management of anxiety and don't want to risk dependence.

My mindset is that the day I stop working to improve is the day start going backwards. Or a slightly different take, the day I stop growing is the day I start dying.

 

[BraidedPony]

I've been pushing myself to be more social and it has helped alot. I am able to answer the door, walk around outside away from the front door and start conversations.
If I cant think of anything to say, i just say nothing and dont worry about it. It took several months but the progress seems to be permenant. I can have cave days and then later pick up with socializing again.