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Problems with neighbour and church.

M

Mary Lyn

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
We live next door to each other in ground floor flats with very small ajoining gardens - like 13 feet by 20 feet. And attend the same church. Recently there has been a dispute starting with their (I am alone) dog getting in and fouling my garden. That was resolved with garden mesh, but other issues have come to the fore, like their huge shed on the border and the piling up of various items against the fence that l don't want to see from my window, blocking my light.. They have not been very neighbourly before this. Speaking but no fellowship. We are in our later age. The husband has been verbally abusive towards me during this, and said some nasty things. I did lodge a police report in case of repeat.

So my question is, what about he church leaders in this? I have not found them helpful. The minister is treating it like two parties arguing so attempting reconciliation. He mentioned he thought l was 'not warm'.Well actually l have PTSD. There is some possible beginnings of dementia in the husband but one of the things he said made me think he meant to undermine me and he lied when he told his wife what was said.

What should be happening? I am not getting any support.
 
For other Christians who hopefully will answer, l don't think they are born again so am unsure how to deal with this. The minister says he thinks they are. When he got the wife to meet up with me in a cafe to discuss things, the first thing l asked her was, do you understand why l talked to the minister. She did not and was annoyed with me. I said it is scriptural if the person will not discuss it and she had formerly said no to meeting up.

What l want to happen, is a high fence or screen between the gardens to hide their stuff and give me safety from the husband. She refused to share costs so l will have to pay for it with permission from the landlord if the housing association agrees. At church though l feel scared to go.
 
I guess l would want to know why he had so much anger directed towards you? That is scary, is he abusive towards his wife l wonder.

Think you are wise to document his hostility with police and the church. It is frightening to think he may spinout of control.

Hope you are safe and find a way to work this out.
 
As far as l know he does not abuse her. He is an ex prison officer .

She said he was mad at her because she told him to take down an awful white plastic greenhouse which was splattered with brown paint next to the fence right besides my door after l complained it blocked my light. So he apparently took it out on me.

You are right be could spin out of control if he has some dementia.
 
Maybe look up some cheap fencing options on you tube, like rolls of bamboo or a few shrubs in pots.

Neighbours are always annoying, unless you live in a flat with no balcony where you never see them and they never see you. Out of sight is out of mind.
 
Thanks yes l thought of a willow screen but the problem is there is no gate in the fence around the rest of the garden, and a very high fence. The window cleaner needs access.
 
Don't let them, or your fear of them, stop you from going to church. Their junk is already blocking the light on earth, don't let them block the light from heaven too.
 
Just to ask for context. Are you certain that youve interpreted all this correctly? Ive read what you said. But it still seems vague. No offense.
 
Hi Wolf

I have not misinterpreted their lack of consideration in putting up a huge shed, filling the length of the garden, put in 7 years ago, blocking my light. The people before me were not going to complain - a man in his late 90's in a wheelchair and drug dealers after him. I want to make my garden nice but I have to look at all of their stuff they don't want to see. The fence on the other side, in front of their window is clear with plants and flowers.

But the big issue now is the aggression from the man and I am scared as he might have some denemtia and lose control easy. The look of hatred on his face whaen I asked nicely if they would take down the greenhouse that was no longer in use scared me to death and no I daren't go to chuch as I have not had any support of feel safe there.

If I ask the housing association for help and show them the photos I took of all their stuff, they may not have permission for that shed which I suspect and I am scared of reprisal from the man.
 
That is good idea. Basically, prison guards are known to be bullies. So you need to understand the tactic he uses on you, is the same he used in prison. If the yard gets worse, it can be reported as a uncontrolled trash scene or hoarder scene and that can be reported to the county. If he is a hoarder, then falls into bipolar, and bipolars have anger issues. l lived with one for 19 years, he had many anger issues. So l would kinda of ignore the angry stares and realise you aren't a prisoner of him or his yard.
 
That is useful to know about prison officer bullies. Yes he is one. If I get the willow screen up I will not have to encounter him in the garden. It's just going to cost me so much for that and a gate.
 
The other issue is rodents. If you can find signs of rodents living there due to the crap issue, that is also a sanitary issue. You might beable to report both of those to the county. The county doesn't like to clean up that because it gets expensive so they fine the individual daily like $50 dollars a day until it's removed. You have to see how agressive the county is. Another tactic, have an attorney write a letter stating any codes the tenent ciuld breaking besides being a outright jerk and cc: association, county, police, church, you get my drift. Finally, document any tirades with your phone, download to a cloud. Also have a witness present anytime you mediate anything since you feel no support from your church. Perhap he has bullied those people.
 
Not much risk of rodents. It's not as bad as that - just annoying to have to look at his stuff and have my light blocked. I am not willing to speak to him again - I will walk away - and think that he charms people. I could take this further - to the original church that has set up this off shoot seeing as I have had no luck with two of the leaders.

For Christians reading - it says if the person does not listen when 2 witnesses are involved then take it to the church.

The thing is though - if he has some dementia, he will get out of control and maybe become obsessed with revenge.
 
Think he may just take it out on the prisoners. Your expensive route, maybe you can come up with a cheaper alternative. Sometimes it's hard to think with our emotions clouding the issue. Perhaps the landlord may have some type ofhelp or pay half maybe since it interfers with your light. l had a neighbor complain to the county that my bright porch light shone into is bedroom disturbing his sleep, because his sleep was more important then the security of my front door. lol. Like it's called curtains. But if you have any more encounters just make sure to document. l seriously doubt he wants to jeopardize his employment by doing something stupid to you.
 
Oh he has retired. I have written out in full the first episode which I reported to the police and if he does it again they say they will charge him with harrassment. They were concerned about me and rang up a week later to see if i was okay..
 
Thats excellent. It's good you have a concerned police force. Where l live, it's considered elder abuse to harass someone in my age group. I am thankful for this extra level of regulation.
 
The main issue now, leaving aside the cost of a screen for the fence, is church and where l go next in dealing with the issue. Do l just leave things however unfairly?
 
Im glad the police are helping you. As for your question. I am a christan but not a church goer. If i have trouble like this i pray about it. Its been my experience God hears you no matter where you are. No offense to anyone who goes to church. Oh and happy Sabbath.
 
An update - I was advised by hte housing association to log it in the anti-social unit, after talking to them about a gate and bamboo screen so I did.

They were absolutely great and it made a huge difference to me to have that support and validation. They knew straight away that it was intimidation and Discriminatory Abuse and said that it happens all the time to older women living alone. Wow what a difference!

In fact he had been psycholgically abusing me for a few years by trying to stop me having contact with his wife so yes he is a bully.

My head had been in a spin because of the lack of validation of the abuse from the minister, who has mistakenly been insisting that it is a mediation issue and to think about my faults in the matter grrrrr.

So I am now able to advocate for myself and get this minister retrained.

I am now empowered to deal with it properly and the first thing I have done is to get in touch with the mother church who have a Safegurding Policy and ask them to explain what it means and how they ascertain an adult with support needs (of which I have not been recognised)
 
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