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Featured Problem making decisions / choices (ambivalence)

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by OrdinaryCitizen, Aug 10, 2020.

  1. OrdinaryCitizen

    OrdinaryCitizen Well-Known Member

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    Too many choices drive me crazy i am constantly evaluate all the PRO's and CON's of every choice i make. What outcome it can possibly have and i can never be certain what to choose.

    When i feel that finally i made my mind to go with choice A, i think of something i missed previously that makes choice A not a good one, then then switch to another choice B, next day i might switch back to choice A.

    Lots of time all of the choices A, B are equally prioritized to me and i don't know which one to choose.

    P.S. I might have fear of making a mistakes?
     
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  2. ZebraAspie

    ZebraAspie Well-Known Member

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    Same issue desciosns however small Worry me. I worry I’ll make the wrong descision and agonise over things,
     
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  3. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    I suppose that ultimately depends on how critical- not not such decisions may be. In working in the private sector, I know completing projects expeditiously is often more important than attempting to get them 100% right. However if you are talking about choices relative only to you alone, it can certainly be more complicated. Worse when you have OCPD as you mentioned in another post.

    Try to look at it this way. The consequences of not getting something done at all may prove worse than contemplating everything that could potentially go wrong with a project. Sometimes you just have to plod ahead, whether you made the most optimal decision or not.

    I have OCD, and often encounter frustration in whether or not I could have done something better than I did. I suppose for me most of the equation becomes a matter of whether I actually finish a project, and have at least some satisfaction with it. Knowing that while I strive for perfection, odds are that it won't ever happen.
     
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  4. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

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    In my case the problem is not having someone to discuss decisions with - two heads ARE betters than one.
     
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  5. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    So remember doing this as a younger person. Just the sheer amount of probable outcomes was confusing and challenging. Then l graduated to someone saying- make a decision AND stand by it. I like that. It made sense to my aspy brain. Are you going to make wrong choices, yes. But with experience - you get better. Sometimes you realize veering off course may have led in a different direction and created success somehow. Like your decision may lead to a better choice but you just don't know it yet.
     
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  6. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    This is a problem that is very time consuming and annoying to me especially when shopping.
    Clothes and household things are the worst.
    I may try the same thing on several times paying attention to every detail. Feel of material
    how it moves sitting, standing, bending. How every part fits. How it looks on me.
    Then the price of course. Is it too expensive? Is it a good price for the quality?
    I don't really care about the brand name.

    Household things are the same. Put 4 teakettles in front of me and I'll be an hour.
    Which colour do I really like, the spout, the handles, how the lid opens, the thickness of
    the metal. Yeah, I like this one's handle. Or no? Maybe this on feels better.
    Indecision, no one to talk to about it. Lots of time put into a simple choice.

    My therapist says it is an exercise in the impossible: Perfection!

    The impossible decision. I've put things back because I can't decide.
    Have to think about it overnight and maybe it will still be there the next day or not.
    And, yes, not having anyone to talk with about it.
    It just seems easier if someone is with me.

    Today's exercise was cleaning off my display stand for my rock collection. Part of it anyway.
    Then it takes the whole afternoon to put it back together.
    This one needs to go just a bit more to the right, that one a little more back.
    No, a little forward. Turned a little more to the left....
    You get the picture. o_O
     
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  7. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I can so relate, each purchase needs to be the perfect things so i look in every shop for said item, compare price and as SusanLR outlined renumerate over aspects for a long time, sometimes once bought i 'regret' my decision and return it and start again exausting.
    My daughter, asks my opinion, makes a decision then changes her mind back to previous choice, repeat pattern, it's for her i think problems with variable outcomes, then the berating h, self dought and anxiety comes, i don't do this and encourage her to make a choice and then move on, bless her she struggles,
     
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  8. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I'm the same. Even with simple purchases like products at the supermarket, I weight up the pros and cons and can take a long time to decide, or can't decide so end up not buying.
     
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  9. Peachie

    Peachie Active Member V.I.P Member

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    I did an SDI assessment, which I was identified as a rainbow, or being right in the middle. Depending on the situation I could lean in any direction. When I can't make a decision because I need to gather more info, it is me having a rainbow moment. And tossing a coin just feels wrong.

    Now I'm really curious how that overlaps with ASD. A part of me feels like instead of being the only rainbow in a group, maybe I'm maybe surrounded by them here?
     
  10. Bro'Freak

    Bro'Freak Well-Known Member

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    I've found that I am a bit useless in these matters if I only have myself to worry about, but if I am in a relationship I am a different animal. Though I still get the odd issue making decisions on taking the lead/responsibility in a relationship (which is usually misread much to my detriment). Apart from that can't grumble as things aren't too bad here tbh.
     
  11. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    What's an SDI assessment?
     
  12. Peachie

    Peachie Active Member V.I.P Member

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    Strength Deployment Inventory. There seems to be a few sites. Our whole group did it at work. Some teams even put the charts up, so people had a better sense as to how to interact with others. I guess for me, any kind of meaningful argument works. :p

    So I have no idea how it relates to anything else. Somewhere buried I have mine...now I'm curious to review it in context.
     
  13. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Oh lord....personality tests for businesspeople. There's a whole market for them. (I see them as kind of like horoscopes, but for corporate big wigs lol).

    I find a lot of these fascinating. I don't take any stock in them whatsoever, but I find the fact that they exist at all and the willingness for companies to spend massive amounts of money on them (and other things, such as handwriting analysis of job candidates) simultaneously amusing and fascinating. Especially the fact that you can apparently become "certified" in this particular personality test. There's a whole racket going on here...

    Now I'm going to see if someone has made the test freely available online somewhere; there's a good chance someone has.
     
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  14. translucent_jon

    translucent_jon New Member

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    I flip a coin sometimes and try not to stress terribly hard over which decision Is represented by heads or tails. (But I almost always over-invest in that anyway). Wife would prefer that I not do that but it saves me some energy. Of course this is only for so called “trivial” decisions. “Where do you want to grab a burger from?” And so on. Much More than that and I do what I can to default with what she sounds like she’s leaning toward the most
     
  15. Peachie

    Peachie Active Member V.I.P Member

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    That is pretty funny. I usually go in with a bit of cynicism about the whole thing. But in this high level brush stroke, it wasn't wrong about me. And it became a nice way to label indecisiveness, and allowed others to (maybe?) understand a little more.

    I think I tend to avoid them, as sometimes I can tell by the questions, and how many times I have to think 'well it depends' when answering one.

    Are there ones that you think are better than others in their test areas?

    You sound just like me. I read this to my wife, she was pretty amused. That is my rainbow mode.
     
  16. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I actually think they're all total nonsense.

    I can rarely answer the questions. Either they're about something that really doesn't apply to me and I have no idea how I would react/respond, or it depends on the situation because they're not cut and dry.
     
  17. Peachie

    Peachie Active Member V.I.P Member

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    LOL, I guess that just emphasizes to me that if you DID think one was better and the rest were BS, then I'd like to check it out!

    Really, I avoid them. I'm not sure they really tell me much, just because I'm skeptical about how in depth a limited ranged question can be. Certainly above 0, but not sure it reaches the level of understanding self.
     
  18. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    What I find fascinating about them is that large swathes of the population holds them in high esteem (Myers Briggs anyone?) and that corporate America (and maybe other countries as well) is apparently willing to dump vast sums of money into what's basically nonsense. I find the fact that I could actually take a multi-day course to become "certified" in a personality test completely astounding (and I did some reading on it...scoring that thing is one of the more unnecessarily complex things I've ever seen. No wonder you need a two day course to learn to administer it!!!)
     
  19. Peachie

    Peachie Active Member V.I.P Member

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    I've never seen a multi-day anything. It doesn't shock me this happens. Just like in the book Talking to Strangers, people's default is to agree. You can sell nothing pretty easy. The harder it is to measure it, easier it is to take advantage.
     
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  20. BenderRodriguez

    BenderRodriguez Active Member

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    You should read The Dice Man The Dice Man - Wikipedia :p

    *runs and hides from jon's wife*