Pro/Con-Woman seeking adult diagnosis

[Dee317]

Today I woke up obsessed with weighing the pros and cons of seeking a diagnosis for myself. I called the autism center in my state and spoke a nice woman who spent a good amount of time on the phone with me. She then emailed me, that she spoke to a Dr. In my area for advice and that I should call him. His advice was-

that typical people will treat me poorly due to a lack of their own education on the subject. It would cause insurance issues for me. It can prevent me from getting jobs, because it would be a "red flag" for employers. It could cause custody problems if I ever divorced. That our area has no HFA services that could help me even if I had the diagnosis. He told me that in his experience, Aspies are always smart enough to self diagnose because of our research abilities. He even offered me a discrete evaluation if I wanted one. I feel good, and bad. Good that even he said that if I think I am, and the family history is there, I am. But very sad that there are no adult programs to help me. I can probably find woman's work programs, but none for people like me who have auditory sensory problems, anxiety, ect. I'd like to hear some pros and cons from woman aspies who have been through the process for clarity. TY

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Pros: I got the validation I needed at the time, without that I would have continued to question myself, and it would have nagged at the back of my mind. As it is I felt a sense of relief that my understanding of myself and my problems was correct and have moved on with my life without that concern hanging over me.

I had a mentor while I was doing my MSc, who helped me with some problems I was having, and general gave me advise on how to approach things which where giving me anxiety. I would have done just as well in my degree without her, but it would have been far more stressful.

Cons: None, I as diagnosed for myself, and have not told anyone about my diagnosis aside for the disability support team at the uni where I did my MSc (they where the ones who helped me get a diagnosis), as such I have no problems with being judged by employers or any of that, because it is none of their business.

 

[Rayner]

Sorry I'm not a women. In my experience at least I have never had any problems with ASD being a red flag to poteinal since I don't disclose my diagnoise. I'm not sure how it would effect your health insurance unless you use your insurance to cover the cost of any ASD related services. Sorry that's about all I know sorry I couldn't be more of a help.

 

[Dee317]

Sorry I'm not a women. In my experience at least I have never had any problems with ASD being a red flag to poteinal since I don't disclose my diagnoise. I'm not sure how it would effect your health insurance unless you use your insurance to cover the cost of any ASD related services. Sorry that's about all I know sorry I couldn't be more of a help.

Also life insurance. What is your experience there?

 

[Rayner]

Also life insurance. What is your experience there?

I have no know idea about life insurance, I can't think of a reason how/why a formal diagnosis would effect your life insurance. My health insurance is through my employer. I currently don't have any life insurance, since I don't currently have a need for life insurance.

 

[wanderer03]

My life is hardly worth insuring. I live alone and I'm not married and have no children. It's money that I would be donating to corporate America.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I'd like to hear some pros and cons from woman aspies who have been through the process for clarity.

A year and a half after self-diagnosing, I chose the "discreet evaluation" option with a private company, and didn't file with insurance, so I have complete control (as much as possible) over who sees the information. I've not disclosed to my family or my employers/colleagues, and for the time being, I don't intend to since it doesn't interfere with my ability to do my job. I did the assessment for my own peace of mind and insight into my struggles. It was validating, and helps my therapist and husband understand me better, as well as helping me understand my differences better. But I'm not looking for any accommodations or services specific to AS, so keeping the info private works best for me for now.

 

[FreeDiver]

From reading some of the posts here. I'm getting the impression that nobody wants to disclose there diagnoses to anyone. Is this just a "woman" thing, or I'm I sensing the fact that's their a real fear of oppression here?

 

[Dee317]

From reading some of the posts here. I'm getting the impression that nobody wants to disclose there diagnoses to anyone. Is this just a "woman" thing, or I'm I sensing the fact that's their a real fear of oppression here?

I've already seen backlash from my husband's side because of my daughters diagnosis. There is a real fear of oppression from everyone, especially as a mother, wife, member of community. They would roll their eyes and peg you a hypochondriac. It's disgusting, people really still thing that only men have aspergers. I can make eye contact, but when I do to hold conversation I can feel my anxiety level go up, and up, I can't wait to get out of the situation, I always have a fear that they can see what I'm thinking and how afraid I am inside. My husband says it's usually clear what I'm feeling in the expression on my face which is usually confusion, anger, fear, or distaste.

 

[wanderer03]

I generally do not trust people so my diagnosis is only known about within my immediate family. I certainly won't tell an employer or perspective employer. The backlash would be far reaching.

 

[FreeDiver]

I generally do not trust people so my diagnosis is only known about within my immediate family. I certainly won't tell an employer or perspective employer. The backlash would be far reaching.

Then what do you do if your employer sticks you in an environment that causes sensory overload? How do you explain to your employer (who is more then liking, NT) that there is something in the room that is causing you pain, when your employer doesn't even know (or is even aware) that there is something in there, that is causing you trouble. I know this nightmare all too well. All it take is just one little thing to be out of place to ruin your day. And yet, everyone else around you is completely unaware and oblivious to what is troubling you.

 

[wanderer03]

Then what do you do if your employer sticks you in an environment that causes sensory overload? How do you explain to your employer (who is more then liking, NT) that there is something in the room that is causing you pain, when your employer doesn't even know (or is even aware) that there is something in there, that is causing you trouble. I know this nightmare all too well. All it take is just one little thing to be out of place to ruin your day. And yet, everyone else around you is completely unaware and oblivious to what is troubling you.

I told my employer where and how I function best, not why. My employer does not need to know the why part. I am also at an advantage that I work in an industry with a critical shortage of labor so I can set certain requirements and have flexibility not otherwise available. The transportation industry is nice like that. I am, quite literally, in the driver's seat.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Then what do you do if your employer sticks you in an environment that causes sensory overload?

Not sure how unusual my situation is, but I already have a career going, and have some freedom in what my work environment looks like since I usually work from home. If there is an environment I have to be in that is overwhelming, I just have to use my own coping mechanisms to deal with it.

The things I do away from home are important to my product's success, so I have to deal with it. This is also why I don't want my colleagues to know about my struggles. If they knew that some of these things are unusually difficult for me, they might stop working with me (I'm an independent contractor, so my work depends on my being able to satisfy my customers).

 

[FreeDiver]

If there is an environment I have to be in that is overwhelming, I just have to use my own coping mechanisms to deal with it.

I guess you've been lucky and have been able to cope when you have to. I too have to, and been able to deal with tough overwhelming situations as well. But it really sucks when you're pushed to your limit and just can't take it anymore. I had to quit a job because they wouldn't fix (or let me fix for that matter.) a rattling air vent.

 

[Dee317]

I have only 2 speeds when it comes to my demand anxiety-cry, or flip out and yell. My first job was at a pizza shop, someone wanted regular, I gave them decaf, and my boss yelled at me. I cried 1 because I am a perfectionist and I messed up, 2 because he was someone I considered better than me and he yelled at me, and 3 because the person who got the wrong coffee was watching me get yelled at AND cry. I was 15 then.

 

[wanderer03]

I have only 2 speeds when it comes to my demand anxiety-cry, or flip out and yell. My first job was at a pizza shop, someone wanted regular, I gave them decaf, and my boss yelled at me. I cried 1 because I am a perfectionist and I messed up, 2 because he was someone I considered better than me and he yelled at me, and 3 because the person who got the wrong coffee was watching me get yelled at AND cry. I was 15 then.

People can be so cruel and intolerant. I am sorry that you had to experience this.

 

[Kupu2]

From reading some of the posts here. I'm getting the impression that nobody wants to disclose there diagnoses to anyone. Is this just a "woman" thing, or I'm I sensing the fact that's their a real fear of oppression here?

Not sure. Being female, we often have a tenuous hold on jobs anyway. I've been terrified of letting the ex know anything of my suspicions of being ASD because he would use it against me. And I'm not sure I will tell anyone else. Even though we espouse a tolerant society these days, it is mere lip service in reality. Pigeon holing isn't fun.

 

[artfull dodger]

I am fortunate to have an awsome employer that embraces the ASD part of me. They knew from the moment I accepted the job and have been supportive every set of the way. I have enough issues that hiding it only ups my anxiety of trying to fit in as NT. Not having it hidden, has opened up many conversations with customers that happen to come back in the shop. None of them have been judgemental, but supportive and sharing of thier experiences with someone in thier family that is on the spectrum or others they know that have ASD. I guess I am just lucky, but I fully embrace my ASD and feel I shouldn't have to hide it from anybody. The work to hide it and appear more normal is very tiring for me and I am not that good at it anyways. Better to just be who I am. If others do not like it, they can piss off! Mike

 

[WereBear]

I took two online tests and was convinced for myself. I pursued a formal diagnosis because:

• My job was being affected, and I had the choice of looking uncooperative and uncaring, or admitting my condition
• I had the thought that my health insurance could help with things I could not afford
• It would convince people that this was not a mental illness and that is why the mental illness strategies were not working

I told my friends, because they have know me for years, "and they like the weird." I told certain relatives I'm close to, because it is an explanation. At work, I told only my boss, because he needs to know why I am arranging my job in certain ways, and why I am avoiding certain "volunteer" tasks.

Fortunately, he likes the job I'm doing, and he has an IT background, so I can't be the first

I went the ways I did because I am coming off of YEARS of a mysterious illness that had to be addressed; I'd been getting sick constantly (sinus infections, repeating pneumonia, shingles) from the stress, and not knowing why. So it was important that I announce to certain people that the cause of my illness has been found, it is being handled, and I should avoid X and Y to keep myself healthy.

I have excellent social skills; which is what was wearing me down. Since I'm doing it all with my frontal lobes, and they were getting worn out So there was extreme skepticism in certain circles that having a formal diagnosis took complete care of. Basically it came down to the fact that I couldn't hide it any longer.

But if you can, feel free to do so. A diagnosis can be an explanation, a guide to finding helpful strategies, and a celebration that we are not aliens; we are simply a minority, and get the same flak any minority gets in a conformist society. But it really isn't anyone's business unless you decide so.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I have excellent social skills; which is what was wearing me down. Since I'm doing it all with my frontal lobes, and they were getting worn out So there was extreme skepticism in certain circles that having a formal diagnosis took complete care of. Basically it came down to the fact that I couldn't hide it any longer.

This has been my experience, too. I can do the socializing, but it's all cognitive and consciously processed, everything from how to stand, what facial expression to make, what tone of voice to use, and which thoughts to attempt to express. It's exhausting. But people don't realize it doesn't come naturally because it still looks fairly "normal."

Having a formal dx lends credence to my complaints of exhaustion and the fact I don't really enjoy socializing...that it's nothing personal against the other person, it's just the reality about what it takes for me to be communicative.