Possible bedwetting adult stepson with Asperger's

[Jennifer F.]

It's possible that my stepson, who's 24 with Asperger's, is having some bed wetting issues. I've only been his stepmom for a few years, and I've been wondering why he sleeps with towels and sometimes extra sheets. I'm not sure how to ask him about this. I've noticed he also doesn't use toilet paper ever at home. Anyone have any suggestions or thoughts? I'm baffled and I don't feel comfortable asking him about this, but I know it will NOT go well if it comes from his Dad.

 

[tree]

He might be having wet dreams.
Or he may be incontinent in his sleep sometimes.
Who does the laundry?

Are you aware of him having any allergies?
Has he been sleeping with towels/extra sheets right
along or is this recent/new behavior?

 

[BigTimber]

I think it'd be a really good idea to get him checked out by a doctor, 'cause bedwetting at his age is a sign of more serious medical issues, especially if this wasn't a problem before.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I do not envy your delicate situation. If he is your standard blunt Aspie, just come right out and ask him if he's having some problems with incontinence. I have been quite surprised as to how many Aspies I've seen tell of bathroom woes. I'm starting to wonder if it's one of the more subtle symptoms that don't go in the DSM.

 

[Warmheart]

Some of us have challenges with interoception (being able to sense our body's signals like pain, hunger, need to use restroom, etc.). Add in brain-fog from sensory overload and social overwhelm, and awareness of when to attend to oneself can be variable and iffy.

If you do decide to gently, respectfully broach the topic, it can be with the aim of offering him some support in keeping himself comfortable and dry.

 

[Jennifer F.]

He might be having wet dreams.
Or he may be incontinent in his sleep sometimes.
Who does the laundry?

Are you aware of him having any allergies?
Has he been sleeping with towels/extra sheets right
along or is this recent/new behavior?

He does his own laundry. I think he's been sleeping with the towels all along. I just started wondering last night because I bought him 2 new sets of sheets a month ago to switch out and when I went to help him with it he had put the 2nd sheets on top of the first ones, plus the towels. It just seemed to weird.

 

[Jennifer F.]

Some of us have challenges with interoception (being able to sense our body's signals like pain, hunger, need to use restroom, etc.). Add in brain-fog from sensory overload and social overwhelm, and awareness of when to attend to oneself can be variable and iffy.

If you do decide to gently, respectfully broach the topic, it can be with the aim of offering him some support in keeping himself comfortable and dry.

I would definitely be very nice about it. I find that he gets a lot less flustered with I text him instead of talking to him in person. I guess I'd do that. I'm really not sure what to do.

 

[Warmheart]

You might buy him an allergy shield mattress protector for his mattress. I use one, and it's quite comfortable and inconspicuous. They're supposedly for dust mites, but they may be waterproof, and can be bought online at allergy shop websites. They are nice and lightweight, are not gummy/heavy/rubbery, and are not hot. It may just make him feel safer in general. Just a thought.

 

[BigTimber]

You might buy him an allergy shield mattress protector for his mattress. I use one, and it's quite comfortable and inconspicuous. They're supposedly for dust mites, but they may be waterproof, and can be bought online at allergy shop websites. They are nice and lightweight, are not gummy/heavy/rubbery, and are not hot. It may just make him feel safer in general. Just a thought.

I was thinking that too. You can get them at stores like Target or even Amazon and they're not expensive at all. About $20 to $40, depending on the size and brand. One thing to think of though is that some can be noisy. Mine isn't, but my mom has one that will make 'crumple noises' when you're on it.

Now that I'm thinking of it, it's possible he doesn't have an issue and he might just find his mattress uncomfortable. Right now, I'm using a thick blanket and 2 sheets to give my stiff mattress a tiny bit more padding.

 

[tree]

Jennifer F. "I'm really not sure what to do."


Since he is doing his own laundry, nobody really knows
what is happening with the sheets & towels (what purpose
they serve.)

So far, in this thread, 3 possibilities have been raised.
A. urine
B. nocturnal emissions
C. mattress comfort

You could text him regarding one or more of these.
The 'easiest' topic is C. comfort in general. You could
ask if he is comfortable enough or whether he has
other needs.

If he is using the 'extra' bedding because it plays a part
in masturbation or to soak up wet dreams, then it's not
a real problem. He does his own wash.

Has his father ever mentioned bed wetting as an issue
in the past?

 

[NateSean]

Could you maybe fill us in on a few more details? What is the full nature of the relationship between you and your stepson? By that I mean, to what extent are you and your husband his caretakers and what is his level of functionality as an adult? Is Asperger's his official diagnosis?

 

[AsheSkyler]

I would definitely be very nice about it. I find that he gets a lot less flustered with I text him instead of talking to him in person. I guess I'd do that. I'm really not sure what to do.

If it were me, I'd like that approach. I could fidget and act nervous and embarrassed all I wanted while I was able to get my answer together coherently without making a fool of myself with the squirming.

 

[DC1346]

I've noticed he also doesn't use toilet paper ever at home. Anyone have any suggestions or thoughts?

My first thought upon reading this was EWWWWWWWW.

My second thought was this. If he doesn't use toilet paper ... what does he use to wipe his you-know-what?

I spent 7 years working in Saudi Arabia. My first trip to a public restroom at a mall was disturbing. The toilets consisted of a hole in the floor that men would squat over. There was NO toilet paper, so in true Bedouin fashion they'd wipe themselves using their LEFT HANDS which they'd then wash at the sink with soap and water.

This is incidentally why Arabs only eat with their right hands. Since the Bedouin eat from communal platters, the right hand is considered "clean" while the left is considered "dirty." Even if they wash their hands before eating, the left hand will always be considered dirty because that's the wiping hand for personal business in the bathroom.

As a chef instructor, my third thought upon reading your post was to think of eColi and other foodborne pathogens that can be transmitted to food by dirty hands ... so regardless of how he's wiping himself, I do hope that he's taking care to wash his hands well with soap and water, otherwise he's running the risk of developing a toxin mediated foodborne illness. And if he touches your food, you and your husband could also be at risk.

I'm sorry I don' t have constructive advice to offer ... but I did want to point out the health risks associated with biological contamination that can be spread with dirty hands.

 

[NateSean]

This is incidentally why Arabs only eat with their right hands. Since the Bedouin eat from communal platters, the right hand is considered "clean" while the left is considered "dirty." Even if they wash their hands before eating, the left hand will always be considered dirty because that's the wiping hand for personal business in the bathroom.

Sorry, I've got to do this.

 

[Nisk]

I'm just wondering if the easiest approach would be to simply text him. "What's with the extra sheet on your bed?" He can choose to answer or not and go from there.

 

[dragonwolf]

I'm just wondering if the easiest approach would be to simply text him. "What's with the extra sheet on your bed?" He can choose to answer or not and go from there.

Yeah, that was the question that started coming to mind as it became clear that the bedwetting assumption was purely from the multiple sheets and towels being on the bed.

Why not just straight up ask what his reasons are for it?

 

[NateSean]

I repeat my earlier post. I can't feel safe in giving advice in a situation like this if I don't know more about the OP's situation. The question that springs to mind first and foremost is just what is the stepson's level of functioning, that his parents have to take any kind of notice of his hygiene.

There's just not enough information in the first post to make any kind of educated response without adding my own details.

 

[tree]

I repeat my earlier post. I can't feel safe in giving advice in a situation like this if I don't know more about the OP's situation. The question that springs to mind first and foremost is just what is the stepson's level of functioning, that his parents have to take any kind of notice of his hygiene.

There's just not enough information in the first post to make any kind of educated response without adding my own details.

Maybe she'll come back.
It's only been....2 weeks...since
she posted about this.