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Positive diagnosis yesterday - not sure what I feel today, but I know I feel something.

Discussion in 'Help and Support' started by OrangeSquash, Sep 20, 2019.

  1. OrangeSquash

    OrangeSquash Member

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    Hi all.

    So I had an exhausting interview yesterday with my local Autism Assessment Service and they confirmed my suspicion that I have autism - no surprises there.

    What I can't figure out is, what I am feeling about this. A few months prior to the appointment I was feeling okay about it. As time moved on and it grew nearer and nearer, it occupied my mind more and more - but I just couldn't figure out what I was feeling about it. The assessment came and went (yesterday) and mother-hen and I went for lunch immediately afterwards - not sure that was a good idea as I was exhausted. And today, after confiding in a close friend or 3 (who have been absolutely amazing throughout) I still can't figure out what I am thinking about it.

    So my question is, what did everybody else feel when they had a positive diagnosis that was not a surprise? I know I am thinking something about it as it is on my mind literally all the time and I haven't slept for about 3 days - I usually am a solid-8-hours-a-night guy.

    Whilst I don't want people to put words into my mouth, i'd appreciate peoples thoughts, comments and suggestions on this - I am now headed out on my bicycle to see if that can help.

    Thanks
     
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  2. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I felt relieved. When I went there, I wasn't at all sure if I would get the diagnosis, whether there was enough evidence and I had enough symptoms, or perhaps I was imagining symptoms which weren't really there? Another fear is that I'd have to go through a battery of tests like an IQ test and that I would 'fail' them and be found not to be autistic, even though I know that one can't 'fail' these tests. At the time I was going through a rough patch, and not getting a diagnosis and explanation for the difficulties I was having would have been hard to bear.

    I wasn't diagnosed until I was 41 and it took me a long time to process and get used to the idea of being autistic - nothing changed, and yet everything changed.
     
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  3. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Relief mostly. Answered all the questions I had about who I was and why I do the things I do and why I was so different than others. Then later I felt a little angry and cheated because I didn't know earlier and all those years of struggling with who I was and trying to hide me, I could have been living it. But still, mostly relief - I have my answers now and now is more important than then.
     
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  4. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Relief and amazed, which turned into panic and now, occasionally "caught" since there is no way around it. I am on the asd spectrum, so no matter how much I try to be different, it ain't going to happen.

    These days, wish I was an nt.
     
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  5. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    Finally they figured it out. My first thoughts on getting diagnosed with aspergers or high functing autism officially diagnosed.
     
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  6. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    Still have problems as I didn’t know which was autism which was panic disorder ,still confused by that, still haven’t read an explanation that I understand ,What seems to work is when I’m sitting facing somebody and they’re trying to tell me ,reading it doesn’t work! what I would’ve liked was what made me !autistic !as I know the tests were made for male children , and it would’ve been good ,if I could’ve gone and seen the team quite a few !times .The thought of what it would mean would’ve been much better if I’d known the team would come to a local hospital, instead of me having to travel nearly 100 miles .
     
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  7. Peter Morrison

    Peter Morrison Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I went through a battery of tests recently - six hours worth - and came away with an assessment of depression, anxiety, and mild autism. I wasn't surprised by any of it. I have a lifetime of experiences that have led me to these conclusions myself. Seeing the results in writing made me a little sad, but I like having the right information to work with as I deal with my issues. I've always tended to keep my problems to myself, but my problems don't solve themselves, so I think of them constantly. Thinking about them fixes nothing, but I feel I can describe them well enough.

    Not having any tests since my youth, I found it helpful to have a second opinion by an authority, not just me and my lame research into medical topics I am unqualified to address. I'm keenly aware of my ASD traits, but depression and anxiety still plague me in ways I can't understand fully. I don't regret having the tests - I needed them. I finally got them, so I should feel lucky and not complain about the results. I wanted truth, I got truth. That is not something to fear. It is nothing to celebrate either.
     
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  8. TardisRepair

    TardisRepair New Member

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    I'm 17 and was recently diagnosed. I personally knew I had autism, and got a diagnosis for my mother, really. But it really confirmed what I thought I knew. At first I felt a bit alienated. Definitely relieved to be out of the test. And relived that I had an explanation for my faults.

    One thing I do know is that I have trouble understanding what I'm feeling, verbalizing it on another level of difficult.
     
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  9. OrangeSquash

    OrangeSquash Member

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    Thank you for your replies, everybody. (background info - I am male, 34 years young)

    Everyone has said something that kinda resonates with me to some degree - which is comforting to hear.
    I think I was nervous that id not be diagnosed - and that I was infact not an aspire, and that thought would then turn into "oh sh1t, this is what the world is really like? It's not nice...", was I imagining symptoms that weren't there too?

    The phrase 'nothing changed, but everything changed' seems relevant right now - it's like I am no different than before, but only with a slightly different view of the world - but it's such a big slightly different view. It's difficult to explain and comprehend.

    Generally speaking, I am not a fan of the world I live in, mainly due to all the things I cannot control in any way - BS politics, wrong/unkind/bad things that happen all too often, incurable disease, dishonestly etc - I have depression and anxiety in large bouts from time to time - but I make the best of it that I can, (My other posts over the last 9 months that I've been on this forum have described my work work as a fitness and nutrition coach, my passion is making people better and happier with themselves) and I realise there is nothing I can really do with an immediate affect to improve my view of the world apart from keep making the best of what I can offer people - making people better and happier with themselves makes me happy.

    One concern I will always have is recognising my own thoughts and feelings, from small insignificant things like "am I hungry or do I need the bathroom?" which is just about me having a plan for those moments to recognising when I feel love for someone else - which is going to have an impact on somebody either way. positive or negative. How do I know what this is? Some people talk of a nervousness or butterflies in the stomach - which might be appropriate, but doesn't seem like much to go on.

    I don't know if id rather be perfectly neurotypical. I have dyslexia and I see a lot of dyspraxic traits in myself too - which makes things embarrassing at times, misjudging door-frames, needing help reading menus in restaurants etc, but I am who (and what) I am - and I see it as my responsibly to make the best of my quirks - to own the conditions, the labels. I am told that I have achieved so much in life so far, and considering the diversities, I am really excelling - which I am extremely proud of, but I wonder what life would be if I were neurotypical - if I'm honest, I don't think my life would be as fun and as rewarding as I have made it.
     
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  10. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    I remember that when my psychologist said she wanted to test me for autism I spent a few days crying. Not because I didn’t want to be diagnosed with autism, but because it would explain so much about all the things I was struggling with. I think it was a form of mourning, for my younger self who had struggled so much with things my peers seemed to have no trouble with. What bothered me most is that there’s old videotapes of teenage me in which I am absent-mindedly stimming. When confronted, I responded “sorry, I’m a little autistic”. Such foreshadowing ;)
    Going into the assessments I was fairly sure I would be diagnosed with autism, and I was. There was some discussion in the team that did my assessment, because some of them felt I functioned a bit too well to be regarded autistic. It ended with me getting an Aspergers diagnosis, but being ineligible for any further help, government or private, other than counseling, due to being relatively self-sufficient. Getting that final diagnosis gave me a sense of closure, although it took me a long time to feel fully comfortable with the diagnosis.
     
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  11. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    If you want to try nutrition for depression try tryptophan foods ( put tryptophan present in food ,Youll get a list it will depend on what you eat of your diet )and B vitamins ,Try exercising not because it’s your job think of it like a child ,exploring somewhere you’ve never been, everything is new,I can’t exercise like that anymore !but going out just before dusk, it’s wonderful ,when it’s very quiet ,only ever saw a fox once ,couldn’t quite believe it as I live in a town ,didn’t think they’d want to live here.
     
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