saraelizabeth
Well-Known Member
Hello. New here. Very glad to have found this forum.
I have been married for 7 years. Almost immediately after getting married my H changed and so did our relationship. About 2 years ago a AS friend of mine was talking about being an Aspie. That?s when it clicked to me that my husband may be an aspie also. He fits many many of the characteristics. He is an accomplished scientist, does very well in his work, but cannot maintain social relationships. He has no friends and only speaks to his family a few times a year.
Early in our marriage I began to feel an emotional disconnect from him. I expressed this to him and he would say that he felt things were fine. This disconnect grew and I began noticing other things that seemed sort of off, like his being and taking everything literally. He would say and do things that seemed to lack common sense. ?Absent-minded professor? he would call himself.
Since my diagnosing him (he is really not diagnosed and is in denial), I have read and educated myself on aspergers. I now understand better why he is the way he is. I am still learning how to deal with the aspergers in terms of communication and making our marriage work. However, there is one thing that I cannot find an understanding for and that is his very poor personal hygiene habits! He wasn?t this way when we dated (which wasn?t very long). It seems that as soon as we said ?I do?, he stopped brushing his teeth and showering.
So, I guess my big question is, ?Is poor hygiene common in aspies?? And how should it be dealt with?
In the beginning, I focused on the oral hygiene. I talked to him about it. I wrote him letters and emails about it. I found medical articles about how it is bad for your health etc?.Finally after a few years he is to the point of brushing at night, when I am around. Never brushes in the morning. His reasoning for not brushing in the morning?.it makes his coffee taste bad.
He only showers once or twice a week. Many times it is less than that, sometimes more. I have asked him over and over again why he doesn?t do it. His answer is always that of a 12 year old?.a non answer really with a strange guilty smile and child like laugh. We have been to counseling twice. When asked by the therapist why he showers so infrequently he gives the same non-answer.
Now there is a huge absence of intimacy! He wants to be physically close and have sex, but I am repulsed by his dirty hair and teeth and his unpleasant odor! Who wants to kiss a yuck mouth! I am also hurt that he cannot find it in himself to work on this problem?..a problem that is tearing our marriage apart!
He doesn?t believe that our lack of intimacy stems from his poor hygiene. He would say, ?I showered every other day for a week and there was still no sex.??therefore, it must be something else.
What to do?.what to do!
I have been married for 7 years. Almost immediately after getting married my H changed and so did our relationship. About 2 years ago a AS friend of mine was talking about being an Aspie. That?s when it clicked to me that my husband may be an aspie also. He fits many many of the characteristics. He is an accomplished scientist, does very well in his work, but cannot maintain social relationships. He has no friends and only speaks to his family a few times a year.
Early in our marriage I began to feel an emotional disconnect from him. I expressed this to him and he would say that he felt things were fine. This disconnect grew and I began noticing other things that seemed sort of off, like his being and taking everything literally. He would say and do things that seemed to lack common sense. ?Absent-minded professor? he would call himself.
Since my diagnosing him (he is really not diagnosed and is in denial), I have read and educated myself on aspergers. I now understand better why he is the way he is. I am still learning how to deal with the aspergers in terms of communication and making our marriage work. However, there is one thing that I cannot find an understanding for and that is his very poor personal hygiene habits! He wasn?t this way when we dated (which wasn?t very long). It seems that as soon as we said ?I do?, he stopped brushing his teeth and showering.
So, I guess my big question is, ?Is poor hygiene common in aspies?? And how should it be dealt with?
In the beginning, I focused on the oral hygiene. I talked to him about it. I wrote him letters and emails about it. I found medical articles about how it is bad for your health etc?.Finally after a few years he is to the point of brushing at night, when I am around. Never brushes in the morning. His reasoning for not brushing in the morning?.it makes his coffee taste bad.
He only showers once or twice a week. Many times it is less than that, sometimes more. I have asked him over and over again why he doesn?t do it. His answer is always that of a 12 year old?.a non answer really with a strange guilty smile and child like laugh. We have been to counseling twice. When asked by the therapist why he showers so infrequently he gives the same non-answer.
Now there is a huge absence of intimacy! He wants to be physically close and have sex, but I am repulsed by his dirty hair and teeth and his unpleasant odor! Who wants to kiss a yuck mouth! I am also hurt that he cannot find it in himself to work on this problem?..a problem that is tearing our marriage apart!
He doesn?t believe that our lack of intimacy stems from his poor hygiene. He would say, ?I showered every other day for a week and there was still no sex.??therefore, it must be something else.
What to do?.what to do!