Please Help Guys

[Flygirl]

Help me...I am a NT with the most amazing HFA neighbour whom I adore and cherish and falling more in love with every time I see him and spend quality time with.
He has Cassanova'me'd Role Played sexually and WOW how FAB was that.but now stop me like a stone sexually and expects me to just switch my feelings off...I can't...I know I was getting through like a heat seeking missile and thays why I get kicked to the curb. Why do you come at me like a freight train..and then drop me like a stone when I start to make progress.. aloof..uncaring..like none of it mattered...? Give me advice please..

 

[Nitro]

 

[Judge]

He may have clinical depression. Perhaps he may also be bipolar. Often comorbid to Autism Spectrum Disorder. Which quite possibly causes him to appear running "hot and cold" emotionally.

 

[Flygirl]

He may have clinical depression. Perhaps he may also be bipolar. Often comorbid to Autism Spectrum Disorder. Which quite possibly causes him to appear running "hot and cold" emotionally.

Thank you Judge...know that his ex wife severely screwed him and maybe not over her..no..defo not..but here I am..would walk over hot coals for him...but shuts me out sexually now...when it has been so so good..Jeez..wake up..this gorgeous women is so so into you..how do I make him see that?

 

[Judge]

Jeez..wake up..this gorgeous women is so so into you..how do I make him see that?

It may not matter if he's having to deal with depression. Which in case timing is everything for both you and him. When he comes out of it things may be great. When he's having to deal with, you may be expecting too much.

 

[Flygirl]

So patience then?....He says wait for him.but withdraws sex...what does that mean.? Sorry ignorance I know..but I need him..NOW..x

 

[Judge]

So patience then?....He says wait for him.but withdraws sex...what does that mean.? Sorry ignorance I know..but I need him..NOW..x

Mixed relationships between NTs and Aspies aren't for just anyone. You must be prepared to give...maybe beyond what you might normally consider to be socially or emotionally equitable.

Otherwise you may be over your head in such a relationship. It's not a crime if you can't handle it. But only you can make that decision.

Of course I can only speculate regarding things like depression in his case. You might ask him, but don't be too surprised if he has nothing to say on the matter. Just bear in mind that whatever is going on with him, it is far more likely to be about him- not you.

 

[Flygirl]

Wow Judge...you are so wise and insightful....I Love it..I need your guidance..help me..I adore this guy..I have done it all so wrong to date..he wigs out on me..rejects me..and is so brutally honest..it hurts. So deep like my breath has caught in my chest and will not shift!...yet..I don't stop thinking about him.. his smile lights up my entire world..and his kindness..shown in actions..not caresses..nor romance..nor flowers or chocolates..but I yearn for any smigeon of attention and cherish it..and wish to build on it...yes I realise a totally different approach..but how do I show him..I am.in this for the long haul..? Ax

 

[Judge]

Wow Judge...you are so wise and insightful....I Love it..I need your guidance..help me..I adore this guy..I have done it all so wrong to date..he wigs out on me..rejects me..and is so brutally honest..it hurts. So deep like my breath has caught in my chest and will not shift!...yet..I don't stop thinking about him.. his smile lights up my entire world..and his kindness..shown in actions..not caresses..nor romance..nor flowers or chocolates..but I yearn for any smigeon of attention and cherish it..and wish to build on it...yes I realise a totally different approach..but how do I show him..I am.in this for the long haul..? Ax

If I'm reading this correctly, there's really nothing for you do other than to maintain your patience if possible. That the weight of the equation is likely all on him- not you.

You might also consider this article which brings other things into your equation:

Life with Aspergers: Why do Aspies Suddenly Back Off in Relationships (Part 2)

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Help me...I am a NT with the most amazing HFA neighbour whom I adore and cherish and falling more in love with every time I see him and spend quality time with.
He has Cassanova'me'd Role Played sexually and WOW how FAB was that.but now stop me like a stone sexually and expects me to just switch my feelings off...I can't...I know I was getting through like a heat seeking missile and thays why I get kicked to the curb. Why do you come at me like a freight train..and then drop me like a stone when I start to make progress.. aloof..uncaring..like none of it mattered...? Give me advice please..

Hello. Welcome to the group. There is a good mix of those along the Spectrum here, diagnosed and self-diagnosed, and some suspecting of such, and other NTs or others here who relate in some way to those with Autism or Aspergers Syndrome, so you will get varying opinions here based on varying conditions and experiences.

When you say he turned aloof and uncaring, can you explain more? Did this suddenly happen, or gradually over time? Does he totally avoid you now, or act mostly rude, anxious or sad, or a combination during any new attempts to talk? Specifically, how has he shown to be uncaring and uninterested now? What if anything does he say to explain things if he sees you now?

I think it could be any number of reasons he acts differently now, in terms of interest, and so the more information you give, the better perhaps the opinions. Who was the initiator of the physical relationship? Did he express verbally much of his feelings towards you prior to the physical relationship encounter? If so, what were they? Did he seem sincere and comfortable just prior, or seem not ready?

Those are just a few questions, if you feel comfortable answering. Thanks.

 

[Flygirl]

Dear Judge..Thank you.. would like to see part 1...! He says he polarizes his emotions and compartmentalizes me..huh?...What does that mean?..Am I pissing in the wind..?
Thank you Honey..x

 

[Flygirl]

Hello. Welcome to the group. There is a good mix of those along the Spectrum here, diagnosed and self-diagnosed, and some suspecting of such, and other NTs or others here who relate in some way to those with Autism or Aspergers Syndrome, so you will get varying opinions here based on varying conditions and experiences.

When you say he turned aloof and uncaring, can you explain more? Did this suddenly happen, or gradually over time? Does he totally avoid you now, or act mostly rude, anxious or sad, or a combination during any new attempts to talk? Specifically, how has he shown to be uncaring and uninterested now? What if anything does he say to explain things if he sees you now?

I think it could be any number of reasons he acts differently now, in terms of interest, and so the more information you give, the better perhaps the opinions. Who was the initiator of the physical relationship? Did he express verbally much of his feelings towards you prior to the physical relationship encounter? If so, what were they? Did he seem sincere and comfortable just prior, or seem not ready?

Those are just a few questions, if you feel comfortable answering. Thanks.

 

[Judge]

Dear Judge..Thank you.. would like to see part 1...! He says he polarizes his emotions and compartmentalizes me..huh?...What does that mean?..Am I pissing in the wind..?
Thank you Honey..x

Sounds like he must have taken a real "beating" emotionally in his marriage. He may simply not have much to give at the moment. That he's "rationing" himself emotionally just to get by, especially perhaps where work is concerned.

This all sounds so familiar for a simple reason. It could be me, running hot and cold emotionally.

But then at the time I had no idea I was on the spectrum when it came to trying to salvage all my relationships with NT women many years ago. And I never told any of them about my being formally diagnosed with OCD, clinical depression and social anxiety.

 

[Flygirl]

No he came at me like a total freight train..full on..flirty text after flirty text..and a lot of pre sexual foreplay..made me feel like I was the most important sexual desire in his life...we had a great sexual relationship for approx 6 months..then each component was taken away until we became a robotic..mechanical..medieval wench scenario.. quick one from behind and No real.physical contact before...Are you ready?? Was used multiple times..!!Really!!!..and then taken away completely...WTF??..trimmed...cut...hacked into nothing...!

 

[Flygirl]

Dear Judge..Thank you.. would like to see part 1...! He says he ploarizes

 

[Flygirl]

Dear Judge..Thank you.. would like to see part 1...! He says he ploarizes

 

[Flygirl]

Dear Judge...Wow..sorry to hear this all sounds like you.. means you also have sustained pain and hurt.. and huge, all emcompassing loss which no-one deserves.. ever..and so wrong I would ever relinquish on another person..ever..but your insight is so.poingent..and deep felt..Thank you..Can only hope this Light of my Life..my Challenge..my ..you so deserve a true deep felt devotion interest...Wakes the **** Up..!..ha ha xx

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

No he came at me like a total freight train..full on..flirty text after flirty text..and a lot of pre sexual foreplay..made me feel like I was the most important sexual desire in his life...we had a great sexual relationship for approx 6 months..then each component was taken away until we became a robotic..mechanical..medieval wench scenario.. quick one from behind and No real.physical contact before...Are you ready?? Was used multiple times..!!Really!!!..and then taken away completely...WTF??..trimmed...cut...hacked into nothing...!

I agree with Judge regarding the patience part, and so if you prefer things continue with him, then let him come to you. If he were an NT instead, I would have said he could be a typical guy that loves to 'chase' a woman, but then when he gets the 'prize' or feels in a rut, he wants to find something new and backs away. In general, many guys can be turned on more by a harder to get woman.

But, as he has such a condition as stated, it could be he just does not want things to get so close, as that scares him. Maybe the kinky computer talk was less dangerous than a physical encounter, and so when he had a physical encounters he maybe wanted to mainly role play, as if he was himself maybe he felt he would push you away, as maybe he knew he was more mechanical, and you needed more than that.

 

[Squished Crab]

So patience then?....He says wait for him.but withdraws sex...what does that mean.? Sorry ignorance I know..but I need him..NOW..x

Hi Flygirl, welcome! Maybe I missed it, but perhaps you could try talking to him? He might give you insight into his feelings or reasons.

 

[Chance]

I agree with Judge a thousand percent and I am also that guy... Like your guy.
I was so excited to get a girl friend and she seemed to really like me... Its was insane for a while, but something happened. Maybe I started noticing what was expected and noticing I couldn't keep doing that?

I am married to a very dominant NT who is beautiful and feisty and over time I just couldn't compete.
I am ASD and I do have Sensory issues. This includes certain ways people touch me, but I never hid any of it... Well maybe I did at first, but came clean quickly because I could sense she sensed something wasn't "normal."

For years we did okay... Now days not so much, she basically hates me but she cant afford to get rid of me so at this point we sort of live separate lives.

I dont ever intend to tell you what to do... But please consider, that he might not be able to change. As I have gotten a little older... The touch thing is just very uncomfortable and with her angry with me for not becoming what she expected... I simply have zero desire left in me. Please look down the road at what this might look like 5-10 years from now.

I (and most AS/ASD people) are unthinkably loyal, I won't leave her, but she is free to leave me. Your guy may have had some fun and something triggered something and he freaked. Maybe something happened that flashed him back into a situation with his ex-wife. We over think lots of stuff, and when we get hurt (for me) that goes into overdrive... Not sure, but give him a chance if you think he might not have gone solo on you.

Good luck... : ) and by the welcome aboard.