Pick-up

[Aspychata]

So these days if l talk to a guy, in his mind, he assumes l am making a play for him. Like social distancing is creating mini-diva men who have decided they maybe drowning but they are choosing to go down with me.
There is one person that l need in my job however, if he isnt there, l just do his job and get the task done. So l chat with him about business and whatever but it doesn't mean l am coming on to you. Why do so many men read casual conversation as a #she must be trying to pick me up# moment. Then l asked a client how he was feeling, and l felt he mistook it that l was trying to pick him up. What gives? l was married 18 years, l don't wander around going - omg- l need to be with a guy. l get so lost in men's logic that of course l had to let loose here.

The guy l asked how he was doing had been stumbling to the door and sat outside with his leg up. I have worked in an assisted living home and l realize things can happen fast. I saw a client fall down and break rib, shoulder, pelvis from one fall in the dinning room. l actually asked him if he needed someone to help him.

 

[AprilR]

I know where you are coming from.
It is very reasonable and normal to chat with people at work, because you spend so much time together and it can be awkward to sit in silence. I have no idea why men misunderstand this either. At this point in my life i simply decided to stop trying to befriend men.

 

[paloftoon]

Some men are very horny and have dirty minds. Or maybe they watch too many juicy movies.
Probably both, lol.

Just keep re-iterating that you are married, don't intend to look for anyone else, and just want to know if they are physically okay- Period. etc. Emphasize the "period" at the end of your line!

 

[Mia]

Think it depends on the person and how they perceive women, are they potential mates? Or are they simply women talking to them? An older man that I talked to recently, was a total stranger, he sat down on the curb near my home and seemed to be breathing in an arduous way. So I brought him some water. He was grateful, as he seemed in dire straits at the time.

Yet he still asked me while he was sitting there, if I would meet up with him. Another asked me out while I was swimming in an infinity pool one morning on vacation. Another after my spouse went to the washroom, during a ceilidh. All of those instances seemed opportunistic, on the part of the person doing the asking. And they surprised me, and caught me off guard.

I've long thought it had something to do with being autistic. Where I seem to the other person to be too open, too trusting or unknowningly friendly or kind in their minds. So, I'm no longer all that friendly with men I don't know. I've become much more standoffish. My own Mom and I were out shopping and a man my Mother's age, tried to pick her up! She was in her eighties at the time. And I know she had some autistic traits. She didn't even blink, and quickly said: 'No thank you."

 

[Aspychata]

Think it depends on the person and how they perceive women, are they potential mates? Or are they simply women talking to them? An older man that I talked to recently, was a total stranger, he sat down on the curb near my home and seemed to be breathing in an arduous way. So I brought him some water. He was grateful, as he seemed in dire straits at the time.

Yet he still asked me while he was sitting there, if I would meet up with him. Another asked me out while I was swimming in an infinity pool one morning on vacation. Another after my spouse went to the washroom, during a ceilidh. All of those instances seemed opportunistic, on the part of the person doing the asking. And they surprised me, and caught me off guard.

I've long thought it had something to do with being autistic. Where I seem to the other person to be too open, too trusting and friendly in their minds. So, I'm no longer all that friendly with men I don't know. I've become much more standoffish. My own Mom and I were out shopping and a man my Mother's age, tried to pick her up! She was in her eighties at the time. And I know she had some autistic traits. She didn't even blink, and quickly said: 'No thank you."

It's tough for me. The state l live in as many single males and l get tired of how many are actively searching. l was married for a long time. l don't actively search for anything. l am a senior citizen. l shouldn't be going thru this at my age.

 

[Aspychata]

Getting older just means you wish to retire from all the bs in life. There are so many things l can do without. l like older but l need way less socialization. That's very liberating in itself.

 

[paloftoon]

Another response you could say to these horny men is Thank you for the compliment, but I'm taken and you can try the app OurTime to find more people available.
It is an app for people over 50 that used to get a decent amount of publicity on TV.

If they say you're insulting their age, just say that it's not an insult because you're apparently interested in people who could use OurTime.

 

[unperson]

Finding the same thing. It's often married men too. I just ask them 'what would your wife think of that?' or similar.

 

[Aspychata]

Another response you could say to these horny men is Thank you for the compliment, but I'm taken and you can try the app OurTime to find more people available.
It is an app for people over 50 that used to get a decent amount of publicity on TV.

If they say you're insulting their age, just say that it's not an insult because you're apparently interested in people who could use OurTime.

Thank you, great answer. Found out that more older woman end up with STD's because of *Viagra *. That older men turned into bunnies. lol The biggest numbers are from retirement communities.

I am definitely suggesting OurTime, Grinder and whatever else is out there.

 

[paloftoon]

Thank you, great answer. Found out that more older woman end up with STD's because of *Viagra *. That older men turned into bunnies. lol The biggest numbers are from retirement communities.

I am definitely suggesting OurTime, Grinder and whatever else is out there.

STDs? That's a bit too cruel. If a person is trying to be nice, give them a nice response back! Better to try to make friends with nice people than turn them away. Use your charm to gain connections, not lose them. If a person is being mean and you know they are doing this intentionally, then respond with something like you said with Viagara and all that.

Grindr is for gay people, but apparently there's a GrindrStraight.

I thought you were a female. (i.e. #she must be trying to pick me up#)
Is it fair for me to ask if you are male or a transsexual woman?

As you probably know, the lgbt culture, and anything non-straight for that matter, is generally a different culture than the straight culture. That's why I ask, but if you don't feel comfortable answering that, then don't. Just please don't get upset. Thank you.

 

[Aspychata]

STDs? That's a bit too cruel. If a person is trying to be nice, give them a nice response back! Better to try to make friends with nice people than turn them away. Use your charm to gain connections, not lose them. If a person is being mean and you know they are doing this intentionally, then respond with something like you said with Viagara and all that.

Grindr is for gay people, but apparently there's a GrindrStraight.

I thought you were a female. (i.e. #she must be trying to pick me up#)
Is it fair for me to ask if you are male or a transsexual woman?

As you probably know, the lgbt culture, and anything non-straight for that matter, is generally a different culture than the straight culture. That's why I ask, but if you don't feel comfortable answering that, then don't. Just please don't get upset. Thank you.

No, l really don't know the difference in the sites. Sorry, l don't use the sites so l don't really know them. I thought it was a straight site.

Crude, rude, but that's what the stats are these days no matter what you think. Being on the spectrum means l state the facts as reported to me by actual conversations with someone who handled testing and by reading.

My gender is a harassed gender. Female.

 

[Mia]

If a person is trying to be nice, give them a nice response back! Better to try to make friends with nice people than turn them away. Use your charm to gain connections, not lose them.

The question is really if they are being nice, why are they being nice? Are they going to hit on me? Is that considered nice? Not at sixty and not for me. It's tiresome, and it's happened to many women throughout their lives. I was first 'hit on' at the age of twelve, many years later it still happens when I hoped it would stop. It does not make me feel good or pleased.

If the nice person is simply being genial, that's fine. Then I might respond accordingly. Some of the time they want something from me, as if I'm there as a individual specifically for them. I'm not interested in making connections with others unless they interest me, I already have friends and a spouse. I don't want more.

 

[Jumpback]

No, l really don't know the difference in the sites. Sorry, l don't use the sites so l don't really know them. I thought it was a straight site.

Crude, rude, but that's what the stats are these days no matter what you think. Being on the spectrum means l state the facts as reported to me by actual conversations with someone who handled testing and by reading.

My gender is a harassed gender. Female.

The difficulty with being a straight guy, though, is that if you don’t attempt anything, nothing tends to happen. For example, when I was younger going to clubs, it would seem *just a little bit* like reasonably attractive women would face sort of a line of guys going up to them with their best lines and flirting and so on and the woman could choose between the best option. Like, the woman would be so busy with these guys that someone like me, who hated to bother women and had no idea what to say, wouldn’t stand a chance.

I really don’t know how guys develop this thing that they do, it’s not something I was born with.

I honestly would love it if women behaved more like men and aggressively approached me so I didn’t have to initiate anything. But things are also absolutely different in this regards as as a guy I have no fear of being sexually assaulted by a woman or overpowered and so on and I guess I might be not understanding the power dynamics of control over women in the workplace having never experienced such things. Just in theory it sounds like it would be nice if I didn’t have to initiate things,

Things kind of really are two sided in some weird way. Like guy in assisted living home was obviously being ridiculous, but also like as a guy you see things like sometimes sexual harassment actually working at times and what to do can become unclear. Like for example, Harvey Weinstein is incredibly unattractive, yet had sexual relations with some incredibly attractive actresses due to his criminal behavior. So things can become confusing when you are just a clueless nice guy and desperately lonely and getting no where evil doers are getting what they want. Like it can be confusing...

Maybe there is this thing where the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence, even though it isn’t. I mean to me I, in theory, would like it if women were more aggressive, but I might not feel the same way in practice

 

[Aspychata]

The question is really if they are being nice, why are they being nice? Are they going to hit on me? Is that considered nice? Not at sixty and not for me. It's tiresome, and it's happened to many women throughout their lives. I was first 'hit on' at the age of twelve, many years later it still happens when I hoped it would stop. It does not make me feel good or pleased.

If the nice person is simply being genial, that's fine. Then I might respond accordingly. Some of the time they want something from me, as if I'm there as a individual specifically for them. I'm not interested in making connections with others unless they interest me, I already have friends and a spouse. I don't want more.

I agree. That reminds me- Ted Bundy was really nice, but l don't want to meet him.

 

[Jumpback]

STDs? That's a bit too cruel. If a person is trying to be nice, give them a nice response back! Better to try to make friends with nice people than turn them away. Use your charm to gain connections, not lose them. If a person is being mean and you know they are doing this intentionally, then respond with something like you said with Viagara and all that.

Grindr is for gay people, but apparently there's a GrindrStraight.

I thought you were a female. (i.e. #she must be trying to pick me up#)
Is it fair for me to ask if you are male or a transsexual woman?

As you probably know, the lgbt culture, and anything non-straight for that matter, is generally a different culture than the straight culture. That's why I ask, but if you don't feel comfortable answering that, then don't. Just please don't get upset. Thank you.

Absolutely clueless autism spectrum straight men should get a pass on just very clearly being told what especially younger gay club culture and so on is really like. It’s so much more sexually aggressive than straight men are to straight women, yet if one gets upset about something and tries to explain in a blunt autistic way it gets seen as homophobia or hate.

 

[Aspychata]

l live in the third most popular state of serial killers. Number one goes to Alaska. Number 2 is Nevada. Number 4 is California. Number 5 is Washington. 6 is Oregon. I think Texas comes in high- l have read it is in the top three somewhere else. Excuse me if l don't wish to talk to "nice people" today or tomorrow or even next year.

 

[Ylva]

After many years of thinking it is just men being arrogant, I now think it's a combination of that and my very intense eye contact. I am kind of all or nothing about eye contact.

I still mean nothing by it, to be perfectly clear. To me, I am just looking at you, but allistics see body language.

 

[SusanLR]

@Aspychata I know exactly what you are saying.
And it is true the seniours are going wild since the viagra revolution.
They are getting STDs left and right.
I'm in my 60's and even though I am not in a good relationship, I'm not looking either.
It was different in my 20's, but, now it seems like bs looking back and holds no interest now.

 

[unperson]

I look at people's mouths when they talk, sorta lipread. I think it gets misinterpreted. Lack of frown or aloof expression can get you hit on too.

 

[All-Rounder]

I have a friend [male] who's on the spectrum and has been through a similar situation. A female friend he made at work assumed he was hitting on her while he had no interest in dating her. She was dating a friend of his, but she just thought he liked her because he kept talking to her. She just didn't believe him when he tried to explain. It was a very painful letdown for him.