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Perfectionism

pottyfry

Member
I've been struggling with perfectionism ever since I started to leave school - I just wanted everything to be perfect, but then everything I wanted to do today just seems...out of reach. I need some time to relax, because all I've been thinking about is writing, writing, writing. Got any tips for taming perfectionism and coping with it?
 
I wish! Fifty years of it and counting! Close enough is good enough? HA! But fight it, however you can. It may lead to heights, but there is no joy, only pain.
 
It's impossible to achieve, i 'renounced to perfectionism' the other time, i am no longer like that.
 
I struggled with the idea of being perfect for much of my life, but have had relief from that in the last few years. I think the thing that helped me most was learning to be humble. It is not possible to be perfect all the time - none of us are so powerful or talented or diligent to avoid the inevitability of being imperfect.

I think it is important to examine the root of why you feel this way - for me, it stemmed from anxiety and a desire to please others and prove my worth. I was not receptive to help or criticism because these felt like indicators that I am a failure as part of my character. I had to learn to recognize my worth without being perfect and learn to appreciate qualities like creativity, perseverance, and resilience over perfection.

As I began to realize that my impossible standards for myself were much higher than those for others, I began to quiet the inner critic that demanded perfection in every endeavor. I learned humility and accepted the idea that mistakes are important for learning and growth. Whether imperfections occur in art projects, in relationships, or anything in between, they offer an opportunity to examine and adapt that can lead to something much more satisfying than perfection.
 
Some psychologists will suggest that this drive for perfectionism and being highly detailed is one of the many ways anxiety manifests itself. It certainly is a double-edged sword. Are you concerned about how your peers or co-workers perceive you? Take the extra effort to perform better than they do. Know more than they do. Don't disappoint anyone. Receive praise for high performance. Set yourself apart. However, go a bit too far with it and it socially isolates you. You become intimidating to them. Story of my professional career.

Perfectionism can also be one of the ways obsessive compulsive disorders can manifest itself, as well. You are so concerned that everything must have its place, that ritualistic behaviors manifest. Order and control. A right way and a wrong way. Check and double check.

These behaviors are often filtered through the amygdala's, the brain's "fear centers", and highly influences day-to-day decision-making and behaviors. Anxiety, controlling behaviors, OCD, perfectionism, are all behaviors filtered through those amygdala's.

I can say I am the most relaxed, chill person in the room. I certainly do not feel anxious, but then, all of those behaviors present themselves.

@pottyfry "I need some time to relax, because all I've been thinking about is writing, writing, writing. Got any tips for taming perfectionism and coping with it?"

You found your answer. Anxiety and stress. Remove yourself from the situation, both physically and mentally. Clear your head. Go to a park, a museum, walk around outside, fishing, whatever that is for you. Get your mind focused on other things for a bit. Then, come back to your writing with a refreshed brain. That said, in my experience, you're still going to be a perfectionist. Just limit it to things that really matter. For me, it's my job. When I am at home, I still have those tendencies, but I can relax and give myself some grace because it's usually things I "want" to get accomplished rather than things that "need" to get accomplished. If you are the only one judging the final outcome, relax. If things really matter, like seriously really matter, then demand perfectionism.
 
Sometimes practicing making mistakes helps.

I know it sounds crazy, but doing something you know you're not good at, or just kind of winging something (bonus points if there's a low-pressure audience you can trust watching) can help. Seeing your mistakes through and realizing all humans make mistakes can kind of foster a sense of connection and unity, weirdly.
 
I share @Rodafina's sentiment in regards to perfectionism. Though, it's not strictly being perfect with tasks, for me.

I seeked, in alot of ways, perfectionism in everything I am. As well in what I do. But the reality is stranger than fiction. As my whole reason for this was, and still is somewhat (due to my delusions), about avoiding trouble, doing everything without mistakes, say all the right things all the time, and avoid anger at myself and/or from others. All this instilled by a mix of my stepmother's negative actions towards me. Yelling, insults, and beratement. And my personal perception of her, that got more twisted the longer this toxic relationship went on.

Though other factors like fear of abandonment, and maybe medication, made all this worse.

But one thing is certain. My stepmother instilled fear of getting in trouble in me. I took it to the next level in my head, though. Which is part of why I did what I mentioned. This odd sense of being the perfect child. But at the same to time, I was soo scared of abandonment and afraid of her. None of it really mattered. I made mistakes constantly and made a point to hate myself for it. On top of her yelling at me for any reason she had in the book.

Then I question why I live in stress and anxiety. I wonder why I have psychosis. I wonder why I have some sort of anxiety disorder.
 
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