People letting themselves go, once in a relationship.

[Shiznown]

Has anyone else noticed, that a lot of people will let themselves go (get fat) and lazy, once they're in a relationship. I've noticed that whenever my friend gets a girlfriend, she'll progressively get fatter the longer she's with him, the same thing when my other friend gets a girlfriend and I've seen it with other guy friends girlfriend's as well. When I was in my last relationship, I noticed I did become lazy and slacked off a lot with my diet and training. I vowed never to do that ever again once the relationship ended. So, anyway has anyone experienced, or witnessed this. It's 6am and I can't sleep. I figured I'd make a thread.

 

[Harrison]

Perhaps it's because attracting a partner is a 'competition'?.

You are, in essence, competing against everyone else in your 'class' for the prize. To that end you need to be better in whatever ways your 'target audience' deems acceptable. Doesn't just have to be looks, I'm a sapiosexual so I enjoy intelligent females and their looks are secondary.

Once our goal is achieved we relax.

Not really any different to any other type of achievement and something that is seen in all of nature.

 

[King_Oni]

I wouldn't say that it's only a matter of physique and exercise.

I think it's something in general. As much as I can understand that someone in a relationship doesn't have that much time to spend with friends, I guess the same applies to not spending a lot of time on yourself. Clearly a lot more time gets allotted to your partner.

I've had arguments about this, since I was well aware about this happening to myself in the past. Those were often among the last conversations we had in a relationship because it kinda went down the "so you don't want to spend more time with me?" route. I feel can I only spend X hours on someone until I lose touch with myself, be it because I want to keep healthy and fit, want to spend time on hobbies or maintain relationships with friends.

In my current relationship it's not that bad. But perhaps it has to do with the fact that it's long distance and I don't meet up with my girlfriend every week. I have enough time to visit the gym, she picked up running and we both have plenty of time to spend on hobbies, up to where neither of us feels guilty when an event comes up (convention, concert or something) and wants to go there instead of spending time together.

The "worst" I can think about which I don't take care of that much because I'm in a relationship... minor things like I just don't bother that much shaving even if I look like a hobo, though I usually clean up myself if my girlfriend is coming over. I guess that's the one thing that I don't bother with as much since I don't feel I need to look as sharp cause I don't have to bother with meeting other women and such when I'm out.

 

[Shiznown]

Perhaps it's because attracting a partner is a 'competition'?.

You are, in essence, competing against everyone else in your 'class' for the prize. To that end you need to be better in whatever ways your 'target audience' deems acceptable. Doesn't just have to be looks, I'm a sapiosexual so I enjoy intelligent females and their looks are secondary.

Once our goal is achieved we relax.

Not really any different to any other type of achievement and something that is seen in all of nature.

Maybe, but just because you're with someone, I don't think you should let your health decline. It's like, okay I'm with someone, I don't really care if I develop health problems now. That's just the way I see it.

 

[Harrison]

I'm not sure I'm qualified for this thread being single and rubbish at relationships

However, here's my view. A relationship is a contract, the terms of the contract are defined right at the start and are based on whatever is important to both parties. As I said in my previous, it doesn't have to be about looks, but for some it is.

As the relationship progresses people 'relax' into it and some of the things that were important at the start may be 'forgotten'. In my opinion it is important to review the contract regularly, sit with your partner and find out what's working etc. Most of the times I've listened to peoples stories of breaking up it's because they didn't pay attention to what was changing and how it impacted the other party.

There's an old joke that goes along the lines of -

A man looks at his future wife and thinks 'I never want you to change'
A woman looks at her future husband and thinks 'You could be so much more'

 

[Ylva]

If the only reason for staying in shape was to win another's approval so they would stay with you, that's really not sustainable.

 

[Andrew_Collins]

Has anyone else noticed, that a lot of people will let themselves go (get fat) and lazy, once they're in a relationship. I've noticed that whenever my friend gets a girlfriend, she'll progressively get fatter the longer she's with him, the same thing when my other friend gets a girlfriend and I've seen it with other guy friends girlfriend's as well. When I was in my last relationship, I noticed I did become lazy and slacked off a lot with my diet and training. I vowed never to do that ever again once the relationship ended. So, anyway has anyone experienced, or witnessed this. It's 6am and I can't sleep. I figured I'd make a thread.

 

[Shiznown]

View attachment 12028

Hahaha.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I do understand where you're coming from. I believe that a person should stay in pretty much the same way as when you met them (give or take maybe 10-15 lbs or so). I would be more lenient on women who have had babies because it does take time to get the weight off and I really respect the ones that can get back into shape.

For myself, I can't see me being happy with someone who doesn't want to take care of themselves by exercise and diet. Me + couch potato =
I would have to have someone who also wants to eat healthy and exercise, otherwise it would get me off track and its hard enough staying on an exercise routine and healthy diet. Believe me when I say that I would also like to sit around eating fast food and having time to do other things besides exercise (I must say that I do enjoy the workouts I presently do, but they are strenuous and take time and sometimes I'm just too tired and would like to rest) but I find when I do eat properly and exercise I feel tons better! (My recent IBS flair up is proof of that.)

I also think exercise is something a couple can do together (I know Aspies are probably rolling their eyes at that one). I'd love to exercise with my "hunny" - if I had one.

 

[savi83]

Hi everybody,

I'm bumping an old thread, again.

I've been with my girlfriend for twelve years now. As time has gone on we both got a bit comfortable and put on some weight.

I have become conscious of this and started doing something about it.

I have tried to encourage her to get involved. I said it could be our couple thing. I asked her to go running with me and she has said no. I got us gym membership, she never went. Bought gym equipment, she doesn't bother.

It bothers me that she doesn't want to get in shape and she is wondering why I don't want to take the relationship further. It's making me doubt our relationship.

 

[Kit]

It was once explained to me that when you are dating, you have something that releases in your brain giving you a boost so you act different and once you have been together long enough, that part wears off and you are back to yourself again.

So I do not think it's people playing a game of pretend, they really do feel this way and then it wears off and they lose interest.

 

[Giraffes]

People initially will be there best version of them self’ to attract and begin a relationship then dynamics ie power differential take place and your have that relationship’ and comfort takes place, why groom, have dates and consider when the mundane reality of day by fast presents, I remain the same weight, attention to looking after myself to the same level on day one as to day 100, but that’s me I like to do that, enjoy healthy food and exercise and as I’m self motivated will do so, relationship or no relationship.